


I feel College

by RainbowBus



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cheerleader Waverly Earp, College roomates, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, I Don't Even Know, Rugby Nicole Haught, Wayhaught endgame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2019-07-24 01:41:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 88,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16171007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowBus/pseuds/RainbowBus
Summary: Nicole Haught, captain of the rugby team, is starting her junior year at Purgatory University. With the help of her roommate, Wynonna, she's about to get the full college experience. Wynonna's main concern is getting Nicole laid. In her conquest, she unintentionally pushes Nicole into a relationship with her little sister Waverly. College is rough and shit happens like parties, bar fights, and flying flaming couches but what really matters are the ride or die relationships you form along the way.OrWaverly just started her sophomore year at Purgatory University. Waverly is pretty content breaking off short-term flings before they get too serious. Her sorority sister and best friend, Chrissy, insist she needs to stop being such a shrew and have some feelings already. Waverly doesn't think she is ready until she meets a super attractive Nicole Haught. What was supposed to be just sex turned out to be just what Waverly needed to open up to love.I just got a twitter thing if you want to say hey or something. Rainbowbus@Rainbowbus1





	1. Like Magnets

“He is so _needy_ though!” Wynonna groans rolling over on her back her head dangling over the side of the bed so that her hair touches the floor and her feet are pressed against the wall, “I don’t understand why things have to be so…”

“Complicated?” Nicole interjects. 

“I was going to say defined but _okay._ ” 

Wynonna looks at Nicole. Nicole is sitting against her dresser with her legs tucked close balancing her 3 subject colleges notebook in her lap. She chews the end of her mechanical pencil working through the questions on her practice police academy entrance exam. _Is the testimony of an eyewitness describing something he observed considered direct evidence?_

“He doesn’t have to be my boyfriend for us to have fun and we certainly don’t have to say… _that._ ”

Nicole’s grabs her hair, one question away from throwing herself to the floor in a tantrum. The entrance exam wasn’t _that_ hard, still confidence falters at the fear of failure. “Wy if I don’t pass this exam I am destined to develop a drinking problem and sell tires at Haught Wheels with my dad.” _Nope. A cop or bust._

Wynonna ignores her. It’s been a long Sunday in oblivious Wynonna-land documenting Wynonna’s and John Henry’s on again off again tribulations. 

Nicole looks over her knees at Wynonna’s upside-down expressions, her hands flat on the floor next to her head like a child doing a handstand, “John Henry loves you.” 

Wynonna rolls her eyes. Even just hearing the words leaves her exposed and raw. Experience tells her love is borrowed not given. People change their minds like they change a lightbulb. It’s bright and then it’s not. 

These are the lessons she has learned, not arithmetic, not grammar. These are the lessons written over and over again on pages of notebook paper in her childhood bedroom and the inspirational posters hanging on her walls concealing the chipping paint.

Wynonna sits back on the bed with her back against the wall and she crosses her arms over her stomach halting any further talk about love.

Two years going on three Nicole has been roommates with Wynonna in the dorms of Purgatory University. At first, she thought it was some sick joke. Wynonna, who is the complete opposite in almost every way _her roommate? Sure_ , why not add the stress of a drunken, maniacal, slob to her lists of things to juggle as 19-year-old freshmen earning a criminal law degree. 

Nicole sighs, she wants to tell Wynonna to stop being so friggen stubborn, but she knows she’ll never listen. “It’s okay to let someone love you Wy.”

Wynonna huffs. “He’s literally sucking the life out of me with his love talk.”

“Figuratively.” Nicole says flatly.

“Huh?”

“He can’t _literally_ suck the life out of you. It’s not like he’s a vampire. You mean _figuratively._ ”

Wynonna pulls her shoulders to her ears and screws up her face. “Whatever dude.”

Nicole adjusts her legs, stretching them out in front of her, and leans forward to relieve some of the ache in her back. Nicole hauled up box after box of her stuff as well as her beloved roommates.

Wynonna had the grueling task of directing Nicole through the traffic of people because she couldn’t see over the stacks of boxes in her hands.

Nicole’s boxes are already unpacked with everything neatly stowed away. Her shoes are organized by color under her bed, her coat hung up nicely in the closet, and her toiletries carefully arranged around her side of the sink based on order of use.

Wynonna’s stuff is thrown haphazardly in every direction. She has a pile of wadded up t-shirts at one end of her bed. Her textbooks; The Essentials of Geometry for College and Journalism the Evolving Perspective, she has shoved between her mattress and the wall. The doorknob serves as a coat hanger for all three of her jackets and her dresser, despite the no-alcohol policy in the dorms, houses her own personal mini bar.

Nicole rolls her shoulders back and lets out a heavy sigh. “And you know, I’m kind of jealous.”

Wynonna darts her eyes to Nicole. She sits up a little straighter and cocks her head to the side resembling that same child with upside down expressions hanging off the bed. For a moment Nicole can see it. The little girl riding her red tricycle down the sidewalk. White tassels blowing back in the wind along with chestnut spirals whipping in her face. “I love you mamma!” Following high pitched laughter. A moment of purity, of joy, of love.

Then comes the tears drawing scars over her wet cheeks. A young heart memorizing a moment of stolen affection and the disappointment taking its place. “Mama please don’t leave!” She begs hanging onto the silence when all is said and done. _I’m not worth staying for_ etched on the inside of her ribs just to remind her that love is a word absent of meaning.

“Why?”

“Because you get to be you. I wish someone loved me the way John Henry loves you.” 

Wynonna rolls her eyes and slides to the floor. “Well maybe if you put down the books long enough we could find you a date Haught.”

Nicole groans returning to her practice test. _Frank the animal caretaker puts on an animal show. He drunkenly lets the rattlesnakes out amongst the crowd in which one of the snakes bites a spectator and the spectator dies. Based on the provisions of article 125 of the Penal Law, Frank has committed [ ], ___

____

“I don’t have time Wy.” _First of all, Frank is an idiot._ Nicole fills in the bubble next to her question. _Second Frank committed Murder in the 2nd degree._

____

“The last girl I went on a date with was Jonas’s sister Julie. She took me to The Pussy Willows, bought me a lap dance, and _actually_ thought that would get her laid.”

____

Nicole didn’t have time for that bullshit and she didn’t need to get _laid_ no matter how many times Wynonna screamed it at her when she was agitated. 

____

Nicole was in a rush last quarter to get to her calculus test. She wanted to make a protein shake to take with her, but Wynonna’s backward logic put a stop to that.

____

“Wynonna! Why is there an empty milk carton in the fridge?”

____

Under the stress of her test, sleep deprivation, and the idiocy happening in the fridge Nicole thought she might turn green and rip her shirt. 

____

Wynonna was watching YouTube on her laptop, big surprise. She waved her hand dismissively eyes still fixed to her screen, “To remind us that we are out of milk _duh_.”

____

____

Nicole growled and threw the empty carton and the container of vanilla whey protein at Wynonna hitting her in the chest. Nicole did _not_ do well on her calculus test.

____

“Damn Haught!”

____

“I am _so_ sick of your attitude!”

____

“Dude you need to get laid! Abstinence has you wound up _way_ too tight.”

____

Wynonna crawls over and sits next to Nicole with a look of pity. Nicole has had opportunities to date. She is confident in her abilities to _get_ a date, but like Wynonna, Nicole isn’t ready to ride that rollercoaster of emotion. Nicole has never liked how her stomach drops with every steep slope or the restricting pressure she gets from the sheer momentum twisting and turning until she is sore. 

____

She is admittedly hypocritical of Wynonna’s avoidant emotional predisposition, but Nicole can see a hint of fire in the back of her eyes that suggests _maybe_ she could love John Henry if she doesn’t extinguish it with denial.

____

“I think Petra is single. If you want I could talk to her for you.”

____

_Murder in the 2nd degree indeed. Where're the snakes?_

____

Nicole’s shoulders sag and she glares at Wynonna, her upper lip pulling up in a half snarl, “I don’t need _your_ help getting a date.” 

____

____

“You need _someone’s_ help because we are _still_ out of milk. I had to put whiskey in my coffee this morning.”

____

Nicole pinches the bridge of her nose, “You do that anyway.” 

____

Wynonna shrugs and looks out the window. Nicole sees the trepidation drawing a line a crossed her forehead. The window is open slightly, moving the curtains in a graceful to and fro. The papers wedged in Wynonna’s mattress rattle reminding Nicole that her roommate is a slob. 

____

_An ordinary witness (not an expert) may give his opinion concerning any of the following except._ Nicole grunts flinging her notebook a crossed the floor like a frisbee. It hits Wynonna’s knee-high boots and disappears under the bed.

____

“See! Right there. You need…”

____

Nicole buries herself in her lap with her arms over her head, “Don’t. say. I. need. to get. laid.” She sighs into the darkness of her body collapsed around her. _Maybe I do_.

____

__****_ _

“I think he’s _totally_ cute.”

____

The silky liquid contained in the small glass bottle labeled Penumbra Denim blue stings the delicate skin in Waverly’s nose. She makes another pass of the shimmery polish over Chrissy’s big toe. “Well, why don’t you date him then.”

____

Chrissy shrugs pausing the sliding emery board held against Waverly’s nail. She sets it down and picks up the polish. "Champ’s not really my type.”

____

“He’s not _mine_ either.”

____

Chrissy snorts before making a pass of deep velvet red over Waverly’s big toenail. “If you say so.”

____

Waverly is no stranger to feeling alone in a relationship. Champ is arrogant, oblivious, and unreliable. None of those things are what built the pressure in the back of her throat or burned at the corner of her eyes. She is confident in her ability to rely on herself.

____

Champ asked too much of her. He wanted something she couldn’t give. It wasn’t about companionship or sex, it was a feeling she wasn’t equipped with. It was always those three words that didn’t belong in her vocabulary that ended her relationships. 

____

Waverly sets aside the nail polish and weaves a purple sponge spacer between each of Chrissy’s freshly painted toes. “I don’t have time for boys.”

____

“I don’t have time for girls.”

____

Waverly looks up gaping at the sly brow arched on Chrissy’s face. She narrows her eyes shaking her head.

____

“Sound familiar? That was you four months ago with Madison.”

____

“What’s your point?”

____

“The point is that if you keep your heart locked up this tight it’s going to shrivel up and you're going to be left with a raisin.”

____

Waverly’s face wrinkles up, “Ew.”

____

“Dust the cobwebs off girl. You’re missing out.”

____

Waverly looks out the rain dotted window. The grass below is distorted in a raindrop. Her eyes get lost in it like a crystal ball. The last time she said I love you is one of her favorite memories, but it also feels like a lie.

____

_A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth. And while she held him she sang._

____

_“I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.”_

____

Waverly tucked herself further into the crook of her mothers’ arm. Michelle Gibson held the book out in front, so Waverly could see each illustration as she read every line in a soothing voice.

____

_“I’ll love you forever. I like you for always. As long as I’m living my mommy you’ll be.”_ Waverly sang sweetly, looking up with a smile reciprocated by her mother.

____

Michele pulled up the pink Power Ranger comforter up to Waverly’s chin. She tucked each side underneath Waverly until she was snug, and the outline of her small frame could clearly be seen. 

____

“Goodnight baby girl. Mamma loves you.”

____

“Goodnight mamma. I love you too.” Her mother peppered her forehead and her cheeks with kisses then tapped her nose with her finger. She flipped on the fairy night light plugged into the wall and shut the door leaving it open just a crack, so Waverly could see the light in the hall. 

____

Waverly closed her eyes humming to herself _“I love you forever. I’ll like you for always,”_ and drifted off to sleep. 

____

Waverly doesn’t remember a time feeling more loved than that moment. She thought about it every night after her mother left wondering what forever meant when you’re left behind. She cried in her older sisters’ arms until her tears dried up leaving her cracked and jaded. In the eyes of a five-year-old, I love you meant goodbye.

____

Chrissy releases Waverly’s foot. She lifts her leg and flexes her toes to get a better look at the light reflecting off the crimson tips.

____

“We’ll see.”

____

__***_ _

Nicole’s eyes are blurry, her hand fumbles around on her nightstand searching for the source of the high-pitched ringing. Her fingers brush across something cool, but it slips away with a thud. The ringing muffles slightly. Nicole rubs the sleep from her eyes rolls over and locates the culprit from under the bed. 

____

She frowns for a minute, considering hitting the snooze button, before sliding her finger over the touchscreen and silencing her alarm. _Here we go._ Nicole slides out of bed, stumbles over Wynonna’s laptop cord, and stubs her toe on the door frame. _God, it’s like living with a child._

____

She hisses. “Son of a…”

____

Nicole flips on the light without shutting the bathroom door before washing her face and brushing her teeth. She glares down at the toothpaste splattered mirror as she spits out her own minty foam, a pet peeve Nicole developed since rooming with Wynonna. She uses Wynonna’s towel to clean off the specs from the mirror then turns off the faucet and dry’s her mouth.

____

The first day of the quarter is the worst. 

____

“Wynonna it’s time to get up.” Nicole pulls out some clean underwear from her top drawer and bends down digging through her middle drawers in the dark. “Also, do you know where my Guns N’ Roses tank is?” She smacks her head on her open underwear drawer. 

____

“Shit!” She growls slamming both drawers shut. Her chewed up pencil drops from the top of the dresser and rolls to the floor. She decides it’s not worth bending over for.

____

“Wynonna get up!” Nicole pulls out a simple grey Purgatory University Women’s Rugby hoodie and slips it over her head. She brushes her hair out of the collar and straightens the hoodie over her body, “I could have sworn I put it in the dr-” Nicole frowns starring at the unmoved lump under Wynonna’s blankets.

____

“How I adopted a 22-year-old women I will never know.” She considers letting Wynonna sleep and miss all her morning classes.

____

“It’s not _my_ education on the line here you know!” Nicole yanks the blankets off Wynonna. She rolls her eyes. Sprawled out on the mattress is Wynonna wearing Nicole’s Guns N’ Roses tank top. Nicole growls and smacks Wynonna on the ass to get her moving. 

____

A muffled squeal comes from the pillows. Wynonna looks over at Nicole, her hair wild and staticky sticking to her face and her pillow. Her brows form a harsh line as she gathers her hair in her hand and lays it neatly over her shoulder. She throws her pillow hitting Nicole in the back of the head. “Get laid!” 

____

“Get bent!”

____

Wynonna slides out of bed, shoulders hunched, looking like the walking dead she makes her way to the bathroom. A steady trickle echoes out of the open door. “That better be the faucet!” 

____

Nicole flops down on her bed pulling up her black socks and shoves her feet into her black Doc Marten’s pulling the laces up tight. She pulls her socks up over her skinny jeans so that outlines of white stars stick out above her Doc’s.

____

Wynonna comes out of the bathroom looking a little more awake wiping toothpaste off her mouth with the back of her hand. Nicole bets anything that there is a new batch of white dribbles on the mirror for her to clean later. 

____

Wynonna pulls open Nicole’s dresser drawer and fishes out a blue pair of checkered socks.

____

“Hey!” Nicole snaps.

____

“I can’t find mine.”

____

“ _Gee_ I wonder why.”

____

____

Wynonna ignores her starting the coffee pot instead. She wanders over to her bed and pokes around her sheets until she locates a pair of black leggings with a white stripe down the side. She pulls them on and slips on Nicole’s socks and her knee-high boots. 

____

Nicole takes in a deep breath inhaling the familiar aroma bubbling into the steaming pot. She lets the smell relax her thoughts. _Today will be a good day._ Wynonna fills up a mug and hands it to Nicole her lips turned up halfway into a smile. 

____

“Thanks.” Nicole sips to soon burning the tip of her tongue. She sucks on it to relieve the sting. She wraps her hands around the mug letting the heat bring her comfort. In her head, she maps out the easiest way to get to her Introduction to Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies classroom. Nicole was a little hesitant to take the class when her career counselor recommended it. _It sounds weird._

____

Wynonna laughed at her when she told her about it “That just sounds like a bunch of feminist bullshit.” 

____

“Wynonna feminism is important.”

____

__“I know but you don’t need a class to tell you what you already know. You just go out and flip the bird to anyone who tries to stop you.” She shrugged. “That’s what I do.”_ _

____

“Are you nervous?” Nicole ask.

____

Wynonna snorts into her coffee, “Why would I be?”

____

“Isn’t John Henry’s office in the same hall as your Intro to Visual Journalism classroom?”

____

“Oh.” Wynonna deadpans, clearly not a thought that crossed her mind. She stands and sets her mug on her dresser then reaches for one of her jackets on the doorknob. She picks the leather one. She grabs it letting the others fall to the floor. 

____

“Wy?”

____

Wynonna slips her arms into her jacket pulling it up over her shoulders. She loads up her book bag swinging it over her back, “I’ll be fine. I always am.”

____

Wynonna is skilled at compartmentalizing her thoughts. Her mind is full of locked doors and stairways that lead to nowhere. Keys are useless there because every question is just another nail in the door frame trapping in who knows what.

____

She gives Nicole a wink and walks out the door.

____

Nicole checks the time. She gulps down her scolding hot coffee and follows Wynonna out the door. 

____

__***_ _

Nicole curses under her breath finding herself at the wrong classroom. She rushes up the stairs turning the corner sharp enough to hit her shoulder on the vending machines. Her eyes dart back and forth not sure if she is even going in the right the direction. 

____

Sweat accumulates under her grey hoodie, running down the halls jacked up on Wynonna’s coffee. Her heart races. _Wynonna makes it too strong._

____

Nicole looks over her shoulder pulling on her hoodie trying to fan herself off. “Are the numbers getting smaller or larger?” Books fly to her feet and the air is knocked from her lungs. 

____

“Oh shoot. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” 

____

Nicole looks down her mouth open at the small woman squatting at her feet gathering up the spilled textbooks. The woman looks up tucking a lock of wavy brown hair behind her ear, “I’m so sorry. I went to the wrong classroom and I was rushing. I wasn’t paying attention.”

____

Nicole snaps out of the shock and bends down to help gather the books separating the other woman’s from her own, “It’s okay. I am just as guilty.”

____

They both stand up cradling their books in their hands. The woman half-smiles, “The first day of school is always the hardest right?”

____

“Right.” Nicole nods.

____

“Anyways I should go. I hear Mrs. Lucado gives assigned seats.” The woman moves past her towards one of the classrooms Nicole had passed. Nicole follows.

____

“Intro to Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies?”

____

“Uh yeah.”

____

“Me too.” Nicole smiles.

____

Nicole pulls out a chair next to the brown-haired woman. She sets her books neatly on the desk in the corner and digs out a pencil from her bag. Her face wrinkles up, the first pencil she finds looks like it went through the garbage disposal. She tosses it back in her bag and pulls out a new one. 

____

Nicole’s catches the brown-haired woman looking at her out of the corner of her eye. She glances over and smiles shyly. The woman smiles back. 

____

Nicole looks away starring blankly at the floor. A tightness forms in her stomach. She shifts in her chair searching for relief. _Wynonna must have changed coffee brands._ She makes a mental note to ask about that later. 

____

Students wandered through the classroom talking to each other about their summer breaks. Nicole didn’t know any of them. But she could. She could know one of them. 

____

“I’m Nicole. Nicole Haught.” Nicole holds out her hand to the woman.

____

“Waverly.” _Waverly._ Nicole looks up at the ceiling blinking. That name sounds familiar, but she can’t remember why. She squirms a little in her seat searching for the answer.

____

“Nicole?”

____

Nicole’s looks to Waverly. “Can I have my hand back?”

____

“Oh, yeah.” Heat runs up Nicole’s neck and spills into her cheeks. She retracts her hand and stuffs it into the front pouch of her Purgatory University Rugby hoodie. The name Waverly dances through her, warming her better than any cup of coffee.

____

“I’m going to pass around a piece of paper. If you can please write your name on it, fold it into a tent, and place it visibly on your desk.” Mrs. Lucado’s says walking around the room, “This will be your assigned seat for the rest of the quarter.”

____

A groan works its way up Nicole’s throat. She sees Waverly and swallows it. It wouldn’t be so bad sitting next to _her_ every day.

____

Waverly passes Nicole her paper. Her pencil slips through her fingers rolling its way to Waverly’s desk. She reaches for it, but Waverly’s fingers are already there. Nicole freezes with her fingertips touching Waverly’s. Her eyes widen. She pulls back her hand like it’s on fire.

____

“Here.” Waverly holds out the pencil, Nicole takes it. She shrugs off the awkwardness. _No big deal_

____

_There is no reason to be weird_ She tells herself. 

____

“Thanks.”

____

Nicole writes her name on her folded piece of paper and sets it at the corner of her desk. She glances at Waverly writing her own name in large bubbly letters. She finishes it with a heart. 

____

The tightness in Nicole's stomach turns to pressure. The pressure makes it difficult to breathe and even more difficult to concentrate. It increases the longer she glances at Waverly, but she can’t seem to stop. It's like they are magnets sitting on opposite poles and Nicole is undeniably attracted. 

____

Nicole turns away towards the addicting odor of Xylene compounds coming from the front of the room. She shifts her eyes and relaxes into the satisfying squeak of a blue Expo marker dragging across the whiteboard, as Mrs. Lucado writes _A Vindication of the Rights of Women (1792)._ Nicole loves the smell, an addiction she learned from Wynonna. 

____

“If you sniff them long enough you get a head rush.” Wynonna had told her freshman year. 

____

Nicole wills her herself to focus on, if nothing else, Expo markers. _Anything but Waverly._

____

“Wollstonecraft began by stating that God had given ‘natural rights’ to both sexes.” Mrs. Lucado drones on. 

____

Waverly diligently takes note, underlining when necessary, and summarizing everything Mrs. Lucado writes on the board. 

____

Nicole takes note of the individual waves in Waverly’s hair draped over her sun-kissed shoulders and the gold dove necklace underlining the dip in her collarbone. Nicole summarizes Waverly into something beautiful and sweet. 

____

“Women were subject to ‘false systems of education’, which taught them ‘manners before morals.’”

____

Nicole’s elbow is propped on her desk and she cradles her head in her hand. A ridiculous smile stretches across her face. She traces the delicate lines of Waverly’s jaw and the slope of her nose. She memorizes the exact shade of pink on her soft parted lips and how the light pours through the window catching the flecks of golden brown hidden in the green sea of Waverly’s irises. Nicole is so lost in Waverly’s eyes she doesn’t realize they are looking at her. 

____

“Nicole?”

____

Nicole blinks out of her Waverly induced spell focusing on the voice. Waverly’s face turns up in a smirk. “Are you okay?”

____

Nicole slides her elbow off her desk quickly and looks in the other direction. Her cheeks burn like a wildfire and it’s spreading. She does everything she can to hide it. She pulls the hood of her sweatshirt up over her face and doesn’t look directly at Waverly when she speaks. “I’m fine. Just tired.”

____

Waverly’s eyes linger a moment and she turns away packing up her things.

____

“Please come prepared to discuss Chapter 2.3 tomorrow. We will be working in groups.” Mrs. Lucado says.

____

She puts a gentle hand on Nicole’s arm. Nicole sucks in a breath trying not to flinch.

____

“See you tomorrow Nicole.”

____

“s-sure.”

____

Waverly disappears around the corner. Nicole collapses against the back of her chair. _What is my problem?_

____

Nicole can hardly concentrate through her Criminal Law class. She keeps looking at her desk watching her pencil roll down and picturing Waverly reaching out to it. Her arm still burns like Icy Hot where Waverly touched it. She finds the same shade of green as Waverly’s irises in the plants, on a t-shirt, and speckled in the carpet, but none of it is as striking as Waverly’s eyes. _Don’t be such a creep_ she tells herself writing Nicole and finishing it with a heart. She was glad when her class was over.

__***_ _

____

“Alright let’s do a lap around the field to warm up.” Coach Dolls swings his arm around his head drawing out the field.

____

The lot of 17 out of shape girls groan in unison. They drag their feet to the outskirts of the field before graduating into a jog, each one finding a comfortable pace as they work their way around the field. 

____

Nicole finds satisfaction in the way her cleats tear into the grass as she runs. The air is cool but her muscles warm and loosen. All those months of summer running 3 miles a day 4 times a week has really paid off. She loops pass Mercedes and Shae. 

____

“I heard PU is getting new uniforms.” Shae says. 

____

Mercedes’s sighs. “I hope they aren’t as tight.” 

____

“The tighter the better. Less material for the Revenants to grab onto.”

____

“Easy for you to say. You don’t have boobs.”

____

Their voices fade out behind Nicole. She is left with the soothing sound of her own breath coming out at a controlled pace. In through her nose. Out through her mouth. Something she mastered sophomore year. Her heart rate easily adjusts to keep up with the movement of her legs and the increased need for oxygen. The release is addicting. 

____

Nicole reaches Coach Dolls before the other girls. She touches her toes stretching out her calf muscles again and slows down her breathing. The cool air lifts the sweat clinging to her back and along her hairline. She fishes out a Gatorade water bottle, the kind with the orange lid, from her gym bag and squeezes water into her mouth. Some of it misses and splashes over her chin. She wipes it off with the bottom of her shirt.

____

The chatter picks up again with the arrival of Mercedes and Shae.

____

“Damn Haught! DId you spend the whole summer working out?” Mercedes smacks Nicole on the ass. A gesture not just reserved for football players.

____

“I bet _you_ didn’t slacker.” She winks and flashes a pair of dimples.

____

“Mercedes was too busy getting _busy_.” Shae says.

____

Nicole narrows her eyes. Somewhere in the back of her head a voice screams out _get laid._

____

Coach Dolls empty’s a bag of rugby balls on the field. Some of them wobble away stopping at the feet of nearby players. He fixes his eyes to his clipboard holding his whistle between his fingers. 

____

“What about you Haught?” Shae asks wiping her face down with a white towel.

____

“What about me?”

____

“Did you have any luck getting lucky this summer?” Shae’s eyebrows wiggle, “I heard you went out with Julie.”

____

Nicole blushes but she knows the heat from her run masks her embarrassment. 

____

“I had better things to do.” 

____

“Okay ladies. We are going to start with four corners. Try to spread out evenly over the cones.”

____

Nicole shuffles over placing herself in line behind Mercedes. Jessica runs from her cone towards Mercedes. She pops the ball in Mercedes' hand. Mercedes runs forward dodging Samantha and pops the ball to a new girl that Nicole doesn’t know yet. The new girl hits Nicole in the chest with the ball catching her by surprise.

____

“So-sorry.”

____

Nicole shrugs. She runs forward continuing the monotonous cycle. From this line, Nicole has a view of the other side of the field. She watches as the cheerleaders set up. 

____

“What are _they_ doing here?” Nicole asks Mercedes.

____

“The marching band took over their time slot for the field, so they overlap with us now.”

____

Nicole snorts. “Hope a rouge ball doesn’t take out one of their flyers.”

____

They both laugh.

____

Nicole continues to watch. A flyer is lifted gracefully into the air. The familiar waves of long brown hair stifles Nicole’s laughter in her throat. The brunette balances in the hands of two cheerleaders standing firmly on the ground. She raises her hands above her head in a V. Her smile is hypnotic even from a crossed the field. Her voice a song catering to Nicole’s heart. 

____

The new girl hits Nicole in the face with the ball. Nicole looks down at it rolling in an awkward zig zag line. Her hand rubs over the sting on her mouth. New girl apologizes again. Nicole is too embarrassed to tell her it wasn’t her fault. 

____

“Let’s move on to some conditioning drills. Sprint to the end of the field and jog back.”

____

_Waverly’s at the end of the field._ Nicole’s feet betray her caring her forward picking up into a sprint. Her heart floods with adrenalin pumping hot blood into the muscle in her legs. She slows just enough to slide into the white line touching it with her fingertips, keeping her eyes low, away from Waverly, and jogs quickly back. 

____

Dolls has them sprint three more times to the end of the field each time Nicole is careful not to make eye contact with Waverly. 

____

“Hustle back!” Doll says. “Let’s do some scrimmage. Grab your mouth guards. Captain count off your team.”

____

Nicole nods. She points to every other player separating them out evenly. She tosses Mercedes the hot pink pinnies and grins walking backward toward her team.

____

“You ass!” Mercedes says.

____

“That’s what you get for wasting your energy on boys over the summer.”

____

Mercedes glares back as she doles out the pink pinnies to each of her players and puts hers over her Columbia fleece. She organizes her team at an angle on one side of the field opposite Nicole.

____

Nicole’s team sets up in a line ready to defend.

____

“Stay steep.” Mercedes yells locking eyes with Nicole.

____

Nicole licks her lips walking up holding the ball out in front of her. She presses her thumb up to the roof of her mouth fitting her mouthguard in snug. 

____

She winks at Mercedes’s before dropping the ball to her foot. Mercedes catches it and hauls ass. Nicole sees her weaving seamlessly through her players. Nicole grunts and takes off to the side to meet her. 

____

Mercedes kicks into second gear but she’s not fast enough. Nicole sinks her hips low and hits Mercedes with her shoulder just below Mercedes’s knees. She wraps her arms around Mercedes’s legs taking them both to the ground. 

____

Mercedes shoves Nicole off. “I hate you.” 

____

Nicole’s giggles are distorted through her mouth guard. “You know you’re not faster than _me._ ”

____

“Why don’t you let the fullback do her job and you stay in the front line where you belong!”

____

Dolls charges over, his face sharp. “Haught! Gardner! Why are you holding up the game? This isn’t happy hour at Shorty’s!” 

____

Nicole and Mercedes stand up. Mercedes stares a hole through Nicole. Nicole antagonizes her with a wink.

____

“We have a scrum down here!” Dolls yells pointing between the two women.

____

The other players reset. Six on six weave shoulder to shoulder ready to fight for the ball. Maddie drops the ball in the net of bodies as they drive hard against each other. “Drive! Drive!”

____

Nicole sees the ball. The hooker pulls it out with her toe rolling it right into to Nicole’s hands. She takes off at an angle towards the try line. 

____

Shae stands in her way matching her steps. Nicole sinks low and extends out her arm. Her flat palm hits Shae in the chest dropping her to the ground. Nicole has a clear path to the try line now. 

____

Waverly’s hips are swinging from side to side matching the rhythm of Nicole's adrenaline pumping heart. Her silver and blue pom poms fragment the field lights like a disco ball. Nicole watches running towards them like a moth to a porch light. Waverly’s hair whips around as she does a cartwheel. She straightens out and meets Nicole’s gaze. A smile streaks across her face.

____

Nicole’s falling. The air has been pushed out of her lungs and her eyes water from the sharp pain in her side. Her back hits the ground with a thud and her knees smack together.

____

Above her Mercedes and New girl are locked together like gladiators fighting for the for the ball. 

____

Nicole rolls her head back peering between New girl’s legs. Waverly is huddled with the other cheerleaders now. Nicole sees the outline of her back. Her skirt hitting her well above her knees. Nicole thinks she sees the hint of silver spanks underneath. 

____

“Shit!” New girls cleat hooks Nicole in the nose. Heat rushes out of her nose and into her mouth. She army crawls out of the ruck towards the edge of the field and flattens out on her back. Hot tears trail down the sides of her face. 

____

“You know you shouldn’t lay on your back when you have a bloody nose.”

____

Nicole turns her head. Waverly stands over her. The top part of Waverly’s hair is pulled back with a blue scrunchy leaving her bangs to frame her face. Her white Adidas are almost touching Nicole’s shoulder and Nicole definitely sees silver spanks. She makes her eyes stay on the white Adidas noting the grass stains at the bottom of the outer sole and the double knotted pristine white laces. 

____

Nicole laughs and pulls out her mouth guard. Her mouth fills with hot copper. “Is my nose bleeding?” 

____

Waverly rolls her eyes but smiles to take away the sting. She digs something out of her PU drawstring sports bag. 

____

“Here.” She kneels next to Nicole. “Sit up.”

____

Waverly hands Nicole a wad of tissues. Nicole takes them and presses them to her nose. She sniffs. “Thanks.”

____

“Why’d you let her tackle you?”

____

Nicole lifts the tissue to talk but Waverly guides her hand back. “I didn’t _let_ her tackle me.” Her voice is muffled and nasally through the tissues.

____

Waverly snorts. “Well, you made it easy for her.” 

____

Nicole pivots her body toward Waverly dropping her bloody tissues from her face. “I got distracted by-uh…” _You. Shiny pom poms. Silver spanks._ She presses the tissues back to her nose, “for like a split second.”

____

“Ah okay.”

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“Haught! What are you doing!” Dolls waves his arms from across the field. The other players are huddled together. Mercedes continues her death glare, Nicole can feel it like a sunburn. 

____

Waverly stands up and slips her bag over her shoulder. “You better ice that.”

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“Nah, it’s not my first bloody nose baby.” Nicole winks.

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“I _meant_ that ego.” Waverly smirks and walks away. Nicole follows her with her eyes as her figure gets smaller down the field.

____

“Haught!” 

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Nicole groans. She stands up reluctantly and joins her team.

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“Nice work ladies. Get some rest. Stay hydrated. I will see you Wednesday.” Dolls says.

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Nicole packs up her gym bag. She rinses the blood from her mouth guard and stows it away.

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“Haught you better come to practice ready to work Wednesday…unless you’d rather be a cheerleader.”

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Heat bleeds through Nicole’s cheeks. She can’t hide it through exertion this time. “Yes, coach.”

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__***_ _

____

Crimson blotches cover Waverly's chest, marks delivered by the hot stream forced through the shower head. The water is too hot, but Waverly lets it burn. Her muscles ache after the first practice in months and the heat brings some relief. She dunks her head under drowning in long wet hair. When she comes up for air she tilts her head back. The steam feels good in her lungs and over her skin. 

____

Big brown eyes haunt the backs of her eyelids. She bites her lower lip thinking about that wide poised smile bracketed by two deep dimples. She doesn’t notice but her breathing is heavy and her heart races to keep up.

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Waverly places one hand on the shower wall to steady herself. Her chest blushes in a new way.

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“Waves you almost done in there?”

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The spell is broken. Waverly wipes the water off her face with her hand and peers past the shower current at the closed bathroom door.

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“Yup I am getting out now.”

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Waverly wraps the plush cotton of her purple towel around her body and steps out of the shower. She leaves the bathmat with perfect wet footprints and continues her tracks to the bathroom counter.

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She watches herself in the mirror dragging the towel over her toned shoulders, the lines of her stomach, and down the curves of her legs. Her eyes close, the thought of Nicole’s fingertips grazing her collarbone and her hand brushing down her thigh catches her breath in her throat. She grips the edge of the countertop and looks herself in the eye. “Get it together Earp.”

____

Waverly slips on her loose fitting clothes and hangs up her towel over the curtain rod. Chrissy is waiting outside the door dancing with a sense of urgency. She bolts through the door. “I have to pee!”

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Waverly lays herself flat on her back and pulls her blankets up to her chin letting the weight of it relax her. Sometimes she tucks the sides underneath her, the constriction is sedative but tonight she feels electric.

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_“I'm Nicole. Nicole Haught.”_

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Waverly finds herself biting her lower lip again pressing her head further into her pillow. Her legs squirm pulling the blanket unevenly from the edges of the bed. She grabs the pencil and her fingers tingle when Nicole’s cover them. Her hands tremble thinking she might drop it. 

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_Nicole Haught_ rang over and over in her head.

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Waverly’s cheeks burn bright, fortunately, no one was there to see. She whimpers in surprise when she finds her fingertips playing at the hem of her shorts. One dipped under the waist band. She groans in frustration and rolls over on her side. "I need to get laid." 

____

_Nicole Haught_

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__***_ _

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Wynonna sleeks through the door shedding her jacket on the floor by her bed. She drops herself to the edge of the bed and sags her shoulders. 

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“How was your first day?” Nicole asks.

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Wynonna half shrugs dropping her eyes to the floor staring blankly, “Yours?”

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“I was almost late to my morning class.”

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“God that would have been _just_ the _worst._ Wynonna mocks.

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Nicole’s face slacks and her eyes roll, “ _Anyways_ , I made it on time.”

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Wynonna collapses back on her bed throwing her arms over her head. She toes off her boots letting them clap to the floor next to her coat.

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Nicole shifts on her bed pulling one of her legs underneath her and picks at the hem of her sweatpants. “I did meet someone interesting.”

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“Oh?” Wynonna’s voice goes up, “A cute someone. Someone who could water your dry spell?”

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Nicole’s cheeks burn bright. She ducks her head hoping Wynonna doesn’t notice. The pressure above her stomach returns and Nicole doesn’t understand why. _She’s just a woman. A very attractive woman._ Nicole doesn’t have trouble talking to women, not with her dimples and big honey colored eyes, but Waverly was not _just_ a woman. Waverly was an ‘I’ll take your breath away and leave you to float away into nothingness’ kind of woman. 

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“Well I don’t…her name is…” Nicole jumbles her words not sure what she is trying to say anymore. Her tongue feels too big for her mouth and her thoughts go too fast for words. Wynonna interrupts saving her from figuring it out.

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“John Henry…” Wynonna holds her arms above her face making air quotes “’Doc’ wouldn’t even hardly look at me.”

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Nicole sighs. She didn't realize how fast her heart has been beating or that her nails have been digging into to her leg folded beneath her.

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“Well, what did you say to him?”

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Nicole can't ’t see Wynonna’s face from her position on her own bed, but she can hear the ache in her voice. 

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“I don’t know. ‘Hey’.”

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“Hey? You just said _hey?_ ”

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Wynonna rolls over hanging her arm off the side of her bed, her face peering over at Nicole.

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“Yeah.” She picks up a dirty sock off the floor and dangles it in her hand swinging it absentmindedly. Nicole cringes. 

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“I walked to his office to see if he was there and he was, so I said ‘hey’.”

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“And he _said?”_

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Wynonna groans throwing the sock in Nicole’s direction. She lays on her back her hair splayed around her head in a messy heap of dark chestnut ribbons. 

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“He said he couldn’t talk while he was at _work_.”

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“Wynonna that doesn’t sound so bad. He didn’t say he doesn’t _want_ to talk to you.”

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Wynonna is used to people disappointing her. She is used to people saying one thing and doing another. She is used to being teased with affection only to have it taken away just as easily. 

____

Any hint of rejection, regardless if that’s what it really is, salts a wound deep in Wynonna’s past. Wynonna is tough and hard because she was forced to be. Which is why Nicole never complains about the coffee being too strong or the toothpaste decorating the bathroom mirror. 

____

It’s why even on Nicole’s worst days she will still sit and listen to Wynonna talk in circles about John Henry for hours while she tries to study for a mid-term. 

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Nicole watches Wynonna fidget with the hem of Nicole’s Guns N’ Roses tank top. She is still a little irritated that Wynonna is wearing it but if she _has_ to share with _someone_. “Wy?”

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Wynonna grunts.

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“Do you want me to help you fold your t-shirts?” 

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Wynonna slowly sits up and nods at Nicole. Nicole similes and walks over to sit next to Wynonna on her bed taking a wadded-up t-shirt out of the pile. At least now maybe she will wear her own t-shirts.

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“It will be okay Wy.”

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Wynonna nods and bumps her shoulder against Nicole, “What happened to your nose Rocky?”

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_Waverly happened._

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The milk carton scene came from an episode of How I Met Your Mother: 4x12 Benefits. The milk carton becomes relevant later in different ways. 
> 
> The book Mamma read Waverly is called I love you forever by Robert Munsch.


	2. I Will Crawl Into The Mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2. Waverly and Nicole start getting the feels as they do. Nicole up to this point hasn't realized Waverly is Wynonna's sister and vice versa but that can't last long right? Anyways I hope you enjoy the chapter and PLEASE leave comments or feedback. I would really appreciate it.

Nicole shudders under Waverly’s touch, her fingers trace out every vertebrate of Nicole’s spine, only stopping when she reaches her waist. Nicole's breath is shaky against her neck _“Waverly,”_ , Nicole whispers, Waverly's hair all cotton candy and roses.

It has been so long since Nicole has been touched and even with Waverly arched up against her, she still doesn’t feel like it’s close enough. She shifts her weight and angles her hips down to eliminate any remaining space between their sweat coated bodies, eliciting a series of broken gasps.

“Nicole you’re so hot. It’s _so_ hot.”

Nicole’s eyes snap open, ripped from her fantasy, scrambling out of tangled sheets, and hopping around on one leg. “Hot. Hot. _Too_ Hot!” Her foot catches under Wynonna’s laptop cord flinging her forward against the dresser. “Shi—"

Disoriented and desperate she hobbles to the bathroom and kicks her leg into the shower turning the knob as far as it goes to cold. Nicole gasps, her body reacts to the cool jet of water like a punch to the gut, but it masks the unbearable burn.

She sighs in relief, she rubs a bar of soap between her fingers until they are coated in vanilla bubbles. She lathers from mid-thigh down past her knee and lets the cold whisk away the hot down the spiraling drain.

The cold makes her shiver, her shorts are soaked at the hem leaving them stuck to her thigh. She turns off the faucet and strains to reach the towel on the door hook. She tries to use the tub as leverage but her foot slides through sudsy water. She tugs the towel with her fingertips and yanks, the door swings in rebellion hitting the wall, and the picture of the technicolor Einstein crashes to the floor. A problem for another time.

Nicole finishes drying her leg and wiping up the water splashed around the edge of the tub and the toilet. A shiver spreads through her body as the memory of hazel green eyes and soft lips teases through her eyelids. Her ears strain to hear the phantom voice _“Nicole you’re so hot.”_

Nicole chokes, something is wrong, Mount Vesuvius returns. “No! H-hot hot _hot!”_. She stumbles out of the bathroom searching for anything that might help. _whiskey, Kool-Aid, vanilla protein mix._

The lump in the second bed stirs. Wynonna peaks her head over the mountain of blankets pulled over her shoulders. Her eyes are drunk with sleep and her hair is wild and tangled.

“Wha’s happening? Is-there a fire?” She mumbles.

“My leg burns like the Hell of carnal sins !” Nicole gestures her hands on either side of her knee her eyes wide with anguish.

Wynonna’s eyes narrow. "I was told about this torture" 

Nicole's mouth gapes, frozen with her leg in the air flabbergasted. 

Wynonna ducks her head, "What? I read...sometimes." 

She sits up straighter and clears her throat dramatically.“ _Anyways_ why is your leg burning?”

Nicole groans irritably pointing to the bottle of Icy Hot on her nightstand. “My knee hurt before I went to bet, _so_ I thought it would help. Now-now it _really_ hurts!”

Practice has taken its toll on Nicole’s body after so many months without it. Even her efforts to stay in shape over summer break wasn’t enough to save her muscles from the high demands of rugby and the lofty aspirations of coach Dolls this season.

Wynonna sits up blinking still lost in a foggy lullaby. “D-need me to help you?”

Nicole crashes through the room repeating over and over “Hot tamales! Hot tamales!”

Wynonna nods in understanding and grabs her phone off her nightstand. “Google how do you make Icy Hot stop burning?”

Google: “Here’s is information on How to make Icy Hot stop burning. According to Quora, you should first rinse the area with cool soapy water.”

“Did you try soap and water?” Wynonna asks.

“Yes, uhuh yup didn’t work!”

Wynonna hums, her finger scrolling a crossed the screen. "Googles says to pour milk on it.”

Nicole frantically hops to the fridge and pulls out the empty milk carton. She growls something inhuman and chucks the carton at Wynonna’s face.

Wynonna’s jaw drops. “Woah don’t have a _cow.”_

Nicole scrunches up her face and sticks her tongue out.

Wynonna looks back to her phone. “So, we have to neutralize it. Do we have any liquid antacids?”

“No! Please for the love of Hades help me!” The thought of lobsters climbing over each other to get out of boiling hot water screaming for mercy pinches at her stomach. _I am never eating lobster again!_

“Google says we _need_ antacids. Tums?”

“Th-there is some Rolaids in the drawer.” Wynonna digs through Nicole’s drawer while Nicole continues to hop around the room.

“Do you ever clean this thing out?” Wynonna carelessly tosses out old cell phone charges, earplugs, and wadded up candy wrappers to the floor. “Ah ha! Got them!” She holds up the tiny roll of antacids in triumph and gestures for Nicole to sit.

Nicole plops down on her bed her eyes almost in tears, more from frustration than pain.

“We gotta crush them up, make a paste and rub ‘em all over your spicy leg.”

Nicole’s face screws up, still partially dazed in her fantasy, _Nicole you’re so hot._ , she shakes her head. “How are we going to do that?”

Wynonna shrugs and shoves 3 Rolaids in her mouth. She chews them up and spits them in her hand.

“No nu-uh no way.” Nicole shakes her head profusely clinging protectively to her leg but she’s just desperate enough.

“Your leg is starting to match your hair.” Which was a lie. Nicole’s leg felt vermillion red but was just as pasty white as ever.

“Okay, okay.” A wicked grin spreads across Wynonna’s face, she rubs her hands together making a thick paste and plasters it over Nicole’s knee.

“This isn’t funny!”

"Hold still Dante'.” Wynonna giggles, but to Nicole, it sounds like a cackle coming from a Mary Shelly novel.

Nicole grabs some Rolaids too. It took two whole rolls to cover the burning area with each of them diligently rubbing chalky spit all over Nicole’s leg. Her leg still burns like Tabasco and her mouth is coated in gritty fruit. Wynonna has salt sized bits of flat colored Rolaids smeared around her own mouth.

“Did it work?”

Nicole throws herself back on the bed and slaps her hands over her eyes. “No.” This was worse than the time Nicole was 8 and her cousin Ashley dared her to eat a quarter-sized glob of Wasabi in a Chinese restaurant. Nicole felt a chemical burn flood through her nostrils and eyes forcing out endless tears. Her mom took her home embarrassed by the attention Nicole’s wailing was attracting.

“Do you want me to cut it off? I have a hatchet under my bed.”

Nicole props herself up on her elbows and looks down at Wynonna terrified by the excitement shining all over her face. “Please tell me your joking and that you don’t have a hatchet under your bed.”

Wynonna forces air of her mouth vibrating her lips. “Uh…yeah because that would be _crazy_ right?”

Nicole clenches her jaw tight chewing on her words. “Wynonna! You can’t just keep things like that in a dorm!”

“What? It’s not like it’s illegal and _you’re_ not a cop… _yet._ ”

“That’s not the point!”

“You never know when a hatchet will come in handy.”

Nicole slides to the floor in a mess of tears and self-pity. She wishes she was still the little girl bawling in the Chinese restaurant and not the grown woman covered in Rolaids and her best friend's spit.

“I’m sleeping in the tub.”

“Do you want me to sleep on the floor to make sure you don’t drown?”

Nicole stands and pushes past Wynonna. She grabs her back up pillow from the closet not wanting her good pillow to get wet. “No. Drowning would be mercy.”

“Fine!”

“Goodnight Wynonna.”

"You're welcome!

***

The dark circles under Waverly’s eyes hold evidence of a night full of restless sleep. The weighed down muscles in her protesting knees pound against the concrete path begging to be still, while slow deep breaths tear through her lungs with the sharp edge of the cold morning air.

_“Speed leaving without warning, I need someplace to sleep tonight, blowing in the rocking of the pine”_

Waverly forces her legs in stride to the beat of Bird Dream of The Olympus Mons, her pulled back hair bobs against her back, like a whip to a horse driving her forward. Without a cloud in sight the air stays crisp, but over the horizon behind the burnt red bricks of the Laidlaw Building, the orange sun smears across robin blue skies. The prospect of a sunny day and the rasps in Black Francis’s voice brings clarity to her sleep-deprived brain.

_“Speed leaving without warning, the sunlight is going”_

In her head she makes a grocery list evading what’s really been keeping her up at night: _Pop tarts, milk, Captain crunch, Mac n Cheese, Reese’s,_ she sighs, _tampons._

____Chrissy and Waverly ate the last of the Doritos and Oreos last night watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith. After years of friendship, Chrissy knows all the tricks to cheer Waverly up. Chrissy is her friend, her therapist, and probably her number one fan.____

_____ _

_Why she likes me, I don’t know at all._

_“Into the mountain, I will crawl, Into the mountain”_

__

__

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Waverly was used to people judging her by her last name, Earp. Not so much at Purgatory University, but in the small corner of Purgatory where she is from. Everyone knows everyone and everyone’s business. The Earp’s aren’t exactly your picket fence Leave it To Beaver family.

__

_“Sun shines in the rusty morning, skyline of the Olympus Mons, I think about it sometimes”_

__

Waverly rarely misses home when she is away at school. She loves living in the sorority house with her sisters, but she sometimes misses the running trails she had access to at the back of the Homestead. Running through Douglas fir’s dressed in lichen and moss is more serene and appealing than the lifeless concrete walkways zig-zagging through campus.

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_“Sun shines in the rusty morning, once I had a good fly, Into the mountain, I will fall”_

__

Waverly’s teeth grind down the ringing in her ears replaying the phone call in her head. Willa’s broken record drowns out the uplifting drums and soulful base channeling through Waverly's headphones. Waverly dreads when Willa visits, she's never liked Waverly, not even as a baby. Wynonna said it is because she is jealous. _Jealous of what?_ But she never got an answer.

__

“When are you coming?”

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“We will be there Tomorrow.” Willa’s voice is caustic, it eats away at Waverly’s stomach. _We will be there tomorrow. We will be there. We will. We._

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“Make sure Wynonna is there. Daddy wants to see her.” If anyone likes Waverly less than Willa it is daddy. _Willa’s_ daddy. _Wynonna’s_ daddy. __

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Willa used to call her Matilda to emphasis how unwanted she was in their family. Waverly wished she was Matilda, so she could make Willa’s beanie babies chase her around. Especially when Willa would tell her that her mother left because she couldn’t stand to be around her.

__

Wynonna assured Waverly that wasn’t true, that momma had other reasons for leaving. Wynonna was the only one who kept her safe and made her feel wanted. She taught her things, like how to tie her shoes.

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_“Over, under, around and through, Meet Mr. Bunny Rabbit, pull and through.” ___

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__Wynonna taught Waverly how to ride a bike without training wheels and drive a stick shift. Wynonna was her ride or die but once Wynonna turned sixteen she found new ways to cope with the loss of her mother and her alcoholic father. Ways that left Waverly out._ _

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__When Wynonna was in juvenile detention the first time, Waverly found Chrissy and she desperately needed her. Chrissy quickly resumed the role of best friend and provided stability where there had never been._ _

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__“Yeah.” Waverly’s voice trembles through her words, each one shakier than the next. “I-I’ll tell her. We w-will be there.”_ _

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__“Good.” Willa’s voice softens briefly offering some relief, “Gus and Curtis are coming too.” Waverly lets out a long whistling breath._ _

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__After Waverly’s father, Ward, was fired from the police department for his third DUI, he agreed to go to rehab instead of jail. It was one of the best things to ever happen to Waverly. Her Uncle Curtis and Aunt Gus took in all three Earp girls. Their home was warm and loving unlike her home with her father. Willa was 17 so she didn’t stay long. Waverly didn’t mourn her absence.__

____

_It shouldn't be so bad if Gus and Curtis are there._

_“Into the mountain, I will crawl, Into the mountain, into the mountain, I will fall”_

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A finger tugs the earbud from Waverly’s ear absentmindedly dropping it to her side. Her sweat-slick chest rises rapidly trying to keep up with her heart. She comes to a stop to catch her breath, the sudden halt in momentum leaves her lightheaded. Waverly bends down resting her palms on her knees taking in careful breaths until the dark edges fade from her vision.

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Waverly’s eyes lift following the grunts across the field. Nicole is sunk down, locked with a skinny dark-haired girl, pushing together with straight backs and overlapping arms.

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“Come on new girl! Is this all you got!” The other woman grunts back her cleats ripping into the grass throwing back chunks of fury green mud.

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“Push goddammit!” Nicole fires, her words coming out as red as her thick wavy hair.

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Waverly walks forward, her body on autopilot, she slides down a slope in the dew-soaked grass. Her feet abandon her landing her on her ass. She feels the instant cool come through her leggings.

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Nicole spots her through tangled arms. A ghost of a smile crosses her face before her eyes widen and she falls backward with the brunette landing over her.

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Waverly laughs and gives Nicole an unapologetic smirk. She finds satisfaction in her effect on Nicole.

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“Good job New Girl. Just remember to stay low and take out your opponent’s center of gravity. I’ll see you at practice Tuesday.”

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Waverly folds her legs to her chest and wraps her arms around her knees seeing as her workout pants are already wet she decides to remain seated.

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“You are _always_ letting girls tackle you.”

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Nicole saunters over, a smile teasing her lips. “Did you just come here to laugh at me?”

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Nicole’s hair clings to her face in mats of sweat and her cheeks glow hot and pink. Waverly’s eyes dance over the curves of Nicole’s shoulders framed by her simple blue tank top. The curves continue over her biceps and the exposed areas of her upper back. Waverly tries not to think about what it would be like to run her hands over those curves, up Nicole’s neck, and knot her fingers into that scarlet hair.

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“Are you _actually_ good at rugby or is it just a way for you to pick up chicks?”

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The Navy-blue PU hat Nicole pulls from her gym bag and slides on backward, leaves a folded lock of hair protruding through the adjustable strap. Waverly likes to pull her ponytail through there when she wears her own PU hat.

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“Hey! I am good at rugby, I _am_ the team _captain_ thank very much, and I don’t _need_ rugby to help me get chicks.”

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Nicole plops down next to Waverly with her legs stretched out in front of her. She adjusts her hat pushing the lock of hair further through the adjustable strap. Waverly bites the inside of her cheek hoping negative reinforcement will stop her nagging attraction.

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Nicole is different than anyone she has ever been attracted to. Nicole is dangerous. Not a life-threatening type of dangerous but something else. Dangerous because she feels safe enough for Waverly to let her guard down.

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“ _Oh_ so you’re cocky too.”

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“No fair!”

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Negative reinforcement is working against her. The risk is exciting, like gambling your life savings away. Terrifying, stomach twisting, cold sweats, exciting. _I shouldn’t do this, so I want to._ “Then show me.” _No! Bad!_

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“What?” Nicole’s face goes from cherry blossom to rose. “You—"

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_I’m out of control._ Her body is searching for something entirely different from her mind, but both are looking to Nicole to satisfy it. Waverly narrows her eyes giving Nicole a challenging stare. “You heard me. Tackle me.”

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“Waverly…”

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“ _Nicole_ ” Waverly rolls her eyes “I am not going to break. Teach me. I want to know how.”

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Nicole’s throat bobs as she swallows, she nods reluctantly “Okay.” She stands up reaching her hand out to Waverly. Waverly pushes it aside and stands on her own.

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Nicole leads her into the middle of the field. She bends her knees, one leg in front of the other, ready to move forward. “Okay, so, first of all, you need to be in an athletic stance.”

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Waverly mirrors her. “Got it.”

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“The most important thing as the tackler is head placement.” Nicole leans in bumping her shoulder into Waverly’s stomach her head to the side of her hip.

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“You want to be cheek to cheek. Your head should be up against your opponent’s ass cheek like this. You place your inside leg between theirs and use your outside leg to drive your opponent _away_ from your head.”

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Nicole positions herself carefully and gently applies pressure. Waverly instinctively grabs the back of Nicole’s tank top for support, exposing the moon white skin of her lower back. She lets her hand skim over it and clutches the back of Nicole's shorts instead.

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“Last you wrap your arms around at the bend of the knee and pull as hard as you can.” The little bit of pressure buckles Waverly’s knees but Nicole holds her upright in her strong arms. Waverly can feel them flexing around her legs. She wishes they were wrapped around her waist.

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“Okay, that seems easy enough. Now tackle me.” Waverly arches a sly brow and gives Nicole a playful smile. She isn’t sure if she is flirting or just desperate for human contact. It feels like forever since she’s last been touched and her vibrator is starting to protest.

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Nicole stands up pulling down her tank top and fidgeting with her hat looking unsure.

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“Please?”

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“Alright. Tuck your chin to your chest to protect your _own_ head.” Nicole repositions herself, “Ready?”

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“Ready.”

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Nicole pushes Waverly forward and in one controlled movement, she carries Waverly to the ground gently. Waverly’s spine hits the ground forcing her eyes shut and she bites her tongue. She is pretty sure Nicole hit the ground first and laid Waverly down second. Nicole rolls off Waverly and lays sprawled out flat on her back completely unphased.

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“Well if _that’s_ how you tackle then I don’t see how you get anyone to the ground.”

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Nicole turns her head to the side, her forehead puckers, and her lips come together in a pout. “I was trying not to _hurt_ you.”

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Waverly snorts, she props herself up on her knees feeling frisky, a smile dangles off her lips. “I want to tackle _you_.”

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Nicole laughs “I bet you do.”

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“You don’t think I _can_.”

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Nicole smiles big, dimples in full force, she winks. “You can try.”

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Nicole stands up and lets Waverly get into position just like Nicole showed her, head in place, arms wrapped around her toned legs. Waverly pushes as hard as she can, but her Adidas slipping through the grass are no match for Nicole’s Nike cleats.

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She huffs throwing everything she can into it until Nicole finally wobbles back, Waverly yanks as hard as she can at the bend in Nicole’s knees. They both tumble to the ground, Waverly lands on top. It only hurts a little when Waverly’s head bounces off Nicole’s hip and she hears her neck crack. Free chiropracting.

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Waverly straightens herself out and lets her arms and legs regain their strength in the wet grass. She digs her heels into the ground to slide herself up level with Nicole.

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“See you’re _always_ letting girls tackle you.”

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Nicole rolls over on her side and props up her head in her hand. Something new flashes over her face, her eyes change color, but it leaves too quickly for Waverly to catch it. “Not always. Just this once.”

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“How long have you been playing rugby anyways?” Waverly asks.

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“Since I was old enough to carry the ball.”

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Waverly nods, picturing a tiny red-headed wild child running through a field carrying a ball bigger than she is. On the bleachers, a tall brawny man with a fiery red mustache cheers her on “That’s my kid right there!” Nicole laughs and giggles when he showers her with kisses. “You did good kid.” He says ruffling up her mess of red wavy hair. Waverly wonders what that’s like to have someone love you that much. _I love you forever, I like you for always._

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The backs of Nicole’s fingers make a path down Waverly’s arm, like static it prickles over her skin. Nicole flips her hand over palm facing up and draws endless spirals from the center out. The touch is chilling and addicting.

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Tiny blond hairs stand up over Nicole’s arm looking like gold in the sun. Her skin is pale but the ring around her bicep separates the lightly toasted from the fresh out of the bag marshmallow.

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“Even your sweat smells like vanilla dipped donuts.” Waverly blushes, and bites the inside of her cheek, reprimanding herself for being a flirt.

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Nicole tips her head subtly to the side and her eyes grow. Waverly gets lost in them and she thinks they look like root beer floats. Nicole opens her mouth to speak but is interrupted by the pulsating buzz of Waverly’s watch between them.

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“Oh fudge nuggets I have to go.” She jumps to her feet, straightening herself out. “I’ll see you in class.” She doesn't wait for a response. She hustles down the field relieved to put distance between her and Nicole.

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_***_

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Nicole’s mind had been taken by hazel green eyes, wavy brown hair, and the roll of Waverly’s beautiful hips. Everything that excited her before is dull and boring. All she thinks about, all she dreams about, and all she wants to talk about is Waverly.

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Nicole was caught off guard when Waverly asked to be tackled. I mean she has tackled _plenty_ of girls and _taught_ plenty of girls how to tackle. This wasn’t anything different right? She tries not to over think it, but her continuous search for hidden meaning leaves her restless and edgy. _Could Waverly like me? Do I like Waverly? Waverly the CHEERLEADER?_

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“Do you want to be partners?” Waverly asks.

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Nicole blinks with a vacant stare, not ready to abandon her thoughts. Against her own advice she combs through the evidence like Sherlock Holmes, Waverly’s the suspect, but what is her crime?

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“Nicole?”

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Nicole shakes her head dumbly locking away her accusations and wishful thinking in the safe under her desk, “Uh yeah. Definitely.”

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“Cool.”

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“With your partners choose one powerful woman of U.S history off the list I am handing out to focus your projects around.” Mrs. Lucado says.

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Waverly pulls her chair close so that they can both see their list. Her hair brushes up against Nicole’s cheek spreading a web of fire over Nicole's skin. Every movement she makes tickles Nicole’s nose with roses mixed with cotton candy. At this point, it seems childish to deny that she doesn’t feel _something_ for Waverly.

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It has been a while since Nicole has thought about anyone in a romantic sense, she has never been one to search for love or push relationships into something they are not. She has always relied on her body to tell her what she wants, and her body was definitely homing in on Waverly.

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“You will need to write a 2-page essay on your chosen topic and a 10 slide PowerPoint. I am passing around the detailed requirements and the grading rubric now.”

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“My vote is Elizabeth Cady Stanton.”

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“Uh. Who?”

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“She held the Seneca Falls Convention in 1848 where the ‘Declaration of Sentiments’ was written up?” Waverly’s eyes bounce over Nicole’s blank expression. Nicole tries to silence the sirens and ignore the flashing lights; hurricane Waverly has arrived. “Proposing that women be granted the right to vote? No? really?”

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Nicole shakes her head slowly. Her eyes focus on Waverly’s parted lips and the tip of her tongue hitting the back of her teeth with each word. The more she thinks about it the more she feels like a victim of her own primitive motivations. Waverly is hot, to say the least. Nicole can fight the other thoughts, the emotionally driven thoughts, but the body wants what the body wants. Wynonna's voice screaming _get laid_ in the back of her head doesn't help either. 

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“Well what’s your vote then?”

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“I pick whatever you pick.” Nicole offers.

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Waverly squints her eyes and locks onto Nicole. Nicole holds her breath trying not to reveal her attraction. Waverly’s face softens, she turns in her chair towards Nicole “Hey, do want to meet up later and we can game plan for our project?” Waverly says.

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“Yeah okay.”

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“Cool. I am out of my last class at 3:30. I like to study in the grass part of the courtyard. Meet me there?”

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“I am done at 2:00. I’ll be waiting.” Nicole flashes Waverly her best-dimpled smile. Waverly responds with an equally mesmerizing smile the creeps up into her eyes. _Shit_. Nicole’s stomach knots thinking about seeing Waverly outside of class, outside of the need to stay on topic. They could talk about anything. Nicole could say something stupid like how she dreamt about Waverly last night, a thought that makes her blush.

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***

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“Hey.”

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Wynonna is in the bathroom running mascara through her eyelashes. She jumps poking herself in the eye when Nicole walks in the room. Dark tears trail down her cheeks.

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“Jesus! Where a _bell_ or something.”

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Nicole sheds her bag in front of her dresser and plops down on the edge of her bed. “What are you getting all gussied up for?”

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“I have a date okay.”

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“With John Henry?”

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“Doc.”

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“What?”

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Wynonna’s face scrunches up. She tosses the damp tissue aside she used to dab away her mascara lines. She runs a curling iron through her already spiraled hair. Nicole wrinkles up her nose at the overpowering smell of burning hairspray.

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“Doc. You _know?_ ”

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Nicole narrows her eyes. “Like Dr. Holliday?”

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Wynonna nods her head in a ‘duh’ motion.

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“So, it _is_ John Henry.”

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Wynonna rolls her eyes and unplugs the curling iron. She moves to her bed to pull up her knee-highs, Nicole spots another pair of her socks on Wynonna’s feet, this time Halloween, purple with witches. “I decided Doc is sexier.”

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“Ah huh.”

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“Anyways,” Wynona slips on her coat and slings her backpack over her shoulder, “He is taking me to lunch.”

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Nicole wiggles her shoulders in time with her eyebrows. “A lunch date with your _boyfriend?”_

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“He’s not my boyfriend!”

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“Could have fooled me.”

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“Screw you!”

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“Nah, you’re not my type.”

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Wynonna’s pushes her hair out of her face revealing a lopsided smile. “What is _your_ deal?”

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Nicole shrugs and shrinks back onto her bed. Her nerves gnaw at the pit of her stomach in anticipation of her study date with Waverly. _Study date? Study meet up? Study session._

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“Look, I’m not coming home tonight. While I’m gone, find your little feminist ‘study buddy’ and go free the nipple!”

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“Hey!” Nicole throws her rugby cleat at Wynonna hitting the slamming door with a thud. She curls up on her bed groaning in the fetal position.

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_Nicole, you’re so hot_

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_Tackle me_

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_Free the nipple_

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***

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“Why’d you take this class?” Nicole asks.

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Waverly sits with her legs crossed underneath her writing on a pink sticky note. She looks up combing her fingers through her hair. “I thought it would be interesting.”

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Nicole rolls over on her back shielding the afternoon sun from her eyes. Behind her, a couple of football players toss a ball and shove each other playfully. "Red right!" one of them calls.

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“Is it?”

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“It’s okay so far.” Waverly glances at the football players and a smile spreads across her lips. Champ Hardy stands dumbly waving and smiling. He stumbles forward when a taller dark-haired player bumps into him pretending to tackle. He is cute to look at but not as cute as Nicole, which is why Waverly focuses on him instead. Champ is familiar, and Waverly feels in control with him while Nicole is…Nicole.

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“Are you friends with Champ?” Nicole ask.

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Waverly's eyes drop to Nicole. Her features are softer than Champs. Her brown eyes are honest and inviting. Nicole carries a sense of stability with her that Waverly craves, and something Champ could never offer. He is like a pinball bouncing off anything bright and shiny. 

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“Yeah. We dated last year but now we are just friends.” Waverly moves the pink sticky note to her notebook and presses a blue one to her textbook in its place. _As a feminist, Stanton fought long and hard for the right of women to function outside their homes._

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“How do you stay friends with the people you’ve dated?”

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Waverly pauses, keeping her finger over her place in the text. “What do you mean?”

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“Like, isn’t it awkward?”

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“Not always. I dated one of my friends on the cheer squad and it’s not awkward at all. In fact, we live in the same sorority house.”

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Nicole’s jaw goes slack. She shakes her head like a cartoon. “Um…”

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Waverly leans in her eyebrows raised enjoying the blush spreading over Nicole’s cheeks. She gathers her hair and swoops it over to one side playfully, antagonizing a flustered Nicole.

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“So-so you’re in a sorority?”

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Waverly giggles. “Yeah Phi Delta Theta.”

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“You uhm…” Nicole squirms, fidgeting with the strings of her hoodie making them uneven and her hood bunches up on her shoulders, “A cheerleader?” Her voice cracks.

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Waverly’s narrows her eyes and her head cocks to the side. “Are you asking me if I _am_ a cheerleader? I think you already know the answer to that unless you hit your nose _and_ your head.”

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Nicole coughs and shakes her head. She covers her mouth with her arm and pulls her hood back open.“Dated-one I mean? Dated a cheerleader?”

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“Oh, yeah. Madison. Only for like two months though.”

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Nicole is silent. She sits up with her legs crossed underneath her mirroring Waverly, her book lay open in her lap. Waverly repositions her sticky note to the next page. _But the underlying dilemma remained, how could women find a place for themselves in the world when they were still tied to childbearing and housekeeping?_

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" I think we almost have enough for an outline. Let me see your notes." Waverly lifts Nicole's blue one-subject college notebook and tries to decipher Nicole's handwriting. "What does this say?" 

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Nicole leans in bumping her head against Waverly's. Waverly pulls back. "Sorry," Nicole says. She turns her notebook towards her and twists her body to see. "It's a statement, the Declaration of Sentiment invalidated. It says, 'That woman is man's equal—was intended to be so by the Creator, and the highest good of the race demands that she should be recognized as such.'" 

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Waverly nods. She pulls back taking the smell of Vanilla with her. "I'll add that to my sticky note." 

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“Waverly-do you…would you want to maybe get a drink?” Nicole rubs the back of her neck ruffling the waves in her hair, “T-tomorrow night?” she squints one eye waiting for the answer.

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The truth is Waverly does want to go out with Nicole tomorrow night more than anything but not just because it is Nicole. She wants to do anything but go to dinner with her family. It's something she has been dreading all week. Her oldest sister Willa is a complete nightmare. One second, she is all sugary sweet and the next minute she is Wampa in The Empire Strikes Back, all claws and teeth.

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“I would love to, but I can’t.”

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“Oh.” The disappointment hanging from Nicole’s lips pinches something in Waverly’s chest. She tries to rub it away but only succeeds in irritating the skin under her blouse.

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“I just-I have this _thing_. It’s like a family thing.” She goes to adjust her sticky note for the second time, it falls off the page, the adhesive tired of Waverly’s indecisiveness.

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“It’s okay you don’t have to explain.” Nicole rolls over on her stomach and pulls her textbook close. She slides through the pages and settles on one. “The Declaration of Sentiments, offered for the acceptance of the Convention, was then read by E. C. Stanton.”

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Nicole takes Waverly’s hand catching her by surprise. Her eyes still focus on the book shifting through each line of text. “A proposition was made to have it re-read by paragraph, and after much consideration, some changes were suggested and adopted.”

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Waverly watches as Nicole draws spirals from the center of her palm out with her index finger. It tickles at first but after a while, it feels like white noise against her skin, soothing. “The propriety of obtaining the signatures of men to the Declaration was discussed in an animated manner: a vote in favor was given; but concluding that the final decision would be the legitimate business of the next day, it was referred.”

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“What is _that_?” Waverly finally asks.

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Nicole looks over, a quizzical expression on her face “What’s what?”

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Waverly lifts her hand Nicole’s still attached. “This?”

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Nicole’s eyes grow wide as if just realizing for the first time she was doing anything. She releases Waverly’s hand quickly tucking into the front pocket of her hoodie. “It’s just something my mom used to do to me when I was anxious or upset. I don’t know…it-it is kind of calming I guess.”

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“Kind of?”

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“Sorry, I didn’t mean…It’s a habit.” Nicole flips the page in her book, scanning through the text too fast to be actually reading it.

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Part of Waverly wants to reach out and ask Nicole to continue but she puts her hands to work holding her own textbook and flipping through the pages.

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“How Freudian of you.” Waverly smirks.

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“Is that how it works if I am gay. I want to marry my mother instead of my father?”

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“I don’t know. _Are_ you gay?”

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“What do _you_ think?”

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“Well, I am not one to judge based on stereotypes, but you live in a rugby hoodie, I can see your Lucky Brand boxer briefs hanging out of the back of your Levies, and your wearing Doc Martens on your feet.” Waverly looks over Nicole taking note of any other clues. “Also, I know you check me out sometimes.”

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“Is that so?”

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Waverly hides her smile in her textbook and begins taking notes on a green sticky note adding the blue one to her notebook with the pink one.

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"Definitely.

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***

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“Thank you for agreeing to come to dinner tonight. Now I can talk to you instead of Willa.” Waverly adjusts her blue blouse over her shoulders and ties it in the front. She didn’t put a lot of effort into her outfit, she knows Willa will make some backhanded comment about it anyways. “We both know Wynonna won’t save me.”

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“I know babe I got you.” Chrissy says.

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“It’s just so stupid. I don’t know why Willa even invites me when she basically hates me.” Chrissy zips Waverly’s skirt in the back and Waverly runs her hands down the front smoothing out any wrinkles.

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Chrissy follows Waverly to the living room where Waverly locates her black Toms and slips them on. “Nicole asked me to get drinks with her. It was tempting to go. I’d do anything to get out of this dinner” Waverly turns to Chrissy with her arms folded, she chews on the inside of her cheek, it’s becoming a habit. “but on the other hand, I don’t want to give her the wrong impression.”

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“And what’s that?”

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Waverly shrugs her shoulders and holds out her arms in front of her. “Well, that I am interested. I can’t be. Not now.”

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“You know what I think…” Chrissy presses forward backing Waverly up until she hits the arm of the couch. “You are going to fall in love _hard_ this year.”

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“What Chriss—”Waverly moves to stand up but Chrissy closes the gap keeping her in half sitting position.

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“Yup, can’t sleep, can’t eat, kind of love.”

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Waverly’s hands protest awkwardly between them. "There is _no way_ that’s happening." Waverly is content with her minimal romance low maintenance flings. There is no room for any other serious commitments between cheerleading and school, and there is absolutely no room for any form of love cluttering up her brain.

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“Oh _yeah_ , big time.”

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“You sound like the cool-aid guy.” She laughs.

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Chrissy ignores her. “Some cutie is going to catch you off guard, break through those iron-clad walls you have built for yourself, and sweep you right off your namby-pamby feet.”

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Waverly squirms, she is Han Solo aboard the death star clamoring to get out of the trash compactor before she is crushed by the confidence in Chrissy’s forecasts.

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_“We’re fine. We’re all fine here now.”_

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“It’s going to be just like one of those romcoms, like ’10 things I hate about you’ or ‘How to lose a guy in 10 days.’”

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Chrissy's gaze burrows a hole through Waverly, her eyes a screen at the drive-in. A woman runs into a man on the sidewalk nearly falling to the ground, but he catches her at the last second. She shrugs him off, leaves him with a few snarky quips, and walks away.

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Fast forward to the end, she meets him standing in the middle of the street, maybe it’s raining, realizing she’s been in love with him the whole time, they laugh like idiots wrapping their bodies into a heavy kiss.

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Roll the credits before he breaks her heart, life is not a romcom starring Drew Barrymore. Waverly’s not standing in the middle of a baseball field waiting for someone to run down the bleachers and kiss her in front of everyone. She’s not being serenaded on an airplane by a charming musician recovering from his own broken heart.

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“ _Ick_ why _those_ movies?”

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Chrissy pokes her finger into Waverly’s shoulder with every word bruising the skin under Waverly’s shirt, “because they both center around some stubborn young woman going out of her way to avoid romantic intimacy.”

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“You know what else they have in common? They both start out as a joke or a bet or a bribe!”

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“All shrews are tamed eventually, Waverly. Just let it happen.”

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Waverly digs her nails into the palms of her hands trying to claw away the fiery spirals of Nicole’s fingers. She wants to scream _don’t try to comfort me!_ And also _keep going_ …

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_“Either I’m going to kill her or I’m beginning to like her.”_

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Waverly doesn’t need romance to have intimacy or affection, or even just get attention. She has other ways, simpler ways. You can call them habits or default settings. Settings her and Wynonna learned a little too young but if it’s not broken don’t fix it. _I am not broken._

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Waverly pushes past Chrissy with her hands up.

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“This isn’t some cheesy romcom Chrissy, this is my _life._ ”

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She pulls a cup out of the cabinet and slams it down on the counter, her words underlined by the clink of glass against formica. “If anything, this is ‘Mission Impossible.”

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The orange juice is hidden amongst Rainer and left-over pizza boxes stacked like Tetris. There is only enough for one small glass, the rest was lost in a blurry night of Peruvian Bear fuckers, all citrus, and rum.

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Chrissy clicks her cheek, her voice grows soft, almost childlike. “Even Ethan Hunt fell in love, honey.”

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Waverly shakes the bottle unnecessarily creating a fruity foam, it’s slowed by viscosity on its descent into the depths of the glass. Those big brown eyes crawl through her mind like parasites penetrating through layers of avoidant behavior and repression. She has drawers full of defense mechanisms against charmers like Nicole, years of perfected tactics. It doesn’t matter how cute Nicole’s dimples are or the honey in her voice when she says _Waverly_. Waverly will roll out to battle in her reinforced armored Humvee if she has too.

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_“I sense something; something I’ve never felt”_

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Waverly pushes her glass away and resigns in a heavy sigh. She pinches between her nose groaning at the possibility. _Love means goodbye_ teases at her collar.

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_“I have a very bad feeling about this._ ”

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"I know you’re quoting Star Wars in your head right now but I have to get ready for dinner if I’m going to go babe.” Chrissy smirks turning down the hall.

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“I am not! I don’t do that!”

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“You _totally_ do!”

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Waverly’s shoulders sink in a huff, she blows a straggling hair out of her face.

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_“I am one with the force, and the force is with me.”_

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***

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Nicole fidgets with the black button up she decided on, unbuttoning and rebuttoning the top button. “Which is better?”

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“For the last ten thousandth time when it’s buttoned up you look like a poindexter.” Wynonna says. Their taxi pulls up to El Huerto’s. Nicole hates El Huerto’s, she thinks it’s bland and always ends up leaving with a stomach ache. Her stomach growls in protest

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They climb out of the taxi and Wynonna’s sparkling blue eyes look to her expectantly. Nicole rolls her eyes and hands the driver a $20.

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She looks down at her shirt again frowning. She doesn’t know why it matters. She isn’t trying to impress anyone. Nicole isn’t even sure why she is here. She was half asleep when she had agreed to come but Wynonna took her word as law.

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Nicole rolls the button between her fingers apprehensively, keeping it halfway in between buttoned and unbuttoned. “You know I don’t understand why I am even coming to your family dinner.”

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“Because my dad is an asshole and I need someone to talk to while I ignore him.”

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“Don’t you have like two sisters you could talk to.”

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“I do but Willa is also kind of a dick and Wa—I see Gus and Curtis!” Wynonna grabs Nicole by the arm and drags her through the doors. The restaurant smells of corn chips and carne asada. The walls are painted terracotta red and murky blue. Two tables have been pushed together to accommodate the party. Silverware wrapped in napkins are placed in front of each chair next to dark green menus. Appetizers are a dollar with any purchase of alcoholic beverage reads over the top. A tall husky man with dark hair and sharp features stands idly alongside the first table. His hands grip the back of the chair and his cold eyes shift to Wynonna. “Okay don’t look him in the eye.”

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“W-why?”

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“Just don’t. He’s like a-a one of those hippogiraffs.”

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“A what?”

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“Those bird things” She snaps her fingers together “in Harry Potter that get really pissed off when you look at them wrong.”

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“Oh a Hippogriff?”

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“Yeah whatever, just walk to the end of the table where my baby sister is sitting with Curtis.”

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Nicole follows the line of the table jumping chair to chair to where Curtis sits at the end holding up his menu. He lets out a deep good-hearted chuckle to Gus who leans over him. Nicole’s eyes skip over to the left spotting a tall blond woman she recognizes as one the cheerleaders. She doesn't resemble Wynonna or her father at all. Nicole's eyes continue further to a smaller woman with soft brown waves pulled back at the top.

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Nicole's hand clenches hard over the button of her shirt ripping it off entirely. She doesn’t look down when the button rolls under a nearby table, her eyes lock on Waverly. Waverly hasn't spotted her yet, her heads down looking at her own menu. Nicole swallows hard fighting with the growing lump in her throat. She reads through the laundry list of things she has to be nervous about now, number one and most importantly Waverly is Wynonna’s baby sister. _Shit._

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The icy hot scene is real life. It definitely resulted in a lot of embarrassing tears and dramatics at 2:00 in the morning. Icy hot is not your friend don't let it lie to you.
> 
> The history book I used is 'A History Of Women In America.' by Carol Hymowitz and Michaele Weissman
> 
> The Star Wars quotes are from the Original Star Wars Trilogy
> 
> The song Waverly listens to while jogging is The Bird of the Olympus Mons by the Pixies


	3. Growing Pains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole plays the hero at family dinner and is rewarded in cupcakes and brownies. Of course, all desserts come with consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to fudge Nicole's birth year to 1996 instead of 1991. She is about 22 in this fic and I didn't want to write it in 2013.

Wynonna looks back at Ward nervously, his eyes target her like the sight of a rifle, dangerous and ready to kill. “Dude what are you doing _sit_ down.” Wynonna presses on Nicole’s shoulders driving her to the chair, the edge of the seat hits her below the knees, she digs her heels in refusing to go any further. 

“I uh…”

“Nicole?” Waverly’s eyes grow to wide circles, her neck caves in at her collarbone with the intake of a sharp breath. Chrissy puts a protective hand on Waverly’s shoulder starring up at Nicole like she is a lion waiting to pounce. 

Nicole winces, her nails dig into her palms breaking skin. Her stomach twists tight as a guitar string ready to snap. Waverly is Wynonna’s sister. Beautiful, sweet, cheerleader Waverly is Wynonna’s _baby_ sister. The baby sister that Wynonna cares for more than anyone in the world. _How did I not make that connection? How could I be so stupid?_

Wynonna snaps her head to Waverly “Nicole?” She echoes. She slowly turns her head towards Nicole, her eyes stick to Waverly momentarily before following. “ _You_ know each other?” 

Waverly fidgets in her seat, her mouth opens and closes without a sound. She looks to Nicole for help. 

“Yeah.” Nicole’s voice comes out high and broken. “She’s my-uh my…in my women’s studies class.” _I haven’t done anything wrong. I didn’t know Waverly was Wynonna’s sister._ She thinks of the dream she had about Waverly and the things she was doing to Waverly, and all the things she wanted to do. _Wants to do._

All the guilt bubbling up in Nicole’s throat is too bitter to swallow. She holds her stomach as if holding in its contents before they spill out all over the rusty red tiled floor. _Pork Carnitas Tacos are out of the question._

Wynonna’s eyes turn ice cold and her jaw twitches with her words. “Let me get this straight.” She half sighs-half laughs. “My baby sister is your feminist study buddy?”

“That is correct.” Nicole says, thinking that if she just holds still enough Wynonna will forget that she is there. 

“The one I told you to f—?” Wynonna starts.

Waverly cocks her head towards Nicole. “To what now?”

“Um…” Nicole’s face turns cherry red, all she wants to do is run far far away and die of embarrassment. 

Wynonna fists Nicole’s shirt and drags her towards the bathroom. She shoves Nicole through the swinging door and manhandles her up against the wall, wild-eyed and looking for an explanation. 

“First of all, I didn’t know she was your sister. Second—”

“Did you schtupp my baby sister?”

“No.”

Wynonna’s grip tightens on her shirt, taking skin, and putting her shirt in danger of losing more buttons. Nicole nervously moistens her lips judging Wynonna’s flexing jaw and flaring nostrils. _I’m about to die._ Wynonna’s grip loosens. She takes a step back; a half smile appears on her face. She winks.

“Okay good.” She smacks Nicole on the arm playfully. “That would be totally weird.” 

Nicole sags against the wall, her shirt disheveled, and her fingertips trembling. _What if I had._

Wynonna takes a few steps toward the bathroom door, it was like she could read Nicole’s mind, she pauses with her hand on the door, and looks over her shoulder. “I’d have to kill you.”

Nicole gulps.

Nicole grips the back of the chair sliding it out from under the table. Her hand sticks to the vinyl with sweat, it makes a sucking noise when she releases it and sits. Waverly doesn’t look at Nicole, she is watching Gus and Curtis flirt and pick out what they want from the menu. A smile teases the corner of her lips. Curtis chuckles and leans in kissing Gus on the cheek. 

Willa glares at the back of Waverly’s head. “Let’s get the grande nachos delicious carne.” She says. 

Waverly turns to look at her.

“The five of us can split it.” Willa gestures between Wynonna, Nicole, Waverly, and Chrissy.

“Willa you know I’m a vegetarian.” 

Willa rolls her eyes. “Waverly you’re already a _lesbian._ ” 

Waverly cringes. Nicole can see over the table that Waverly is wringing her hands in her lap. Chrissy slides her hand over them. “I’m not—”

“I don’t really understand vegetarians. Other animals eat meat why shouldn’t we?” She flips her hair over her shoulder smirking behind the menu she unfolds in front of her. 

A waiter comes around with a tray. Her green button up hangs loosely on her body even with it tucked in and rolled up at the sleeves. She places a basket of hot tortilla chips on each table and a small dish of salsa. She grabs four glasses from her tray and places them in front of Wynonna, Nicole, Gus, and Curtis. “I’ll be right back with a couple more glasses.” She says and disappears. 

Curtis smiles and puts a hand on Waverly’s wrist giving it a soft pat. “How about we order cheese Nachos. Gus and I would love to share with you.”

Waverly smiles and nods. Chrissy crunches chips loudly next to her, she stops when she catches Nicole staring at her. Nicole smiles half-heartedly and looks to Wynonna. Her nose is shoved so far into her menu Nicole bets she can taste the protective plastic. Willa turns to Wynonna like a serpent, her eyes burn with hatred, marking Wynonna as her next kill. 

“Wynonna why don’t you tell daddy about your boyfriend, Dr. Holliday.” Willa says. 

Nicole chokes on the ice cube she is sucking on. Gus smacks her on the back. “Slow down girl.” Chrissy resumes shoveling tortilla chips in her mouth. Tiny crumbs litter the table.

“He’s a _teacher_ at the school.” Willa continues.

Wynonna’s eyes grow wide, she’s less timid than Waverly, she smacks her menu down on the table. “He is _not_ my boyfriend!” 

The waitress comes back with four more glasses. She places them in front of Waverly, Chrissy, Willa, and Ward. Her long thick black hair covers her name tag, but Nicole makes out the name Maria. She smiles appreciatively at Maria when she refills her glass with water. Maria’s eyes bounce between Nicole and Curtis, sensing the tension at one end of the table. Curtis and Nicole are the only ones willing to make eye contact. “I’ll give you guys another minute,” Maria says. They both smile and nod. 

Wards face twists like he just ate a lemon. He jabs a chip into the salsa and lets chunks of onion and pepper drip on the table when he talks. “What kind of a teacher dates his students?”

“He’s not _my_ teacher daddy.” Wynonna says.

“Anymore.” Willa adds. Nicole can see the satisfaction in Willa’s contracted pupils, her eyes slit and beady. Wynonna aggressively mouths ‘Shut up’ to her older sister. Her fingers squeeze into the menu bending it awkwardly. 

Nicole can’t think of a more intense family occasion than this. The worst she’s ever experienced was her fifteenth birthday. Nicole’s mom flew in from Paris with her new husband _Pierre_ and her dad brought a woman named Tiffany who Nicole is pretty sure was a stripper at the Pussywillows. Her parents spent the entire time arguing about whether dropping a penny from the Empire State Building could kill someone. _It can’t._ Nicole was stuck looking at _Pierre_ and his skinny mustache. 

Ward extends his index finger at Wynonna abandoning his chip entirely. “I raised you better than that Wynonna.”

Wynonna rolls her eyes. “Yeah sure, you were the picture-perfect father every girl dreams of.”

“You better watch your mouth girl.” There is a darkness in Ward’s voice that sends a chill down Nicole’s spine. The kind of chill she gets when she watches a horror film on Halloween and has to sleep with the light on. She instinctively puts her hand on Wynonna’s leg to offer support. Wynonna doesn’t notice, her eyes don’t break from Wards, caught up in a game of chicken. 

“Okay how about we get some drinks?” Curtis says. He flashes a pair of dimples layered under two days’ worth of dark stubble. “Wynonna margaritas? Nicole? Anyone?”

The whole table remains quiet, looking dismal. Waverly picks at the edge of her menu pulling the vinyl out of the copper corner protector. Chrissy chews at her cuticles. Wynonna sinks into her chair as far as she can, submitting to her browbeating father and avoiding the sardonic gaze of her older sister. Nicole hides a smile, under the table, Wynonna discretely flips them the bird.

“I’ll take a margarita, Curtis.” Nicole says breaking the silence. Nicole feels the tension release in the atmosphere. It seems like everyone is so damn afraid to speak for fear of getting caught up in a tornado of condescending and manipulative bullshit. “Wy do you want to share?”

Wynonna nods.

Maria comes back holding a tiny notepad up with a pen pressed against it. Curtis orders four Margaritas to share. For the next 10 minutes, the table fills with jokes and laughter.

Curtis turns to Waverly. “What do you call cheese that’s not yours?” Waverly rolls her eyes and looks to Chrissy.

Chrissy giggles. “What?”

“Nacho cheese.” Chrissy and Nicole laugh; Waverly and Wynonna groan together but still smile. It is hard not to laugh at Curtis’s dumb dad jokes. He brings a necessary light to the table that balances out the rancorous clouds at the other end.

Maria sets the four margaritas down in the middle of the table. Curtis got one of each flavor cherry, lime, mango, and Pina colada.

“I got one.” Nicole says. “Why do melons not have weddings?”

Waverly leans in, Nicole lets out a heavy breath taken aback by Waverly’s smile crinkling around eyes.

“Why?” She says.

“Because they cant-a-loupe.”

Waverly laughs. “I didn’t know you were such a dorky dad Nicole.”

“I’m not surprised.” Wynonna adds, “You’re a freak.” She jestfully palms Nicole’s face and ruffles her hair .

“Be nice.” Gus says holding the Pina Colada Margarita in her hand and the straw between her teeth.

Willa finally makes another move. The cheer must be too much for her. “I’m surprised you picked that shirt, Waverly, it really brings attention to the dull murky green of your eyes. So _dreary_ don’t you agree Wynonna?”

“We have the same color of eyes.” Waverly says flatly.

Wynonna stuffs the last remaining chips in her mouth and anxiously washes it down with lime margarita.

Nicole can't take it anymore. She has never met anyone so intentionally cruel as Willa. Her dad always told her to _“stick up for your friends whenever you can but do it with kindness and not in anger.”_ Sometimes you just want to be angry but Nicole swallows it back. She takes three deep breaths.

“No.” Nicole says.

Willa’s body is turned toward Waverly now. She leans over Chrissy to get closer. Chrissy sits back in her chair awkwardly. “It must be hard to find shirts that _actually_ match both your eyes and your skin tone.”

“No.” Nicole says a little louder.

“It’s not a very flattering shirt anyways.”

“No!” Nicole growls. “You’re both wrong.”

Willa’s glare is hostile and suffocating, but Waverly’s weary expression gives Nicole all the courage she needs. “Waverly’s eyes, when they are outside in the sun they are pale green like sea glass.”

Willa’s lip trembles menacingly like the tongue of a snake flickering in and out. She goes to open her mouth but Nicole cuts her off.

“Right now, though,”

Nicole locks her eyes with Waverly and for a moment it feels like she is the only other person in the room. Just Nicole and Waverly sitting at a table by the window. A sense of solace found in Jay & The Americans’ This Magic Moment. Waverly smiles and laughs at something she says; their hands brush together when they reach for the same chip. _This magic moment, so different and so new, was like any other until I kissed you_

“Right now, inside, the brown feathers in your shirt bring to life the flecks of gold hidden in the green. They look like fall. Green to gold.” Nicole shrugs and smiles. “Everyone knows fall is the best season.”

All three Earp sisters share the same open mouth cow-eyed expression. Nicole feels heat run up her cheeks burning intensely, like the time she fell face first into poison oak at summer camp, but this is worse.

Ward found a toothpick that now hangs immobile on his lower lip. He looks to Nicole, his eyes seem hallow and cold. Nicole gets that chill again. She pulls at the opening in her shirt where the button is missing trying to keep out the draft in Wards stare.

Maria comes back. “Are we ready to order?”

Nicole is full of nerves and doesn’t feel like she can fit anything else in. She agrees to share cheese nachos with Waverly and Wynonna. Curtis and Gus split a quesadilla. Willa shares Grande nachos delicious carne with Ward. _Animals._

“So, what are you majoring in Nicole?” Curtis asks.

“Criminal law. I want to join the police force.”

Curtis gives a closed lip smile chewing down a bite of quesadilla. He hooks his finger under a cheesy string dangling on Gus’s chin. Gus giggles wiping at her chin with a napkin.

“Good for you.” He says.

“I see why Wynonna chose you as her best friend.” Willa says, her snake-like grin reappears. “She can get you out of parking tickets and petty theft charges. _Too_ bad you didn’t have a cop friend sooner, it would have saved daddy a lot of money in court fees.”

Nicole understands why Wynonna needs Nicole to be here and why Waverly brought Chrissy. Willa is a straight up _bitch_ and she is _fucking_ relentless too. 

“ _Actually_ , Wynonna is the best friend I could ask for. She wakes me up every morning right on time.”

Wynonna looks up at her, cheese dripping from the nacho chip between her fingers, her eyes looking hopeful. “Without her, I would sleep _right_ through my alarm. _For sure._ ” Nicole pats Wynonna on the back and smiles.

Nicole feels everyone's eyes settling on her for the second time tonight. Nicole is not the type of person who likes to be the center of attention unless it was during a rugby game, then _all eyes on me._

Curtis winks at Nicole and pats her arm.“You seem like a good kid Nicole. Wynonna is lucky to have you.”

Nicole hears her dad's voice rattling around somewhere in her head. _“You’re a good kid Nic. I don’t know where you get it from but you’re the best of us.”_

“I’m just as lucky.” She says looking at Waverly smiling at her from across the table, her heart skips a beat. _Just as lucky._

***

Waverly flops back onto her bed next to Wynonna. She closes her eyes and lets the world spin around her, only Wynonna’s pinky wrapped around hers keeps her grounded. That little bit of contact is just enough comfort.

Their hands were too small to hold mamma’s when they were little, so they held her pinky instead. Michele walked through the grocery store dragging two little girls one attached to each pinky, and Willa trailing behind pushing the cart. It was that sense of security that made it addicting. _Mamma will protect us._

Frank Black’s Superbound, bass, and drums clutter the background. Wynonna obnoxiously blows smoke rings in the air above them. Waverly wrinkles up her nose, it smells like musk and skunk.

“ _Fuck_ , I’m glad that’s over with.” Wynonna says. “We won’t have to see _them_ again for a while.”

“Not until like…Thanksgiving.” Waverly’s pinky tightens in a realization that November isn’t all that far away.

It was not too long after Mamma left, and Ward was exceptionally irritable. Waverly and Wynonna were playing hot potato when Waverly hit the ball a little too high. Wynonna’s fingers barely skimmed it before Ward's glass display case shattered to the floor and his collectible Colt Buntline Special slid under the coffee table.

Ward came at Waverly with fire so hot it was blue in his eyes. Waverly doesn’t remember what he said, she just remembers the thunder in her chest and the hot trickle of urine running down her leg. Wynonna tried to convince him that it was her fault but Ward pushed her aside.

When it was all over, and Ward wandered off to the bar, Wynonna hooked her pinky around Waverly’s and dried Waverly’s tears with the back of her cotton pajama sleeve.

_“It’s okay Waves. I got you.”_

Wynonna coughs, clouds of smoke rip from her chest. “Let’s not think about that.”

“Deal.”

Wynonna burst into laughter her body squirms wrinkling Waverly’s blanket, her voice is raspy and deep from smoking. “Did you see Willa’s face when Nicole started talking.” 

Waverly giggles. “It was the best.”

“We owe her a beer or something.”

“Like a keg.”

No one has ever stuck up for Waverly against Willa the way Nicole did. As kids, Wynonna would cut the hair of Willa’s dolls, or hide under her bed and grab her feet. When Waverly was five Willa pushed her down the slide at the playground. Waverly scraped up the underside of her chin. Wynonna shoved toothpicks into the carpet of Willa’s doorway then chased her into her room right over the line of sharp spikes. Willa walked funny for days after, but she got her revenge, Willa always did.

“Hey, how come you didn’t tell me Nicole was in your class.”

“I didn’t know she was your roommate _obviously._ ” Waverly scrunches up her face and rolls to her stomach. “Also, I don’t have to tell you _everything.”_

Wynonna is all fists and fury and Willa expects it. Anger is just a bullet in her gun. Nicole, on the other hand, disarmed her. Willa didn’t know what to do with Nicole. Nicole complimented Waverly’s eyes, made Wynonna out to be a hero, she made everyone laugh. Willa was empty without her ammo.

Waverly swots at the surrounding smoke “You are killing me with this thing. Can’t you go to the window or something.”

Wynonna groans dramatically and slides off the bed. She sits in the window seat and yanks open the window an inch, the smokes follows. Wynonna takes a pull off the blunt between her fingers and lets it out slowly. “You and Nicole…you’re not like a thing, right?”

Waverly snorts. “So, what if we are. What are _you_ going to do about it?”

Wynonna’s mouth drops, pink blotches bloom in her cheeks. “Seriously!”

Waverly laughs. “No, we aren’t…we’re just friends. But if we _were_ it would be none of your business.”

A soft breeze picks up outside, it filters through the screen in the window, and the dream catches on either side of the window seat bounce softly against the walls. The smoke Wynonna blows out blows back in surrounding her like a cape. “Well, I’d have to kill her.”

“No! You don’t get to do that.” Waverly sits up. “You don’t get to go _all big sister_ on every person I am interested in.”

“So, you are interested in Nicole!”

“I didn’t say that. I’m just saying if I was, you don’t get to be a bully Wynonna.” Wynonna’s habit of interfering in Waverly dating life is something she has dealt with her whole life. It’s okay for Wynonna to date jerks but when Waverly does, all hell breaks loose. When Waverly dated Champ, Wynonna called pretending to be the IRS wishing to file a complaint against him on last years taxes. She had him convinced he was going to be arrested if he didn’t meet her at Shorty’s with $500 cash.

“I’m just trying to protect you Waves like I always have.” 

“I know.” Wynonna can’t protect Waverly from Nicole, no one can. Nicole is dangerous like walking a 200-foot tightrope at 110 stories high and Waverly is Phillipe Petit without a net, just another adrenalin junky looking for a rush

"You can't protect me from everything Wynonna." 

"But I can try." _It’s okay Waves. I got you._

***

Pain shoots from the back of Nicole’s knees up into her lower back, it feels like her back is collapsing on itself one vertebrate at a time. She leans against the cool concrete brick wall searching for relief, transferring the pain to her shoulder instead.

She has been standing in line for over an hour and it feels like it has barely moved. Behind her, a whole college worth of athletes waits to get their mandatory physicals before the teams start their first games of the season. The female athlete’s line one side of the hall and the male athletes line the other.

Nicole chews the inside of her lip. Champ has been the view she has had to look at for the last hour. His eyes are dead focused on Waverly close to ten girls behind Nicole laughing with Chrissy. Champ leans up against the wall rolling two magnetic balls in his hand. The electric click is enough to drive Nicole insane, if she had a mustache it would be twitching. Nicole doesn’t like the look in his dark beady eyes, or how he tilts his head mechanically as he watches her. _Like a predator,_ she thinks.

Champ catches her starring, he nods in acknowledgment. “What’s up?”

Nicole forces a smile and glances back at Waverly. She’s in her cheerleader uniform with a navy hoodie hanging off one shoulder. _No one should be allowed to be so pretty._

“Haught right?” Champs says.

Nicole clears her throat tearing her eyes from Waverly. “Yup.”

Champ pushes off the wall with his foot and moves closer to Nicole’s side of the hall. She can smell the cloud of Old Spice body spray surrounding him, tickling her chest, and burning her nose. _He must bath in it._ “You and Waverly, you’re like friends, right?”

“I suppose.” _Are we friends?_ Nicole has never spent time with Waverly outside of class other than to work on their project, and her insanely awkward family dinner, but she wasn’t there for Waverly.

“You spend a lot of time together though yeah?”

“I guess.”

Champs smiles. “Could you uh…could like you put a good word in for me. I want her to be my date to the sorority party this weekend.”

“Yeah sure Champ, I’ll get right on that.” Nicole rolls her eyes and shrinks further into the cold wall behind her. She’d rather press her spine against concrete until it bruises than go talk to Waverly about _Champ._

“Thanks bro.”

_Nah bro, it ain’t happening._

“Nicole?”

 _Finally._ The woman stands with one hand in her lab coat pocket and the other balancing a clipboard. Her eyes don’t lift from the page when Nicole walks past her into the room. Nicole sits down on the edge of the exam table, the rolled-out paper crinkles under her weight. She swings her legs absentmindedly hitting the metal drawers under the table.

“Full name and date of birth.” The woman says robotically, probably for the 200th time today. All sense of friendliness and bedside manner have since been drained out in every swipe of her pen, every pump of a blood pressure cuff, every hammer to the knee, leg swinging barely missing her face. _I wish I could swing at Champs face._

“Nicole Rayleigh Haught. January 5, 1996” Nicole doesn’t bother asking her how her day is going. It’s written all over her face.

“Thank you.”

Nearly everything in the room is white, medical, and cold. It gives Nicole the creeps. She tunes out the fingers clicking on a keyboard behind her and turns to the window. Outside is sunny, lively, and warm.

A grey squirrel runs sporadically around the grassy patch under the window. She lugs a Pinenut the size of her head in her mouth and stops occasionally to dig in the dirt. She tests out the fit of the Pinenut in each hole she starts by leveling it out like a picture on the wall.

The woman in the lab coat holds out a blood pressure cuff. Her name tag above her front pocket reads Sarah Gruber AANP.

“Lift your sleeve for me.” Sara says.

Nicole pushes up her flannel until it’s bunched and uncomfortable on her bicep. Sarah slides the cuff up Nicole’s arm. The little puffs of air tighten around Nicole’s arm and just when she thinks it won’t tighten anymore, it does, and it pinches.

“120 over 80.” She says followed but the hiss of release and Nicole can feel her blood resume normally again. Sarah rips off the velcro and hangs the cuff up on the medical cart full of needles and other scary things that Nicole hopes Sarah won’t try to use on her.

Nicole returns to the window, a crow perches on a branch in the overgrown cherry blossom tree, its blooms have all died off. In the wind, the flowers make a beautiful pink tornado that stirs up everyone’s allergies, and Nicole’s asthma. In their absence, all that is left are dry curved branches leading to small skinny sharper branches.

The crow perches on a particularly ominous branch, hopping along its nodes with his black sinister feet. He cocks his head from side to side, his beady obsidian eyes observe the busy little squirrel. The squirrel finally decides on a location for her Pinenut. She digs with her tiny little hands moving a hundred miles per hour to make the perfect size hole. She puts the Pinenut in the hole gingerly, Nicole swears she sees pride radiating off her face before she quickly covers it.

The squirrel runs off, probably to do squirrel things, and the crow swoops down from his perch. He hops with a cocky sort of swagger over to the spot where the Pinenut is buried. He digs it out and steals it, taking it back up to his lair where he devours it greedily. The shell falls to the ground splayed out like a carcass to be mourned by the little squirrel later.

“What a dick.” Nicole says.

Just like a crow to take the squirrels things, to reap the benefits of all her hard work, and to leave the evidence of the destruction to rub in her face.

“Excuse me?” Sarah says.

Nicole shrinks her shoulders and mumbles. “Nothing.”

Sarah pulls out a stethoscope and tucks it under various places of Nicole’s shirt, each one feels colder than the next, she shivers when Sarah rests it on her right side.

“Breath in.” Nicole does.

“Okay, you’re all good to go.” Sarah says documenting Nicole’s temperature and weight.

Nicole slides off the table tearing the paper with the rivets on her Levi’s. _Good._ She thinks. _I can destroy things too, like Champs chance with Waverly._

***

“What are you wearing?”

Nicole pulls at the front of her grey rugby hoodie and surveys her blue PU sweatpants and black Nike flexes. “Wow. Hello to you too.”

Waverly was surprised when Nicole agreed to come over and bake her chocolate cupcakes in exchange for her helping Nicole study for her police entrance exam. Waverly would have done it for free, but Nicole was so cute when she begged.

“You look like a big _dumb_ jock.”

What Waverly means to say is, she thinks Nicole being the captain of the rugby team is hot, and when Nicole wears that hoodie it raises her body temperature by 10 degrees.

Nicole swaggers through the door holding a grocery bag and a backpack slung over one shoulder. She ignores the snarky look on Waverly’s face and navigates herself to the kitchen. “I am a _dumb_ jock and I didn’t realize this was a formal occasion.”

Waverly follows the scent of vanilla to the kitchen. Her stomach growls but not out of hunger. _Why does she have to smell so good?_

Nicole pulls the supplies from her grocery bag. She lays out chocolate fudge cake mix, vanilla frosting, and a shaker of rainbow sprinkles. “I didn’t know if you like sprinkles.” She shrugs, a gesture rolled in sugar and spice and everything nice. 

Waverly squints her eyes fighting back the smile pulling at her lips. “I love sprinkles.”

“Cool.” Nicole brushes her palms together, “I’m ready to get my Betty Crocker on.”

Waverly walks to the cabinet and pulls out a set of mixing bowls, each one a different color all nestle into each other by size, while Nicole washes her hands.

Nicole begins emptying the packet of cake mix in the largest bowl. Waverly watches her hands work shaking the powder contents together and stirring them with a whisk. Waverly pulls herself up on the counter next to Nicole and swings her legs, occasionally brushing against the hem of Nicole’s hoodie.

“Are you just going to watch or are you going to give me some sugar?” Nicole gives Waverly a cocky wink and a confident smile. Waverly rolls her eyes and slides the sugar tin into Nicole’s hand. Nicole pulls out a second smaller mixing bowl, she snaps her fingers comically. “I need the milk.”

Waverly gestures to the fridge. Nicole frowns grabbing one of Waverly’s swinging legs. “You’re helpless.”

Waverly shrugs. “I’m just here to eat cupcakes.”

Nicole’s head disappears into the fridge. There is the clink of shuffling beer cans against more beer cans followed by a grunt.

“Waverly there’s no milk.” She shakes the carton as evidence for Waverly to see or rather hear. “It’s empty.”

“Oh.”

“You are just like your _sister!_ ”

“Hey be nice!”

Nicole throws the empty carton in the recycling bin by the back door. “Where did you guys even learn that?”

“I don’t know.” Waverly shrugs, but she does know.

Mamma dug through the fridge in search of milk for the girl’s cereal, it was Lucky Charms, she pulled out the carton, but it was mostly empty. “Girls it looks like we’re out of milk. Mamma’s going to have to make a quick trip to the store.” She kissed each of the girls on the tops of their heads. She kissed Waverly twice. “Goodbye, my angel.”

Momma never came back, she left the girls and the mostly empty milk carton in the fridge. Wynonna half-heartily joked that Momma left it there to remind daddy to get milk for their cereal. It became an inside joke that later became logic.

Nicole sighs. “I’ll go to the convenience store on the corner. You get the oven preheated.” She pivots on heels and takes off.

Waverly runs upstairs stripping her clothes while she is still in motion. She pulls out her own PU sweatpants from her laundry bin, rams her legs in, and grabs a clean white crop top from her drawer. In the mirror, she watches herself roll up the waistband of the sweatpants to give them a more flattering fit. She glares at herself. _What are doing Earp?_

Waverly argues with herself in the mirror, rolling and unrolling her sweatpants, and adjusting her shirt until she hears Nicole coming through the front door. She grabs a flannel, likely Wynonna’s, and slips it on over her crop top. She leaves the waistband rolled up.

“You didn’t have to change on my account.” Nicole says.

Waverly huffs “Well you made such a big deal about it.”

Nicole sets the milk on the counter. Waverly sees she bought bright colored baking cups for the cupcakes and something else that she doesn’t take out of the bag. “Well, you look like a tiny dumb jock.”

“Cheerleaders don’t count as jocks.” Waverly sticks out her tongue.

“Did you have to go to the mandatory physical today?”

Waverly frowns and crosses her arms. “Yes.”

“Jock alert.”

“I _am_ not.”

Nicole presses one finger to her ear and holds the other hand to her mouth like a microphone. “This just in-Waverly Earp is a _big ole’_ jock.”

Waverly smacks Nicole in the stomach playfully. “Hey!”

Nicole looks at Waverly with the same look she had when Waverly told her, her sweat smells like Vanilla dipped donuts. Waverly can’t decide if that look makes her want to take off running or take off Nicole’s clothes right there in the middle of the kitchen. She fidgets with her crop top and chews on the inside of her cheek, considering the latter.

“So, where’s your book, I can start reading you the questions now.” Waverly says. Nicole nods to her backpack leaned up against the kitchen island. Waverly digs through her bag and pulls out the Police Academy Practice booklet. The edges are frayed from use and Nicole has sticky notes splayed out like rainbow feathers from the pages.

Nicole resumes her station mixing the final ingredients. She beats the eggs in a separate bowl before adding it to the milk. Waverly pulls herself back up on the counter next to Nicole with the study booklet in her lap.

“You are an off-duty Police Officer and are filling out a deposit at a bank when there is a hold up involving three armed men. They are all carrying shotguns. Your immediate action should be?”

Nicole makes a popping noise with her lips. “Let the perpetrators flee, then act calling emergency services and taking down the relevant information.”

“Correct. Frame is to picture just as 1. chair is to table 2. table is to chair 3. glass is to water 4. window is to outside?”

Nicole glares at Waverly over her shoulder, she turns the dial to preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Waverly hides her face behind the study guide. _Oops._

“Glass is to water.” Nicole says.

“Good.” Nicole’s muscles flex as she stirs in the wet ingredients with a wooden spoon. She tilts the bowl to get a better angle. Waverly thinks about Nicole’s arms flexing against her legs before she pushed her to the ground, more like laid her to the ground. _Laid._

“Hey, why’d you stop?” Nicole asks.

Waverly looks down at the book in her lap. Her finger rests on the place she left off. She clears her throat and sets the book aside.

“Wynonna says you are trying to get laid?” Waverly flinches, she is as startled by her question as Nicole looks. She wasn’t sure where that even came from. _Be cool Earp._

“ _Wynonna_ thinks I need to get laid." Nicole says. 

_Don't we all_ Waverly thinks. 

"Also, it’s not that easy." 

Waverly huffs. “I find it hard to believe that _you_ would have a hard time getting laid…if that’s what you really wanted.”

Nicole opens the package of colorful little cups and sets one in each slot of the muffin tin, making sure each one is a different color. “and why is that?”

“I don’t…because you’re like-you can be really charming sometimes.”

Nicole cracks a playful smile and tilts her head to the side in that dreamy way that she does. “Only sometimes?”

Waverly’s face gets hot starring at the set of dimples decorating Nicole’s cheeks and her big brown doe eyes. She follows the messy red waves of her hair down to the middle of her neck where they dip into the hood of her sweatshirt.

Waverly snorts and slides down off the counter. “Please. Like you don’t know.”

Nicole pours the batter evenly into the paper cups and sets aside the bowl. She reaches in the grocery bag and pulls out what Waverly couldn’t see before, food coloring. She grabs two smaller bowls and scoops vanilla frosting into each of them.

“What color do you want?”

_Stupid charming Nicole and her food coloring._

“Blue.”

Nicole stirs blue in one bowl and green in another.

“With all those baking skills you’ll make a great wife someday.” Waverly jokes.

“Why, are you looking?”

The oven goes off signaling it’s at 350 degrees. Nicole shoos Waverly away, so she can open the oven and insert the cupcakes, then sets the timer for 15 minutes. Nicole turns around holding the small bowl of blue frosting. She dips her finger in and spreads blue the length of her upper lip. She arches one eyebrow. “I mustache ask you a question.”

Waverly giggles. “You’re so weird.”

“But I _am_ charming, you said so yourself.”

“ _You_ are a big flirt Nicole Haught!”

Nicole leans close, one hand wraps around the sink. Waverly feels the heat radiate off Nicole’s body. She presses herself harder into the counter using pain to fight the urge to pull Nicole in by her hoodie.

“And _you_ Waverly Earp, are blocking the sink.”

“See, just there. Do you ever miss an opportunity?”

“ _Maybe_ , but the _real_ question is, am I going to be allowed to wash off this frosting or _must_ ache I remain a dork?”

__

Waverly slides an inch giving Nicole just enough access to the sink to wet her hands. “That one doesn’t even make sense.”

__

“On second thought.” Nicole leans in even closer, dangerously close. Frosting mustaches and honey brown eyes draw Waverly to bright cherry lips.

__

Nicole’s fingers brush over Waverly’s lips teasing her tongue with sugar and salt. The blue frosting smears from the tip of her nose to the point of her chin. Waverly squeals, Nicole stands in front her with a cocky grin on her face. Waverly wipes as much of the frosting off as she can with the back of her hand.

__

Waverly reaches over, turns on the sink, and presses her palm to the faucet forcing water to shoot up Nicole’s hoodie. Nicole’s mouth hangs open in a perfect ‘o’ and her arms dangle awkwardly in the air.

__

"My wife would have worn an apron." Waverly smirks.

__

“Oh it’s on.”

__

Nicole pushes Waverly aside and fights her hand for the sink splashing her back. Waverly shrieks. She wrestles Nicole for control of the faucet, water spraying everywhere, until the counter and their clothes are soaked.

__

“Okay truce.” Waverly finally says, water dripping from her hair and down her cheeks.

__

“Fine.” Nicole reaches her hand out to shake on it. Waverly grabs the faucet instead and splashes Nicole in the face one last time. She turns to run away but Nicole wraps her arms around Waverly’s waist and taps her fingers up Waverly’s sides sending her into a fit of laughter. Waverly bucks and kicks until Nicole has her pinned up against the kitchen island.

__

They both freeze. Waverly’s breath gets lost somewhere in her throat and her chest rises and falls too fast to be holding still. Her fingertips play at the ends of Nicole’s wet hair, pulling gently straightening them out. Her hair almost touches her shoulders when it’s straight.

__

“I think you know that you could have _any_ girl you want.” Waverly’s voice comes out breathy and unfamiliar to her. She lifts her hand to Nicole’s face brushing her thumb over the perfect little indent nestled there. Nicole smiles through closed lips, her eyes focus keenly on Waverly. Waverly wonders if she tastes like Vanilla dipped donuts too.

__

“Maybe I don’t want _any_ girl.” Nicole says.

__

Waverly can see Nicole’s eyes shifting over her features. She swallows down her nerves. _I’m just curious_ she thinks. She wants to know what Nicole’s lips feel like against her. She thinks maybe if she knows she can stop wondering and stop thinking about it all together.

__

_Curiosity killed the cat,_ Waverly said when Wynonna wanted to stick a knife in the outlet to see if her heart stopped or when she jumped off the roof with wings made from cardboard. Her heart didn’t stop but she did break her arm in three places. Wynonna smiled and said, _“Satisfaction brought him back.”_

__

Waverly grips Nicole’s hoodie pulling her closer. Nicole’s forehead rests on Waverly’s bumping their noses together. They stay there, just a few millimeters away, breathing each other in. This is against the rules, Nicole could take everything and leave Waverly with nothing. It's too risky, but damn if she isn’t craving it in every molecule of her body, this, _Nicole._

__

_Screw that cat and its’ curiosity._

__

Waverly angles her chin until her lips capture Nicole’s in a long languid kiss. Her mouth fills with vanilla, from the frosting still smeared on their faces, and something that was just Nicole. Waverly was right, Nicole does taste sweet as vanilla dipped donuts and her mouth is begging to taste more. She brushes her tongue against Nicole’s lips until they part for her and she can drink in as much as Nicole will give.

__

Waverly lets out a breathy sigh and knots her fingers in Nicole’s hair encouraging Nicole closer, and to press harder against her. Her heart pounds erratically like fireworks on the fourth of July and the heat between them feels like it’s 350 degrees.

__

Waverly leans back on the counter, the edge bites into her back reminding her not to get too lost in this. This is just supposed to be a kiss, a cure for an obsession. She's not supposed to like it, but there is something about Nicole's hands around her waist that make her want to lose control and for a moment she does. 

__

Waverly’s hand slides down from Nicole’s neck and dips in the collar of her t-shirt. _She’s so fucking warm_ and no matter how much she tugs on Nicole’s hoodie or her hair or her face it’s not close enough.

__

Nicole peels back Waverly’s flannel until it’s caught at her elbows, Nicole pulls, and Waverly slips her arms out letting it fall to the floor. Waverly tells herself she should stop now but the thrill of doing something she shouldn’t, something borderline naughty, fills her with a rush. 

__

Waverly’s hand smooths out the muscles of Nicole’s stomach pressed between them, her skin feels impossibly hot. Her fingers map out every one of Nicole’s ribs, stopping just before they reach the band of Nicole’s bra.

__

Their lips crash together passing vanilla back and forth swirling it around between their tongues. Waverly molds her body perfectly to Nicole’s, panting, grabbing, and pulling anyway she can.

__

The timer goes off. Waverly stops, Nicole’s lips keep moving against hers. Chrissy stands in the doorway. She tosses a Dorito in her mouth and crunches it loudly, ‘I told you so’ written all over her face.

__

Waverly retracts her hand from under Nicole’s shirt and ducks under her arm. Waverly pulls at her clothes to straighten herself out and picks up her flannel off the floor. “What? We were just—“

__

“Mmhm.” Chrissy chirps and walks down the hall before hearing another word.

__

_Fudge nuggets_

__

***

__

The red halos that outline the furniture smear with Nicole’s eyes as she scans from one end to the other. She looks down to her hand following the red halo along each finger and up her arm. Her cheeks spread wide into a goofy grin. Nicole looks up at Wynonna leaning against her bed, sharing the same goofy grin, holding a classic 3D ViewMaster to her eyes.

__

“Dude are you sure that those were weed brownies?”

__

“Brownies no. The weed was in the cookies.”

__

“But we ate _brownies_. What was in the brownies?”

__

“The brownies were… _oh no._ ” Wynonna lowers the ViewMaster; her eyes are as wide as her face stretched on a balloon.

__

“What?” Nicole starts to panic. Her heart rate feels dangerously high. Maybe she’s dying. She’ll never be a cop if she dies. _Brownies_. She relaxes and her smile returns. “What was in the brownies Wynonna?”

__

“Uhm…well…the _brownies_.” Wynonna rolls onto her stomach, kicking her feet behind her, she picks dirt off the floor like its gold. Her pupils’ tiny dots in a sea of blue.

__

“Just tell me.”

__

Wynonna audibly gulps, Nicole can see the seriousness in her face, but her eyes are laughing. Nicole doesn’t think she capable of being mad right now anyways.

__

“Shrooms?” She says casually.

__

“What!”

__

“I’m sorry! Those were supposed to be for me and John Henry...later” She shrugs.

__

Nicole tries to keep her stern tone, but her brain floods with red halos and blue seas. She can’t stop giggling when she talks. “Shrooms Wy? What were you thinking?”

__

Nicole’s body wilts off the side of the bed, her head lays on the carpet and her feet anchor her against the wall. She stares up at the ceiling fan. The blades of the fan shatter the light creating a kaleidoscope effect. “Wynonna there is a kaleidoscope on the ceiling fan.”

__

“We don’t have a ceiling fan. We don’t even have overhead lighting, like at all.”

__

Nicole doesn’t care what Wynonna says, there is magic on the ceiling and she is missing it all. She watches the blues and greens sparkling against gold, spiraling around in a kind of dance. It reminds her of wrapping paper shimmering under fluorescent lights. Her mom had tied green ribbon around the box and a fluffy bow in the center. Inside thin white paper decoratively covers green Chuck Taylors, her mom knows greens Nicole’s favorite. _Happy Birthday, Nicole! I can’t believe you’re fifteen already._

__

Wynonna reaches her hand across the floor towards Nicole. “ _Psst”_ She digs her fingers into the carpet and drags herself closer. “Dude, do you remember _Light-Brites?”_

__

“Yeah.” Nicole closes her eyes, she feels like someone sat on her head and shook everything in it like dice in a game of Yahtzee. She feels tiny pegs rolling between her fingers, her face twists in concentration as she decides which peg goes where to make a clown.

__

The rattling of glass startles her, Wynonna is digging out beer bottles of all colors from under her bed. They roll across the floor stopping against Nicole’s shoes and her dresser leaving tiny puddles of residual beer on the carpet.

__

“Why do you have those under your bed?” Nicole asks.

__

“Well you made such a big deal about recycling, so I put them in my recycling bin.”

__

“You’re supposed to take them to the recycling bin _outside_ Wynonna!”

__

Wynonna squints her eyes and shakes her head. “But that’s clear downstairs.”

__

Nicole sighs heavily folding her arms over chest. The clown is almost done but the last red peg needed to complete his nose has rolled under the bed. She crawls after it squeezing under the bed as far as she can but can’t find the peg.

__

Nicole finds something else, she grabs it and shimmies back out. She opens the magazine feeling the silky pages between her fingers. She pulls out the center like an according, revealing Miss November sprawled out a crossed a white shag rug with only thin black fabric covering her body.

__

“What if we light these on fire and make a giant Light-Brite?” Wynonna says. She holds up some scrap papers of unfinished homework, and a torch lighter. Nicole’s face brightens, she slides off the bed and helps Wynonna line up the empty beer bottles.

__

“I don’t have enough to spell ‘fuck you’ but we can definitely spell ‘fuck’”

__

_Fuck._

__

_“Mommy why would a girl kiss another girl on her private parts?”_

__

_“Nicole Haught where did you get that idea from?”_

__

Nicole pulls out the magazine from her backpack and tells her mother all about how Miss November’s favorite movie is Dirty Dancing and that her favorite season is summer because she can wear bikinis and sit by the pool drinking long islands.

__

_“Fuck you Harry! Keep your filthy magazines away from our eight-year-old daughter!”_

__

Harry throws his hands up, his face as bright as his hair. _“Don’t talk to me like I’m a child Kathleen!”_

__

_“Then stop acting like one!”_

__

“Fire!” Wynonna yells. Fire lights up the small couch sitting under the window. Nicole feels like it’s been burning for hours and her body is stiff like she hasn’t moved. She is not sure she _can_ move, she’s afraid she might be a statue.

__

“Nicole. Fire. Help!” The fire spreads quickly licking every corner of the worn-out checkered upholstery. The fire looks four-dimensional. There is a tiny fire within the fire, like Russian nesting dolls, it’s endless.

__

"Shit!” Wynonna grabs her pillow and starts beating the couch with it, the pillow catches fire too. Wynonna’s eyes bulge out and her feet dance on the floor in a panic.

__

“Shit. Shitty. Shit. Shit!” She throws the pillow out the window. “Nicole move your ass!”

__

Nicole flinches, her body and her mind unite again. She looks to Wynonna, they both look down at the couch and reach the same conclusion. They lift the couch up to the window to shove it out. Two of the legs break off immediately, Nicole yanks the third off with hulk strength, but the fourth is stuck.

__

“The front leg is catching!” Nicole yells. Her arm starts to feel a little too warm and she thinks she smells burning hair.

__

Wynonna throws herself to her knees and disappears under her bed. She returns with a hatchet. “I told you!” Wynonna starts hacking at the front leg excitedly, her tongue sticks between her teeth.

__

“I’m on fire!” Nicole jumps back releasing the couch, Wynonna half chopped the leg off before the weight rips it away and the flaming couch falls to the grass below with an echoing Clack.

__

Nicole swats at her shirt and her hair trying to put out the fire. Wynonna tackles her with her blanket wrapped over her like a flying squirrel. “Stop drop and roll Haught!” Nicole’s spine and her elbows smack on the hard floor and with it, the air leaves her lungs.

__

“Are you on fire?”

__

“I don’t think so?” Nicole coughs. “Get off of me.”

__

Wynonna rolls off and Nicole kicks the blanket away. The white window frame is charred black and the room is heavy with thick smoke.

__

_“Mom I think I’m gay.”_ Nicole picks at the worn-down sole of her green Chuck Taylors. Her lips quiver as she talks, and she can’t keep the tears from trailing down her cheeks in embarrassment. _Embarrassment of what?_

__

_“Harry, I told you to keep that filth away from our daughter. Now, look what you’ve done.”_

__

Nicole coughs wafting away the smoke, her lungs burn. She lifts her shirt; her skin is red and is starting to blister along her ribs and the hair on her arm is singed off.

__

_“I’m scared.”_

__

_“Don’t listen to your mom Nic. We love you no matter what.”_

__

“I think the fire alarm is going off.” Wynonna says.

__

Nicole looks out at the smoke trailing off the shattered couch below, leaving evidence of their fiery trip. “Good thing our window faces the pond behind the school and not the courtyard where everyone in the dorm is evacuating.”

__

Wynonna sits up tugging at the 2016 Purgatory Pride shirt she is wearing. Its white and says pride in rainbow letters, the hems of the sleeves and the collar are red. “Aw man, a hole has burnt straight through my shirt.”

__

Nicole looks at Wynonna sticking her finger through the singed ring at the bottom corner of the shirt. She rolls her eyes. “That’s _my_ shirt.”

__

“Technically it’s _mine_ because _I’m_ wearing it.”

__

“You mean actually and _actually_ it’s mine because I got it at Purgatory Pride two years ago.” It was the first pride her mom came to. Nicole was surprised she even offered, her mom had always shied away from ‘gay things’ as she called them. But that year her mom came, and she even bought them matching shirts.

__

Wynonna stands up, her fists clenched defiantly. “No, I mean _technically_ , under the rules of finders keepers it’s _mine_ because _I_ found it.”

__

“That’s _almost_ correct” Nicole jabs her finger towards her dresser. “except finders keepers doesn’t apply when you take _my_ things from _my_ dresser.”

__

Wynonna rips the shirt off clumsily and throws it to the ground. “Fine! Keep _your_ shirt its gotta a hole in it anyway.”

__

Nicole picks up the shirt, examines the golf ball sized hole, and wads it up in her hands. She looks down at the PU athletic shirt she is wearing and the melted polyester along her side. _That’s two casualties today._ “I hate you sometimes.”

__

_“I’m your mom Nicole, I will always love you.”_

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Playboy magazine is a true story, most of it. I joke with my mom all the time telling her that's why I'm gay. 
> 
> The flaming couch, also a true story. One of my buddies in Chicago was expelled for throwing a flaming couch out her dorm window. Oops.
> 
> Sorry, this chapter is sooo long. I couldn't make it stop. Hope you liked it.


	4. A Joke, A Bet, A Bribe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wynonna bribes Nicole into attending a sorority party which might prevent Waverly from winning a bet against Chrissy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This chapter doesn't have as much comedy as the previous chapter and has a lot of introspection (At least I felt like it is a lot). Next chapter will have more WynHaught shenanigans and lots of WayHaught doing WayHaught things.

“It didn’t mean anything.” Her words come out like vomit leaving a sour taste in her mouth. “It was just a kiss.”

The truth is it meant everything. It was like commanding the Apollo 11 rocket launch into space only for Nicole to be the first person to walk on the moon. It was like Maslow was screaming at her to find motivation in a moment and self-actualization in a kiss. It was like everything in her life leading up to this has no meaning and everything after will be underwhelming.

Her lips are ruined for anyone else but all she can say is it didn’t mean anything. It was just a kiss. Nicole chews on every word like Hubba Bubba gum, too big for her mouth, and hitting every sensitive spot on her teeth. _Just a kiss._

“Okay. Thanks for sharing Haught now let’s play some rugby.” Mercedes says. 

Nicole jumps, she has forgotten she is outside in the middle of the field with the cool fall air nipping at her cheeks and the tips of her ears. She chews at a piece of dry skin on her lip, as far as she is concerned she was talking out loud to herself, convincing herself that she is fine. 

“Come on New Girl! You better sink your hips lower than that or some girl is going to drag your ass halfway down the field!” New girl passes Mercedes with her head down, frustration written all of her face, nothing to show for her hard work but the bruises that flourish her knees. 

Nicole takes her place in line with her teammates, ahead of her they fight to the ground like gladiators in an arena made of brightly colored cones. Mercedes gets into stance. Her bright green mouthguard highlights her grin, her eyes dedicate themselves to Shae and the ball she carries with her. Her quick feet easily catch up to Shae, and with a force of her legs, Mercedes drives forward, bones smacking against bones before they hit the ground. 

Beyond them, Nicole gets lost in the golds and reds bleeding out into the fading green trees bordering the far edge of the field. The colors fill her with loneliness and an ongoing sense of nostalgia. Something about the fall does this to her, leaves her filling detached and empty, like something important has been lost in some way. The need to fill the emptiness with memories, an urgency for intimacy, to feel love, all trickle through as the leaves transform and fall. After that kiss, it’s like Nicole is transforming too, she changes colors and finds new purpose in gold flecks amongst sea glass green.

Nicole glances over her shoulder at the cheerleaders gathered a crossed the field dressed in matching navy skirts, they seem perfectly happy like the fall isn’t affecting them at all. Waverly is sitting in the grass, her legs stretched out in front of her, touching her toes. Chrissy squats down next to her laughing, they are always laughing. They are talking about it, Nicole is sure of it. _It was a stupid mistake. It will never happen again,_ they say. 

_It’s for the best_. Nicole thinks. 

On the other hand, on a simpler level, the kiss stirred a fire deep down in her belly. The fire Wynonna has been insisting is there for the last six months. _Get laid._

Nicole can hide any feelings she may have for Waverly until she is blue in the face, but she can’t push aside her more primordial needs when they are screaming at her, not now. Nicole wants to kiss Waverly fast and sloppy just for the thrill of it. She wants to be greedy and strip Waverly of any innocents she has left. She wants Waverly to want her just as bad but even that she swallows down with shame. 

“Uh captain?” Mercedes says. “Jesus stop staring at your little girlfriend and move your ass before Dolls sees the drool coming off your face and makes us run until we puke.”

Nicole frowns, a blush creeps up her neck and spills into her cheeks. She kicks her cleats into the wet muddy grass lost in thoughts that do nothing to alleviate the symptoms of loneliness. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Could have fooled me. You guys have been making googly eyes at each other for last hour and a half.”

Nicole hasn’t noticed Waverly looking at her at all, just a wall of cheerleaders separating reality from fantasy. “We have?”

Mercedes rolls her eyes. “Dear god are you really that oblivious?”

Nicole glances at Waverly one more time before reaching the front of the line. She marks up with New girl and picks up the ball in front of her. “My pick!” She runs at an angle dodging New girl with a trick of her feet, but her legs are weighted down by the loss of something she never really had in the first place. 

She wishes it never happened, that she didn’t know what it feels like to kiss Waverly, or what it feels like knowing it will never happen again. Nicole wishes she could erase the panic in Waverly’s face when she saw Chrissy standing in the doorway, she couldn't get away fast enough. 

Nicole grunts, New girl’s shoulder rams into her side, she can feel the newly formed scabs crack and tear. She lathered the burn with aloe Vera before practice but it’s no shield against boney shoulders. She goes to the ground easily giving herself permission to make a home out of the grass.

“Haught, are you getting soft?” Dolls yell. His eyes almost glow in the dismal lighting, grey with approaching fog. He waves his clipboard around dramatically emphasizing his words booming out of his chest like a drill sergeant. “We have a game in one week and I need you to get your head out of your ass and back in the game”

“Yes, sir.”

“Are you a cheerleader or a ruby player Haught?”

Nicole gets herself to her knees and plucks off a few blades of grass stuck to her PU athletic t-shirt. It’s not the breathable one, that one is in a grave of used Kleenex and empty Kool-Aid packets melted and smelling like burning plastic. “A rugby player sir.”

“Again Haught, are you a _cheerleader_ or a rugby player?”

Nicole stands and speaks with a little more conviction in an attempt to avoid further chastising. That’s all she needs on top of her own self-pity and nagging sexual frustrations. “A ruby player sir!”

“Alright then act like one captain.”

“Yes, sir.

Dolls catches Nicole starring at Waverly five minutes later during scrimmage and makes her run laps until she pukes. What’s worse is she pukes by the cheerleaders, nearly hitting a dark-haired girl’s perfectly white shoes, fortunately, the girl screams and runs away at the last second. 

“We _really_ have to stop meeting like this.”

Nicole splays out on the grass trying to remember what her legs are supposed to feel like, she groans, she is pretty sure they are not supposed to feel like spaghetti. She covers her face with her arms, hiding her embarrassment and the pain circulating through her body inside and out. Waverly is the last person she wants to see right now. “I’m not bleeding this time.” She jokes.

“Well, that’s good because I’m fresh out of tissues.” Waverly pauses. “What did you do to earn all those laps?” 

“I can’t charm my way out of everything…unfortunately.” 

Waverly snorts. They are both quiet for a moment. Nicole picks at the grass with her cleat to dilute the silence between them, afraid to be the first one to speak, Nicole doesn't know what to say anyway. 

Waverly's gazes off into the encroaching fog, she looks at it like she is searching for something hidden amongst thick blankets of fallen sky, memories maybe, emotions or desires. Nicole recognizes the conflict that creases her brow, the sadness that turns down her lips and the hesitation that darkens her eyes. Nicole almost feels guilty for watching between her arms, as if Wavery and her thoughts are having a moment and Nicole is invading her privacy. It all fades away just a quickly, a small spark like a single lit candle ignites in the back of Waverly pupils bringing to life the gold flecks Nicole is starting to love. 

“You know," Waverly finally says. "there’s this party thing tomorrow tonight at my sorority house. You could come?”

“Are you inviting me?”

Waverly fidgets with her drawstring bag over her shoulder and shifts her weight on her heels, she still doesn’t make eye contact, but a smile ghosts her lips. “Yeah, I am.”

“Okay.” Nicole covers her own smile with her arms trying not to look too eager. The same nagging thoughts and anxieties have been stomping through her mind for days. Neither of them has brought up the kiss. It’s like it never happened except the lack of acknowledgment swells in the back of her throat like anaphylactic shock. Being around Waverly isn’t exactly easy anymore but Nicole craves it none the less. 

“Cool.”

*** 

“It was just a kiss.” The dining room chair screeches a crossed the linoleum as Waverly pulls it out to sit. She has been pacing the kitchen all morning replaying it in her head, the cupcakes, Nicole, and the kiss. All a delicious nightmare wrapped in pretty pink paper and topped with rainbow sprinkles. "It didn't mean anything."

Chrissy puts her pencil down on her notebook and sighs starting to lose her patience. “You have said that about 20 times in the last 15 minutes.”

Waverly bites into the blue frosting covered chocolate. She licks her lips and shrugs. “I am just making sure you heard me.” 

“Babe, I asked you how the cupcakes turned out over an hour ago. I didn’t say anything about a kiss.” 

That was the problem, Chrissy _hadn’t_ said anything about the kiss. Chrissy walked in at the worst possible moment and left before Waverly had a chance to explain. It wasn’t what it looked like, Waverly was just proving to herself that she’s not interested in Nicole. She can’t be. Waverly picks a crumb off the table and sneaks it in her mouth. Her eyes dart to Chrissy to see if she noticed.

Chrissy pulls open her Calculus for College textbook, the indications of an ardent student are found in highlighter and pencil marks decorating the pages. Chrissy never gives anything less than one hundred percent, a value that has been etched into her by a supportive hard-working father who loves her above all else. 

Sometimes Waverly likes the idea of someone loving her. Wynonna maybe loves her, but Wynonna is the same, she wears the same scars of an absent mother, an alcoholic father, and a home that was cold and lonely. The fact is the idea of something is different than the reality of it, and the reality is _I love you_ does not mean forever. 

Chrissy taps her pencil on her notebook matching the rhythm of Love is Like a Boomerang. Waverly squints her eyes, chocolate, and vanilla sticks to the roof of her mouth distorting her words. “But you were thinking it!” 

“The only thing I have been thinking about is how to find the derivative, and if I can’t find it I won’t be passing this test!” Chrissy turns the page in her notebook and resumes taking notes leaving Waverly to analyze and dissect on her own. She peels back the pink wrapper from her cupcake and bites into it adding blue frosting to the tip of her nose. She sulks. She wants Chrissy to say it, ‘I believe you, it was just a kiss’. “But—"

Chrissy groans, she tosses her pencil and throws her hands in the air. Her pencil finds a new home on the floor under the table. “Alright. You have had four cupcakes since I started studying and your little sugar rush anxiety attack is driving me crazy.”

Waverly huffs and her mouth collapses into a pout. She looks over at the kitchen counter at the four empty cupcake wrappers each one a different color, she sinks in her chair shamefaced. 

“If it was just a kiss then why do you keep blabbing on about it?”

“I don’t know, because I can’t stop thinking about it.” Waverly’s gasps, she tries to stuff her words back in her mouth and swallow them in chocolate fluff. She doesn't want to admit there is a 2% chance that she _maybe_ likes Nicole and she sure as hell doesn’t want to admit she finds Nicole so attractive and charming that it pisses her off. _Damn her and her delicious cupcakes._

“Oh, I see.” Chrissy’s face lights up like a Christmas tree. She props her elbows up on the table and snickers. “ _You_ need _me_ to say it to believe it.” 

“What? Chrissy that’s not what I mean!” 

Chrissy leans closer, the chandelier becomes an interrogation lamp and Chrissy’s playing bad cop. She laughs, satisfaction spreading wide across her face. Waverly squirms in her seat, the edge of the chair bites into the back of her thighs, the backrest holds her captive. She’s trapped. “What _did_ the kiss mean Waverly?”

The bracelets on Waverly’s wrist feel heavy and cut into her skin. Her denim blouse constricts her like a straitjacket, her fingers pull at the buttons for relief. “Nothing that’s what I have been trying to tell you.”

Chrissy mocks a frown. “She who doth protest too much.” 

“No—” Waverly shakes her head and crosses her arms. She tries to slow down her heart rate but the four and a half cupcakes she’s eaten have her ready to bounce off the walls. Her thoughts are too busy to articulate, turns out it’s hard to separate a sugar high from anxiety. 

“When should I start planning the wedding? Or should we wait for Nicole to come over and finish that frosting off your face first?”

Waverly explodes out of her chair, heat rushing to her cheeks, cupcake crumbs fly all down her shirt. “Hey! It was just—”

“What it _was_ , was all frosting, tongues, and hands. You looked like a couple of kids at Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory…only sexy.” She waggles her eyebrows. “How was it?”

Waverly backs up, the kitchen island barricades her from Chrissy’s goading, she extends out her finger. “No! No no no!”

Chrissy stands, she wraps her hands around the opposite side of the kitchen island, and leans against the grey tiles, taunting Waverly further. “Was it dreamy?”

“Chrissy!”

“Do you think about it at night...when you’re alone?” 

Waverly’s face contorts, she covers her ears like a child throwing a tantrum in the middle of Toys R’ Us. “Stop!” Chrissy’s is getting to her, breaking her down piece by piece. This thing Waverly does, this habit she uses to stay safe, isn’t working anymore, not with Nicole. Her attempt to satisfy a curiosity failed miserably, it only created new ones that make her feel like she is falling down a rabbit hole, a long confusing drop, that leaves her upside down when right side up. 

“I will stop if…” Chrissy’s voice softens with pity, she leans lazily against the island. “…you invite Nicole to the sorority party tonight.”

Waverly growls. “No way!” 

Chrissy rolls her eyes. “Waverly, she’s your friend don’t be a dick.” 

Waverly’s scarfs the last bite of her cupcake, it’s too big for her mouth and her cheeks bulge as she chews. She doesn’t want Chrissy to have satisfaction in knowing she has already invited Nicole. Chrissy would just add it to her fully loaded arsenal. _It was just a kiss_ Waverly tells herself over and over like a broken record, but the lyrics don’t match the instrumental.

“Anyways,” Chrissy continues “If you can make it through the whole night without _‘just’_ kissing Nicole, I will believe you.”

Waverly wads up her cupcake wrapper and slams it on the table next to the others. “That’s stupid of course I can get through a night without kissing Nicole.”

Chrissy grins, she takes a step closer around the island, her voice has an edge to it now, she narrows her eyes. “I bet that you can’t make it through the first hour.”

Waverly looks at Chrissy, sizing her up, she takes one big challenging step forward and puffs out her chest. Chrissy has a good four inches on her so Waverly has to crane her neck to look Chrissy in the eyes. “I can too.”

“Prove it.” Chrissy extends out her hand like a salesman finalizing a transaction. “If you can I will do your house chores for a month.”

Waverly takes Chrissy’s hand firmly with determination burning in her eyes, and they shake on it. “Deal.”

*** 

The burn gets hotter with every contraction of Nicole's core muscles, every brush of her elbows over her knees as she counts one...two...three. Sweat soaks through her hair and rolls down her chest, she grunts out her words. “So, Waverly invited me to this party tonight at the Phi Delta Theta house.” 

"Well you have to go." Wynonna yanks her books out from between the mattress and the wall and stacks them nicely on the floor where the couch used to be, just below the scorch marks. She has a wild hair up her ass and is cleaning the room. At first, Nicole was concerned that she had hit her head while drunk, but Nicole isn’t going to argue if Wynonna wants to make her side of the room look habitable. God knows how many of Nicole's shirts are hidden in that nest Wynonna calls a bed.

“Why?” Of course, she’s going, Waverly invited her. Nicole would do anything for Waverly and she curses herself for it. Waverly is not even hers. Waverly is her friend, a friend who kissed Nicole and wishes she didn’t, that kind of rejection cuts low in Nicole’s gut. 

“Well for starters you could make sure that Chump bucket keeps his douchey hands off my baby sister...and” She looks over her shoulder, a lopsided grin dresses her face, Nicole knows what she’s going to say next.

“Don’t you say it!”

Wynonna shoves a pile of dirty socks off the side of her bed and plops down in its place. She takes a pull off a bottle of Jack Daniels, wipes her lips with the back of her hand and grins. “I’ll stop drilling you when you get screwed.”

“Wynonna!” Nicole growls through another crunch taking what little energy her abdomen has left. Her muscles start to quiver, and her side stings where the skin stretches and pulls under the scabs, but she keeps going. _No pain no gain._

“I’ll stop hammering you when you get nailed.” 

Nicole sighs in relief, she stretches out on her back and lets the fire release from her muscles. She turns her head to Wynonna taking another pull of Jack. Her throat bobs like she’s chugging water. “You are as dry as the Sierra desert,” Wynonna says.

"Gross.” Wynonna's inappropriate interest in Nicole's sex life gets increasingly more invasive. She's never met someone with so few boundaries and lack of inhibitions. That kind of devil may care attitude clashes with the part of Nicole that needs to be in control. The same part of her that keeps her focused and dedicated to those things most important to her. She flips over, balances on the flats of her hands and the tips of her toes and goes down. The burn moves from Nicole’s abdomen to her chest and her biceps. One…two…three.

“I am pretty sure your virginity has grown back by now.” Wynonna giggles. Nicole growls and throws her women’s study textbook at Wynonna. It barely skims her leg and hits the ground with a _thud_. “Hey watch it yah shit-ticket-it!” 

A few sticky notes Waverly had left fly out on the floor, one of them catches Nicole’s eye. She peels it off the floor and sits back on her legs. Waverly scribbled a spiral starting from the center of the sticky note, it takes the shape of a heart as it moves outward. Nicole stares at it pinching it lightly between her fingertips like it will break if she’s not careful. 

“You know with all the time you spend working out, you _instead_ could be doing the horizontal greased-weasel tango.”

“Whatever _that_ is sounds disgusting.” 

Wynnona nods. "Yeah for you it probably would be." 

Nicole stands up and wipes her sweat covered forehead on her plain black cotton t-shirt. She sits down at the edge of her bed still holding the sticky note between her fingers and fishes through the drawer of her nightstand for a roll of tape. She rips off two pieces of tape with her teeth and carefully attaches one to the top and one to the bottom of the sticky note then presses it against the wall next to her bed. She smooths it out with her thumb making sure it’s secure. Those are Nicoles spirals, Waverly changed them and made them her own. She tries not to over analyze it, it’s probably just a meaningless doodle, but for Nicole, it holds meaning.

"I am going to give you five reasons why you need to have sex tonight." 

"This should be good.

Wynonna holds out her index finger to count them off. "One. Because it's good for you. Fact. Two because it's been six months. Three, because three nights a week you spend two hours playing grab ass with your little rugby friends and haven't brought a single one home to _grab_ ass." 

Nicole grabs her shaker bottle from the top of her dresser and dumps in a scoop of vanilla protein powder, as peruse the milk is MIA. She wrinkles up her nose and begrudgingly mixes it with water."What and do it with you across the room?"

"Yeah that would be awkward as fuck. Don't do that." Wynonna lifts the whiskey to her lips and pulls it away with a hiss"...Four because it's been six _fucking_ months!" 

"And you don't let me forget it." 

"Five. Two weeks ago, I came in and you were sobbing to Glee, tears streaming down your face like a big blubbering baby,” Wynonna falls back on her mattress laughing kicking her legs out theatrically in front of her.

“That was you.” 

“Oh right. Well, you get a little too into Golden Girls if you know what I mean.” Wynonna wiggles her eyebrows. “I think someone was doing a little more than searching for pocket change last night. I’m talking about you Haughtpants”

Nicole grimaces, the protein shake is gritty and hard to swallow. She has to clear her throat several times before she can speak. “Are you done?”

Wynonna lifts off her bed, meanders over, and leans against the dresser face to face with Nicole, Jack Daniels swinging in her hand. “If you go to this party…” 

“Wynonna,” Nicole says flatly.

“And get laid…I will leave you alone for _say_ …another 6 months.”

Nicole squints her eyes. The thought of six months of silence is tempting. She is tired of Wynonna’s weird interest in her sex life. Before she could pretend that she didn’t care, but now after Waverly, it’s all she thinks about. There are no topics more interesting than Waverly and consequently sex. 

“And…”

“And I will take out the recycling and buy milk.”

Waverly may be out of the question, but someone else might take the sting away and earn her some reprieve from Wynonna. Nicole grabs the bottle of Jack from Wynonna’s hand and takes a swig, she sets it on the dresser feeling the burn all the way down to her stomach where it erupts. Nothing is as bad as that icy hot though. “Deal.”

"Haughtshit is finally going to tame some strange." Wynonna sticks out her fist demanding a bump, Nicole reluctantly meets it with her own. _Deal_

***

Waverley runs her finger along the grout of the grey tile counters. It’s sticky, already some frat boy spilled beer on everything. She grabs a towel and makes a second attempt at cleaning it up as Taylor Turner’s dramatically long intro starts up for Better Off Alone. 

The frat boy has commandeered the dining room table and put it to use as a beer pong table, decorated with red cups and everything. A second frat boy high fives him. “Nice Jonas!” Jonas’s eyes flash to Waverly, he slips her a smile and winks. 

Waverly rolls her eyes, she turns to the back door and leans up against the counter. Chrissy is off talking to some guy named Perry on the soccer team and the rest of her sorority sisters are scattered around dancing in the crowd trailing out the French doors from the living room to the backyard.

Waverly chews her thumbnail; her eyes bounce around the room skimming all the nameless faces invading her house. Ordinarily, she would be mingling with her guests and playing the part of a good host. Waverly is a people pleaser by default, and after all, she did win a sash for Purgatories nicest person. _It’s all in the smile and wave._

Tonight, however, anticipation gnaws at the pit of her stomach, like being pushed closer to the edge of a cliff and she has to choose if she jumps or if she falls. She turns back to the counter, grabs a red cup, and fills it with beer from a pitcher. This beer won’t help her fly and certainly won’t catch her if she falls but it just might get the butterflies in her stomach drunk enough to chill the _fuck_ out.

“Pete! Pete! Pete!” Waverly glances over her shoulder, Pete York is upside down over the keg with his brother Kyle holding his legs upright. A crowd of people stands around cheering him on while Herman Tate holds the nozzle to his mouth. 

Nicole struts in wearing a navy blue button up with maroon and white speckles and black skinny jeans that accentuate the length of her legs. Waverly clears her throat and combs her fingers through her hair, but her voice still cracks like a teenage boy going through puberty. “Legs.” _Dear god_. “I mean hey.” Her voice comes out loud in the transition from Taylor Turner to Eddie Money.

“Hey,” Nicole says.

Waverly gets sucked into Nicole’s eyes, her pupils dilated in the dimly lit kitchen making them appear darker than usual. Their large size full of honesty and kindness that is reiterated in Nicole’s gentle smile. Waverly’s eyes migrate to Nicole’s lips, pink and shiny. She is familiar with those lips, they are soft and taste sweet, and she knows they fit perfectly against her own.

“Are you okay?” Nicole asks. 

Waverly smiles, afraid if she moves it will be to throw herself into Nicole’s arms screaming _Take me home tonight!_ She chews the inside of her cheek and calmly grabs another red cup. She fills it with beer and hands it to Nicole. “I’m surprised you came.” _I’m glad you came._

“Yeah.” Nicole shrugs and takes a drink of her beer, she pauses with her mouth to her cup and rolls her eyes. “Wynonna sent me to get laid.”

Waverly snorts. “Seriously?” _Good_. She thinks. Nicole makes it feel safe for Waverly to lose her grip and let go, it would be too easy to hand Nicole everything in a delicate little package and watch her walk away with it. Keeping Nicole at a distance by pushing her to someone else might be necessary for survival now. If she can help Nicole find someone tonight she’ll be unavailable, and Waverly can win this bet. “I can help you.” 

“Oh yeah? Help me how?”

“I can be your wingman silly.” Waverly scans the room, skipping over the girls who are already super drunk before ten. It has to be someone good but not too good. She finds Shae leaned up against the wall by the French doors talking to Mercedes and some girl Waverly doesn’t know. Shae is irrefutably beautiful, the kind of beautiful captured on the cover of magazines. Shae is preparing for med school, she is sophisticated, strong and sexy. 

“How about Shae?”

Maybe she’s too perfect but Nicole does deserve someone as perfect and beautiful as she is. Waverly pictures them. Nicole, one of Purgatories finniest police officers in a carefully pressed uniform, groomed to become Sheriff. Shae, a well-renowned doctor running her own practice in a swanky office downtown. Both happy living in a home built by the love they share for each other. 

The image twists in Waverly’s gut and sends a shiver down her spine like the room is suddenly too cold. What if she could be happy and perfect with Nicole? Waverly could get Nicole an apron and help her bake and they could stay in on a Friday night to watch Star Wars a New Hope. Neither Champ nor Madison would watch it with her, even Wynonna refuses, but Waverly bets Nicole would watch it. She sighs heavily, ideas are better than realities. Waverly can’t let go of Nicole and sabotage her at the same time. Shae is perfect. 

Nicole follows Waverly’s gaze, her beer moving away from her lips, she shakes her head and swallows. “Shae, no Shae’s not—”

“Oh, Shae is, and she’s big time into you.”

“She is?” Waverly’s heart sinks with the sparkle of excitement in Nicole’s eyes. It brings on an unexpected dryness in the back of her throat that beer just doesn’t seem to quench.

Part of her wants to take Nicole up to her room, rip off Nicole’s clothes, and destroy the fresh cotton sheets she just put on this morning. The other part of her is as indecisive as a squirrel on the side of the road, running back and forth, edging closer to danger with each verdict. We all know what happens to those squirrels. 

Waverly’s not a squirrel though, she’s a falcon, she’s _the Falcon_ as in the _Millennium Falcon_. She doesn’t need sex, or Nicole, she is perfectly capable of cruising the galaxy blowing shit up all on her own Han Solo style. She nods her head in affirmation ready to commit to operation get Nicole laid, _by someone other than herself._

“Are you that oblivious. I mean she stares at your butt like all the time.”

“She does?”

“Totally.” Nicole stares over at Shae who catches her and smiles. Waverly wills herself not to look at the inevitable dimples decorating Nicole’s cheeks like two cherries on a sundae. She instead scans the room for Chrissy. She thinks she sees her outside with a tall, skinny, dark haired man wearing a black suit and a bolo tie. 

Nicole turns and taps Waverly’s shoulder. “Wait, there is a lot of butt grabbing and starring in rugby. That doesn’t mean anything.”

Waverly laughs, she turns into Nicole, almost touching her, she combs her fingers through hair casually instead. “If that’s true then you must win all the time because you have the cutest butt.” She winces, burying her face in her beer trying to mask the red in her cheeks with the red of her cup. 

“Oh yeah?” 

Nicole’s eyes shift, and she ducks her head, she gives Waverly what Waverly now refers to as ‘the look’. It’s not quite a smile but it’s smile adjacent and Waverly finds it obnoxiously endearing. “Do you want a shot? Let’s do shots.”

Waverly grabs a half-empty bottle of Jose Cuervo from an ice bucket on the kitchen island and fills two plastic shot glasses. She swallows hers before handing the other to Nicole. The tequila goes down like Greek fire and does nothing to rid her of embarrassment.

“You should go talk to her.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah go.” Waverly gestures her hand towards Shae enthusiastically, overcompensating for the twinge of pain nagging in her chest, and the fire swirling in her stomach. 

“Okay. Talk to you in a little while?”

“Wait.” _Please stay_. Waverly unbuttons one of the top buttons of Nicole’s shirt and pulls it open slightly. “There now you’re perfect.”

“Thanks.”

“Of course. Now go.” Waverly forces a smile. She watches Nicole weave through a sea of drunken girls flirting with drunken boys against walls, on couches, and on the floor. Shae smiles when Nicole approaches, she reaches out and brushes her hand up Nicole’s arm. Nicole’s cheeks ripple into a smile Waverly wishes was reserved only for her. 

The pulsating drums vibrate in Waverly’s chest the closer she gets to the French Doors. She spots a woman wearing skin-tight leather pants, a garish green crop top, and high heels, jutting out her shoulders in rhythm with _sweet dreams are made of these_. Waverly focuses on her instead of on Shae’s exaggerated laughter or her hands tangling awkwardly with Nicole’s.

She makes her way to Chrissy in the backyard in the middle of where people are dancing. Chrissy greets Waverly with a sloppy hug nearly tipping her over and hitting her in the face with boozy breath. 

“Waverly this Perry.” Perry smiles and nods politely. 

“He’s on the soccer team. Isn’t he dreamy.”

Waverly maps out Chrissy’s outfit, red long sleeve crop top, form-fitting black leggings, looking hot, and then there is bolo tie Perry. Waverly smiles sheepishly. “Totally.”

“I love this song!” Chrissy giggles. She grabs Perry’s hands and pulls him in, half dancing and a half just jumping up and down like idiots.

“Waverly, I have been looking for you.” Champs reaches a hand out for her but Waverly shrugs away.

“Well, I am here.” She says. 

“D-do you want to dance?”

The sharp awareness of her surroundings claws in her back the more she looks around. Everyone is paired off, dancing, talking, touching, and then there is her alone. Waverly gives into loneliness, she doesn’t have to be alone and she doesn’t want to stand here wondering what Nicole is doing with Shae, she shrugs. “kay.” 

Champ sheds his denim jacket and throws it over the back of a chair. His red flannel is cut off at the sleeves revealing the white thermal shirt he tucked into his jeans.

“That looks hot,” Waverly says. 

“Thank you.” Champ takes Waverly’s hand and leads her further into the crowd away from Chrissy and Perry. 

“No, I mean temperature wise. You must be roasting.”

Champ nods his head and sways out of time with the music. He plucks at the front of his flannel. “Yeah totally. Do you want me to take it off?”

“Uh no thank you.”

“Cool.” Champ wraps his hands around Waverly’s waist and pulls her against him clumsily, she rests her head against his chest in defeat. He smells like he pulled his flannel out from a cardboard box under his bed and doused it with cologne. Champ isn’t a risk though, he is nice to look at and is good at Nintendo, but he is inherently vapid and self-absorbed. He's also a terrible dancer that keeps stepping on Waverly's feet and every time the chorus comes on his hands migrate to her ass, but he is here and Waverly needs a distraction. 

A hand slide under Waverly’s, too slender and warm to be Champs. She turns, Nicole smiles at her gently pulling her out of Champs arms. “Dance with me?” 

Waverly beams, her hand tightens in Nicole’s, and she doesn’t look back at Champ. “How come you aren’t dancing with Shae?”

Nicole glances behind her at Shae through the French doors. Shae is still talking with Mercedes and the other girl Waverly doesn't know. “I don’t know.” Nicole shrugs. “Shae is just...”

“Hot?” 

“No.”

Waverly swallows down her satisfaction and reminds herself of why she needs Nicole to want Shae. It’s easier that way because being around Nicole is like flying an X-wing Starfighter to the rebel base with Obi-Wan Kenobi whispering ‘use the force Earp, let go,’ in her ear. In other words, it’s god damn terrifying. 

“Sexy?”

Nicole laughs. “No!”

“Annoyingly charming?”

“No, just annoying like you right now.” Nicole softens the sting with a smile. She pulls Waverly close letting her chin rest on Waverly’s head. Nicole holds Waverly’s hand palm to palm with hers and puts her other arm around Waverly’s waist, swaying them around the grass in slow fluid motions, too slow for the music. Waverly melts into her immediately, feeling relaxed for the first time tonight. Nicole doesn’t smell like a dirty box flannel, she smells like a box of vanilla dipped donuts like always, and it’s Waverly’s favorite. 

Nicole has rhythm, she smiles while swinging and spinning Waverly around, holding her close, and singing to the music. It is soothing in a way that mutes Waverly’s intrusive thoughts, the conversation with Chrissy, the back of Nicole’s head walking to Shae and the smile Nicole gifted her. “Where’d you learn to dance?” Waverly asks.

“My dad watches a lot of dancing with the stars?”

Waverly’s giggles. “Seriously?”

“No. It’s worse.” Nicole hides her blush in the crook of Waverly’s neck. Waverly can feel Nicole’s nose nestled against her, she combs her fingers through Nicole’s hair wishing they could stay like this forever, dancing just the two of them. 

“Tell me.”

Nicole pulls back, she bites her lip nervously and looks down at Waverly’s hands in her own. “My mom put me in dance lessons when I was a kid.”

“Rugby _and_ dancing Nicole. What can’t you do?”

“I can’t fly” Nicole winks which makes Waverly think she might be lying. 

Waverly locks her wrists behind Nicole’s neck, her fingers twist and play with the tips of Nicole’s hair. She lets Nicole rest her forehead against her own as they continue to circulate the grassy dance floor. “But you can bake, and I bet you can cook too.”

“Among other things.”

“Like what?”

“Like this.” Nicole’s hand moves fast like a cheetah, like a super sexy ginger cheetah. She hooks her finger under Waverly’s chin, tilting it to capture Waverly’s lips one at a time, filling her with electricity. Waverly melts for all of 5 seconds before she remembers Chrissy and the bet.

Waverly pulls away. “Um…” She is being reckless, breaking all the rules, for what? For a kiss? For perfect Nicole? Nothing is worth watching the person you love walk out the front door and never come back. She turns away from Nicole, helplessly she points to the kitchen. “I need drinks, like _so_ many drinks. Do you want a drink?”

“Yeah sure.”

Waverly avoids the disappointment drooping off Nicole’s face in a frown she masks with a smile. Even that is hard to handle. Waverly’s doesn’t just guard her own heart with a sword and a shield, but she keeps herself at a distance from hurting others too. She can’t give herself to a relationship, or to another person, and she can’t stand to see the looks on their faces like the one Nicole wears now. 

“It’s loud,” Waverly says. 

Nicole tilts her head, confusion replaces disappointment. “Well, _it_ is a dance party.”

Waverly sighs, she collects her hair and swings it over one shoulder. She’s not losing this bet. It has been 53 minutes. She didn’t initiate that kiss and she barely even kissed Nicole back. It didn’t count. She takes a step toward the kitchen, but her feet are rooted in the grass. She slumps her shoulders, _maybe just this once._

It still was just a kiss and it still doesn’t have to mean anything. It can be just physical just like Wynonna taught her. No feelings, no ‘I love yous’, no heartbreaks. Nicole doesn’t have to be special. They can be two consenting adults who are mature about it in the morning.

“Do you want to come?” 

There’s ‘the look’ again, turning Waverly's sides into mush. “Huh?” 

“With me…come with me?” _Try again crazy._ Waverly’s rubs her hand over her collarbone self-soothing trying to remember how words work. “To my room I mean. Do you want to come with me to my room? Where it’s quiet—er?” 

“Yeah okay sure.” Waverly sighs in relief half expecting Nicole to say no but of course, she didn’t. Nicole is the most agreeable person Waverly has ever met, even if only seconds ago her smile hid the sting of rejection. 

Waverly laces her fingers with Nicole’s, she looks up at her hoping to god she isn’t making a huge mistake and that everything will be fine in the morning, and that Nicole will be fine. Waverly holds Nicole’s hand tighter, leading her through the crowd in the living room. She sees Shae watching, she feels the sting of judgment in Shae’s eyes as they pass her. Chrissy is in the kitchen talking to Madison, her back is to them. Madison locks eyes with her but doesn’t make any other acknowledgment. Waverly’s heart races, her fingers grip the banister and she takes the first step up the stairs, Nicole trailing behind her. _This is happening._

***

The door to Waverly’s room opens up to blue walls, floral tapestries, and Han Solo on the ceiling above the bed. Nicole laughs. “Do you sleep better knowing he is looking down at you.” 

Waverly huffs shutting the door behind them. “Like you don’t have any embarrassing interests.”

 _Definitely not Golden Girls._ “Nope nu-uh I am super hip.”

“I have it on record that you tell dorky dad jokes at family dinner. Oh, and you use words like ‘hip’ to describe yourself.” Waverly snorts. 

“Hey, hip is a very up and coming word you know.”

“Yeah in like 1935.”

Waverly sits down in the window seat across the room, the blue floral pattern on the cushion reminds Nicole of curtains her mom use to have in the living room before _Pierre_ happened. 

Waverly tucks one leg under her and leans back against the wall. She pats the seat in front of her. “Sit with me?” 

Nicole smiles at Waverly in the window painted against sapphire skies. She memorizes it, capturing the moment, a glimpse into the life of Waverly Earp, cheerleader, a history major, friend, and something else that Nicole can’t put into words yet. 

Nicole sits opposite to Waverly leaning against the wall to face her, behind Nicole the feathers of a dream catcher tickle her ear. “So, you were dancing with Champ.” 

Waverly looks at her from the side, her face turned to the window, she narrows her eyes. “What’s it to you?”

“I don’t know. Are you guys a thing?” Nicole swallows the accusations in her voice. It’s not like she’s jealous or anything. Nicole’s a grown ass woman she doesn’t get jealous. What’s jealousy anyways, the idea that if someone has what you want, you can’t have it too. Okay, so Nicole is a little jealous. She’s jealous of Champ, maybe Madison too, and every other person who has ever kissed Waverly in the history of time. Nicole might be a lot jealous.

“I told you we were just friends.”

“But you were dancing…and his hands were…” Nicole makes a crude gesture.

Waverly turns, she stretches out her legs so her toes brush against Nicole’s knee, a hint of a smile tiptoes over her lips. “ _We_ were dancing,” she says. “and your hands were all.” She mimics Nicole’s gesture.

Nicole shrugs, she still doesn’t feel any less jealous. She looks out the window at the people dancing below. Chrissy and Perry are locking lips against the pergola. A few feet from them Champ is dancing with some blonde chick, he is clearly not concerned with Waverly anymore. Just outside the French doors, Shae leans in close to New girl, their hands brush together in shared laughter. Nicole glares. _There’s that then._

“Sometimes dancing is just dancing…and sometimes it’s something else.”

The corners of Nicole's lips quirk up, she leans forward to adjust her legs but is restricted by her hair tangled in the beads of the dream catcher behind her. Nicole laughs. “I think I’m stuck.” 

“Here let me help you.” Waverly puts her arms either side of Nicole’s head working to free her hair from the dream catcher. Nicole holds still, not that she has much choice. She tries to relax but an energy picks up between them like they’re magnets again. 

Nicole spirals down an endless pool of heat and nerves. Just like the time, her dad took her on the ferry in Seattle and she threw up over the side. She doesn’t have to throw up now, but the room still rocks back and forth in a way that makes her stomach flutter. 

Nicole nuzzles into Waverly’s cheek, the fluttering turns to knots in her stomach winding uptight and pulling in at her bellybutton. She swallows the ache in her throat, built brick by brick from the moments leading up to this. Nicole can almost hear it, like a raindrop hitting water the collision ripples through her body. Her lips press against the soft skin of Waverly’s cheek, catching her breath in her throat.

Waverly stops moving. Nicole panics. In her head she’s pulling away, running before Waverly gets mad, Waverly did pull away before, twice now, why would this time be any different. Waverly doesn’t pull away, instead, she holds Nicole still in a loose embrace.

Nicole kisses Waverly’s cheek again, just to be sure it wasn’t a mistake. Waverly answers with her hand sliding up the back of Nicole’s neck. The fear of rejection dissipates into heat, fueling an inevitable fire. Fingers twist in Nicole’s hair encouraging the line she makes along Waverly’s jaw. 

Nicole needs more, it’s all she has been thinking about for days, Waverly’s lips, her tongue, the heat of their bodies pressed together perfectly. Nicole’s pulls Waverly into her lap, Waverly slides over easily and leans against Nicole just the way she wants. Nicole takes a minute to enjoy the fullness of Waverly’s body against her, Waverly’s skin burning into her own, the cotton candy and roses permeating Waverly’s hair. Nicole breathes it in, she leans closer, their noses bump together, and Nicole can taste the tequila and lime on Waverly’s breath before their lips brush together. 

Nicole collapses under Waverly’s touch drowning in her lips, consuming her with greed. This kiss is different than before in the kitchen, it’s full of purpose. This kiss is lustful, the two equally matched in hunger, feeding off each other. 

Waverly grips Nicole’s button up in her fists and presses her back against the wall. Nicole is sure she is stuck in the dream catcher again or maybe she was never free of it. Waverly’s hands are everywhere up and down Nicole’s neck and around her jaw pulling her into one crushing kiss after another. Six months is way too long, it’s been burning her up like a fever, now Waverly is offering her relief.

Nicole’s fingers play with the knotted fabric of Waverly’s blouse, just barely tugging at the tips. Her hands shake with anticipation, she can’t wait longer, she pulls a little harder freeing the knotted fabric and opening Waverly’s shirt. Waverly smiles against Nicole’s lips and Nicole takes advantage slipping her tongue in Waverly’s mouth, exploring until she finds Waverly’s tongue and they crash together sending an eruption of excitement low in Nicole’s body. 

Nicole is out of control now; her body is making all the decision and she’s just along for the ride. Her hands slip under Waverly’s blouse guiding it down her shoulder, so Waverly can pull it off. She brushes her lips along Waverly’s collarbone, lingering at the crook of her neck, before traveling up to her jaw. Waverly’s blouse slips away to the floor along with Nicole’s sanity and Waverly urges her on with fingertips pressed to her scalp. 

Nicole slows down, this was not what Wynonna meant when she sent her to get laid, not with Wynonna’s sister. She pulls back, her mouth aches from the loss of contact. Someone yells in the background.

“We see you!” Another laughs. Nicole turns slowly towards the window. Down below a small group of people stare up at them pointing, laughing, and giggling into each other’s ears. Nicole gently slides Waverly out of her lap and hides her face there instead. Euphoria fades and guilt burns in her stomach.

“Nicole?”

“I should go,” Nicole says. “Wynonna will kill me.” 

“Nicole wait. What if…” Waverly grabs Nicole's hand and pulls it into her lap. She flips it palm facing up and makes spirals with her index finger starting from the center out. Nicole’s muscles relax automatically after years of conditioning. She feels vulnerable like this, like a scruffed dog willing to roll over and submit

Waverly slides over on the bench seat, close enough that the sides of their thighs almost meet, her finger still diligently make calming spirals over sensitive skin. “What if it was just sex.”

“Just sex?” Nicole whispers, her eyes half closed. Her chest feels overstimulated with the quick rapid flutters of her heart, then it stops beating altogether, the spirals Waverly makes aren’t circles, they’re hearts. 

Waverly nods and plants a kiss at the hollow of Nicole’s throat. “If it’s just sex…” She whispers, the heat of it rolls up against Nicole's neck, Waverly migrates her kisses slowly up to Nicole's jaw . “just once, we don’t have to tell Wynonna, right?”

Nicole leans into her kisses, she takes her hand back and slides it around Waverly’s waist pulling her closer, nose to nose. “Just once.” Nicole agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so about that ending...
> 
> P.S I keep writing about squirrels I don't why but sorry.


	5. Xena the Warrior Princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverly questions how much is _just once_ while Wynonna convinces Nicole to earn some extra cash at the Pussy Willows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did my editing at 2 am so there's that.

Waverly’ didn’t realize how much she needed this until they kissed in the kitchen. That kiss was short lived thanks to Chrissy, but it woke something primal hibernating deep within her.

Now she is hungry and impatient. She doesn’t care about perfection or that she is clumsily unbuttoning Nicole’s shirt in front of the window overlooking the backyard. Waverly’s wants it to be rough and fast, but she balls it up with the cotton of Nicole’s bra as she yanks it up over Nicole’s head.

She runs her hands up Nicole’s bare chest with an insistent need to touch every part of her while Nicole works diligently to coat Waverly’s mouth with the sweetness of her kiss. This is what Waverly needs right now, she can’t deny her attraction to Nicole anymore.

To deny herself this only makes the need stronger. It wasn’t just a kiss, it was just a moment interrupted, and Waverly is going to finish it because now her fingers burn with purpose tracing over Nicole’s ribs in a fiery skate rink just looking to get off. Nicole pulls away hissing and clutching at irritated pink skin.

There’s a fine line between pain and pleasure, Waverly would never want to cause Nicole pain. If she had known Nicole was hurt she would have been more careful, now she stands apologetically reaching out to Nicole with concern burning through her. “Oh my god, Nicole what happened?”

Nicole holds her side like she is afraid it will fall apart, “Oh…um you know just set myself on fire as one does when they fall asleep with a candle burning.”

Waverly narrows her eyes, she lifts Nicole’s hand and moves it aside. The burn is thin. It starts at her hip and goes half way up her ribs. It looks shiny and angry. “No one does that.” She says. Her fingers hover over tracing it out without touching.

“Really? Are you sure?”

“Was _that_ why everyone was evacuating the dorms the other day?”

Nicole backs away shaking her head and returning her hand to her side protectively. “Uh no, nope completely unrelated incident.”

“Are you sure? Was Wynonna there?”

“It was just me and my…uh…candle.”

Waverly doesn’t believe Nicole’s story one bit, she can see it in Nicole’s eyes. Nicole’s eyes don’t lie, but she’ll let it go and get the answers later, for now, she is here for one reason. She closes the gap Nicole made between them letting Nicole wrap her arms around Waverly’s waist pulling them flush together.

Waverly focuses on Nicole’s big dark eyes, pupils blown just for her and unhooks the button to Nicole jeans. She bites her lip dipping her fingers into the waistband and sinks to her knees taking Nicole’s jeans down with her.

Waverly wants so many things at once, but she chooses this, on her knees in front of Nicole, her fingers pulling at the elastic of Nicole’s boxer briefs, her teeth scraping across Nicole’s hip bone. She wants to feel sexy and needed in a way that only sex can give her, and like this, she feels vulnerable and powerful at the same time.

Nicole combs her fingers through Waverly’s hair, teasing a shiver down Waverly’s spine. The defined muscles of Nicole’s stomach ripple with every breath as Waverly slowly makes her way down little by little under the elastic, exploring every bit of new skin with her tongue and her lips.

“Waverly wait.” Nicole bends down and pulls Waverly back to her feet. “I want to touch you too.”

“Oh.” Not to say Waverly’s previous partners couldn’t be giving, but Waverly usually found herself taking control of her own pleasure because her partners were just straight up lazy. Waverly assumed Nicole would be the same but of course, she isn’t. Nicole is always proving her wrong. 

“Oh?” Nicole says.

Waverly tugs Nicole close and rakes her fingers through Nicole’s hair nipping and sucking over her collarbone careful not to mark her because Nicole is not hers, after all, they agreed it was just sex. “Okay.” She says breathlessly. She takes Nicole’s hand and turns to the bed.

Nicole’s fingers slip away, her feet are stuck in her jeans, causing her to stumbles to the floor. She kicks her legs wildly trying to free herself. “I’m stuck.”

“That seems to be the theme of the night.” Waverly laughs.

“Ha Ha.” Nicole grunts. She squirms, working on freeing one leg at a time. Her brow pinches to together in the cutest way.

Waverly smirks, she leaves Nicole on the floor to struggle with her pants and climbs into bed. Fear washes over her, maybe she is playing with reckless abandon by sleeping with Nicole and calling it just sex. Parts of her really do just want sex in its simplest form to satisfy a primal need but at the same time there is a strong stipulation, it has to be with Nicole. So, can it really be just sex? “You are awkward.”

Nicole flops over on her stomach finally free and pushes herself up off the floor, leaving behind the wadded-up jeans with the rest of her clothing. “Really, because I was told I was charming.”

Waverly rolls her eyes, she slides over on the bed, making room for Nicole, and tucking her legs under the warmth of the cotton sheets. This will forever be a joke between them, Nicole will never let Waverly forget that she called Nicole charming _that_ _one time_.

“Sometimes.” Waverly corrects.

When Nicole kneels on the mattress smiling, Waverly sees the girl tackling her in the middle of the field and the girl that saved her from her shit head sister, and when Nicole leans over putting her lips to work along Waverly’s jaw, Waverly sees the only girl to ever make her feel, _things_. 

“Nicole you _are_ …” She melts into Nicole’s mouth Nicole’s tongue working like magic. Whatever thoughts Waverly was trying to articulate, are now only ghosts haunting the back of her eyelids.

“Hot?” Nicole inserts, the vibration in Nicole’s voice prickles across the sensitive skin of Waverly’s lips, trickling out her throat in a faint whimper that Nicole swallows in another kiss.

Waverly has been thinking about this for so long, not that she’d admit it, but it’s been there filed away in the back of her mind. Now she’s retrieved it, started reading through the fine print, but everything’s jumbled in Nicole’s touch. “ _No_.”

Nicole adjusts herself balancing with her hands either side of Waverly, she pushes Waverly’s legs a part with her knee and drops to her elbows between them. “Sexy?”

Waverly stares up at her, Nicole’s smile alone is intoxicating, using her dimples as forever stamps, the effect never expires, but there is something else that Nicole does to her that Waverly doesn’t understand yet. Something that hurts but the words to describe it aren’t coming to her, not when Nicole is so close stealing her breath away. “No-well yeah kind of but that’s not—”

“Annoyingly charming?” Nicole nuzzles into the crook of Waverly’s neck with hot breath and gentle teeth. She shifts between Waverly’s thighs, creating a friction there Waverly needs. It has her dizzy and straining up against Nicole, her fingers lacing in Nicole’s hair while Nicole works to sync the motion of their hips into one fluid dance.

Waverly laughs drunk and breathless. “Whatever just keep doing that.”

She shivers hearing the desperation in her own voice as the impatience’s returns tenfold. This tension building between them has been building since the collision in the hallway on the first day of school and now she craves a different type of collision.

Waverly knows that she’s rushing but for _fuck sakes_ her body is screaming at her, throwing her hips up against Nicole demanding the attention that she wants, destroying the perfect rhythm they established. Nicole looks at her, eyes blinking in understanding, she gently captures Waverley lips in a soft kiss. “Okay, I got you.”

Nicole slides her hand between their sweat slick bodies and slips Waverly’s underwear down low enough for Waverly to kick them off. Nicole gives Waverly one last questioning look with eyes full of honey, waiting for permission, and Waverly knows it’s safe to be completely vulnerable with Nicole just this once. Nicole’s eyes don’t lie.

“I need you.” Waverly slurs, her hips never stop their motion. Nicole nods, Waverly sucks in a deep breath, hot and sharp in her lungs, it rushes back out in a raspy moan that she’s sure can be heard over the music outside. Waverly has never hated lyrics so much in her life until right now hearing Tiffany sing about how _we gotta hide what we’re doin’._

Waverly’s head rolls back into the pillow, she can’t focus on Nicole’s lips and Nicole’s skillful fingers developing a delicious rhythm within her, at the same time. She squirms desperately searching for fast approaching relief, her legs flexing uncomfortably, and her nails claw franticly into Nicole’s back.

Nicole’s pace increases, she leans her hips in adding weight to her thrusts, her breathing jagged in Waverly’s ear chasing her own release.

For a split second disappointment flashes through Waverly’s head like a banner, _just_ _once_. It’s _so_ damn good though, maybe it could be more than once, _but we agreed_.

Heat pulls in at Waverly’s core, she arches up into it, into Nicole, and into the timer going off in the background, it’s been fifteen minutes, _it was just a kiss_. Her grip tightens nails breaking skin, and she thinks someone is screaming but _it’s just_ _sex_ and _it’s just once_.

 _Keep going_ “Don’t stop.” She’s coming undone, tightening around Nicole pressing harder against her. Someone’s in the doorway, but she can’t see the walls are shattering around her leaving her breathless. She opens her eyes, it’s just her and Nicole dissolving into her own pleasure. They collapse together in a heap of sweat and heavy breathing. 

_Nicole you are perfect._

***

Waverly cruises into the kitchen past Chrissy reading a Women’s Health magazine on the center island. “Good morning.” Waverly chirps. Her heart purrs like a finely tuned engine ready for the Daytona 500. She hasn’t felt so energized in months, not with the mountain of homework building in her room like Legos and Lucado kicking her ass in cheer practice. Lucado’s been extra bitchy this year, divorce can do that to a person.

Chrissy sets her coffee mug down on the counter, a hangover drips off her face, but she still smiles. “Ooh someone is spry this morning. I take it I am _not_ doing your house chores this month.”

Waverly pulls out a bottle of water from the fridge and uncaps it, she narrows her eyes at Chrissy. “I made it through the first hour.”

“ _That_ wasn’t the deal, that was just a secondary challenge. You were supposed to go the whole night without kissing Nicole.”

Waverly’s cheeks turn pink at the sound of Nicole’s name, it echoes in her ears like music after singing it repeatedly under the weight of Nicole’s touch. Waverly wonders if Chrissy heard it too, pink immediately bleeds to red, she looks away chugging it down with water. “Technically, after 11:59 pm it’s not night time its morning so...I’d say that’s Earp one Nedley zero.”

Chrissy snorts. “Keep telling yourself that _Earp_.”

Waverly fidgets with the cap on her water bottle rubbing the rough ridge between her fingers. Nothing Chrissy says or does will take away the smile curling up the ends of her lips because this morning she woke up wrapped in Nicole’s arms snug and safe and it wasn’t weird at all. She kissed Nicole for the last time, and she will see Nicole again in class on Monday. Appetite satiated, no more curiosities, no more bodily demands, everything is perfectly normal again.

“Waves, to you remember a couple of weeks ago when I brought home a new package of double stuff Oreos?”

“Yeah…”

“You ripped the package from my hand before I even got through the door and do you remember what you said?”

Waverly narrows her eyes. _It’s a trap!_ “Uh…”

“You said.” Chrissy clears her throat. “I quote ‘I am going to eat _just_ _one._ ’ Then what happened?” Chrissy lifts her mug to her lips and swallows down the remainder of her coffee. She raises her eyebrows as she sets the mug back down on the counter like a gavel in a courtroom.

“I don’t understand where you are going with this.” Waverly fumbles with the door to the fridge knocking off magnets and post cards. She bends down to scoop up a few photobooth strips of her and Chrissy and blindly puts them back on the fridge.

“Before the night was over you single handedly ate every Oreo.”

“So!” Of course Waverly ate all the Oreos, it was the night Willa called to announce her and daddy’s visit. It was either eat forty-five Oreos or reenact the destruction of the first death star with a bottle rocket and a water melon in the backyard. Waverly is honestly kind of disappointed she didn’t go with the ladder. The Oreos retaliated and made her throw up but watching a watermelon explode would have been epic. 

“You said _just_ _one_. Sound kind of familiar?”

“Nicole is not a package of Oreos!”

“I am just saying.” Chrissy shrugs. She rinses out her mug in the sink, sets it on the drying rack and returns to her magazine.

“Well I am not sitting here all morning listening to your negativity _Nedley_. I am going for a jog because it’s a beautiful day outside and I feel damn amazing.”

Chrissy licks her thumb and flips through the pages, she doesn’t look up from her magazine, but Waverly can see the amusement on her face. “I’ll bet you do.”

Waverly nods, she ate all forty-five Oreo cookies and then some last night. Her sweet tooth is satisfied, and Chrissy can’t convince her otherwise. She spins on her heals and fist pumps the air. “Later!”

***

Nicole looks down at the dirty laces on her black Nike Vapor cleats and frowns. They are new, and they were starting to blister her heals. She pulls the laces tighter, wiggling her toes to make sure her foot won’t slide. She can feel the band-aid rubbing awkwardly against her sock. It will have to do.

“Haught!” She glances over her shoulder at Doll’s, the sour look on his face doesn’t sit well in her stomach. She knows she’s been off her game lately because of Waverly, but after last night she’s hoping that’s done for. Nicole feels better, kind of, or worse, her stomach hurts that’s all she knows. Dolls summons her with a wave of his fingers. She hustles over before his lips draw tighter and rip, afraid she’ll be in trouble for that too.

“Yes sir?”

“This is for you.”

Nicole’s face scrunches up at the garment Dolls displays to her, she takes a step back shaking her head. “What is it?”

“What does it look like Haught?”

Nicole knows exactly what it is, Navy blue and white, sparkly grey details, it's tight, too tight but she doesn’t know why Dolls is holding it out to her. “It’s a cheerleaders skirt sir but—”

“Exactly, now _you_ get to wear this during practice today.” Dolls eyes burn with petulance and his hostile stance is unyielding. He throws the skirt at Nicole hitting her in the face, she lets it slide into her hands and looks down at the stretchy fabric covered in glitter.

“What! Why?”

His face stretches into a smile, but his eyes stay cold and serious, it’s terrifying. “Well, I figured that since you’re so busy chasing skirt instead of playing the game, you might like to have a skirt of your own.”

Nicole holds the skirt out in front of her, not convinced it will even fit her. She hasn’t worn a skirt or a dress since she could rip them off. Nicole kicked and clawed her mother whenever she tried to put Nicole in a dress and as soon as it was on Nicole would tear it right back off. To add insult to injury her mother would find Nicole running around naked and muddy in the backyard with the dogs, the dress wadded up on the porch. _Harry we’re raising a wild animal_ her mother would say. 

Nicole’s mother tried, oh how she tried, to get Nicole to be the ‘girl’ she desperately wanted but Nicole stomped all over that dream with dirty cleats and an extra side of grass stains. Nicole was going to grow up just like _daddy_ , _have big muscles and play rugby_.

Nicole’s mother wanted to have tea parties and braid Nicole’s hair. Instead, she got to watch Nicole have boat races with her father and his friends on poker night. Nicole had rootbeer instead of beer of course, but it didn’t make her any less qualified for a burping contest after. Nicole’s mother resented it. She felt robbed of a daughter, so Nicole was always Harry’s daughter.

_“Harry your daughter drove the car through my front lawn!”_

Harry looks up from his Newspaper listening to the stuck tires spinning holes into the wet grass outside. He smirks. _“Is she alive?”_

_“Well yes.”_

He shrugs

_“She’s 10 years old you idiot!”_

Harry shakes his head and resumes reading his Newspaper ignoring the devilish glare he is receiving from his wife. _“Isn’t it time for another Gin in Tonic Kathleen? Or did you drink the town dry?”_

Thank god they got divorced. Her mother was a relentless nag with an affinity for Tanqueray and was always critical of Harry. Nicole doesn’t know how _Pierre_ stands it but honestly, Nicole doesn’t give a rat’s ass about _Pierre_. She was just glad that the yelling stopped, and no one was slamming doors anymore. Nicole still missed her mother when she ran away to Paris with _Pierre_ , but she didn’t miss listening to her day in and day out gripe about this or that.

Kathleen was critical of Nicole too. Her hair was too messy, her clothes weren't flattering, or she spent too much time watching The Golden girls and that _Blanche Devereaux was a real hussy._ Anything Nicole did that wasn’t on her mother’s list of things a lady should do was a criminal offense and Harry would be tried and prosecuted.

_“Harry your daughter is snorting pixie sticks again!”_

Harry rolls his eyes _. “Could be worse darlin’.”_

 _“I can’t raise an addict! I just can’t”_ Kathleen paces the living room, each pass of the window momentarily blocks the light casting over Harry’s Newspaper, he groans and folds it up. No use reading something he can’t see.

_“Really and how many Gin in Tonics have you had today Kathleen?”_

_“Well that’s none of your business!”_

_“The only addict around her is you.”_ Kathleen’s scoffs and stomps out of the living room the bedroom door slams behind her.

Kathleen would love this skirt and she would love it if Nicole was a cheerleader all bright, shiny, pretty, and perfect, qualities Nicole could care less about.

Nicole holds the skirt out to Dolls shaking her head. “No way! Nuh uh, I’m not wearing this!”

“You are if you want to play in the game this weekend.”

“This is bullshit.”

Dolls shrugs. “It’s up to you captain.”

Nicole’s scowls at him as she slips the skirt over her rugby shorts. It is too tight as suspected and looks ridiculous with her long sleeve cotton All Blacks t-shirt.

_You look so beautiful Nicole. Look at your cute little ruffles._

_Twirl for mommy._

_Smile Nicole._

_Ridiculous._

“I didn’t know we were recruiting cheerleaders now.” Mercedes says, Shae stands beside her stretching her quads and snickering.

“Shut up.”

“You know I thought cheerleaders were supposed to be a little more what’s the word-” Mercedes tilts her head to the side and her eyes dart off in the opposite. “ _cheery_. Didn’t you Shae?”

New girl comes up alongside Shae and joins her in agreement. Their shoulders bump together, and Shae looks down at her affectionally. “Yup cheerleaders should be cheery.”

Nicole narrows her eyes at them then flashes back to Mercedes. “Screw you! Screw all of you.” 

She pushes past them and jogs toward the rest of the team huddled up with Dolls completely mortified. “Dicks.” _This is stupid_ she thinks. Sure, she may have had a few Waverly induced incidents, but she doesn’t stare at Waverly _that_ much, not enough to deserve this type of humiliation.

“We are going to start off with a scrimmage today. I want to see some solid counter rucking. The Revenants set up fast and ruck hard. We need to be there for our teammates and that ball.” Dolls throws the bag of Pinnies to Mercedes. “Mercedes count off your team.” Nicole’s jaw drops, that’s her job, she’s the captain. Mercedes grins wide. She throws a pink pinnie at Nicole and winks.

So now, not only is Nicole wearing a cheerleader’s skirt, but she is also wearing a pink pinnie. She hates the pinnies. That’s one of the best perks of being the captain is not wearing a stupid pink pinnie, but Dolls took that away from her too and gave Mercedes the captains privileges.

Nicole groans and kicks at the mud with her cleats sending out a chunk of mutilated grass into the air. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and lets it out on three. _Come on Haught get your panties out of your buns._ Nicole holds the ball out in front of her, Mercedes’s bright green mouth guard attracts her eyes and for a split second, she is tempted to kick the ball right into Mercedes’s neon face.

_“Harry your daughter punched the Gardner girl.”_

Harry sets his beer down on the counter and squats down to Nicole’s level. He ducks his head to meet her eyes. _“Nicole why did you punch Mercedes’s?”_

 _“Because she laughed at me and told me I look like a wimp.”_ Nicole takes in a sharp breath trying to fight back tears. _“So, I punched her in the face to show her what a wimp looks like.”_

Harry burst out into a deep chested laugh. _“What a kid we have here Kathleen.”_ He beams down at Nicole trying to hide the pride washing over his face from his wife.

_“Animals! I live with animals!”_

Nicole releases the ball tapping it with her foot, it rolls out just enough to count but close enough to grab it before Mercedes’s can.

She laughs at the disgruntled look on Mercedes' face as she passes her. Mercedes can’t catch her, not in an open field. Nicole will show Dolls this skirt thing is a bunch of shit, she’s a good player, and she’s a good captain.

She sinks down low using short choppy steps to avoid her teammates taking them down one stiff arm at a time. She makes it a third of the way down the field and then there is Shae. Nicole rolls her eyes, Shae the one wing to rule them all, the only one on her team that matches her in speed and split-second decision making.

Nicole knows New girl is running steep, she could easily pass the ball and New girl would have a clear shot to the try line but _no,_ Nicole is determined, this try is hers.

Shae’s eyes fall to Nicole’s hips following their movement, she’s not fooled by the direction of Nicole’s feet, her hips don’t lie. Nicole gets closer, Shae counters every move, she panics, she’s not going to make it through. She does something stupid and kicks the ball over Shae’s head.

It goes too far, it goes past the try line and over the sidewalk. “Son of a bitch!” Nicole jogs quickly after the ball before Dolls can yell at her. _Is that how you are going to play in a game Haught? Not on my pitch!_

Nicole reaches the side walk muttering to herself about skirts and pinnies, she’s so focused on the ball she doesn’t see the jogger crossing her path. They collide, Nicole gets the wind knocked out of her, the jogger squeaks, and they both crash to the ground.

She catches herself on her elbows just in time to avoid smashing Waverly into the grass. Nicole looks down at her blinking, nose to nose. Waverly’s eyes are brighter than usual and sparkly. Nicole looks away, she won’t be mesmerized today, she’s not in the mood for bright and sparkly.

“Are you going to throw up on me because this shirt is kind of new?” Waverly says.

Nicole growls and pops up to her feet. She tears her cleats through the grass, frustrated with the lack of focus Waverly brings her. Nicole's better than this, she's just too distracted. “Waverly!”

“Jeez Louise what’s your problem? And why are you wearing a skirt?”

“What are even doing here?”

Waverly stands up pulling her head phones form her ears, Hear Comes Your Man buzzes out of the tiny speakers. “Uh well, I go to this school and sometimes I go for jogs so...” She shrugs.

Mercedes trots over collecting the ball from the other side of the sidewalk, she took her mouth guard out, so her smile only flashes teeth. “Don’t mind her Waverly she is just a little pissy because Dolls won’t let her stare at the cheerleaders anymore.”

“Shut up Mercedes!”

“Oh, excuse me. Stare at _one_ cheerleader.”

Nicole yanks the skirt off and attempts to kick it, it gets stuck to her cleat instead. Her shoulders heave with each angry breath and every thump of her heart adds to the burn in her cheeks. She is so damn shaky she thinks she might rip the skirt in half with her bare hands.

Waverly takes a step towards Nicole, her eyebrows draw together, she reaches out her hand. “Are you okay?”

Nicole shies away, Waverly’s voice just makes her madder. She wants to blame Waverly for this, for having to wear this skirt because she was fine before Waverly. She’s been the top performing rugby player for the women’s team since her second semester of freshman year. Her dad comes to every game and brags about how good of a player his daughter is, and now she is ruining it for a girl. A girl who doesn’t even want her.

Nicole turns away wadding up her dignity with the skirt in her hands. “I am fine Waverly. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

_For Christ sakes Harry! She broke her damn collarbone!_

_But it was an epic tackle! I’m proud of you kid._

***

“On August 26th, 1970 tens of thousands of women across the United States went on strike to commemorate the fiftieth anniversary of woman suffrage and to protest the inequality they still faced.” Nicole reads.

Waverly watches, starring at Nicole laid out on her stomach with her legs bent behind her. Her hair is straight today and partially hidden under a purple knit hat. Waverly’s never seen her hair straight, except when it was a little wet from their water fight. The tips of her hair are just long enough to poke at her shoulders, Waverly stares at those too biting her lower lip. She knows that if she lifts Nicole’s shirt, she can see the marks she left there. The thought sends a rush of heat somewhere low in her body.

“In half a dozen cities women invaded and ‘liberated’ male bars and restaurants.”

Nicole has hardly said anything to her unrelated to their women’s studies class. Yesterday she seemed agitated like she was mad at Waverly now she's just quiet. Waverly wilts into the mattress, maybe Nicole regrets sleeping together and doesn’t want to be friends anymore.

“Your staring at me. Why?” Nicole's voice comes out short and her eyes stay fixed on her book.

“Are you mad at me?”

Nicole sighs. She pulls herself up and crosses her legs in front of her. She looks to the floor when she talks. “I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself for—”

Waverly leans in holding her breath preparing for it. Preparing for Nicole to say she regrets having sex, she doesn’t want to be friends, and maybe Waverly should find a new study buddy. 

“I haven’t been putting enough effort into rugby or school for that matter. I’ve been too preoccupied with things that aren’t going to happen. I just need to reevaluate my priorities. I’m sorry if I made you feel like I am mad at you.” Nicole won’t even look at Waverly.

Waverly studies the harsh lines drawn across Nicole’s face, her eyebrows and her lips, not the soft features Waverly is used to. Maybe she’s not mad at Waverly but Waverly is part of it, whatever it is.

Waverly looks away, she lets her eyes wander. Nicole has a pink sticky note stuck to the side of her nightstand that draws Waverly’s attention. She recognizes it. That’s her sticky note and Nicole displayed it.

No one has ever displayed anything Waverly made before other than mamma. Wynonna tried once, Waverly made her a Christmas card, but Willa ripped it up, angry that Waverly used her color pencils to make it. Gus and Curtis would have put things up for Waverly, but Waverly started cheerleading and she didn’t want to make things anymore.

Waverly isn’t sure why she even drew this or how Nicole ended up with it, but here it is, displayed like its art like Waverly made art for Nicole and Nicole liked it. Waverly stares at it, following her own lines spiraling in and out of the heart. She chews the inside of her cheek fighting the urge to reach out and touch it.

Nicole keeps it here of all places, not on the fridge or the wall but on the side of her nightstand because this sticky note is just Nicole’s. Whenever she sees it, she’ll think of Waverly, maybe that means Waverly is a little bit just Nicole’s too.

“Waverly…” Nicole pinches Waverly’s big toe to get her attention, she jumps and turns. “are you okay? I said your name like three times.”

Waverly studies Nicole’s face, her impossibly large eyes that are sometimes rootbeer and sometimes honey depending on the moment but always just as sweet. Nicole is beautiful, Waverly knows this, she has never said it out loud, just to herself. “Do you want to come over later…and hangout?” 

Nicole narrows her eyes her voice soft with uncertainty. “Hangout?” 

“Yeah, like instead of doing this-” Wavery gestures to the books and papers spread out over Nicole’s bed. “We could watch a movie and eat snacks.”

Nicole gives Waverly _‘the look.’ ‘The look’_ may as well be a superpower. Clark Kent has his strength, Peter Parker has his webs, and Nicole Haught has _‘the look_.’ Waverly doesn’t even know what it means but it’s magnetic. She thinks she might follow it anywhere. She resumes biting the inside of her cheek. Maybe that’s her superpower. Punishing herself for treading dangerous waters.

“Movies and snacks huh?”

Waverly nods.

Nicole sighs and shakes her. “I can’t, I told Wynonna I would go to Mud Wrestling Monday at the Pussy Willows tonight.”

Waverly laughs. “Why?”

“Because she wants to celebrate me get—" Nicole looks up at the ceiling and rubs the back of her neck. “uh me helping her get a B on her journalism test.”

She’s lying.

“Wynonna wants to go watch two women fight in the mud because she got a B on a test?”

“Yup that is what’s happening tonight.”

Waverly grabs Nicole’s leg feeling determined, and uses it as leverage to pull herself close enough that their knees touch. She rests one hand on Nicole’s thigh and gives it a gentle squeeze. “Okay, then how about tomorrow night?”

Nicole grabs Waverly’s hand and laces their fingers together. She smiles through closed lips. “Okay.” She holds her smile and continues reading. “Women had educational opportunities, but they were not expected to use them. They were assured that they were sexual beings, but their sexuality was defined by male standards.”

This whole _just once_ thing is proving to be a lot harder than Waverly thought. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but Nicole makes Waverly’s chest feel like the host of an EDM festival. She is the ultimate fear factor. If Waverly was afraid of heights being with Nicole would be jumping out of an airplane. Waverly isn’t sure she is ready for it all, but she’s curious, and if anyone can convince Waverly it’s safe to jump, it’s Nicole.

The door opens, Nicole untangles her hand from Waverly’s, and Wynonna struts in shedding her jacket to the floor. Her eyes shift between them. “I didn’t know studying required so much touching.”

Nicole and Waverly both move back a couple of inches. Wynonna gives them another narrow-eyed glance then flops back on her bed like a dramatic starfish. “Terrible news. Doc has a wife.” She says it so casual that for a second Waverly didn’t catch the gravity of the situation.

“What?” Waverly and Nicole shout.

“Oh yeah. Turns out the bastard has been married this whole flippin' time.”

“How do you know?” Nicole asks. She uncrosses her legs and dangles them off the side of the bed. Waverly does the same, their hands overlap, Waverly almost pulls away, but Nicole’s eyes linger on them affectionately. Waverly glances back, Wynonna is looking straight up at the ceiling, she’s not paying attention to them right now. Waverly licks her lips and slowly slips her hand under Nicole's, Nicole smiles at her softly. 

It could be that Nicole just does this to her or it could be the risk of getting caught, but Waverly's heart pounds like an unbalanced washing machine, loud and violent. 

“Uh because I met her…in his office attached to his face. I didn’t realize how gross Docs mustache is until I saw it swallowing someone else’s lip. It was like a walrus at a buffet.”

“Well what are you going to do?” Nicole says.

“ I told him it’s not my jam to be the other woman so I guess Doc can just stick to kissing his wife.” 

“So, you guys aren’t a thing anymore?” Waverly asks.

Wynonna sits up. Nicole slides her hand away. “Baby girl we were never a thing.”

Waverly rolls her eyes.

“Anyways me and Haught-to-trot here best be leaving soon. We have some lady mud wrestlers to watch get down and dirty.”

“You guys have fun with that.” Waverly packs up her books and swings her bag over her shoulder. She lingers on Nicole’s smile wishing she could place a kiss over each dimple on Nicole's cheeks, in her head she does, because Nicole is special, she is better than Oreos, maybe even better than Star Wars. Nicole is a lot of things, she’s scary, dangerous, exciting, beautiful, but what Waverly really wants Nicole to be, is a little bit hers.

***

It smells like dirty socks and judging by the number of men and their questionable personal hygiene’s, Nicole estimates there to be approximately 50 pairs of dirty socks surrounding them. A blowup pool is set up in the middle of the room filled ankle deep with mud, it looks like something that belongs in a barn with pigs, but it’s the bodies slipping around in it that draws the attention of all these men and their dirty socks.

“Dude this is super degrading. It’s just a bunch of middle-aged men betting on two poor girls in skimpy bikinis.”

“This is Purgatory what else are these skeezeballs supposed to do to avoid their wives.”

Nicole rolls her eyes. “Couldn’t we just go out for ice cream or something?”

“What are you twelve? It’s girl on girl action, I thought you would like it.” Nicole reluctantly follows Wynonna through the crowd. They pass men with long mustaches stained with nicotine and alcohol slurred words, some throwing down cash on their table’s others adding another beer to their collection of empties.

“Being a lesbian doesn’t make me a sleazy old man you know…or like a man at all.”

“Well I’m sorry for trying to celebrate my best friends’ victory.” Nicole cringes at that word, victory. It makes the healing skin on her side start to itch, scratching it only hurts, so she pats it instead. What would Wynonna be doing now if she knew that Nicole’s ‘victory’ was with her sister but honestly what could be worse than being at the Pussy Willows on a Monday night.

Wynonna beelines for a booth set up with a microphone and flashing lights at the back of the bar.

Two men leave the booth just as Wynonna and Nicole arrive. Nicole dodges them as they pass. It seems unsanitary to make contact with anyone at the Pussy Willows.

“I bet on Xena, she hasn’t lost yet.” One of them says.

“I’m gonna go with the new chick. The Flaming Phoenix, it’s time we got some fresh blood in here.”

Wynonna pulls out an envelope of cash from the inside pocket of her coat and approaches the booth, the flashing lights reflect icy blue in her eyes, Nicole catches a glimpse of something. Nicole recognizes that look. That’s the look Wynonna gets just before she gets trapped in the back of patrol car. The same look Wynonna had the day they had to hitchhike home in their underwear from the Ghost Rive lake or the night Wynonna fed Nicole shroom brownies instead of weed cookies. Nicole doesn’t like that look. She doesn’t like that look one bit.

Wynonna's fingers flip through the cash as she counts it out silently. She's going to fast, some of the bills stick together. “Damn.”

She smiles and looks at the man working the booth wearing sunglass…in a bar with a toothpick hanging lazily off his lip. “One second.” She says.

Wynonna quickly counts again “Ha!” She hands over the cash. “I bet $500 on The Flaming Phoenix.” The man scratches at the salt and pepper prickling across his face and flicks the toothpick with his tongue. He nods, takes the cash from Wynonna and hands her a ticket.

“Cash prizes can be collected here at the end of the night.” He grunts.

Wynonna tucks the ticket in her inside coat pocket and nods. She grips Nicole’s sleeve and drags her away to the front of the bar.

“Are you gambling?” Nicole asks

Wynonna pulls herself up on a stool facing the mud pit. She twirls it around swinging her legs back and forth. “Kind of, it depends on what your definition of gambling is.”

“ Uh well placing a bet on something with money in hopes to win _more_ money.”

“Then yeah I am gambling and you are shitting all over my parade with your royal suck-a-tude. For someone who just got laid you're still walking around with a giant pickle up your ass. Let your hair down for once Haught and live a little.”

Nicole rolls her eyes. She sits up on the stool next to Wynonna. The two girls in the pit roll around each other like alligators fighting for dominance. Their features slick with mud, all that is left to be seen is the curves of their bodies blending together in a dirty tango. Nicole wonders why these girls choose to do this and here of all places. 

Her ears crack in the tumultuous screaming swamping the room when the match is over, and a winner is announced. The woman holds her arm up proud, fist in the air, and pivots on her heal for all corners of the bar to view. Nicole wrinkles her nose, disgusted by the nod to the male fantasy, however, what can be expected at a strip club called The Pussy Willows.

Nicole would give anything to be watching movies with Waverly right now, something they have never done before. With the exception of the party, they have only hung out to study. Waverly held her hand today too, _they_ held hands. Waverly might want to hold hands again when they watch a movie, Nicole's shoulders shudder, maybe she’ll want to do other stuff too. 

An uproar of catcalls fills the room, a man dressed in a white pinstriped suit steps up onto a stool to the side of the pool, he holds a mic to an overly groomed mustache, a mustache that pisses Nicole off because it reminds her of Pierre’s. “Let’s give a round of a applause for the one and only Purgatory amazon, our fourth-time champion, Xena the Warrior Princess!”

Xena steps out from the hall leading to the bathroom dancing with her feet and punching out her arms. She circles the pool flexing her rippling shoulders and flashing her chiseled thighs. At least she’s wearing a one piece, less risk of a nip slip that way.

“Okay Haught, it’s time to take your clothes off.”

Nicole’s head snaps to Wynonna. “What why?”

“Because you’re going to wrestle Xena.” Wynonna says casually gesturing to the pool. Nicole looks back at the bodybuilder standing ankle deep in thick mud, arms raised basking in the cheers of men.

“Like hell I am!”

“Please welcome first-time mud wrestle, she is fiery as her hair, the Flaming Phoenix!”

“That’s you.” It always amazes Nicole the amount times she finds herself in ridiculously insane situations with Wynonna. _We are going to celebrate_ she said. _It will be fun_ she said. This isn’t fun and Mud wrestling isn’t on Nicole’s list of things to do tonight or ever.

“What! Are freaking crazy I can’t wrestle Xena the Warrior Princess!”

Wynonna pushes Nicole forward towards the grinning Xena. “Oh come one Haught you have the body of an MMA fighter. You’re a real Ronda Rousey.”

Sure, Nicole has a significant amount of muscle from rugby and working out but she’s no Ronda Rousey. “Not even close dude.”

“You can do this. I need you to do this. I already bet on you!”

“You what!”

“Uh yeah you were there. I bet $500 dollars on you and if we win we get $1000.”

“You are insane. I’m out of here.” Nicole turns to the door, this the most ridiculous thing Wynonna has ever tried pull off and Nicole's not having any of it. Wynonna presses her hands on Nicole’s chest stalling her movement. “We get $1000 each Haught.”

 _Each_. Nicole glances over her shoulder at Xena again. She’s not so intimating. Nicole’s taken out girls bigger than her during games, in the mud even. Although she has cleats and a mouth guard. She is pretty attached to her teeth. “Each?”

“Each dude.”

“I want $1200.”

Wynonna glares, gears turning behind eyes, she sighs. “Fine.”

Nicole rips off her shirt and starts unbuttoning her pants. She strips down to just her underwear and sports bra. She avoids the eyes of the bar patrons as she tosses her clothes at Wynonna. Boy her mother would have a thing or two to say about this. She doesn't think her father would like this one either. 

“Woah you weren’t lying you really did get laid.” Wynonna reaches for the marks on Nicole’s shoulders. Nicole jerks away.

“Don’t touch those.”

“Chill dude. I’m just proud of you for finally doing it. It only took half a year. Better late than never I guess right? ”

 _You wouldn’t be proud if you knew the truth._ If holding hands and watching movies becomes a regular activity Nicole and Waverly will have to tell Wynonna which means Wynonna will know who she slept with and Wynonna will kill her. Nicole is way more scared of angry Wynonna than of Xena the Warrior Princess.

“Okay I’m ready. Let’s get this over with.”

“Here's what Daddy would say, this is going to hurt you more than it’s going to hurt me.”

“Gee thanks for the advice dude.” Nicole dips her feet into the mud facing Xena, she sinks her hips low and puts her hands out just like she’s condition to do. It’s no different.

“Let’s briefly run through the rules for those new to Mud Wrestling Monday. No biting, no kicking, and if you slip out of the ring you forfeit if you tap out you forfeit. Are we ready.”

An airhorn goes off making Nicole jump, it’s way too loud for a small space. Nicole circle’s Xena waiting for her opportunity to make the first move. She dives forward but loses her tracking instantly, Xena shoves her down with the heal of her hand. This is going to be hard if she can’t even make contact.

Nicole stands up, the front of her body masked in mud, she gets back into her position. Xena plows forward, she slides on her knees taking out Nicole’s legs. Nicole lands on her back Xena on top of her pinning her down. Nicole’s legs kick behind her trying to buck Xena off but she’s too heavy.

“Come on Haughtsauce you got this!” Nicole is not so sure. She manages to flip over on her stomach and push up with her biceps forcing Xena off her back.

Nicole goes in hard this time she grips Xena’s legs and flings them both to the ground. Xena immediately tosses Nicole to the side like a ragdoll. She’s too strong, Nicole won’t be able to hold her down.

“Get your ass up Haught! $1200 is calling your name!”

Nicole’s nostrils flair, she glares dragging her palms down the front of her body to shed some of the mud. Nicole leaps forward and Xena full body slams her to the ground, forcing the air from her lungs, and smashing her face in the mud. She panics thinking she is going to drown. Her hand reaches to tap out, but she finds the strength to keep fighting until she’s free.

“Alright, I’m done with this shit.” She spits out mud in insult. Nicole can’t hold Xena down, she can barely get her to the ground but Xena is going to kill her if she doesn’t end this.

This isn’t rugby, but she still knows a thing or two about playing dirty and getting a stubborn chick to the ground. Nicole moves full force the best she can without slipping on her ass, Xena extends her arm, old news, Nicole sinks lower dodging it, she gets cheek to cheek, rips Xena’s legs out from under her and dump tackles her right out of the pool. Nicole drops to her knees just in time to catch herself on the lip of the pool and keep from going out after Xena.

The airhorn goes off again, Nicole rests her head on the side of the pool, sore and out of breath. _What the fuck did I just do._

Wynonna runs over yelling. “You did it you beautiful basket of Haught Wings. We won!”

“I won.” Nicole grunts. Wynonna helps her step out of the muddy death pit and hands her a towel. Her body is going to be sore tomorrow.

"Lets you get cleaned up and get you nice and boozy. You'll feel better I promise." 

Nicole gets clean in the back where the strippers shower. Correction where the strippers _are_ showering. One of them comes up behind Nicole and walks her fingers down Nicole’s bare shoulders. She crosses her arms over her chest still naked and vulnerable.

“So, you beat the unbeatable Xena.”

Nicole keeps her back to the woman and talks awkwardly over her shoulder. “Yup. I did that.”

“Mmm well how about you come with me to the back room and I can give the champion a proper reward.”

Nicole shivers despite the hot stream of water running over her. “I’m good thanks.”

“Wildflower leave the girl alone.” A second woman approaches Nicole from the other side. She stands closer, too close for comfort. “I bet your shy. You have kind eyes, innocent.” She leans in and whispers in Nicole’s ear. “I can help you with that.”

“I really just want to shower if that’s cool.” Nicole's skin is bright pink from the hot water masking the flush of embarrassment spreading over her body. She's never been surrounded in the shower by strippers before. 

“We can shower together.” Wildflower says. “You, me, and Carmel.”

“Uh…” _That's enough of that._ Nicole yanks on her clothes before she’s even dry and books it out of there. Nicole is not about strippers or three ways in the shower. There is only one girl on Nicole’s mind and she’s far from a stripper, she’s an angel and Nicole really wishes she was here right now. Well maybe not here, but somewhere else where they could be together. 

“Wynonna, we need to leave.”

“Hang on there Haught all Mighty. We have been offered some drinks by these lovely gentlemen.” Wynonna gestures to two men wearing all leather and blue bandannas on their heads. “It would be rude to decline.” Wynonna picks two shots off the counter hands one to Nicole and downs the other.

_Shitballs. _Nicole swallows the shot with a hiss. “Okay now let’s go.”__

____

“Can we get a couple more shots for the Flaming Phoenix.” The Flaming Phoenix made quite the impression at the Pussy Willows. Her and Wynonna were guaranteed free drinks for the rest of the night. Good luck prying Wynonna away from free drinks. 

____

“It’s a crime to refuse free booze Haught. Just a _fucking_ crime”

____

The room starts to droop to one side and Nicole finds her feet wanting to follow the droopy side. Wynonna laughs hysterically with one of the biker dudes telling them about the shroom brownies and the burning couch. "She was literally on fire! I had to smother her with a blanket" Wynonna kicks back another shot. "Thus the Flaming Phoenix was born." Nicole wanders away in search of the bathroom. She sees two Wildflowers walking her way.

____

“Hey there cutie I’ve been waiting for you.” One of them says.

____

“For me?”

____

Wildflower takes Nicole’s hand and leads her down a hallway that never ends and shrinks the further they go. Nicole’s head is flooded with whiskey and beer, she tries to build herself a raft to keep afloat but she’s falling. She lands on the cushions of a couch, someone is laughing, there’s music playing nearby but none of it makes sense. Nicole lets her head drop back on the couch feeling the room spin hard like a carnival ride. Nicole hates carnival rides.

____

Wildflower pinches Nicole’s chin. “Oh no no no. It’s not time to sleep. The Flaming Phoenix has not had her reward yet.”

Nicole groans she lifts her head to take in the room. It's darkly lit with blue neon lights, black velvet curtains, and one long leather couch. 

Wildflower picks up a Zippo lighter from a dresser and lights the cigarette hanging from her lips, she throws her head back, swaying to Tracy Chapman, and lets out one long stream of smoke. She looks over at Nicole swallowed in the leather couch and rests her cigarette on the ashtray. 

Nicole watches as Wildflower runs her hands down her own body and sinks to the floor before coming back up in one fluid motion. Nicole has been to the Pussy Willows before, she has seen strippers, and she's even had a lap dance but she's never been in the back room alone with a stripper named Wildflower. 

Wildflower smiles, she shrugs off her blouse leaving it on the floor as she saunters over and climbs in Nicole’s lap. Wildflower runs her hands down Nicole's chest and up through Nicole's hair pulling her head back into the couch. “Tell me what you want cutie.”

Nicole whimpers, she knows what she wants and what she wants isn't here. “Waverly.”

Wildflower frowns. “and what does Waverly do for you?”

Nicole closes her eyes and sings _"Give me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around"_ Her foot matches the bass and the snare while her fingers tap out the hi-hats and the symbols. She's a one-man band right now. _"Said I don't want leave you lonely. You got to make me change my mind "_

When she opens her eyes Waverly slides out of her lap and smiles at her. "Waverly?" 

Waverly runs her fingers through her hair and lets it fall messily to the side. She turns and slowly slips off her shorts, they pool at her feet before she kicks them away. Nicole smiles, she didn't know Waverly could dance like this. 

Waverly hooks her finger under the straps of her underwear teasing with the rock and roll motion of her hips. She slides back into Nicole's lap and presses Nicole into the couch. Nicole grips Waverly's thighs with her fingers but Waverly brushes them off. She leans in blowing hot air against Nicole's neck. "No touching cutie." Nicole pouts, she tucks her hands under her own thighs to keep them still. 

The music picks up, Waverly grips the hem of her tank top and lifts it over her head. She tosses it aside and knots her fingers in Nicole's hair. "Just relax baby." Nicole digs her nails into the leather couch. _No touching._

Waverly rolls up against Nicole with her fingers still gripping red hair. She lets Nicole's lips graze over her collarbone and tips her head back exposing more of her neck, _You can call me baby, you can call me anytime_ It's hot but it doesn't smell like cotton candy and roses. Nicole's heart sinks, it's not Waverly. Waverly's not even here. 

Nicole twists out from under Wildflower. "Where are you going cutie?"

"I gotta find Waverly. 

Nicole finds her way to the door and stumbles out through the funhouse hallway.

The rest of the night is an incomplete jigsaw puzzle, everything melts and swirls around in red flashing lights.

"Bad idea dude." She thinks Wynonna's there but there is this incessant buzzing that comes with a pinch and somewhere Tracy Champman sings _Baby I got your number and I know that you got mine. But you know that I called you, I called too many times_

The last thing Nicole remembers after her head hits the pillow is the pink sticky note on the side of her nightstand. She pokes it with her finger before passing out. _Waverly_.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/161796621@N07/45637816082/in/dateposted-public/)  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have not had a private lap dance by a stripper, it's okay because it's awkward anyway.


	6. I Want You To Want Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole has to deal with the consequences of Mud Wrestling Monday while Waverly battles with her indecisiveness.

Nicole’s eyes flutter open feeling like sandpaper, dry and gritty. She groans every muscle in her body screaming at her _what the fuck did you do to me?_ “Wynonna.” She rolls over, her body stiff and uncooperative, everything hurts. 

“Wynonna…” Wynonna is nothing more than a snoring lump underneath a mountain of blankets. Nothing out of the ordinary there. Nicole throws her head back into her pillow and pushes the sides over her ears. She can’t get Tracy Chapman to stop singing Give Me One Reason over and over and she thinks she's going to be sick. “Wynonna! I’m dying.” Her voice scratches in her throat hoarse from dehydration. She kicks her legs out against the bed like a swimmer, throwing a tantrum over endless discomfort and inevitable death.

“Shhhh you’re too loud.” Wynonna mumbles. 

Nicole swings her legs over the side of the bed and reaches out for a solid surface with her big toe. Her body slides down like a wet noodle and hits the floor. The sun is brighter than it’s ever been in the history of time and Nicole is extremely unhappy about it, head pounding, lips chapped, and nauseous.

“Oh god I’m definitely dying.” She fists the blankets on her bed and uses them as leverage to get her wobbly legs underneath her. The room droops to the opposite side today. Nicole’s foot hooks under Wynonna’s laptop cord as she makes her way to the bathroom, she catches herself on the door frame with her shoulder. "When are you ever going to pick that up?" She growls slamming the door behind her.

The bathroom lights aren’t any more forgiving than the sun creeping in, but not as blinding as the flashing red ones last night. Nicole doesn’t remember much after Xena, just a few blurred images of whiskey and Waverly. Nicole doesn’t even remember getting home. She finds a new home wrapped around the toilet where a nights worth of bad choices violently erupts out of her stomach. _I'm never drinking again._

She said that last time she got this drunk with Wynonna at the Ghost River lake. They were swimming and too drunk to notice the homeless guy wandering off with their clothes. They started walking home down the Highway in 100-degree weather wearing nothing but their underpants. Nedley found them out on patrol looking as red as lobsters and drove them back to campus. He didn't ask what happened. He just shook his head. 

Nicole stands up shaky tears streaming down her face and grabs her toothbrush to brush away the residual alcohol off her tongue and her breath watching herself in the mirror with self-loathing. _You did this to yourself Haught._ Nicole doesn’t care about the toothpaste dotting the mirror today. That toothpaste can suck it. 

Her clothes are strewn out on the floor by her bed, some of them with remnants of mud and glory, but mostly they reek of pent up sexual frustrations and cheap perfume. Nicole tugs her grey rugby hoodie from the dresser drawer shoves her arms through the sleeves and pulls it over her head. She grabs her jeans with her foot and catches them with her hand. She fishes around in the pockets for her wallet but only finds lint and thirty-six cents. “Wynonna where’s my wallet?” 

“How should I know and stop yelling. I feel like I cracked my head open on the exhaust pipe of daddy's truck trying to make it under while sledding again.”

Nicole scans the floor, she gets on her hands and knees checking under her bed as the panic settles in. It’s nowhere. Her knuckles turn white gripping her jeans, her hair stands up on the back of her neck, _Wildflower._ Her eyes slam shut replaying everything she can about last night. 

_“No touching.” Nicole’s lips move along Wildflowers skin, it tastes like salt and citrus, Nicole doesn’t like it, it’s not Waverly. Wildflower reaches her hand under Nicole and slips something out of her back pocket. “Just relax.” Nicole’s empty wallet hits the floor and Nicole stumbles out the door._

“Fuck! Wildflower!” Nicole jumps to her feet. “Wynonna!”

Wynonna flings her blankets to the side and blows her hair out of her face, Jameson nestled in the crook of her of her arm. She squints at the light coming in from the window and hisses. “Geez okay, you and Wildflower f—". 

“No!” Nicole growls.

“You don’t have to yell.” Wynonna sits up and brushes away more hair, her face pale and puffy. She tucks one leg under her and dangles the other off the side of the bed, her smile lopsided, she winks. “Haught you dawg! That’s twice in a week.”

“That’s not what happened! Wildflower stole my wallet. She took everything!” Nicole paces the room, adrenalin melting away her hangover. “My winnings are gone. My ID! My gift card to T.G.I. Fridays!”

“This living anus of a town has a T.G.I. Fridays?” 

“What am I going to do?”

“Clearly not going to T.G.I Fridays. Thanks a lot, Wild—” Wynonna pauses, she points her finger in the air drawing out her thought. She shakes her head slowly. “Wait if Wildflower took everything then how’d you pay for your tattoo?”

Nicole’s stops dead in her tracks, she feels her stomach abandon her sinking to the floor and rolling away. She takes a step back swallowing audibly. “Excuse me my what?”

“The tattoo you got on your ass.” Wynonna points to Nicole’s lower half. “Remember you insisted. I said, ‘bad idea dude,’ but you just ran down the street screaming ‘I’m the freaking Flaming Phoenix’ and yah did it anyway.”

The color drains from Nicole’s face, she remembers the red flashing open sign on the door to Apocalypse Ink and behind it Samuel Larson with black gloves and his buzzing tattoo machine. Nicole bolts to the bathroom jumping over Wynonna’s laptop chord and yanks down her sweatpants. She looks in the mirror. “Mother fucker!”

She runs back out of the bathroom with her sweatpants still pulled down, she spins to show Wynonna. “What is this?”

Wynonna rolls out of bed hitting the floor with laughter. “You have a bird on your ass.”

Nicole stares at it in disillusionment, all the intricate flaming details perfectly matching the shape of her cheek. This can’t be real. Nicole has never given much thought to tattoos before. Too permanent for her taste. “It’s a phoenix. I have a phoenix on my ass!" 

Wynonna’s legs peddle in the air, body convulsing, laughing so hard it’s silent.

“What do I do?”

“You have to live with it.” Wynonna gasps for air. “Think before you ink dude.”

Nicole grunts and yanks open the fridge, her vanilla protein mix rolls off the top nearly landing on Nicole’s toe before it disappears under the bed. She reaches past the two week old leftover Chinese food for the empty milk carton so she can chuck it at Wynonna, but for once it’s not empty. Wynonna finally bought milk which only makes Nicole madder. She takes the full milk carton, strides across the room, and throws the whole carton to its death out the window watching it splatter in the grass below. _Take that!_

“Dude! I just bought that.” Wynonna whines. “I’m not buying milk if you are just going to throw it away, _literally._ ” She smiles proudly holding her fist out.

Nicole rolls her eyes and bumps it before frowning again, rubbing her hand lightly over the back of her sweatpants. “I have a bird on my ass and I’ll throw milk if I want to.”

“Fine, but you’re paying for it!”

***

Nicole trudges down the hallway absent of her usual swagger. Her hair normally a sexy mess of waves looks more like Tarzan queen of the jungle. 

“Jesus, what happened to you?” Waverly says. 

“Nothing I just-Wynonna.” Nicole adjusts her backpack over her shoulder, her eyes bounce around the hall, focusing everywhere and nowhere, anywhere to avoid Waverly’s. She sighs. “It’s nothing.”

“You’re lying.”

“No. Really it’s nothing. We just watched mud wrestling and stayed out a little too late is all.”

Waverly squints. Nicole’s lied to her before and she let it go but this time she doesn’t feel so forgiving. She not going to accept being lied to, not by Nicole. “You’re not a good liar you know.”

Nicole looks at her, her eyes are dark and underlined in purple. They’re not Nicole’s eyes. She stands there silently staring at Waverly chewing her lower lip. 

“Please.” Waverly says. “Don’t lie to me.”

Nicole lets out a slow pained breath, she gives Waverly a short nod and leads her into the bathroom. The bathroom stalls are empty, Nicole makes sure of it before she leans against the sink. She throws her head back and pinches the bridge of her nose, shaking her head. “Wynonna talked me into mud wrestling Xena the Warrior Princess last night at the Pussy Willows.” 

Waverly laughs. “Well did you win at least?”

“Yeah I did and then everyone was buying us drinks and I lost track of…everything. Then there were strippers in the showers and the couch and....”

Waverly winces. Admittedly she got a little carried away last night. It could be that cuddle hormone everyone talks about driving her wild in need to be close to Nicole but holding hands, inviting her to watch movies, what was she thinking? 

Whatever it is, the image of Nicole and a stripper twists something fragile inside of her. It's unexpected, her whole life she has worked hard to protect herself and she’s good at too. She can’t tell if she is more upset about Nicole with a stripper or the fact that she is upset about it all. If Nicole can hurt her with something so small and insignificant, what can Nicole do in the grand scheme of things? Maybe the lie would have been better, Waverly doesn’t want to hear any more of Nicole’s story, she backs away towards the door. 

“Nothing happened really. I just got robbed during a lap dance.”

“Cute Nicole.” It stupid to be this bothered by something that’s probably nothing, but still, she can’t help the sense of betrayal and disappointment knotting in her gut. After all these years of building defense mechanisms to protect herself from getting hurt, she did nothing to prepare herself in the event that she _does_ get hurt. 

“No, Waverly wait. I mean Wildflower took everything from my wallet during a lap dance I didn’t even want, like at all.” Nicole drags her hands down her face shaking her head, sad wisp of red hair tapping lightly on her cheeks. “I mean. I was thinking about you the whole time.”

Waverly stops arms across her chest. “I’m not sure you thinking of me during a lap dance with a stripper named Wildflower makes me feel any better.” 

Nicole laughs. “Well, I haven’t even told you the worst part. Maybe this will make you feel better.” She shimmies down the back of her jeans exposing a bright bird with intricate flaming wings covering half of her ass. 

Waverly covers her mouth laughing barely able to form audible words. “Oh my god, Nicole. What did you do to yourself?”

Nicole covers herself back up and sags against the sink, cheeks flushed. She throws her hands up in defeat. “I don’t remember.”

“You have a bird on your ass!”

“Yes, I do.” Nicole’s flushed cheeks bring her face back to life, eyes bright, with cherry lips. She watches Waverly, her gaze full of shame but her lips still tip in a small smile. "Could you like stop laughing?" 

Waverly clears her throat trying to control herself. “Why did you let her get you into this?”

“Your sister is very hard to say no to.”

“No, she’s not, you just don’t know _how_ to say no.”

Nicole shrugs, her hands grip the sink behind her while her toe kicks at the stained linoleum. Waverly smiles softly, something about Nicole wilting against the sink looking like a lost puppy warms her like her favorite bonus blanket. She lifts Nicole's arms and wraps them around her sliding her own around Nicole's waist. Nicole relaxes against her resting her chin on Waverly's head. Nicole is always so warm and smells so good Waverly could stay wrapped around her and never leave. "I"m sorry you have a bird on your ass."

"It's phoenix."

"Right. That's more badass."

Nicole pulls back looking down her fingers pressed lightly into Waverly's shoulders. "It is?"

Waverly stands on her toes and kisses the point of Nicole's chin. "Only a little but you're still cute though." 

Nicole whines and tightens her arms around Waverly surrounding her in warm vanilla. The fabric of Nicole's hoodie bunches up in Waverly's hands, she gets lost in it, her fingers tingling with the sudden need to be touched. She plays at the hem of the hoodie before slipping under it and tracing out the silky texture of the burn along Nicole’s ribs. “Is this from Wynonna too?”

Nicole flinches. “No it’s no—”

Waverly’s fingers travel higher beyond the burn tapping under Nicole's chest, dipping slightly under the band of Nicole’s bra. “Don’t lie to me.”

Nicole nods and shakes her head at the same time resulting in an awkward circular motion. “I mean it’s not entirely Wynonna’s fault.” 

Waverly smiles. The back of her knuckles ride the lines of Nicole’s stomach down to Nicole’s waistband. Her thumb brushes the button to Nicole’s jeans, pinching it, knowing there’s nothing she can do, but the tension is exciting. She hooks her fingers through Nicole’s belt loops watching Nicole’s eyes flutter as she fumbles through her words. “I-I don’t think she…um…intended to give me-me shroom brownies, but it was her idea to make a giant…light bright.”

Waverly retracts her hand. “Shroom brownies! Nicole Haught what were you thinking!”

“I guess I was high so I really wasn’t?”

Waverly huffs, she can’t be mad at Nicole, they’re not dating, and even if they were Nicole can make her own decisions but maybe she is a little bit jealous of Wynonna. Nicole does whatever Wynonna wants her to, which must mean Nicole cares about her. So if Nicole cares about Waverly, Nicole will do the same for her. 

Waverly grabs Nicole’s hand pushing up the sleeve of her hoodie. Waverly’s eyes follow the fingerprint shaped bruises up Nicole’s arm and over the definition in her bicep. She ignores the pattern she’s drawing in Nicole’s palm, pretending they’re spirals, that’s what they were supposed to be anyways. She opens her mouth to speak but hesitates, scolding herself for wanting to compete with her sister over control of Nicole. 

“Would you fight Xena the Warrior Princess for me?”

“I would fight a hundred warrior princesses for you.”

Waverly smirks completing a spiral and starting another. There is a part of her that does want some claim over Nicole, but without giving too much of herself in return. It’s selfish really, maybe that’s a part of her. Her mother was selfish running away with her father. Her father wasn't that much better than Ward, neither of them claimed her as their daughter. They’re all selfish. Maybe it’s just human nature to be selfish.

“Only a hundred?” 

“A million warrior princesses.”

“How about this.” Waverly cups her hand over the back of Nicole’s jeans and dips her fingers into the pocket. “Would you get a flaming phoenix tattoo on your ass for me?”

Nicole leans close, pausing only when their lips barely touch and they share the air between them. Waverly breathes in her words, soft and hot. “So many ass tattoos just for you.”

Waverly's lips close over Nicole’s, but Nicole immediately pulls away keeping them slightly apart. She likes this side of Nicole, teasing her, taking her breath away. “You’re still coming over tonight right?”

“Absolutely.”

***

Nicole feels weightless walking up the steps of Phi Delta Theta, she grips the railing, knuckles white to keep from floating away. Her knees weaken with every pass of heart-shaped fire in the palm of her hand electrifying her skin and melting her against the sink, only holding on with the promise of a kiss.

Nicole combs her fingers through her hair at the landing and runs clammy hands down the front of her sweatshirt. It felt like Waverly was hers in the bathroom and after during class exchanging texts that had them both blushing like idiots. But there was a moment where Waverly flinched, her eyes flickered like a light burnt out when Nicole told her about the Pussy Willows.

Nicole thought her backpack was going to crush her into the floor watching Waverly walk away but then Waverly laughed. Nicole got her to laugh and everything was okay again, her eyes were bright and sparkly.

Nicole tried to be cool and not fall under Waverly’s spell, keeping herself in check when all she wanted to do was kiss Waverly and touch her the way she had on Saturday. Waverly didn’t make it easy with her fingers tracing over sensitive skin asking her about Xena and tattoos.

“Hey! Come in.” Waverly holds the door open for Nicole, her smile is suggestive leaving Nicole feeling hopeful. Nicole follows Waverly into the living room. She gestures to the coffee table loaded with snacks. “I didn’t know what you liked so I got Doritos, those are my favorite, there are pretzels and popcorn too.”

Nicole lingers on a bottle of wine flanked by two wine tumblers sitting in the middle of the snacks. “And wine?”

Waverly shies wringing her hands. “If you don’t like wine there’s beer in the fridge or juice. Probably not any milk I know you like milk. I can go get you—”

“Wine is perfect.”

It isn’t enough that Nicole is already absorbed in shimmering flecks of gold dancing in a sea of green, but Waverly frames it in a smile meant just for her. It’s sure to pull Nicole’s heart right out of her chest just like gravity is sure to hold her feet firmly on the ground, because Waverly is a bright beautiful planet and Nicole’s her glowing little moon happily orbiting.

Waverly smiles, she grabs Nicole’s hand and pulls her further into the living room. “Here sit. I have the movie all set up.”

Nicole plops down on the couch, toes off her Docs, and grabs a handful of Doritos. “So what movie are we watching?”

“Star Wars.”

“Cool. The new one?”

Waverly sits next to Nicole practically on top of her. She opens the wine, pours some in each glass and gives Nicole a funny look over her shoulder. “No, the best one.”

She hands a glass to Nicole. Nicole swirls it around sniffing it pretending she knows how to drink wine. The Haught’s are beer drinkers and cheap beer drinkers at that. Unless it’s her mother, she only drinks gin. Nicole never understood why gin when it tastes like something you would use to clean the toilet.

The wine smells like fruit and vinegar. That sounds about right. She lets a little coat her lips and licks it off. Not bad. “Which is?”

“A New Hope.”

“Isn’t that one kind of old?”

Waverly gasps. She sets her glass down on the coffee table harder than necessary and gives Nicole's side a sharp pinch with her fingers. “Take that back!”

Nicole jumps. "Ow!

Wavely pinches Nicole's other side. "Take it back." 

Nicole can't help but laugh at the seriousness in Waverly's expression and the furry of tiny fingers. "It's like from the '70s."

Waverly picks up her wine glass and glares while sipping out a generous amount, waiting for Nicole to challenge her further.

Nicole should have known better to insult George Lucas’s cult classic when Waverly has a poster of Harrison Ford as Han Solo starring down at her from above her bed. She puts her hands up in surrender. “Oh, my bad.”

Waverly ignores Nicole and tucks herself into Nicole's side resting her head against Nicole’s chest. Nicole follows the twists and turns of Waverly’s hair draping over her hoodie holding her in place like a net. She takes in a deep breath, slowly so Waverly won’t notice. Waverly’s elbow jabs into Nicole’s expanding ribs, but Nicole doesn’t move afraid that whatever this is will dissipate like smoke and leave her with a burn to mirror the other.

Nicole sips at her wine and tries to focus on the movie and not think about Waverly’s hand resting on the inside of her thigh. She appreciates the heat the wine brings to her cheeks to disguise the heat brought on by Waverly’s touch.

Darth Vader takes the rebel soldier by his throat dangling him in the air above breathing loudly. “Where are those transmissions you intercepted?” His gloved hand grips tighter. The soldier’s eyes grow wide and panicked grabbing at the hand around his throat. “What have you done with those plans?”

Waverly’s fingers press into Nicole’s thigh as if this is the first time seeing this movie and she’s in total suspense. The soldier struggles to breathe his words come out rough and weak. “We intercepted no transmissions…this is a consular ship…we’re on a diplomatic mission.”

“If this a consular ship then where is the ambassador?” The soldier's neck cracks under Darth Vader’s grip. Waverly gasps. He is thrown to the side like trash hitting the wall before his final resting place on the ground with the others.

Darth Vader looks around at his surrounding stormtroopers. “Commander tear this ship apart until you find those plans and bring me the passengers, I want them alive!”

Nicole brushes aside Waverly's hair and kisses the side of her head sweetly. She slips her arm around Waverly’s waist and pulls her closer. Waverly doesn't protest but her eyes never leave the screen. Waverly looks younger almost childlike the way she focuses on Star Wars: A New Hope. She looks just the way Nicole would imagine a young Waverly looking, resembling the child Nicole sees in Wynonna all the time. Their faces still glowing rosy with love and affection. Their ears full of melodic laughter running down the halls greeted with hugs and kisses. Nicole can see it in the twinkling of Waverly's eyes that this movie holds the happiness she felt before her mother left. Star Wars is where she goes to escape, it helped raise her, it's a part of her. Nicole smirks, Waverly is the product of Han Solo and Wynonna Earp. How Waverly turned out to be so sweet is beyond her. 

The Millennium Falcon is hit forcing Princess Leia to fall back into Han’s arms. He looks at the ceiling listening to the rattling above.

"Let go." Leia says.

"Shh." Han’s eyes narrow as he looks around for the culprit, he uses the wall behind him for support against the shifting ship.

Leia looks over her shoulder. "Let go please."

His head snaps to Leia, eyebrows straight in irritation. "Don't get excited."

"Being held by you isn’t quite enough to get me excited."

Han lifts Leia and sets her on the ground in front of him. He leans in close with a smug look on his face. "Sorry sweetheart I don’t got time for anything else."

Waverly mouths the words in each scene missing her mouth with popcorn leaving it to pile up on their laps.

Nicole chuckles. “Are you going to eat any of that or are you just going to wear it?”

Waverly grabs a hand full of lap popcorn and shoves it in Nicole’s mouth. “What were you saying?”

“Rude.”

Waverly laughs and stretches out across the couch her head leaning on the armrest opposite Nicole. The spot next to Nicole feels cold in Waverly's absence. She tucks her legs underneath her to try to recover some of the warmth, the wine helps too.

Luke Skywalker swerves through the trenches in his T-65 X-wing starfighter on his way to destroy the Death Star. Darth Vader is close behind him taking out everyone in his path.

“Use the force Luke” Luke pauses his navigation searching for the disembodied voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi. “Let go, Luke. Trust me.”

Luke nods switching off his targeting computer hands gripping the wheel firmly. Darth Vader shoots hitting R2 making repairs to the upper body of the starfighter.

“I’ve lost R2!”

Nicole hides a smile in her wine glass, she has decided it’s a good wine, red and silky with a warm oakiness to it, but what Nicole enjoys more is Waverly pouting at the other end of the couch. Waverly clears her throat for the third time in the last ten minutes, her body entirely turned to Nicole now just waiting, less than patiently, while Nicole pretends to concentrate on Star Wars.

“Hey!” Waverly says in a mix of teasing and annoyance.

Nicole turns her head slowly, her face absent of expression. She brings her glass to her lips savoring every drop of red fruit juice, her eyes dead focused on Waverly. She raises her eyebrows humming questioningly into her glass.

“Are you still being a tease or are you going to come over here and kiss me?”

Nicole sets her glass down gently on the coffee table in between the empty bottle of Wine and a half-eaten bag of Dorito’s. Waverly is sexy like this, impatient, wanting, with a hint of desperation and Nicole wants to savor it for just a moment longer. “In a minute.” She says, smoother than she feels.

Waverly huffs. “Nicole!”

Nicole rolls her eyes playfully and slides over on the couch bumping into Waverly’s knees folded in front of her. “I am going to miss the ending though.”

“Please.” Waverly snorts. “like you’ve been paying attention.”

Nicole cocks her head smiling softly and places her hands either side of Waverly. Waverly’s knees separate for her bracketing Nicole hips as she settles in. “It’s hard to pay attention when someone’s over here throwing a fit.”

“I am not!”

Nicole ignores her ghosting kisses down Waverly’s neck taking in the sweetness of cotton candy and the elegance of rose, just to be sure this is her Waverly. “You sure?”

Waverly squirms, clawing at Nicole’s hoodie, pushing on her shoulders, trying to capture the attention of Nicole’s lips with her own. Nicole continues her light trail of kisses over the hollow of Waverly’s collarbone, she finds a place that’s particularly sweet and sucks it in between her teeth.

Waverly stops squirming, her hands transition to combing through Nicole’s hair and dipping into the collar of Nicole’s hoodie as Nicole sucks harder on the soft piece of skin. She whimpers when Nicole finally releases it.

Nicole circles the wet spot with her finger admiring the purple bleeding under Waverly’s skin like watercolors. They haven’t talked about what this is between them or what it could be, but Nicole feels justified in captioning this little mark _‘mine’._

“What happened to just once?” Nicole asks, she doesn’t wait for an answer, she figures this little mark is lonely and might need a second. She hooks her finger in Waverly sweater to pull back the collar searching for location number two.

Waverly’s starts to squirm again, the heals of her feet digging into Nicole’s sides searching for something that will get her what she wants. “It was just once on Saturday." Waverly says she hisses when Nicole finds a nice place on her chest that Nicole claims as hers too. Nicole kisses over her new mark, comparing its size and color to the first.

“And this is just once tonight” Waverly continues, she knots her fingers in Nicole’s hair tugging Nicole away from her art and in for a bruising kiss. Nicole goes willingly, working her tongue past Waverly’s lips, and tasting the remanence of fruit and spice coating the inside of Waverly’s mouth. _Just once_ is becoming a mantra shared between them. 

Nicole’s been thinking of kissing Waverly this way nonstop since their ‘just once’ last weekend, and Wildflower didn’t do her any favors in Nicole’s drunk induced fantasies. Thinking of Waverly like that, dancing and striping for her ripples deep down in her body, Nicole wanted it to be her, she wants Waverly to want her the way Wildflower pretended to. 

Nicole wonders if Waverly feels it too or if she thought about it after Nicole told her the whole story of Wildflower, the shower, and the couch. The thought of it makes Nicole groan, her hands grip Waverly's waist pinning her to the couch. The cotton of Waverly's shorts at her fingertips. She has half a mind to pull them down right now and _make_ Waverly want her. It was only a matter of time before Nicole migrated lower kissing her way along Waverly’s ribs, wanting to stamp purple everywhere so that Waverly would be hers and only hers. 

Nicole pushes up Waverly's sweater and is surprised to find Waverly hasn’t been wearing a bra this whole time. She takes advantage painting kisses over Waverly’s bare chest. Every part of her is hot and sweet like fresh spun cotton candy at the fair, dissolving against Nicole’s lips filling her mouth with sugar. 

Waverly presses the heels of her palms into Nicole's shoulders encouraging Nicole lower. “Oh, I see how it is.” Nicole’s fumble with the drawstring on Waverly’s shorts. “No sweet talk for you then?”

“You’ve been sweet talking me all day.”

Nicole snorts.

Waverly made suggestive comments, about silver spanks or lack thereof, over the phone on her way home from English Lit. Nicole was helplessly sitting in the dorm next to Wynonna who was trimming her toenails. All she could do was make the occasional grunt of acknowledgment and pretend Waverly said something funny. Anything else would have come out as high-pitched gibberish and earned a suspicious glance from her roommate.

She works Waverly’s shorts down having given up on untying the drawstring. It takes a few good tugs to get them to her knees.

Waverly lets out a scream and kicks her legs out scrambling to pull her shorts back up. Her knee hooks Nicole in the face and she tumbles to the floor. Not exactly the reaction Nicole was going for.

“Ow!” Nicole’s hand clamps over her nose as her body curls into a protective ball. She can taste the hot copper dripping in the back of her throat already like a river of melted pennies.

“Chrissy! I thought you guys were staying downtown tonight.”

Nicole swallows a whimper trying not to exist for the moment as her eyes spill with tears. She peaks past her arms protecting her face from any more oncoming traffic to get a view of Chrissy who is no more than a blur standing in the doorway. 

“We are. Madison forgot her fake ID.”

Waverly looks down at Nicole's watered down face. “Shit.” She gets up and stomps into the kitchen muttering something to Chrissy who follows behind her. Yelling and heavy footed pacing echo out of the kitchen. Nicole can't make out what they're saying under Madison's weighted gaze. She can’t see Madisons face, but Nicole can feel her eyes and they feel less than welcoming.

“She won’t love you back. You know that right? She’s not capable.” Madison says.

Nicole blinks away endless tears trying to see, her mouth full of metal when she speaks. “I think Waverly is capable of more than people give her credit for and more than she gives herself credit for.”

Waverly comes back with tissues, Chrissy isn’t with her. Nicole watches the blurry Madison walk away and hears the door slam behind them vibrating the pictures on the walls.

“Sit up. You can’t lay on your back when you have a bloody nose. “

Waverly slides in behind Nicole with her legs either side of Nicole’s hips. Waverly carefully holds the tissues to Nicole’s nose and Nicole leans back against her.

“I’m sorry.” Waverly says.

“This isn’t my first bloody nose baby.”

“So I’ve heard.” Waverly nuzzles close placing slow gentle kisses along the side of Nicole’s face and neck, Nicole melts into her. She’d get a bloody nose every day if it meant Waverly would hold her this way.

“Do you want to watch the Empire Strikes Back?” Waverly asks with a hopeful tone.

“I’ll watch whatever you want if you keep doing that.”

Waverly's giggles vibrate against Nicole’s neck. “You like this do you?” She gives Nicole a squeeze with her arm around Nicole’s waist.

“Mmm.”

“Okay you get comfortable on the couch and I’ll switch the DVDs.”

Nicole scrambles to the couch tissues pressed to her nose and waits for Waverly to slides behind her again. Waverly is a surprisingly comfortable backrest for a such a tiny person, even better when her arms and legs are wrapped around Nicole. This feels more intimate than before when Nicole was painting purple over Waverly’s chest and tugging down her shorts. This, being held, watching a movie. Small things, not sexual, but romantic.

“How’s your nose?”

“Oh well…a bit tender, but you know…kisses kind of help.”

Waverly buries her face against Nicole's neck tickling Nicole with her nose and laughing. 

The Empire Strikes Back is Nicole’s new favorite movie. She doesn’t remember a damn thing about it, she just remembers being wrapped in Waverly’s arms and Waverly pressing soft kisses along the side of her face until they both fell asleep.

***

Waverly’s leans forward her towel slipping to the damp rug underneath her feet as she wipes the steam away from the mirror. She traces them out with her fingertip, the purples deeper today, spread out like two carnations over her skin. Just colorful evidence of what she let Nicole do, what she wanted Nicole to do.

It’s hot in the bathroom but Waverly still shivers from the phantom of Nicole’s touch. Nicole’s lips trailing down Waverly’s neck, over her breast, along her ribs, pausing at her hipbone. She knows where those lips were heading, what they would have done if Chrissy hadn’t walked in. Waverly picks up the towel at her feet and wraps it around her covering the rose blush spreading across her skin mingling with the violet on her chest.

“Good morning.”

Nicole tries to sit up, but Waverly tightens her arms and legs around Nicole holding her captive. “Good morning.”

“You know it’s Wednesday and we still have class, right?”

“I know but—”

Nicole twist in Waverly’s arms and places a kiss against her cheek. “I know.”

Waverly grabs a handful of red hair and pulls until their lips meet determined to finish what they started. 

“Waverly?” Waverly jumps, the knocking at the door startles her towel back to the floor. “I have to pee!”

Waverly lets out a long exaggerated breath and rolls her eyes. Chrissy is the worst with timing. If she’s not interrupting Waverly kissing Nicole, she’s interrupting her fantasizing about kissing Nicole. For someone who insisted they be together, she sure makes it difficult.

She picks up her towel groaning and reaches for the handle twisting the lock. Chrissy pushes past her pulling her shorts down before Waverly can get out the door. "You are just as bad as Wynonna sometimes." But at least she flushes.

Waverly throws on some leggings she finds on the floor, a tank top, and a flannel.

The stereo is blasting in the living room and one of Chrissy’s workout routines is streaming through YouTube on the Tv. Waverly changes it to Pandora. The carpet and the couch are still littered with popcorn, she sweeps as much of it as she can into the popcorn bowl.

She tucks the empty wine bottle under her arm, grabs the two tumblers between her fingers, and carries them to the kitchen humming along to the music.

_I walk along the avenue. I never thought I’d meet a girl like you. Meet a girl like you. ___

Waverly drops the wine bottle in the recycling bin clanking against the others. The tumblers set in the sink where Waverly washes them with hot soapy water. Her humming progresses to singing. “With auburn hair and tawny eyes.” She rinses the glasses places them on the drying rack and spins on her heels.

“The kind of eyes that hypnotize me through. You hypnotize me through.” Her shoulders sway as she pulls a frying pan from the cupboard and sets it on the stove top. “And I ran. I ran so far away. I ran all night and day." The small burst of blue fire follows the clicking gas released under the burner. "I couldn’t get away.”

Chrissy strides into the kitchen opening the fridge and pulling out the cinnamon coffee creamer. “Good morning Mrs. Sunshine. What is going on in here?”

“I am just making some breakfast.”

“You are in a good mood this morning whatever could be the cause?” Chrissy grabs her mug off the hook under the cabinet, the coffee bubbles in the pot ready to pour. Waverly barely noticed its warm earthy aroma. She pulls it in through her nostrils and let set in her chest. “Could it be a certain someone who stayed the night?”

“Chrissy.” Waverly warns. Chrissy hands her a full mug and takes up her usual position against the center island with her Women’s Health magazine. She opens it to an article reading Sick of Always Being Tired?

“Really Waverly, are we still doing this?”

Waverly stirs in cinnamon coffee creamer, she likes her coffee sweet enough to mask the taste. She’s never liked coffee, she drinks it out of habit more than anything. She started drinking coffee with Wynonna, who at eight, would sneak cups up to her room and split them with Waverly. Wynonna thought it made her more mature, Waverly just did whatever Wynonna did. That ended after Wynonna ended up in juvie, but fourteen years is still more than enough time to pick up a novel's worth of bad habits from her older sister. “Doing what?”

“Pretending.”

“Whose pretending?” Waverly sets the mug on the counter, it sloshes over burning her finger, she sucks on it to relieve the sting. She twists the knob to medium-high and pulls out two eggs from the fridge. “We are friends.”

“Oh really? Because I don’t pull my friend's underwear down in the living room or sleep wrapped around them like a koala.”

Waverly shrugs greasing her frying pan and cracking the eggs in a small bowl. She whisks the eggs until they are foamy and pours them in the pan sizzling as they spread across the surface. “Maybe you should get better friends.”

Chrissy takes a large swallow of coffee and turns the page to her magazine. “Does Nicole know you are just friends?”

“Yeah.” Waverly picks up her mug and holds it to her lips, they didn’t really talk about it, did they? They just went right to business. Waverly tips her mug back swallowing the last drops of coffee and the gritty grounds at the bottom. Waverly caffeinated heart jumped in her chest. Nicole could have a completely different idea about what they are doing. “Of course, she does.”

“Dear god when will you grow up. Nicole likes you. She _likes_ you likes you. Her big ole’ heart eyes scream it when she stares at you from across the field. She doesn’t want to be friends Waverly.”

Waverly drops her mug into the sink carelessly and returns to her frying pan violently scraping the eggs into fluffy morsels. She scoops them out on a plate and pushes it aside no longer hungry. “You don’t know what she wants.”

“Maybe not, but neither do you. You might want to find out before someone gets hurt.”

“Maybe you should mind your own business.” She snaps. 

“Fine.” Chrissy dumps out the remainder of her coffee and tucks her magazine under her arm. “Well, it’s a cute picture anyway.” She slides a polaroid across the counter and walks out of the kitchen without another word. Waverly stares at it, afraid to pick it up.

She sighs knowing Chrissy isn’t all wrong. Waverly comfortably goes through life emotionally unavailable, one of the many other habits she picked up from Wynonna, and that’s suited her up until now. Chrissy hasn't exactly given Waverly's lifestyle her stamp of approval, but Chrissy has always been understanding. She has never pushed Waverly this hard before.

Waverly picks up the polaroid, she brushes her thumb across Nicole asleep wrapped in her arms like a giant teddy bear. She looks at herself, at how comfortable she looks against Nicole. Waverly has never pictured herself like that before with anyone but there she is, being _normal._

Wavelry opens the drawer to the center island where pens, tape, and other random things with no home are kept. She drops the Polaroid into the drawer and shuts it with her hip. Picture or not Waverly refuses to consider her relationship with Nicole as anything more than friends. Chrissy can insist and speculate until she's blue in the face but Waverly doesn't do romance or love. Chrissy knows that.

Waverly won't deny some feelings for Nicole, but she sure as hell is not labeling them romantic, they are just different. Nicole is different, it makes sense that she would feel different about her as compared to past relationships. Waverly has no problem reducing her relationship's with Champ and Madison down to sex. That's all they ever were to her and the moment that changed she got the fuck out. Madison wanted to talk about future plans, _no thank you,_ and Champ started calling sex making love. _Gross bye._ Nicole knows who Waverly is. Waverly's sure it, but if she doesn't, this could get messy. 

***

“P.O. Ryan has been told to distribute 36 radios equally among 6 different squads. How many radios are to be assigned to each squad?”

“6.” Nicole adjusts her head in Waverly’s lap looking past the entrance exam practice booklet Waverly reads from. She pinches the button of Waverly’s blouse between her fingers as she has been doing absentmindedly for the last hour and a half. She finally decides to release it and move up to the next one. “That was an easy one.”

Waverly sits on Nicole's bed against the wall running her fingers through Nicole’s hair as she concentrates on the booklet. If she notices Nicole playing with her button she doesn’t say anything. Waverly's been helping Nicole study for the entrance exam for weeks and now its' finally happening, her test is on Friday and she couldn't be any more nervous. She finds the anxiety is easier to bear when she distracts herself with the golden edge of Waverly's collarbone, or the freckle just to the left of her nose, or the soft pink of Waverly's lipstick that Nicole already knows taste sweet.

“Good.” Waverly leans down, her lips lingering over Nicole’s. They were getting rather cocky doing this in Nicole’s room where Wynonna could show up at any time. Nicole is starting to wonder if they should tell Wynonna but what would they tell her? Nicole doesn't even know what _they_ are. She can't exactly walk up to Wynona and tell her she's sleeping with her sister. Wynonna would definitely kill Nicole on the spot. 

Nicole wiggles her eyebrows. “Study break?”

“Oh no, you finish this, then we finish _that.”_

“ _Okay._ ”

“But you know, if you have notecards I could make you some to study with on your own and we can be done sooner.”

Nicole jumps up and points to her nightstand. “There might be some in that middle drawer!”

Waverly fishes around in the drawer through Nicole's junk, color pencils clack together sliding out of their case, charging cords dangle over the lip. “What’s this?” Waverly flips the magazine in her hand her eyes grow wide. She shakes it in Nicole’s direction.

“Hey! Be careful with that it has sentimental value.”

Waverly holds the magazine out cover facing Nicole. “Really? Titsmagee here has sentimental value?”

Nicole tugs the magazine free of Waverly’s grip. She rubs her thumbs gingerly over Ms. November flat on her stomach arms wrapped around a fur pillow, the curves of her ass in view, her long legs stretched out behind her, all framed in catchy headings. Demi Moore opens up about her American erotic comedy film Striptease. Can You Pass the Playmate test? Rugby League: The Cost of Creating A Champion team.

_“Nicole this is just a fantasy for entertainment, not an expectation of how women should look. You don’t have to look like this you understand?”_

Nicole nods her fingers clutching the edges of the magazine she found under her bed like buried treasure. _“Can-can I keep it?”_

Harry sighs. _“You can keep if you promise to remember what I told you.”_

 _“Right.”_ She looks up sweetly. _“Just a fantasy.”_ Harry ruffles her hair and they exchange dimpled smiles. _LIke father like daughter._

 _“Don’t tell your mother.”_ He pauses with his hand on the doorknob, looks over his shoulder, and puffs out air. _“If she asks, tell her I burned it in the backyard with my balls.”_

_“Balls?”_

Nicole balances the magazine on her stomach lying flat on her bed. She flips through the worn page’s, corners folded on her favorite stories, the binding loose causing some of the pages to hang lower than the others, and cracks and creases scar the cover.

She looks at Ms. November pulled out like an accordion, laying on the same white shag rug in nothing but a thin black negligee. This time Nicole’s eyes trace out the curves and dips of Ms. Novembers chest and her waist. She never moves but she is always changing. She’s not just Ms. November anymore, she’s Rainy Wilson, lover of summer and Dirty Dancing. Just a girl looking for the right person to share long islands with by the pool. She's Nicole's girl. 

_“Nicole it’s time for dinner!”_ Kathleen hollers. Silverware rattles against the dishes. Harry’s chair scrapes across the wood floor making a sound like a foghorn. _“Harry be more considerate of what you are doing!”_

Harry grunts scraping his chair across the floor again as he tucks into the table. Nicole can almost see him smiling and her mother stomping back to the kitchen slamming the drawer shut. _Such a crab apple._

Nicole focuses back on her magazine and Ms. November licking her lips. She slides out of bed quietly making her way to the door and shuts it.

She flops back into bed climbing under the covers and opens up her centerfold. She doesn’t know why the thought occurred to her. She’s never thought about Ms. November this way before or any girl, or any boy for that matter.

Nicole lets out a long breath, her hand slips under her waistband, she pauses, blushing, she has never done this before. Her heart patters with curiosity, her hand slips a little further. _“Oh.”_ Sex ed didn’t teach her this.

Nicole’s eyes flutter shut Ms. November tattooed on the back of her eyelids. She's looked at these pictures hundreds of times since from the time she was eight years old, memorizing every liquor ad, the article on The Appreciation of the Modern Woman, Ms. November’s interests in shopping, interviews with Jay Leno, all of it cataloged neatly in the back of her head.

Her breathing gets heavy as the pressure builds from the inside out radiating a heat that creeps up her chest and blossoms over her cheeks. Her mind wanders through the pages flipping rapidly with the movement of her fingers, she stalls on a comic strip, Little Annie Fanny.

_“Don’t worry, Annie. It’s for science.” Annie enters a low lit room naked, a woman greets her at the door, equally naked, eyes wild, hair messy in the back._

_“You must be my co-star.” Annie looks around a man holding a thick book labeled script and a flat cap waves his hands around the room at the others with bulky recording equipment and long poles with fuzzy microphones._

_The man circles his finger in the air whistling. “Let’s get those lights up!”_

_Annie’s eyes grow, she looks at the naked woman by her side. “Cameras?”_

_“Get that camera around to the left!”_

_Annie runs out the door cheeks hot and confused. “Wanda! You didn’t tell me that they were testing people doing ‘IT’!”_

Nicole gasps, her abdomen tightens through the new sensation, her heart pounding in her throat, she lets go of the faintest whimper, and it's over. She lays still, weak, and out of breath, blinking at the ceiling a smile teases the corners of her lips. _“Woah."_

__

_“Nicole Haught!”_

__

Nicole rolls her eyes throwing her blankets aside and pealing herself from the mattress. _“I’m coming!”_

__

Nicole has fantasized about Ms. November and her friends over and over always remembering It’s just a fantasy, but it doesn’t feel like fantasy when Nicole's lips are working against hers, stripping her of her clothes and leaving them in a pile with Nicole's. 

They had talked about it before being curious. They had been best friends since freshman year at Purgatory High neither of them ever having had a boyfriend. Nicole knows why _she_ hasn’t had a boyfriend but Sydney on the other hand. Nicole suggested they try _it_ with each other. She was surprised when Sydney agreed.

Nicole read through Ms. Novembers article College Sex: Hot, Safe, and Plenty of it, several times before Sydney came over. Yet still, she fumbles through the whole thing unsure of herself as Sydney lets Nicole touch her in new places and try everything Nicole learned from Ms. November. When it’s over and Nicole's arms wobble from supporting her own weight, the same blush spreads over Sydney’s chest.

__

___“Wow Nicole, where did you learn to do that?”_

__

Nicole glances at her nightstand where Ms. November rests. She smiles sliding next to her best friend and curling up beside her. _“Just read about it.”_

__

“Yeah. She does.”

__

Waverly takes back the magazine her eyes moving rapidly over the cover. “Is this what you like? Big tits and skimpy underwear?”

__

“I guess?” _How about don't say that._ "I mean no?"

__

“Nicole!” She glares at Nicole gripping the magazine a little tighter than Nicole would like. “Don’t give me that look!”

__

Nicole laughs out of sheer discomfort. She shrugs her shoulders, arms raised, and palms up. “What look?”

__

“You know what I’m talking about. All dimples and big brown eyes.”

__

"This is just my face I can't help it!" Waverly tosses the magazine hitting Nicole in the chest and practically flies off the bed. Nicole crawls after Waverly reaching her hand out fingertips barely grazing Waverly jacket as she strides toward the door. “I like you too! You’re enough.” 

__

“Enough? Compared to Titsmagee I am enough?”

__

“I mean more than enough. You’re perfect.”

__

Waverly slips her bag over her shoulder and stuffs her feet into her Toms. 

__

“Hey, wait where are you going? I still need help.”

__

“Why don’t you ask Titsmagee. Maybe she has some extra brain power hidden in those-those things!”

__

“Well that’s just not very nice. Ms. November was a straight A—"

__

Waverly scoffs. “Ms. November?"

__

Nicole swallows hard. _Don’t say another word._ The need to defend her first love bubbled over into her mouth in the worst possible way. _Don’t say it._ “A straight-A student in grammar school and excelled at extracurricular activities such as horseback riding.” She slaps her hand over her mouth. _You had to say it._

“Later Nicole.” 

Wynonna burst through the door squeezing past Waverly on her way out. "Jeez, what's got her panties in a knot?" 

Nicole flops back on her mattress clutching Ms. November against her chest. _Balls_

Wynonna's eyes move to the magazine. Nicole braces herself for whatever snarky comments are coming her way. "Did she walk in on you and Ms. November too?" Wynona dusts her hands together. "Been there. Done that my friend.

"No!" 

"One word. Traum- _oh-oh_ -tizing" 

Nicole growls and rolls over burying her face in her pillow. "Why are you like this?"

"Dude you gotta move on. She's definitely in her forties by now and probably married with like sixteen children." Wynonna jumps clapping her hands twice. "She could be on one of those reality tv shows like Flava of Love" She gasps snapping her fingers her voice growing louder with excitement. "Or! Or! John and Kate plus eight!...you know depending on which direction her love life went. " 

"Dude!" Waverly can be mad if she wants and Wynonna can make fun, but Ms. November will always be Nicole's first.

__


	7. The Secrets People Keep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole is done with _just_ this and _just_ and decides to find away to change it. Waverly learns how Nicole's mom really feels about her and has some unfortunate news to share. 
> 
> Or
> 
> Nicole asks Waverly to help her survive family game Night and in the end, she is left feeling betrayed. Waverly struggles with keeping secrets from Wynonna but finds out Wynonna might have one too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for spelling/grammar mistakes. I read through this chapter so many times that I'm pretty sure my brain started autocorrecting everything and I couldn't see them anymore.

Nicole bounces on the balls of her feet shaking with nervous energy. No one is answering the door, but she can hear the music streaming out one of the windows. She can’t tell which one, but if she had to guess, it’s the one overlooking the backyard. Waverly’s window.

They haven't talked as much since the Ms. November incident and it's making Nicole restless. Really it's only been a day, not even, it was last night but still, something feels different. Waverly usually texts Nicole when she wakes up, but there was no text waiting for Nicole this morning. Mrs. Lucado was sick today and class was canceled, so Nicole spent the morning searching for a reason to see Waverly, even if it’s just for a second, even if it's just to drop off a magazine that Waverly probably won’t even like and might just make her madder.

Nicole peeks through the front window for the tenth time. The light is still on in the kitchen, but no one has come in or out. She can’t take it anymore, she shakes the doorknob, and it’s unlocked. “Waverly?”

Nicole follows the palm muted strings up the stairs, taking each step to the rhythmic union of plastic against nickel. The riff calls her from the doorway down the hall. _You're always dancing down the street with your suede blue eyes._ “Waves?” Nicole cracks the door cautiously and her eyes are instantly attracted to the movement in the corner by the closet.

The mirror perfectly captures long wavy hair cascading down her shoulders and summer faded tips curling around her chest. The sun coming in through the trees paints silhouettes of leaves across her face, her eyes add the color of fall, but her lips are velvet red like chocolate cosmos.

 _And every new boy that you meet, he doesn't know the real surprise._ Nicoles smiles and takes in the sight of what the mirror can’t, the arch of Waverly’s lower back peaking out from the hem of her tank top and disappearing again in the cotton waistband of her panties, the curves and lines that meet at her thighs, down the back of her knees, and to her ankles.

Goosebumps ripple across Nicole’s skin, she knew Waverly was beautiful, but maybe she forgot just how beautiful or it could be that Waverly is most beautiful in moments such as these, unguarded, dreamy, and free. Nicole’s eyes fall to the magazine bowing in her grip, the protective plastic crinkles under her fingertips, and she suddenly feels self-conscious. She should have brought something _more_ beautiful, but is there anything beautiful enough for Waverly Earp?

 _When she's dancing 'neath the starry sky, Ooh, she'll make you flip._ The red button up Waverly slips over her shoulders is practically a dress on her hanging at her upper thighs. The sleeves she shoves up her arms so the fabric bunches at her elbows and she leaves the buttons undone. The sliver of her midriff doesn’t go unnoticed.

The way Waverly knots her hair on top of her head and watches herself, holding this skirt or these shorts out in front of her, swapping them, tossing them aside, makes Nicole sweat. She wonders if Waverly stands there and does this every morning before school. Nicole know it's irrational but she still finds herself jealous of that mirror; the things it gets to see, the outfits, the hair, the makeup, and all the things Waverly does next.

_Here she comes again._ Waverly struts across the room to her bookshelf. Nicole’s eyes fixate on the graceful sway of her hips. She picks up a grey tube looking thing from the top shelf and uses it as a microphone phone throwing her head back and chiming along, _when she's dancing 'neath the starry sky, I kinda like the way she dips._

She shimmies her shoulders spilling hair over her face. The red button up slips down one side exposing an olive shoulder and a gold dove necklace cradled in the dip of her collarbone. The two marks on Waverly’s chest and neck have since faded to green and yellow, _she's my best friend's girl._

She’s my best friend’s sister Nicole thinks. If Wynonna only knew what she was doing right now. Nicole can think of a million ways Wynonna could kill her and Wynonna knows where to hide a body.

Still, Nicole can’t fight the 100-watt shiver electrifying her spine when Waverly flicks her wrist and the grey tube, extending out the blue plastic blade that she now grips in both hands. Or the silent gasp when Waverly starts playing the guitar on the toy lightsaber, her fingers sliding up and down the imaginary strings, her face tight in concentration plucking each note like it will make or break the song. With a hair flip and head nod she kicks out her leg flashing turquoise painted toes, _but she used to be mine._

A shaky hand grips the doorknob trying to keep it steady. Nicole may as well be drooling the way her mouth hangs open watching Waverly rock out with the force. 

_You've got your nuclear boots and your drip dry glove._ Waverly is extraordinary, magical, mythical even, like a unicorn, rare and impossibly beautiful. Nicole swallows the accumulated saliva flooding her mouth and takes a deep breath for what feels like the first time since she cracked open the door.

_Ooh when you bite your lip, it's some reaction to love, o-ove, o-ove_

She finds herself falling hard for the girl in the oversized button-up playing guitar on a lightsaber, falling right on her face. “Woah!” _Here she comes again._ The door bounces off the wall as Nicole crashing to the floor and the magazine skates away under the bed skirt. “Umph.”

“Nicole!” The music cuts out. Waverly pulls the button up over her shoulders and wraps it around herself hiding away the lustrous skin of her chest and stomach. “What are you doing here?”

Making her way back to her feet Nicole retrieves her gift and her dignity from under the bed. The magazine she hides behind her back. “I’m sorry. I knocked...and then I rang.”

Waverly holds the button up tightly around her sitting on the window seat. She chews at the inside of her cheek like gum while the silence lingers between them. Nicole stares at Waverly’s turquoise painted toes flexing on the carpet, her eyes dart briefly up to Waverly, and then back to her toes before they make eye contact.

“It’s okay.” Waverly finally says. “I’m glad you are here.” She pushes off the window seat and moves across the room. Her hands loosen on the button up letting it fall open.

Nicole relaxes. “I got you something. I hope it doesn’t make you mad at me.” She pulls the magazine from behind her back and presents it to Waverly.

Waverly huffs. “A dirty magazine?”

“No look.” Nicole taps the cover proud like a hard working penguin offering a pebble to court her mate. Waverly’s eyes light up at one Ms. Carrie Fisher, thick brown braid hanging over a nearly nude chest, one strap wrapped around her neck supporting a shimmering bikini-type top matching the tribal band around her bicep. The heading reads: Princess Leia as You’ve Never Seen Her Before.

Nicole figures it would be awkward to explain her complicated relationship with Ms. November, but she hopes that by bringing Waverly something to relate to, Waverly will understand. Nicole got up early and searched four different thrift stores downtown before she came across Carrie Fisher. She found Harrison Ford too, but it had nothing to do with Star Wars. Nicole thinks Han Solo is a dick anyway, but she'll never admit that to Waverly.

Waverly laughs clutching the magazine in her hand. She examines the protective plastic. “Did you look at it?”

Nicole puts her hand over her heart and shakes her head. “I love one centerfold.”

“You’re so weird.” Waverly hits Nicole in the stomach playfully with the magazine. “But thank you. This is actually really cool.”

“So, you’re not mad anymore?”

“No silly, I was never mad.”

“But…it seemed like it.”

Waverly’s eyes drift away wielding the lightsaber in one hand and Carrie Fisher in the other. The button up gapes open exposing sharp hip bones and an oval belly button. She is the sexiest Star Wars nerd Nicole has ever seen. “That’s not what _that_ was.”

“Oh.”

Waverly collapses the lightsaber with the palm of her hand, places it on the top shelf with the magazine, then saunters back over silky as a cat. Nicole goes slack like Jell-O. She curls a lock of Nicole’s hair around her finger, her eyes full of hazel fire, and whispers against Nicole’s lips with honey and mischief. “Guess what?” Then caresses Nicole’s arm, her shoulder, and down her side shooting off fireworks in every direction.

“What?”

“Guess.” She says, with a smile straight out of Nicole’s wildest dreams. Her fingers run along the line where Nicole’s tank top sinks into her shoulder. Waverly hooks her finger under the strap and gives it a light tug. “You know it’s going to rain today.”

“I know but…” Nicole trails off. Waverly drags her finger under Nicole’s tank top strap until it can't go any further without disappearing under Nicole's arm. Nicole’s eyes close. Her heart beats a deafening roar in her ears. Her body reacts to Waverly’s teasing and touching as if Waverly owns it. Waverly could touch Nicole anywhere and it would have the same maddening effect. 

“You aren’t guessing.” Waverly whines. Her lips linger on Nicole’s shoulder creating a cool wet patch, and the occasional sting denoting her velvet red lipstick won't be the only thing she leaves behind. It's payback for the other night. “Okay, I’ll tell you” She teases a second longer. “Nedley took Chrissy to her cousin's wedding reception. She’ll be gone all day.”

Nicole cracks one eye. “No Chrissy?”

“No Chrissy.” Dark pupils eclipse the fiery ring burning in Waverly’s eyes consuming green to gold. Her hand works its way into Nicole’s hair tugging to draw their lips together and stealing Nicole’s air. “ _And_ No Wynonna.” She says, their lips still touching.

“Just us?”

“Just you and me.” _Just. Just. Just._ Nicole feels like she should stop, say no, because she knows she can’t be what Waverly wants her to be, _just_ friends, but _fuck_ is Waverly hard to say no to when their bodies are pressed together like this. When Waverly’s tongue is rolling around hers like it’s the last thing Waverly will ever taste.

_It was just a kiss_

_It was just sex_

_Just this once_

It was never _just_ anything. It was always this, can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, unadulterated love, and she does. Nicole loves Waverly Earp and she is goddamn terrified of it.

The look in Waverly’s eyes, heavy lids, velvet parted lips, it unwinds everything inside of her, makes her weak. Nicole gives in, every part of Waverly is soft and warm, and Nicole can’t get enough of it. Each touch vibrates through her body like the pluck of a string singing its own unique note, all part of a series of chords, two people working together to make a whole song. Nicole doesn’t remember taking off her clothes or Waverly taking off everything except the red button up that Nicole asked her to leave on.

It’s only the feeling of their bodies sliding against each other that she remembers—the heat, the sweat, and the friction. Her lips and her tongue moving against Waverly in a whole new way, a whole new place, and Waverly’s fingers pressed into her scalp as they both get lost in the moment.

Their needs and their wants coming to fruition in a tangle of sheets, toes flexed, knees locked, back arched, until it falls apart, unraveling around them one blinding wave of heat at a time. Then silence. Everything is still, frozen in time, weightless. Nicole’s plastered to the mattress, chest heaving, too sensitive to move, Waverly’s there too, burning into her side. _Just_ isn’t going to cut it anymore. One way or another Nicole will _just_ end it. 

***

The colorless afternoon sky is nothing but a two-toned grey ocean with a large swell rolling into late fall. It brings the rain saturating the gravel and the dirt underneath Waverly's soaking wet Toms. They were not the best choice of footwear today.

“What exactly are you doing?” Waverly asks. 

Wynonna’s focus is on her phone, she holds it out in front of her, brows pinched together, eyes sharp and dedicated. “Damn.” Her shoulders drop.

The wetter Waverly becomes the more impatient she feels following Wynonna through narrow trails of fallen Douglas Firs and exposed roots. Its been at least an hour of wandering the secluded area of the park surrounded by thick walls of mossy trees. The occasional joggers pass, a couple with their giddy golden retriever carrying a stick in his mouth ambles along, and one lone old guy with oversized headphones and a walkman tucked into his fanny pack power walks by in complete oblivion.

“I’m trying to catch a Poliwag.” Wynonna whines. “Can’t a girl just catch a Poliwag.”

“What’s a Poliwag? Like a frog?”

Wynonna chortles. “You naive little cinnamon roll. A Poliwag is a Pokémon.”

Waverly raises her eyebrows and nods. "Ah huh."

“Mercedes got me hooked on Pokémon go. Now it’s all I want to do." Wynonna lurches forward. Her foot catches on an exposed root. She recovers her balance on a nearby Hemlock tree. " Stupid nature!" She spreads out her palm in disgust and frowns at the dirt and moss coating it. She quickly wipes it on her pants. "My homework is really starting to pile up though.”

“Do you ever actually do your homework?”

“No.” She rolls her eyes and sighs heavily. “Nicole does it, but she’s never around anymore and I’m not calling Doc for help.”

“God forbid you do your own homework.” Wynonna is avoiding something, presumably Doc. A classic sign bringing Waverly out here to talk, but not actually talking. Instead, she waits for Waverly to do it for her. Just like she does with Nicole and her homework. It’s kind of her brand, but Waverly doesn’t want to stand in the rain all day trying to pry it out of her. So she fishes.

“Were you jealous when you found out Doc has a wife?”

Wynonna stops roaming but keeps her eyes on her phone. “Doc can screw around with whomever he pleases. It doesn’t mean I have to stick around to watch.”

Waverly’s jealous. Jealous of Nicole and her sister, and jealous of Nicole’s weird attachment to Ms. November, which is just a freaking magazine. She doesn’t do jealousy but here she is making friends with the green-eyed monster.

“So, you guys still aren’t together?”

“We’re not together. He’s just around.” She takes a few steps forward. "He didn't have to lie." And a couple more. "We aren't dating. We never set any rules but I don't like being lied to you know?"

Waverly swallows hard. Guilt burns in her chest because _She_ has been lying to her sister. Nicole has been lying to her best friend. What will Wynonna do when she finds out all the people she cares about are liars. 

"Oh well, lesson learned." Wynonna side winds through the trees and meets Waverly back on the trail. "It just proves that you're the only one I can trust baby girl. Me and you like always...and _maybe_ Nicole. That's to be determined." 

Waverly's heart sinks. She knows better. Her sister has the same issues she does. It could have been okay if she stopped after the party. It might have been forgivable, written off as a mistake, but now it's something else. It has strings. She tried to cut them but she couldn't because she doesn't know what they are yet. All she can do is hope that Wynonna will understand. If Wynonna feels for Doc the way Waverly feels for Nicole, Wynonna should understand, right?

“Do you love him?”

“What?” Wynonna revolts shaking off the question like it’s a spider on her shoulder. “Baby girl, love doesn’t exist. You know that same as me. Whatever I feel for Doc…it _ain’t_ love.” 

“Well what is it then?”

Wynonna shrugs. “I don’t know, lust maybe? Sex?” She spits and swats at the cobwebs clinging to her cheeks. "Ick!" 

Maybe that's all it is with Nicole, lust. She can't tell Wynonna that but it's not like she has a secret wife. Just secret sex. What if Wynonna never forgive hers? What if she never forgives Nicole? 

Wynonna's eyes dart up, her lips part like she’s going to say something, but she doesn’t, she just stares. There is something in her eyes that says she already knows, that on some level Wynonna has always known, but how? Or is it Waverly’s guilt that stares back at her in her sister’s stormy blue eyes. Is this her punishment for keeping this from Wynonna, for leading Nicole on, and for lying to herself? 

Wynonna pokes Waverly in the chest and flicks her in the neck. “What are these?”

“Hey!” A blush spread over Waverly's cheeks before she even realizes what Wynonna is talking about. Waverly covers herself with her jacket and brushes Wynonna’s hand away.

“That’s tacky cover that shit up. I don’t want to think about some asshole hoovering your neck.” Wynonna drifts off the trail breaking small twigs in her path and toppling over mushroom towers. Her eyes lost as she balances along the edge overlooking the creek. 

Just blurt it out. Rip it off like a Band-Aid. Get it over with. She'll be mad regardless. “Wynonna Nicole and I—”

Wynonna puts her finger up; her eyes fall to her phone. “One-sec baby girl there’s a Poliwag nearby.” She shrinks down, walking in stealth mode, her finger to her lips holding on to the silence. Only her feet crunching a path of destruction makes a sound and her whispering. “Here Poliwag Poliwag. Come to mamma.”

Waverly’s guilt explodes in her chest. It has to come out. She blows out air vibrating her cheeks.

Wynonna stops, stands upright, her shoulders sag, and she sighs.

"I have something to tell you." Both sisters say. 

Waverly turns, Wynonna screams, twigs snap, dirt flies, and Wynonna slips off the edge tumbling down the boulders below.

“Wynonna!” Waverly bolts to the edge. Wynonna sprawls out on her back at the bottom. “Are you okay?”

She groans. “I’m somewhere between 2007 Britney and 2008 Britney with a lot more hair but a little more crazy.”

“So, is that a no?”

“My shoulder hurts worse than stepping on a Lego barefoot in the middle of a blizzard. I’d give it a ten out of ten.”

“Should I get help?”

“No baby girl. I got this.” She rolls over. “It’s climb or die time.”

Waverly's eyes well up feeling helpless as her sister reaches for the boulder above and cries out in pain. “Ow! Motherlover that smarts.”

“I’m just going to get help okay. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay, I’ll just hangout out right here.”

Waverly runs down the trail splashing through mud puddles hidden under yellow leaves in her already soaked Toms squishing with every step. Her heart races from speed and fear and her mind drifts to Wynonna stuck in a claw machine on Waverly's fourth birthday. It was all for a stupid stuffed unicorn. Waverly pressed her hands and her face up against the glass watching helplessly as Wynonna tried to escape. The fire department came and tried to pull her out like a breeched baby, but she wouldn’t come without that unicorn. So, they took the whole thing apart. The Kidz Kastle fined Uncle Curtis for the damage. Wynonna stuffed the Unicorn up her shirt and gave it to Waverly later. This is worse. Much worse and it's all her fault.

Waverly locates a couple of police officers at the front of the park. She is sweating and out of breath by the time she gets to them. They follow her back to Wynonna who is singing like it's just another day in the neighboorhood.

“Do do do do…I want to fly like an eagle....slippin'. Slippin'.”

“Are you having fun down there?”

“I think I dropped back to 2005 Britney.”

“Vomits in the pool or banned from the Oscars?”

“You pick baby girl. You pick.”

Office Grey attaches a rope to a nearby Douglas Fir. He climbs down the rocks, scoops Wynonna up, and hands her over to officer McKenzie.

“Just so you know, I could have done this by myself. I am just letting you two top notch gentlemen have your fifteen seconds of fame.”

Officer McKenzie sets Wynonna on her feet, she staggers into Waverly. Waverly throws her arms around her. "I am so sorry."

"A little tight baby girl."

Waverly releases her sister her eyes still watering. Even though Wynonna's shoulder visibly sags she doesn't act like she's in pain. “Wynonna, I think you need to go to the hospital. Your arm looks like it’s falling off.”

“Pffft. I am fine as wine but if you insist.” She gives Waverly a half smile. Broken and hurting Wynonna still tries to protect Waverly. Waverly doesn't know what she would do if she ever lost her. All the things Wynonna used to do in high school left Waverly in constant terror. She dreaded the day Nedley would come and tell daddy he found Wynonna in the proverbial ditch somewhere. Sometimes Wynonna is the one who needs protecting and that's what she'll do. Waverly will find a way to tell Wynonna. The longer she waits the worst it will hurt. 

Wynonna wiggles her eyebrows and throws her good arm over officer McKenzie’s shoulder. “How about officer McSteamy here takes us for a ride.”

"Haven't you spent enough time in the back of a police car?"

Wynonna retracts her arm from Officer McKenzie and wrinkles up her nose in a scowl. 

“I think that would be a good idea.” Office Grey says. “You probably should see a doctor for that shoulder miss.”

“Nothing a little whiskey won’t mend Starsky.” Wynonna clicks her teeth shooting off two finger guns. 

“Wynonna.”

“It’s Britney bitch.”

Waverly smacks Wynonna on her shoulder. “Ow! Okay! Jeez. Let’s go.” She spins her finger guns and holsters them at her hips. Waverly puts her arm around Wynonna's waist as they walk back to the police cruiser and get a ride to the hospital. 

***

"I've known since you two were in college together." Sophia says.

Dorthy shakes her head. " _She_ didn't even know in college. How did _you_ know?" 

Sophia shrugs. "A mother knows." 

Dorthy stands from the couch and crosses the room. "Do you think I should tell Rose and Blanche?"

"Jean is a nice person. She happens to like girls instead of guys. Some people like cats instead of dogs. Frankly, I'd rather live with a lesbian than a cat." Dorthy's head snaps to Sophia. Sophia shovels popcorn in her mouth. Nicole laughs and tears apart her licorice with her teeth. "Unless a lesbian sheds. Then I don't know." 

Nicole stretches out on her bed cracks open a beer and tucks her arm between her head and her pillow. Sometimes Nicole likes to pretend she lives in a studio apartment downtown near the police station and her only housemate is a cat named Calamity Jane. Her apartment is clean, everything has a place and everything is in its place. There's no missing t-shirts or scorch marks on the walls. There are no death trap laptop cords leading to the bathroom. Just her and Calamity Jane kicking it with the Golden Girls. 

The door flies open with a startling bang sending Nicole's licorice to the floor. She flips over scrambling for the remote and changes the channel to cops. Wynonna stumbles in with Waverly's arm wrapped around her waist carrying half of her weight. 

"What happened?" Nicoles says situating herself casually at the edge of the bed. 

“She dislocated her shoulder.”

Nicole shrugs. “Oh yeah, I’ve done that a couple of times.”

Nicole helps Waverly lift Wynonna to her bed while Wynonna swats at their hands. "I'm not dying baby girl. So quit your fussing."

"Seems alright to me." Nicole says.

"Well she's not. It could have been worse Nicole. You should have seen where she fell. I was so scared I had to get the police. They came and pulled her out." 

"I'm sure that's not the first time the police came and pulled out...her out I mean."

Waverly jabs her fist into Nicole's shoulder. Nicole flinches rubbing the sting left by her sharp knuckles."Ow!"

Wynonna chuckles.“Haught, you’re a good one. If it wasn’t super weird, I would hook you up with my sister.” Waverly glances at Nicole who jerks her head in the opposite direction. “Have you met her?” Wynonna grips Nicole’s hoodie by the collar yanking Nicole’s ear almost to her mouth. “Have you?”

Nicole slaps Wynonna’s hands away. “You know that I have. She’s standing right next to me.”

“They gave her a lot of pain medicine.” Waverly says.

Wynonna moves her arm in a wavy motion and starts singing. “I believe I can fly. I believe I can spread…no wait that’s not how it goes. I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky…”

“High as a kite.” Nicole says flatly.

"Haught you're just as bad as Waverly walking around with that on your neck. Yours is worse." Wynonna snorts. "Yours could eat Waverly's."

Nicole and Waverly grab at their necks protectively and avoid eye contact by looking in opposites directions. 

"You haven't even told me who you've been hooking up with. You're either with Waverly or...whoever your shtupping."

Nicole cringes waiting for Wynonna to put two and two together. She is so close. Hopefully the pain medicine will fog up her brain enough that she stays oblivious for now.

"You hang out with my sister way more than me and I'm kind of upset about it!" Wynonna shakes her finger. "You better not break her heart."

"What?"

"Come on dude. We both know your damage."

Nicole's eyes drift to Waverly but Waverly looks away chewing on the inside of her cheek. Nicole feels a flash of resentment. If they are just friends then it shouldn't matter. "I can honestly say I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh come one. Freshmen year? Poly Sci? What's her face!" 

"Okay, that's enough out of you." Nicole sticks her beer to Wynonna's lips." 

"Hey! And thank you."

"Waverly can I see you over here for one sec." Nicole leads Waverly to the bathroom and closes the door behind them.

"What's her face from Poly Sci?"

"That's not what I brought you in here to talk about." 

"Okay."

“I was wondering…” Nicole tries to jam her hands in her pockets but her sweatpants don't have pockets. One side has a small tear at the seam that Nicole's thumb catches and rips. She wraps her arms around herself instead while Waverly blinks at her.“Since I have been to an awkward dinner with your family...for moral support. I was wondering if you would come to an awkward game night with my parents…and _Pierre_...tonight." Nicole puts her hands up. "F-for moral support." Her dad would get a kick out of Wynonna, but Nicole's mom will like Waverly. Kathleen is the one to please here. God knows Harry won't please her and there's a 50/50 chance that Nicole won't either.

Waverly laughs. “Aren’t your parents divorced?”

“Yes, which makes it all the more awkward. They made some stupid agreement that twice a year _and_ on holidays, we would all get together for ‘family time’. I have told them multiple times that's super weird and unnecessary.”

“No pressure.” Nicole adds.

Waverly doesn't hesitate. “Okay.”

“Really?”

Waverly nods. “Yeah. Sure.” 

Nicole bites her tongue to keep _I love you_ from rolling out. Nicole's never loved anyone before. There was Sydney but they were just friends. Sydney wasn't even gay. She moved on from whatever she and Nicole were doing for a football player named Chad. Nicole doesn't want to be Waverly's friend and she doesn't want to be a stepping stone for Waverly and another Chad. 

"Can someone help me take my jacket off. It's hotter than Nicole's leg simmering in Icy-Hot over here"

Waverly gives Nicole a funny look.

Nicole shakes her head dismissively reaching for the door. Waverly stops her with a light hand on her stomach. "Wait just a minute." She hooks her finger in Nicole's collar and pulls her into a gentle kiss. This doesn't feel like friends. How can Waverly label it that and do this? She has to tell Waverly tonight, after family game night, before this goes any further, and depending on how things go she has to tell Wynonna _something_.

***

“You okay?”

Okay? Of course, she’s not okay. Waverly is terrified of meeting Nicole’s family. She’s never met anyone’s family, other than Chrissy’s, but never someone she was dating. _Dating_. The thought dawns on her, her stomach rolls in her abdomen, she starts to walk funny, with a limp or a waddle or something more awkward. Is that what they are doing, _dating_? Is she coming home to meet Nicole’s parents because they are dating?

“Waves?” Waverly freezes suddenly feeling small. She squeezes Nicole’s hand to keep from shrinking into the cracks of the red brick walkway leading up to the white farmhouse where Nicole’s parents are waiting. The red brick walkway that is endless like a treadmill, they are just walking in place while Waverly gets smaller and smaller until she’s pocket size. 

“Yeah, I’m good.” She squeaks. 

Nicole puts her hands on Waverly’s shoulders and brushes her thumbs over the folded lip of Waverly’s turtleneck. Waverly had to wear a turtleneck to cover the marks on her chest and neck, so she can meet Nicole’s parents and impress them. She _needs_ to impress them because they’re _dating_. Because they’re dating? _Because they’re dating. Because they’re dating!_

Waverly buckles over, feeling like someone just crushed her stomach in their fist. She didn’t eat very much today so she hopes only a little comes up, otherwise she’s about to destroy Nicole’s 1460 Original Doc Martens. Waverly justifies it in saying they’re leather and the product of murder, she shuts her eyes, and they’re definitely covered in throw up.

Nicole doesn’t move away. She rubs soothing circles over Waverly’s back and shoulders as Waverly's stomach turns upside down, her body violent and emotional. The cool air laps at the beads of sweat dotting her forehead, she opens her eyes and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. Some of the pressure is gone but it looks like she ate more than she thought. _I should run now. ___

__

Nicole lifts Waverly’s chin until she’s met with Nicole’s golden eyes stirring with concern like honey in tea. Waverly holds back her tears behind the throb in her throat as Nicole wipes away the others that escape and lingers on her forehead with a soft kiss. “Do you feel better?” Better no. Less nauseous, a little, but she is embarrassed and ashamed—and it smells like puke.

__

“I’m sorry I threw up on you.” Waverly chokes out adding a few more tears to the runaway list.

__

“Me too but it’s okay.”

__

Waverly buries her face in Nicole’s side wishing she really was pocket sized so she could hide in the front pouch of Nicole’s rugby hoodie. The one she always wears and always smells so good sealed with vanilla. 

“Nicole, are we dating?”

Nicole’s body stiffens. “Is this a trick question?”

“No, I mean it. Tell me what you want.”

Nicole steps back her shoe squishing into the grass. She shakes her head. “Is that what this is all about. Is that why you threw up on my shoes?”

__

“Kind of. Yes.”

__

“I don’t understand.”

__

Waverly bypasses her mess on the brick and grips Nicole’s hoodie. “Just tell me what you want.”

__

“I want to be with you.” It's not good enough. Waverly wants Nicole to say it, all of it. Chrissy said it, she warned Waverly of Nicole’s feelings. She warned Waverly of her own feelings, but still, she needs to hear it, just like she needed to kiss Nicole in the first place. A curiosity. No, not a curiosity, an interest, a want, a hunger. Waverly wants Nicole to want her.

__

“You are always with me. We are together all the time. Tell me.”

__

Waverly sees the pained expression on Nicole's face as she turns away and removes Waverly’s hands. “Waves we can talk about this later.” Nicole's avoiding it, just like Wynonna does, and just like she does. No one wants to talk about how they feel, but not talking about it leads to dislocated shoulders and ruined expensive shoes. She can't honestly stand here and pretend Nicole doesn't mean something to her, and then go to family game night.

__

“No!” Waverly stomps her foot against the brick. “I’m queasy and sweating and I need to hear it now. Please—.”

__

“I want to be with you!” Nicole burst.

__

“You _said_ that!”

__

Nicole stays quiet and hides her face in her arms. The sound of crickets drown out her breathing, but Waverly can still see her throat moving up and down with every hard swallow. She drops her arms, letting her hair fall over her face, and stares at her hands. “I want to be with you so I can have you." She fidgets with her fingers and lets out a long shaky sigh. " I want _all of you.”_

__

There it is. _All of you._ It rocks Waverly like an earthquake rolling through her body destroying small homes, swallowing whole communities, crying out for FEMA. _All of you._ The words she needed Nicole to admit because she couldn’t. The ones she’s avoided, denied, refused, stuffed in a drawer in the kitchen. But sometimes when they’re together she forgets why she’s fighting so damn hard in the first place.

“Do I get all of you?”

Nicole stares at her pale and just as sweaty as Waverly feels. She swings her arms out across her body unenthusiastically like Waverly's asking her to run out in front of a moving car. “If that’s what you want.”

__

Is that what she wants? That thing that scares her the most? Nicole looks scared too but Nicole still stands in front of her, covered in falafel and chocolate cupcake, asking for all of her and willing to give all in return. All of her seems like a lot to give one person. Some pieces might be missing or damaged—sold as is. All sales final. She reaches out for Nicole. “I don’t know if I can give you all of me, but I can try.”

__

“Is that what _you_ want?” Nicoles asks. Waverly nods. Nicole takes her hands and looks down at their laced fingers. "Are you sure?"

“I really really like you.”

The tension leaves Nicole's body like a deflating balloon. She grins and leads Waverly away from the mess on the brick. “And I really really want to kiss you...later.”

"Later." Waverly laughs. 

**

“Dad this is my…” Nicole looks to Waverly for confirmation. Waverly nods shyly. “girlfriend Waverly.” 

It's obvious wear Nicole gets her height, strong shoulders and back, and fiery red hair from. Harry is a big guy, his jovial smile draped by a thick red mustache, and his hands are rough and calloused when he shakes Waverly's. “Nice to meet you, Waverly." He gestures over his shoulder. "Come on in. Have a seat.”

Nicole ditches her shoes on the steps of the house before entering. Her eyes instantly go to the rugby game playing on the 65 inch TV mounted on the wall. The living room is quaint, with dark exposed wood beams and plushy beige carpets. There are signed rugby jerseys framed and hung on the wall above the couch. The coffee table has a stack of board games at one end, beer, and a martini glass spinning between two long skinny fingers.

The woman has thick brown curls pinned up above her shoulders. She sits legs crossed in a pale blue suede chair on one side of the coffee table. Her dress is long and loose fitting. Next to her a man who looks like Tim Burton animated Edgar Allen Poe sits on a fold-up chair clutching a bottle of San Pelligrino. 

Harry's eyes flash between the TV, Nicole, and Waverly. “Would you girls like something to drink?”

“Water.” Waverly smiles.

“Beer.” Nicole grunts and drops herself to the grey plaid couch opening her arm for Waverly to fall in after. “Mom this is my girlfriend Waverly, Waverly this is Kathleen, my mom." She says quickly. "Oh, and that’s _Pierre._ ” She always spits out his name like it tastes bad. Pierre shrinks into his chair and tugs at the collar of his dress shirt.

Kathleen holds out a dainty hand adorned in a blinding princess cut diamond ring and a gold Versace watch that jingles when she grasps Waverly's hand. “A pleasure dear.”

Harry comes back, cracks open a beer and sets it on the table in front of Nicole and glass of water in front of Waverly. “We were going to set up Monopoly.” Harry shuffles some things around on the coffee table. He holds up a black box and hands it to Waverly. “Nicole said you like Star Wars.”

Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Chewy, and Princess Leia are displayed on the cover with Darth Vader in the blue and black star speckled background, 40th Anniversary Special Addition Star Wars Monopoly. Waverly almost pees a little. “Woah…”

Nicole leans over the game in Waverly’s lap. Waverly’s finger traces over the characters and the reflective silver label, Star Wars. “Wow, dad how did you find that?”

“I have my sources.” He scratches his fingers through his mustache and works his way down his neck. “Do you like it, Waverly? It’s yours.”

Waverly opens and closes her mouth. Two Star Wars gifts in the last 48 hours from two different Haught’s. Waverly could get on board with this. “I love it. Thank you.”

She chooses the Millennium Flacon, Nicole picks R2D2, Harry chooses the T-65 X-wing Starfighter, Kathleen the death star, and Pierre a stormtrooper helmet.

Waverly rolls a five. She buys the escape pod for $200.

Waverly hands Nicole the dice. Nicole and Harry are both fixated on the Maori All Blacks running around on the Vizio TV and Nicole barely looks away to roll.

She rolls a three, R2D2 moves to Hiding Plans and she buys it for $60. Nicole flings the Monopoly money at her mother who volunteered to be the banker. “Manners Nicole.”

Harry absentmindedly rolls the dice moving to Imperial Boarding. He slides the dice to Kathleen. “Well, Harry are you going to buy it or not?”

He grunts. Him and Nicole lift from their seats as a player named Thompson catches the ball bypassing two Canadian players and slides into the try line. “Boom!” Harry bellows with a smacking high five to Nicole. Kathleen jumps bumping the table and spreading her cash all over. She rolls her eyes to Pierre.

“Harry you are absolutely the most obnoxious person I have ever met.”

Harry sits. “Darlin that’s just the gin talking.” Harry refills Kathleen’s martini glass, a dimpled grin appears out of his golden red stubble like a weapon. Waverly is almost certain she sees a blush fill Kathleen’s cheek. Nicole’s dimples do that to her too.

Waverly looks at Nicole. Her eyes are locked on the screen and she only breaks her concentration when Waverly laces their fingers together in her lap. She meets Waverly's smile with her own. 

“Maybe a little more will bring you back around.” Harry winks. Kathleen scoffs. Pierre’s forehead puckers. He looks to Kathleen swirling her glass, one eyebrow raised in Harry's direction, she buries the soft turn of her lips in Tanqueray and olive. Waverly nods. _Same dude. Same_

Kathleen purchases Stormtroopers on the trail for $100. She reorganizes her money into neat stacks and looks proud when she’s finished. She rewards herself with an olive.

“You’re a little short for a stormtrooper don’t you think?” Harry smirks.

Kathleen glares. “I am 5’8 Harry. And I’m not a stormtrooper I just purchased their trail…thing.”

“5’8 and legs for days.”

Kathleen swallows the remainder of her martini. “Excuse me, I think my mini quiches are done.” Kathleen glides out of her chair and around the corner to the kitchen. Waverly swears she saw Kathleen’s hand graze Harry's forearm as she passed.

Nicole’s parents might be flirting and she scowls at them. Maybe she notices it too. Waverly leans over bumping Nicole’s shoulder and her scowl softens. Nicole beams down at her so bright it’s blinding.

Pierre lands on Just Visiting. Nicole’s scowl returns leaving Waverly cold. Pierre’s head hangs low avoiding eye contact. He retracts his delicate fingers back into his lap. Waverly almost feels sorry for him.

A whistle goes off. Nicole and Harry groan. The All Blacks get a penalty when they're so close to the try line. Nicole says the words scrum down and leans forward resting one elbow on her knee. Her other arm still in her lap entwined with Waverly's. Waverly's never watched rugby. The cheerleaders only participate in football games. She can barely keep track of what's happening in football let alone Rugby which just looks like chaos. 

Harry opens another tall boy. “Still drinking the same cheap beer, I see.” Kathleen calls from the kitchen.

“Whatever works to drown you out works for me sweet cheeks.” He slurps off the foam fizzing from the top. “Nicole, you want another beer? Waverly?”

Nicole nods fervently crushing the first in her fist.

Waverly raises an eyebrow. She's never seen this Nicole. This Nicole is...Harry junior. 

“Nicole, I raised you better than that, did I not? Here have a martini with your mother.” Kathleen crosses the room slipping a Martini glass in Nicole’s hand while Harry fills the other with a beer. Nicole’s eyes shift between the two. “Um…”

Waverly watches with anticipation. Her awkward family moments never included her parents fighting over which booze she should drink. She was lucky to be acknowledged at all. Or unlucky depending on the day.

Nicole smiles and swallows the martini in one gulp then washes it down with the tall boy.

“Woah!” Harry says. “Did you see that?” He looks around the room smiling from ear to ear. He smacks Nicole on the back making her cough and spray a little beer across Pierre’s face. “Kathleen, did you see?”

“We are all in the same room dad." Nicole chokes. "Everyone saw.” She wipes the dribble rolling off her chin with the sleeve of her hoodie and Waverly drys her neck before the beer trail hits her collar. Nicole plucks at the front pocket where the beer soaked through sticking out her lower lip in an exaggerated frown. Waverly smiles sympathetically. 

Kathleen rolls her eyes. “Animals.” She turns to Pierre. “Clean yourself up honey you look like a mess.”

“Quoi?”

“Vous êtes un gâchis. Répare le. À présent.” The kitchen timer chimes, Kathleen spins on her heels and leaves the room. Pierre tugs a purple handkerchief from the front pocket of his blazer and dabs it over his face. He frowns folding it up neatly and tucking it back in. 

The Millenium Falcon lands on A Disturbing Lack of Faith. Waverly purchases it for $140. She slides the money to Kathleen's corner for her to collect when she gets back. 

“Are you excited for your upcoming game kid? The first game of the season.” Harry asks.

“Hell yeah.”

“Is Waverly going to come?” Harry peers around Nicole to look at Waverly. Nicole briefly brought it up the other day. She said something about too many bloody noses and that Waverly might be a health hazard around her and contact sports. That same day Nicole agreed to let Waverly paint her toenails pink. If it wasn't pink and glittering Waverly wasn't paying attention. 

“You can sit next to me and I can tell you all kinds of cute stories about Nicole.” Harry nudges Nicole in the ribs.

Waverly had no idea that parents were like this, sharing stories, teaching responsible drinking, being proud of arbitrary things. What alternate reality did she wake up in?

“Nicole was an adventurous kid.” Harry says with a smile.

“Dad stop. Waverly doesn’t need to hear any stories.”

Harry ignores her and pushes her back against the couch. “She used to get into all kinds of trouble. You see this scar right here?” Harry grabs Nicole’s chin and points to a scare above her cheekbone.

Nicole wiggles and swats him away. “Dad please.”

“Age nine, rock climbing incident.”

“You were rocking climbing at nine?” Waverly says. Nicole flips her hood over her head and yanks on the strings until the whole thing wrinkles around her face.

“Oh no. Kathleen told her no." Harry chuckles. "Nicole pulled my gear out of the flatbed of my Dodge and fastened the rope to the satellite dish on the roof." Waverly thought Nedley was a proud father but Harry takes it to a whole new level. He seems to think anything Nicole does is the coolest thing ever. " She propelled right off the side of the house." 

“Line-out.” Nicole mutters through the fabric of her hood. 

"It ripped the satellite clean off. The cable caught just before it went over the edge thankfully, but Nicole dropped one story and smacked her face on the brick siding. Knocked her clean out and earned her thirty-five stitches. Good thing she can tie a knot and that makeshift harness held up. Right kid?” Harry ruffles Nicole's hair through her hood until it sticks up every which way when she pulls it off.

"Agh!" Nicole smashes her hands over it trying to smooth it out.

Waverly tries to hide her smile, but images of Wynonna jumping off the roof with her cardboard wings and Nicole propelling down the side of the house like a pair of Lara Crofts, flash through her head. Wynonna was always wild and reckless as a kid. Still is. Nicole can match that with stubbornness and determination. They would have been monsters together. 

Nicole jumps on an opportunity to change the subject. She rips off the hood and homes in on Waverly. “There’s a scrum because Canada got a knock. It basically resets the game. kind of like in football how they reset after a tackle. You don’t do that in rugby though. When someone gets tackled in Rugby there’s a ruck. If the ball goes...”

Waverly pinches Nicole’s lips together. “I appreciate you trying to include me in your rugby game, but I am not convinced those words are even English. Scrum? Ruck? Those are sounds a baby makes. I am going to help your mother in the kitchen.” Waverly kisses Nicole’s forehead and retreats to the kitchen. 

Kathleen pulls out the perfectly round mini quiches from the oven, sets them on the stove top, and closes it with her hip. Her oven mitt is tossed aside making way for a new bottle of a Tanqueray. She rolls off the lid and pours a generous amount into a cocktail shaker. 

“You must be special. Nicole has never brought someone to meet me before. I guess she assumes I’m not accepting of her…lifestyle.” Kathleen adds Vermouth to the shaker.

“Are you?”

“Nicole is who she is, and she’s never been afraid to let me know. She’s one of those kids who have to learn everything the hard way.” Kathleen smiles softly. Her eyes are big and brown just like Nicole's. Underneath the harsh line of her brow they share that same warmth.

"I was cooking spaghetti for dinner one night. I told Nicole the stove was hot. She looked at me and put her hand on the stove like she didn’t believe me. Burnt lines into her little hand that matched the spirals on the stove top.”

Waverly laughs. "Sounds like something my sister would have done." Waverly can see why they're best friends. They seem so different on the outside, but on the inside, they're both trouble. 

Kathleen huffs and shakes the shaker vigorously. She pours the martini into her glass and garnishes it with an olive on a toothpick. “She wanted me to swirl lotion in her palm to help the burn. She insisted that I do it to both hands to make them even. _‘Make spirals mommy._ ’ I don’t know why she liked it, but I did it. Even after the burn healed. She wanted her spirals. The was about the only thing she ever wanted from me.”

Waverly crosses her arms over her stomach her own hand burning with fiery spirals.

“She mostly grew out of it when she found that _magazine_. I hid it from her so many times, but she always found it. I never had the heart to throw it away.” Kathleen shrugs. “That’s just Nicole. Some kids had teddy bears, Nicole had Ms. November. Naughty little child.”

It's hard to picture Nicole as anything but gentle and sweet. Waverly doesn't understand Nicole's attachment to Ms. November or think of her as someone who likes dirty magazines, but then again she does have an affinity for strippers. Maybe Nicole Haught is a little naughty. 

“Stubborn too. You know she destroyed every dress I ever bought her. She threw them in the fireplace or used them as rags whenever she helped Harry change the oil on the Dodge.”

Waverly likes Kathleen. Nicole makes her out to be a heartless nag but she is just a mother doing her best. She might not cheer every time Nicole chokes on beer but she loves Nicole in her own way. Nicole is lucky to have a mother like Kathleen. One who is present and cares enough to have family game night with her ex-husband just so Nicole has a sense of family.

Kathleen glides around the kitchen with a familiar sense of ease. She pulls out five plates from the cabinet and hands them to Waverly who sets them on the counter. She takes a spatula from the drawer and slides it under a mini quiche, peeling it free from the pan, and transfers it to a plate. “I gave in and bought her a nice pair of pants for her first grade picture day. I put her in khaki’s and a navy button up. It’s one of my favorite pictures.” Kathleen pauses and sets aside the spatula. She puts her finger up and crosses the kitchen. Her purse hangs on a hook by the front door. “Here I think I have it.”

Kathleen pulls the photo out and hands it to Waverly. Waverly giggles and tries to commit the photo to memory. Nicole’s hair was shorter, her bangs flipped out at the ends, and it curled around her ears and at the base of her neck. One hand pressed against a brick wall, one foot crossed over her ankle and her other hand in her pocket. “She picked out the bowtie. Paisley.” This picture is special. Kathleen wanted a daughter in dresses but swapped out dresses for bowties because that's what her daughter wanted. This is a picture of a mother putting her daughters wants ahead of her own. Nicole doesn't see it, but Kathleen has always accepted her. 

“I just worried about things being hard for her, with her being a…you know.”

“Lesbian?”

Kathleen nods. “As a mother you worry about things like that, about people judging your child, discluding them, hurting them. She is Harry’s daughter no doubt about it, but I have always loved her just the same. Maybe I’m just not good at showing it. Not like Harry. The fun dad.”

“I’m sure she knows.”

Nicole comes around the corner, drops an arm full of beer cans in the recycling with an ear piercing clatter. She glances at Waverly and flinches at the photo in Waverly’s hand. “What’s going on?” she says slowly. Waverly gives the photo back to Kathleen and tucks her hands in her back pockets.

“Waverly is helping me get the mini quiches out. Are you hungry?”

“I’m not sure.” Nicole says.

Kathleen cranes her neck around the corner. “Where’s your father?”

Nicole shrugs. Kathleen glides out of the kitchen muttering to herself. Nicole comes up from behind and wraps her arms around Waverly’s waist. At first, Waverly leans into it, let’s Nicole nestle into her neck sweetly. Is this what dating means, extra touching, hand holding on the couch during family game night? Listening to childhood stories and baby pictures?

Waverly’s stomach rolls again. Her chest feels heavy and her cheeks hot. She feels likes she went from 0 to 100 in less than an hour. What if she isn’t ready after all and this was a big mistake? She twists out of Nicole’s embrace. “I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Are you okay?”

Waverly stumbles down the hall not sure where the bathroom is. The first door she checks is stacked to the roof with boxes. The second looks like a little kids bedroom. Nicole's maybe but she doesn't linger to find out. She moves onto the third room third.

She cracks it first just to be sure and freezes, eyes wide, her mouth drops. The bathroom is not empty. She stares, confused at first, hands sliding through dark brown curls and across tawny shoulders, and the red mustache rubbing up against hot pink lips like a ginger carpet sweeper. Waverly’s eyes don’t know where to look. Away would be good. She slowly backs out shutting the door as quietly as possible and runs past all the doors she wishes had been the bathroom.

“Nicole, I need to talk to. Outside.” Waverly pushes on Nicole's shoulders forcing her to stagger backward.

“Is everything okay?”

“Your parents are making out in the bathroom.” She whispers.

“What!”

“Shh!” Nicole pushes past Waverly and disappears down the hall. “No wait don’t look!”

Ten seconds later Nicole flies around the corner like she's on fire. She takes Waverly's hand and drags her out the front door. “This cannot be happening. They were terrible together. Terrible.”

“It could be nothing.”

“But my mom is married, to _Pierre._ ”

“Yeah, that’s pretty messed up.”

Nicole drags her hands down her face shaking her head. “Oh god. Now I have to feel bad for _Pierre._ ” She turns away and leans on the railing with her elbows. Waverly's nose wrinkles as she takes in the scent of her own puke. She's standing too close to Nicole's Docs.

Waverly brushes her finger over the wet tracks on Nicole's cheek. Who knew that the first night of a new relationship would come with so many tears. 

“Baby are you crying.” Nicole's head jerks to Waverly locking eyes with her. Waverly bites the inside of her cheek, hard. _It’s no time to be awkward, just moves forward like you didn’t say._ “Come here.”

She wraps her arms around Nicole and lets Nicole sag against her "It's going to be okay." 

"My parents are cheaters."

"Join the club.

Nicole squirms but Waverly holds her tighter so she can't get wiggle free. "I'm sorry. I know this is different. I can't really complain. If my mom didn't cheat I wouldn't exist." 

That makes Nicole laugh. "Can we just go?"

"Of course."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending is really wonky. It was supposed to be something else but I ran out of room for this chapter. The final scene will be reworked into Chapter 8 which doesn't really matter that much but I just wanted to let you know that I don't like it.


	8. The Parent Trap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole has a lot on her mind between feeling guilty over lying to Wynonna, starting a new relationship with Waverly, and uncertainty about her parents. Amidst it all Nicole's dad suggests a camping trip that will likely put Nicole in more than one awkward position.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 will be in two parts because it's running long again. Rather than carrying over scenes Nicole and Waverly will have separate chapters. This chapter sets things up for the next one. Also, it's mostly just silliness.

“Wynonna.” Nicole gasps, her nails dig into Wynonna’s wrist trying to free herself from the fingers crushing down on her airway. Oxygen deprived blood pulses and throbs in her head in an endless circle with nowhere to go. “I can’t breathe.”

Nicole kicks her legs and bucks her hips, but Wynonna has her pinned to the floor. Wynonna’s eyes are a deep abyssal blue only a few shades lighter than the enmity charring her pupils a bitter black. She doesn’t make a sound. She barely moves. She looks too calm to be doing what she’s doing. Just empty and patient waiting for Nicole’s body to relax into oblivion. Wynonna’s skin curls under Nicole’s nails as she digs in harder but the dark edges of her vision finally close in and it’s all black.

Nicole’s eyes snap open. She sits up gasping and reaching for her throat. Her chest heaves and her head spins. She looks at Wynonna stirring in her bed. Wynonna rolls over rubbing her eyes. “What’s up buttercup?”

Nicole swallows and licks her lips still catching her breath. She shakes her head. “Nothing, just a bad dream.” She curls up, face pressed against the wall, as far away from Wynonna as she can. It was only a dream, but the sweat soaking her shirt and the residual ache in her throat blurs the line of sleep and reality.

She replays that moment in the bathroom at El Huerto’s—her missing button and her trembling fingertips. Wynonna pausing at the door, _I’d have to kill you she said._ It was only a dream Nicole reminds herself again, but why does it feel like a premonition? She makes a conscious effort to keep her eyes closed and tries the old counting sheep method to fall asleep, but all her sheep are Wynonna’s.

***

“Wynonna where’s my athletic underwear?” Nicole’s drawers have become increasingly more chaotic the further along the quarter has gone. Half her shirts are missing, a pair of sweatpants and very few of her socks have mates. It requires a map and a compass to locate anything these days and all roads seem to lead to the cracks and crevices of Wynonna’s bed. Nicole has no desire to go fishing around in there. That bed is lined with warning signs. Danger. Trespassers beware. Toxic waste. Occupant may be drunk and feisty. Go away.

“How should I know?”

“What are you even doing over there?” Wynonna straightens a blanket out over something couch shaped under the window. It looks too square and rigid to be a real couch. She tucks the fabric into what should be the cracks between the cushions, the arms, and the back further accentuating its weird squareness. “Seriously, what is that?”

Wynonna shrugs. “It’s a couch.”

“Why does it look weird?”

She taps her pointer finger to her chin. “Weird how?”

Nicole crosses the room, braces herself for what she might find, and peels back the blanket. “It’s pizza boxes.”

Wynonna nods.

“Did you make a couch out of pizza boxes?”

“Yeah pretty much.”

Nicole releases the blanket and lets it continue its masquerade. “Why?”

“Because it was free, and we needed a couch.”

As gross and weird as it is, Nicole is a smidge impressed by Wynonna’s creativity and resourcefulness. Only a smidge. “Where did you get all of these?”

“I bought them with pizza…and then I ate the pizza, so we could have the boxes.” Nicole blinks at her. And on second thought, Wynonna’s a smartish girl, she has her own unique skill set, but Nicole does not understand the girl’s logic.

“So, you bought a bunch of pizza…for the boxes?”

Wynonna tosses her hands in the air. “And the pizza! Jeez, Nicole keep up.” She walks over to her ‘mini bar’ on her dresser and reaches for the Jack Daniels. Nicole glances at the clock above her. It’s 10:45 am and Wynonna’s knocked back one shot and is refilling for seconds.

“Why wouldn’t you just buy a couch?”

“I can’t eat a couch!” There goes the second.

“There is easily twenty plus boxes here. How did you possibly eat all of these?”

Wynonna sets the bottle down and counts off on her fingers. “Well, Doc helped…and Waverly…and Chrissy.”

“Where was I for all this pizza eating?”

“I don’t know. Where were you?” Wynonna tilts her head, eyes squinting, and lips pressed flat. The accusation sinks into Nicole like barbed wire sharp and unforgiving. Her hand curls inward with a slight tremor remembering the pressure of Wynonna’s fingers and the pain in the back of her throat.

“I can’t share pizza with you if the only times you're here are to shower. You come out stumbling about, tripping on things, and being loud as eff at the ass crack of dawn. Then you slip right back out the door to go who knows where because you won’t tell me!”

Nicole lowers her gaze. Her thoughts jump from ‘I’m so sorry please forgive me’ to ‘it’s none of your business anyway.’ Wynonna knows something’s up. Nicole an feel it by the way Wynonna’s eyes scan over her like a spotlight. She opens her mouth and closes it again. A glimpse of black semi shiny material catches her eyes. It resembles Nicole’s athletic underwear wedged between Wynonna’s “recycling bin” and her B&E toolkit that Nicole has asked her to get rid of a thousand times.

Nicole squats and yanks the material from its hostile environment. “Wynonna why do you have my underwear under your bed that’s super weird?”

“I dunno.” She shrugs.

Nicole squeal and drops them to the floor. “And what is on them?”

“Who knows honestly. I don’t know how long they’ve even been there.”

“Dude I need those for my game today.”

“Why? You have like a whole drawer dedicated to your neatly rolled underwear. Wear something else.” Wynonna pushes past Nicole to the pizza box couch and smacks Nicole in the chest before sitting. “Like a bra.”

“Hey!” Nicole folds her arms over her chest. “I need those ones specifically for the game.”

Wynonna leans back, stretches her arms along the back of the pizza box couch, and folds one leg over the other making herself at home. It looks awkward and uncomfortable. “Are they lucky, because the other five hundred pairs you have literally say lucky on them?”

“First of all, great job using literally correctly. Second, those are all cotton. They aren’t tight enough. It has to be these.” Nicole toes the underwear around the carpet examining the mystery spots from a far. She cringes. She might have to burn them.

“Well.” Wynonna gestures. “There right there.”

“Oh no. I’m not wearing these.”

“Suit yourself. Maybe you can borrow some of Waverly’s silver spanx.” She smirks. “Since you two are besties now.”

That makes Nicole’s chest cave in and her ears burn hot. She clears her throat. “What?”

“I’m kidding dude. Don’t be gross.”

Nicole growls and uses her foot to fling the athletic underwear towards Wynonna who swats them out of the air in the direction of Nicole’s bed. She gives Nicole a challenging stare. Nicole resigns. Mostly because she knows Wynonna’s not above trying to stuff the underwear in Nicole’s shirt or in her pants. The underwear she chooses instead are the tightest pair she has. They are little too small and cut into her hip bones, but they have green clovers dotted all over and she likes them for St. Patrick’s Day. Pray to the rugby gods they are good enough.

***

“Nice hickey Nicky I didn’t realize you were in the seventh grade.” Mercedes says. She tosses a ball in the air as she walks past the bleachers. A big pink bubble blows between her teeth and pops. She sucks it back in her mouth and resumes chewing.

Nicole ignores her and yanks on the strings of her cleats. She makes sure they’re pulled up tight and wiggles her toes then adjust her knee-high socks.

“Are you just going to let her talk to you that way?” Wynonna says.

“Meh. We have a thing.”

“A thing?”

“Yeah, a thing.”

Wynonna jumps down to the bench closest to where Nicole stands. She leans in elbows to her knees. “No way! Is that who you’ve been schtupping? Mercedes _Gardner?_ ”

“What? No!”

“Then what _thing?_ ”

Nicole rummages through her sports bag and pulls out a roll of KT tape and a pair of scissors. “I don’t know it’s just a thing…like a…pretend we’re fighting type thing. It’s whatever.”

“So, you’re flirting?”

“No.” Nicole pauses. Her finger picks at the start of the tape roll. “I don’t think so.” She peels back the first strip and cuts its. “Anyway, if coach sees me fighting, he’ll make me a sub and I don’t sub.”

Nicole pulls off her t-shirt and applies the tape to her shoulder. The jersey she digs out from her bag is navy and white striped. She spreads it flat over the bleacher and admires its thin white collar, number eight, Haught embroidered on the back. Her dad likes to pull the fabric and let it snap against her skin with a sting and makes a joke about how they aren’t what they used to be.

“Yeah, well flirty thing or not I’m not going to let a _Gardner_ talk to my best friend that way.” Wynonna makes a two-note whistles. Mercedes turns around. “Nice braids Mercedes.”

“Wynonna please.” Nicole begs.

Mercedes’s runs her hand down her braid and looks Wynonna over. Her jaw works hard on that bubble gum.

“You look like that bitch from Wendy’s…you know Wendy?”

“Ew! Wynonna shouldn’t you be drunk in a cell somewhere?”

“You know…” She half laughs and half sighs. “It’s the strangest thing. Ever since I changed my name to Gardner, the police just walk the other way. Go figure.”

Mercedes skin blossoms red. She folds her arms over her chest. “In what world would anyone see you as anything but a drunk lowlife little orphan.”

Wynonna bolts upright kicking Nicole’s scissors to the ground. Her fingers curl into fists in her sling and at her side. Nicole puts her hand on Wynonna’s hip. “Woah okay, that’s enough. Mercedes go warm up, would you? And you chill out.” Mercedes gets a little scrappy before a game…and during. She’s no stranger to getting a yellow card here and there but that was harsh even for her.

Wynonna drops to her seat her eyes still pooling with a similar enmity as in Nicole’s dream. It prickles up the back of Nicole’s neck like a warning. She squats to pick up her scissors, tucks them in her bag, and throws her jersey over her shoulder.

“Snooty Pebbles.”

“Catty crunch.” Mercedes shoots back.

“Cinnamon toast Bitch!”

Nicole is losing her patients. Wynonna's need to have the last word is hitting a nerve. With Waverly and her dad coming Nicole is too on edge to deal with Wynonna’s outbursts. “Alright, that’s enough cereal! Mercedes, please. Wynonna come on.”

“Yeah get. Snap, crackle…” Wynonna makes a loud pop noise with her lips synchronized with a flip of her middle finger.

“Hey!” Nicole snaps.

Wynonna leans back on her elbow and gives Mercedes’s a bring it on nod. Another bubble snaps from Mercedes' mouth. She winks and walks away.

“Can you believe that Haught. The nerve talking to us like that…”

The KT tape slips through Nicole’s fingers with a faint ring as it hits the metal bleacher. Her heart revs up watching Waverly walk in slow motion to Aerosmith’s Sweet Emotions. Waverly’s snapback sits off center with the bill bent back keeping her hair off her face.

The air has a cold edge to it this morning, but Waverly still wears short denim shorts. The waist bands high up over her belly button compensating for how short her shirt is and the flannel she wears is the same one she wore when they first kissed. The way it hangs loosely on her small frame makes Nicole think of her standing in her bedroom swinging a lightsaber. Nicole only imagined it, but Waverly was surrounded in a celestial halo of blue.

Nicole's body pulls her forward one foot in front of the other until she’s standing toe to toe with her galactic goddess.

“Hey.” She says, but it sounds more like a puff of air than anything else.

“Hey.”

Fortunately, Nicole’s back is to Wynonna hiding the lovesick grin she imagines is spilling all over her face. Her hand twitches with the need to ghost her finger along Waverly’s sharp jawline and pull their lips together.

“Nice tiny shorts.” Waverly says.

“Mine or yours?”

Waverly laughs with an amused twinkle in her eye and something else. Something more salacious. She splays her hand over Nicole’s bare stomach so that her fingertips reach the edge of the scar. It’s still sensitive. “Do you have a jersey, or do you play like this?”

“Which do you prefer?”

Waverly laughs again. “That depends?”

“On what?” 

She looks up considering something for a moment. “Are we here…” And tucks a lock of Nicole’s hair behind her ear. “or are we in my room?” Nicole lower's her gaze with a bashful smile spread dimple to dimple. Waverly seems so sure of herself like they are invisible to Wynonna or maybe that she doesn’t care if Wynonna finds out, but Waverly’s not the one Wynonna is going to come after when she does find out.

It’s not fair that they have to hide this, that Nicole can’t kiss Waverly’s cheeks and her lips proudly in front of everyone who happens to look their way. It’s not fair but Nicole’s dream follows her like a shadow.

Then there are worse things. Nicole’s dad comes walking toward her with none other than Kathleen. “What is she doing here?”

Waverly looks over her shoulder. “Probably the same reason as everyone else?”

“No. I mean here with my dad.”

“Hey kid. How you are you doing?”

“I’m fine but…” Nicole looks at her mother carrying the weight of Harry’s arm over her shoulders. She cringes at how casual they are about this, whatever this is, looking like a couple of teenagers going to the movies. Harry removes his sunglasses and slides them over his head.

“It’s a nice day out for a rugby game.” He says. He has more than the sun in his eyes. As his lips draw into a dimpled smile Nicole can see it. His grey-green irises saturated in something she’s never seen before. It makes her sick to think it might be love, but how? And when? Over one game of Monopoly? How many of Kathleen’s gin cocktails were involved before they mixed together with Harry’s tallboys?

“Mom where’s _Pierre?_ ”

“He couldn’t make it I’m afraid, but I thought it was about time I watched one of your little rugby games.”

“You don’t even like rugby.”

Harry nudges Nicole in the ribs. “Your mom used to come to watch me play all the time in college back when I was captain.” Harry turns to Kathleen and squeezes her close.

“Nicole honey put on a shirt. That’s not very ladylike to walk around so…exposed.”

Harry smacks Nicole on the back. She flinches. “There’s no room for modesty in contact sports darlin’. This is rugby.”

This is insane. Nicole can’t believe they are doing this. Harry is her dad. Her role model and he’s doing _this_? “What, are you guys together now?”

“Nicole. Not now.” Kathleen hushes while looking around like everyone is listening. She doesn’t like attention drawn to her and Nicole knows it. Nicole opens her mouth to say whatever comes out first, but Waverly laces their fingers together and rubs Nicole’s arm distracting her long enough for Harry to lead Kathleen away.

He half smiles, reaches out, and gives Nicole’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Anyway kiddo. We’re going to get a seat. Waverly see you over there?”

Waverly nods.

Nicole watches them walk towards the bleachers. Harry’s arm stays draped over Kathleen’s shoulders the whole way. _Un-fricken-believable. ___

____

“You have to sit between them.” Nicole says.

____

____

“What? No.”

____

____

“Please?” She grabs Waverly’s hands and holds them to her body. "Please?"

____

____

“Why?”

____

____

“Because they need separate cages. They’re not thinking clearly. Something’s snapped loose in their brains.”

____

____

“I don’t understand what’s so wrong of them wanting to watch their daughter play rugby together.”

____

____

“Please Waverly?”

____

____

Waverly sighs and shakes her head. “Fine.”

____

____

Harry and Kathleen pick a seat, two bleachers, up from Wynonna. Wynonna’s hunched over her phone hidden behind a curtain of thick chestnut spirals looking oblivious to anything around her. Then there’s Waverly staring up at her sweetly under the rolled back brim of a Herschel Supply Company snapback. Nicole makes a quick decision. She kisses Waverly short and sweet then pulls away. “Thank you.”

____

____

Waverly smiles. She walks backward for a moment before turning to the bleachers and calling over her shoulder. “Put on a shirt. You’re a lady for god sakes.”

____

____

Nicole slips her jersey over her head.“Very funny.” 

____

“Haught are you playing?” Dolls demands.

____

____

“Yes sir.”

____

____

Dolls glances over his shoulder. “This going to be a problem?”

____

____

Nicole’s eyes follow Waverly settling in between Harry and Kathleen. Even as the filling in a cheater sandwich Waverly is strikingly beautiful. For a moment Nicole’s parents become two blurs framing an angel until she remembers Wynonna’s there too.

____

____

“Haught?”

____

____

_Shit. Take your eyes away!_ But she can’t because Wynonna is talking to her dad. What are they talking about? He could say something that clues her in and Waverly will be stuck there between two cheaters and one potentially angry sister. This screams disaster.

____

____

“My parents are cheaters and I have a secret girlfriend!”

____

____

Dolls narrows his eyes. He glances over his shoulder. “A secret from who?”

____

____

"Whom."

____

"Excuse me?' 

____

Nicole clears her throat, lowers her chin, and shrugs.

____

____

“Get over there and play the damn game.”

____

____

“Yes sir.”

____

____

“Hey, are you okay Haught?” Mercedes asks.

____

____

Nicole shifts her eyes between Mercedes and the horror show on the bleachers.“Yeah. I’m totally fine why?”

____

____

“You look all sweaty and shit.”

____

____

Harry steals glances at Kathleen over Waverly’s head. Waverly needs to be taller. _Cut it out, Harry!_ “There is just a lot happening right now. I feel a little overwhelmed.”

____

____

Mercedes puts her hands on Nicole’s shoulders and ducks her head to meet Nicole’s lowered gaze. “You got this. Whatever it is…there’s fifteen plus girls on this field you can take it out on. Okay?”

____

____

“Okay.” Nicole smiles. "Okay."

____

____

Nicole lets out a deep breath. She shakes out her hands then fits her mouth guard in place. It’s dry and sticks to her tongue. She should have wet it down first. “Get flat!”

____

____

She looks side to side to see that her team is with her in a perfect line. It’s just like playing red rover, only when the Colts come over, they’ll get a lot more than cloth lined by a couple of scrawny fourth graders.

____

____

Nicole takes half a step forward the ball drops from her hands, connects with the side of her foot and it arches overhead.

____

____

“Up!” Nicole screams leading her team forward. Sometimes she feels like Mel Gibson in Braveheart and wants to scream _freedom_ instead of _up_.

____

____

The wing catches the ball and moves swiftly past her own players. Shae has her, but she passes to number ten, the fly-half. Nicole decides the fly-half can pass the ball or the fly-half gets to eat grass. 

____

____

The fly-half panic passes to nine as Nicole gets closer. The ball slips through her fingers and projects forward by force of her foot. The Sir whistles. It’s a knock on. Scrum down. _Perfect._

____

____

If there is one thing Dolls drilled into the Devils it's scrumming. The Devils have the skill and the leg power to beat The Colts in any scrum.

____

____

Seven vs seven links together to form one unit resembling a giant mutated spider. Mercedes drops the ball into the web of bodies. “Drive! Drive! Drive!” The Devils push the Colts back, muscles straining, cleats tearing through the grass, and the hooker kicks out the ball right into Nicole’s hands. _Peace motherfuckers._

____

____

Nicole doesn’t blink. She plows through the center like a pool cue shooting players back to their designated holes with a stiff arm here and a sharp shoulder there. On the other side, the fullback dances along the try line, waiting, deciding what Nicole's going to do. The world is silent accept Nicole’s heart pounding everything she has into her legs.

____

____

Shae is steep at Nicole’s left. She can hear Dolls. _Be smart. Pass. Don’t be a cocky asshole Haught._ Nicole opens her body to Shae and swings out her arms. The fullback follows the path of the ball and commits to Shae. Nicole grins. _But I am a cocky asshole._ She fakes, tucks the ball close, and side steps around the fullback.

____

____

Nicole dives. The grass cuts through her knees and elbows as her body lunges forward and slides over the white line. The whistle blows. First try awarded.

____

____

“Nice Haught.” Mercedes’s smacks Nicole hard on the ass.

____

____

The battlefield resets. Everyone takes position and waits. Another ball shoots off. The Colts wing leaps catching it midair. She’s tall and strong. Taller than Nicole and legs like small trees. Mercedes’s might not be fast, but she can get low and take a tall bitch out. And she does. _Timber. ___

______ _ _

The Colts recover the ball. The fly-half sneaks past all the bodies littering the field. Nicole cuts in at an angle squeezing the fly-half in close to the sideline. Nicole pushes off with her thighs, hits the fly-half with her shoulder, and hears the air leave their bodies when they both hit the ground. Nicole rolls away swiftly before the others pile on like ants fighting for a giant grain of sugar.

______ _ _

______ _ _

Waverly and Kathleen are engaged in conversation. They’re laughing. Wynonna is showing something to Harry on her phone. Everyone is over there talking and having a good time trying to ruin Nicole’s life. Any second now her dad will open his big stupid mouth and announce to the world that Waverly's Nicole's girlfriend. 

______ _ _

______ _ _

“Haught!”

______ _ _

______ _ _

If Harry does Nicole’s going to get a lot more than a congratulatory hi-five when this game is over. If she even survives the game. Wynonna might just stride out here and take Nicole out on the field in front of everyone. 

______ _ _

______ _ _

“Haught!”

______ _ _

______ _ _

Nicole turns as the ball hits her in the chest. It fumbles forward. Her long arms pull it close and she bolts. Nicole zigzags through the crowd easily but is met with the Tree. She quickly changes directions with short choppy steps and a sneaky pivot of her hips. She doesn't see the player to left. Number five hooks her fingers into Nicole’s waistband and takes Nicole to the ground. Shorts down. Ass out. Good morning flaming phoenix. This is why athletic underwear are necessary. _Wynonna._

______ _ _

______ _ _

No time to stop. Nicole jumps up and takes off pulling her shorts up on the move as the ball wobbles down the field. The tree is matching her pace. The balls only a few feet from the try line. She hears her dad screaming something. _Come on Haught._ It’s at the Trees feet. Nicole dives for the ball. Her momentum rolls her body over the try line and takes out the Tree. Cleats dig into her side over tender skin as the Tree is thrown overboard and the whistle blows.

______ _ _

______ _ _

Try awarded. The Colts never stood a chance. The Devils 35. The Colts 27. The skin on Nicole’s ribs -50. She flattens out on the grass while she learns how to breathe again. Mercedes and Shae yank her up by her jersey.

______ _ _

______ _ _

“You son of a bitch.” Mercedes says. "That was insane. I thought for sure she was going to get it."

______ _ _

______ _ _

She throws her arms around Nicole’s shoulders and walks her to the sideline.

______ _ _

______ _ _

“Nice job Haught.” Dolls says. “I see you finally pulled your head out of your ass.”

______ _ _

______ _ _

Waverly greets her first. She reaches her arms out, Nicole sucks in her breath. Waverly corrects herself and pats Nicole on the shoulders. “That was wow Nicole.”

______ _ _

______ _ _

“Really?”

______ _ _

______ _ _

“Yeah.” Waverly stares into her eyes like they’re magnets. Magnets don’t like to be apart and Nicole’s so hyped up on adrenalin and lust she’s surprised they’re not stuck together like kissing salt and pepper shakers. It takes everything in her not to crash into Waverly and kiss her unapologetically in front of everyone while she's wearing that snapback and those tiny shorts. 

______ _ _

______ _ _

Waverly pinches at the hem of Nicole’s jersey inviting her to make a move. “Waves…”

______ _ _

______ _ _

“I know.”

______ _ _

______ _ _

Nicole steps forward. Waverly grips more of Nicole’s jersey and pulls until their bodies almost touch. A voice in Nicole’s head screams at her to stop. The tornado siren blares in her ears but she can feel her pulse thumping in every part of her body and in parts she doesn’t want to feel right now.

______ _ _

______ _ _

Then there are hands on her shoulders pushing her back. Wynonna looks at Nicole like her bullshit radar has been going off for weeks and she finally figured out why. Nicole braces herself. Her throat throbs. Wynonna blinks and it’s gone. She smiles and pats Nicole on the shoulder. She says nothing about it. “Nice Haught rod.”

______ _ _

______ _ _

“Great job kid. I’m proud of you.” Harry pulls Nicole in for a bear hug. Nicole feels small in his arms and he pushes on every sore spot on her exhausted body. “I was just talking to your girl here about driving up to Devils Point for some camping in the morning since there’s no school Monday. It would be just a day trip.”

______ _ _

______ _ _

_Oh no._ Nicole’s side pinches and stings where the cleats raked across her burn. Harry's about to out her. She looks to Waverly who is shaking her head slowly. 

______ _ _

______ _ _

“Ow.” She jump. The pinching becomes unbearable. Nicole rubs at her side where Waverly's nails were digging in. Waverly gives a half smile.

______ _ _

______ _ _

Harry slaps his hand on Wynonna’s back. “How about that?” Nicole sighs in relief. Wynonna’s her girl.

______ _ _

______ _ _

“Kathleen wants you to come too, Waverly.” And the pain is back. Kathleen and camping? With the Earp’s? Wynonna strangled her to death. That’s what this is. She has died, and this is Purgatory, in the biblical sense.

______ _ _

______ _ _

Waverly looks at Nicole wide-eyed. What is Nicole supposed to say? No Waverly you can’t come. Your sister will murder me, my body will wash up somewhere three days later, and I’ll make the six o’clock news. Nicole can’t exactly say no to any of it. Someone will be hurt or mad or suspicious. So, she says. “You should come.”

______ _ _

______ _ _

“Yeah baby girl you should come.”

______ _ _

______ _ _

Waverly hesitates. Everyone watches her think. “O-okay.”

______ _ _

______ _ _

“Great! Kathleen will be so excited.” Harry says.

______ _ _

______ _ _

_Great. As long as Kathleen’s happy. ___

________ _ _ _ _

***

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Did you tell them?” Waverly whispers. 

________ _ _ _ _

“Yeah. They won’t say anything, but my mom lectured me for a half an hour on honesty. It was really hard not to bring up the whole bathroom porno thing.”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Do they know we saw them?”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Of course they don’t Waverly. Do you think I’m crazy? I’m never bringing that up.” Nicole snaps.

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“ _Okay_ be nice.”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“I’m sorry, but if Wynonna finds out while we’re out there, I’ll end up like Piggy from Lord of the Flies…” Nicole claps her hand around her fist. “ _Smoosh._ ”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Alright. Are we all packed up?” Harry says.

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

Nicole shuts the trunk to the Dodge. It took almost ten minutes for her to rearrange everything for Chrissy’s giant ass suitcase that Nicole is sure is full of bricks. Waverly invited her as a buffer. She said it makes more sense to have her best friend too and Harry is all ‘ _the more the merrier._ ’

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“What happened to your old Dodge?” Nicole asks.

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Oh, your mother thought it was time for an upgrade. So, I bought this beautiful lady right here. 2018 Dodge Durango, 5.7L Hemi V8 engine, 360 horsepower, heated leather seats, all wrapped in a gorgeous diamond black finish.”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

Nicole’s jaw drops. Kathleen has broken her father. Harry loved the old Dodge. It had character. The window didn’t roll up all the way. The radio was macgyvered in and when you hit a speed bump while you were touching it would zap you. Plus, all the memories of Harry teaching Nicole how to change the oil and replace the belts. This is the first time in history that Nicole has seen Harry do anything just because Kathleen wanted it.

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“But I liked the old Dodge.”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“I think you’ll like the new Dodge too. Everyone load up daylights a-wastin'.”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“It’s only 5 am Harry. I don’t think the suns even awake yet.” Wynonna mumbles as she climbs past the second-row buckets seats and into the back. “Waverly sit back here with me, so I can use you as a pillow.”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“No way. Use your sleeping bag.”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“I don’t have a sleeping bag.”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“What are you going to sleep in?” Nicole says. She slides into the first bucket seat by the driver’s side Window. Waverly gives her a sympathetic look then follows her sister to the back row and Chrissy sits next to Nicole.

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

They glance at each other both wearing the same 'this is going to be awkward as hell look.

________ _ _ _ _

“I was going to share yours.” She says to Waverly.

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Why?”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Because I don’t have one and you do.”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

There's that Wynonna logic again. Waverly pulls the seat belt across her body until it clicks. “I don’t know if we will both fit Wynonna.”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“We’ll make it work.” Wynonna hunkers down against the back side window and kicks her legs out over Waverly’s lap. Waverly rolls her eyes. "Worse case scenario we can zip them all together and be like the grandparents in Willy Wonka.

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

Waverly joins in on the 'this is going to be awkward as hell' train. At first, Nicole resents this camping trip and resents that she's stuck in this car with Wynonna, but then guilt takes a fat chomp out of her stomach. She starts to sympathize with Wynonna. Wynonna's the only one in this car who doesn't know and everyone else will be tiptoeing around her this whole trip. Nicole looks to Harry and Kathleen. It's kind of fucked up just like what they're doing. This car is nothing but a bunch of assholes wrapped in a gorgeous diamond black finish.

________ _ _ _ _

Nicole fidgets with the small TVs screen built into the back of Harry’s seat. There’s one in front of Chrissy too. "Wow." Chrissy says.

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Why this truck dad? Isn’t it a little fancy for your taste?”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“It looks mean on the outside, but cozy on the inside.”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Cozy?”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Don’t you like your father’s new car dear?”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

Nicole shrinks back against her seat. “I would like a million other things better.”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

Wynonna leans over. “Like a Subaru?”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Wynonna!” Waverly snaps.

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“What? It’s a gay thing. Right Haught?”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Isn’t that just a joke?” Chrissy asks. “Like a stereotypy thing?” 

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

Wynonna snorts. “Well, they are stereotypes for a reason. Like flannels." Wynonna puts her hands together in prayer. "God bless you, Ellen.” 

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Wynonna everyone in this car is wearing flannel right now and I’m pretty sure only one of us is a lesbian…” Nicole says flatly.

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Well lesbians don’t get to own all the cool shit, Haught. What are the rest of us supposed to wear?”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Clothes.”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Do you think marketing companies target lesbians when selling flannels?” Chrissy says.

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

Wynonna laughs. “Like, a flannel is forever.”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Or. Double the flannel double the fun." 

________ _ _ _ _

"Yeah, buy one get one half off—”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“On lesbians or flannels?”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Stop it!” Waverly interjects. “You two are being assholes.”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“Woah. Baby girl is using her big girl words.”

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

“You want to know something funny.” Kathleen says. “In the early ’90s, Subaru discovered that lesbians were one of five core groups making up their sales. So, they did, in fact, target them for marketing. I read that in an article once. Lesbarus they said.” She giggles to herself.

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

It’s silent for a moment. Waverly snorts and everyone else’s laughter follows. Nicole’s surprised her mom would read anything about ‘gay’ stuff. She's always been content pretending it doesn't exist. If someone brought it up she would find a way to change the subject. Nicole started changing the subject first because everytime her mother did it, it felt like a slap in the face. 

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

It’s a three-hour drive to Devils Peak. And a three hour drive listening to Shania Twain.

________ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

When Nicole’s big burly dad turns to her mom and sings “let’s go girls” she nearly throws up in her mouth. This is worse than she thought. Kathleen and Harry bob their heads and sing with their hands in synchronized movements like they have been doing this their whole lives together. _I’m going out tonight, I’m feelin’ alight. Gonna let it all hang out._

________ _ _ _ _

__Nicole groans. Her dad has the music up so loud it resonates in her chest and rattles her teeth. Chrissy starts swaying and bumping Nicole’s knee with her own. Nicole looks back and _dear god_ the music as taken Waverly too. Waverly sees Nicole and winks. Nicole envies Wynonna’s ability to sleep through this episode of the Partridge Family._ _

________ _ _ _ _

__

________ _ _ _ _

__She shrinks into her seat as far as she can and covers part of her face with her flannel trying to disappear in it, but the animal’s prey on the weak._ _

________ _ _ _ _

__

________ _ _ _ _

__Waverly peaks over the edge of the seat and smiles. She leans in. Her and Chrissy get real close grabbing Nicole by her flannel. “Is the prerogative to have a little fun!” They sing. “Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy forget I’m a lady.”_ _

________ _ _ _ _

__

________ _ _ _ _

__Nicole rolls down the window to drown them out, but it only makes it worse. The wind blowing through their hair only encourages them. Waverly combs her fingers through hers and leaves it to lay messily to one side. Girls shouldn’t be allowed to do that with their hair. It’s some sort of sexy trickery. Nicole doesn’t do that._ _

________ _ _ _ _

__

________ _ _ _ _

__Chrissy and Waverly sing to each other tossing their hair and shimming their shoulders, but every time they sing _oh, oh, oh_ they lean into Nicole. Nicole is ready to climb out her window and strap herself to the roof like a dead deer._ _

________ _ _ _ _

__

________ _ _ _ _

__“Men’s shirts, short skirts.” Waverly points to Chrissy._ _

________ _ _ _ _

__

________ _ _ _ _

_Oh, oh, oh_

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Really go wild yeah, doing it in style.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Oh, oh, oh ___

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Kathleen pivots in her seat and looks back at them. “Get in the action, feel the attraction.”

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Color my hair, do what I dare.” Harry growls.

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Oh, oh, oh_

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__“I want to be free yeah, to the way I feel.”_ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Harry mutes the song while everyone sings “Man, I feel like a woman.” and then resumes it acting like he's a DJ in a nightclub. Nicole is disgusted. It's the worst camping trip ever and it hasn't even started.

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Kill me._

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

After the torcher is done Waverly trades places with Chrissy. "Hey." 

Nicolel smiles. She sits up straighter. Waverly lifts Nicole’s arm and tucks herself into Nicole’s side. “Waverly Wynonna is right there.”

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“She’s asleep and Chrissy is there.” The car quiets down. Everyone’s too drowsy from the drive and Shania singing lullabies to talk. Waverly hums along with the lyrics to Still the One creating a comforting vibration against Nicole’s side. 

Nicole relaxes against the window so Waverly can stretch out. This is better. She wishes it was just them going camping. Nicole could show Waverly all her favorite spots to hangout out, climb, and swim. She wouldn't' have to worry about Wynonna finding out and choking her death. She wouldn't have to watch her parents be gross cheaters. It would be just her and her love.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Nicole combs back Waverly’s hair so she can see the lines of Waverly’s jaw and the slope of her nose, the gold dove neckless hanging off to the side of her shoulder, and the perfect shade of pink on her soft parted lips. Waverly’s eyes are closed but Nicole knows all about those gold flecks and their beautiful sea of green. Waverly still is and always will be something beautiful and sweet. Just like the day they met.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Kathleen catches Nicole’s eyes and she sees her own staring back at her. Big, brown, and deep. It’s easy for everyone to see Kathleen as a devoted loving mom when she's making mini quiche for family game night or inviting Nicole's girlfriend to go camping with them. Waverly sure seems to see her that way. She doesn’t understand. No one else sees what Nicole sees or feels what Nicole feels.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

They weren’t there when Kathleen caught her kissing Sydney in her bedroom and told her that she was making her mother's corneas bleed. They weren’t listening when Kathleen told Nicole she couldn’t be gay until she was eighteen, like being gay is a choice only to be made upon entering adulthood. They don't know.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It's not so easy to forgive and forget. Memories like those take on the form of scars. They can fade but the deep ones stay forever. Still, when Kathleen smiles at Nicole while she's fawning over the girl falling asleep in her arms, Nicole can’t help but smile back, because maybe people change, and maybe if Nicole tries, she can change too.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the camping trip and some drama.


	9. Dr. Phil Or Jerry Springer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The camping trip gets a little dramatic between the Earp sisters and Nicole. Nicole has a few words for Kathleen and Harry. Waverly finds love in an unexpected place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am finally back! This chapter is so dramatic even the internal dialogue is dramatic and I found it difficult to write. Also, side note, I changed a line in a previous chapter because I noticed it was way too similar to a line in another fic and I don't want to take credit for another author's beautiful words. My apologies for that. Anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter.

The diamond black finish, while flashy and gorgeous, is not so sparkly on the inside. It’s a hot stuffy metal box rolling with the smoky wreckage of this weekend’s events. It’s silent—not a whisper, no music, not even a glance.

The eye burning stench of campfire and Douglas firs cling to their hair and their clothes and permeates the heated leather seats. Waverly might have worn it proudly, like a token, a family memory like none that she has ever experienced, rather than evidence of war and heartbreak, something she is all too familiar with.

In the rearview mirror just above the swinging little tree air freshener, there is the reflection of a red stubbled chin. Sharp claws have dug lines over the ordinarily jolly face now distorted with anguish and worry. The tree scent has worn out like Kathleen’s sleeping body hidden under a blanket of starchy wool. Her back a barrier against the sick swelling feud tearing apart relationships’ limb from limb.

In the middle, Waverly’s head bounces off the window as the Dodge takes on the loose gravel road. It’s longer than Waverly remembered it, less exciting, it's more of a petulant stretch of speckled grey carrying them far far away from what could have been a nice idea. The vibration tickles in her ears and numbs her thoughts but not enough to forget. Not enough to soothe her acid rich stomach or her sore legs tucked in beside her.

Chrissy, on the other hand, is passed out with her head lifelessly laying on Waverly’s boney hip as what must be the world’s most uncomfortable pillow.

The back seat looks just as grim. Nicole and Wynonna look out their prospective windows and a pile of duffle bags builds an overstuffed wall between them. Waverly looked at them once, at the bruising under Nicole’s eye, and the cuts over Wynonna’s knuckles. She sympathizes with her own battered elbows and knees. If she had a mother what would she say if she came home like this?

It was a terrible idea, this camping trip. She shouldn’t have come. She shouldn’t have played that stupid game. She shouldn’t have followed Nicole to that cave and run off into the woods like a wild crazy idiot. Most of all she shouldn’t have lied—not for Nicole. Not for anyone.

If she wasn’t so jaded and a coward, she could have tried harder. She could have fixed this or part of this, but she's not perfect, and as much as she wishes she was, she's not a Jedi Knight either. She's just a girl in a car full of mommy issues. 

The amount of tension between these people in this car could be dissected and studied in a lab, and some smarty pants scientist could conclude what Waverly has always known. Sometimes I love you means goodbye.

***

There is a short treck to the campsite part of which has a steep incline that burns through Waverly's shins and splinters in her knees. Their path is lined with cedars and Douglas firs decorated with lichen and moss. It reminds her of the trails near her house. The sidewalks at Purgatory University leave much to be desired. When she was little she called moss fur for trees and as a winter coat, the moss keeps the trees warm. She still admires it through young eyes and curious fingers reach out to stroke it as she passes by a particularly fury tree. It's soft but not the same as fur. 

“Dad? Where’s _Pierre?_ ” Her usual disgust rolls off her tongue as she says his name.

“Relax kid we’re here to have a good time.”

She mumbles. "I bet _Pierre’s_ not having a good time.” The alluring smile Nicole normally carries with her is lost under her unrelenting self-righteous obsessions. Even in the fresh release of overgrown conifers, a positive attitude is hard to muster.

Waverly is just trying to pretend this camping trip isn’t a shook up Dr. Pepper waiting to burst at the slightest twist of the lid.

The campsite is open to a 180-degree view of the lake. Waverly knows that lake is cold. Just looking at it makes her teeth chatter. The center of the site has a firepit set up with rocks and stones but is in need of firewood. Waverly would chop down the nearest tree if it meant getting some heat going. 

“I brought the family tent for you and your friends. Show them how to set it up.” 

The burning tension in Waverly's neck has reached its breaking point. She dips one shoulder and sheds the duffle bag hanging there. It hits the ground in a puff of dirt and draws Nicole's attention.

“I could have carried that for you.”

“I can take care of my own bag.” Tiny pin sized red dots of broken blood vessels already ripple out just under the hot pink skin where the strap rubbed at her shoulder. She ignores the dull sting along with the wasted chivalry offered up by the cute redhead. She smirks and drops the other bag. “but I got yours.” 

“I can take care of my own bag.” 

Wynonna lumbers down the path sulking and kicking cones carrying a single camping chair under her arm and a half of sandwich in her other hand.

Nicole heaves up the folded tent lips stretched into a playful smile. She yanks that string loose and dumps the tent components to the ground. “Is that all you could carry?”

“I’m eating.” Wynonna whines. She wears her brow like a visor flat above her eyes. The reality of camping and being exposed to nature is not the type of wild Wynonna’s used to. “And my shoulder is in a sling.” 

“Here.” Waverly gives Wynonna a look of pity and takes the camping chair from her sister. There’s a twinge of guilt when she bumps against the sling. “Finish your sandwich you only have one good hand. It’s no use when it’s full.”

Wynonna takes another aggressive bite out of her sandwich and gives Nicole the stink eye as she plops down in the chair. To really rub it in she throws her feet over the armrest and swings them lazily.

Nicole sets up the tent without difficulty undoubtedly not the first time or even the fifth time that she's set it up. “Voila.”

The sleeping bags are stowed inside and Nicole zips it up. Harry and Kathleen finish setting up the chairs around the firepit and bring around the coolers.

“It’s beer o’clock.” He riffles through the ice chest, scoops up a beer and tosses it to Nicole. It hits her unexpectedly in the stomach. Her long arms fumble around with it until it settles in the crook of her elbow. She cracks it open and plops down in her camping chair before slurping off the foam accumulating at the top.

“Harry it’s 8:45 in the morning.” Kathleen chides.

“Wynonna?”

Wynonna nods fervently and shoves the last corner of her sandwich in her mouth just in time for the can to meet her hands. “I like you.” She winks.

He looks to Waverly questioningly. She shrugs and puts her hands out like a catcher’s mitt. The Earp diet is a quarter beer, half whiskey, tequila, rum, anything that goes with pizza, and a quarter everything else—for Wynonna, that’s mostly pizza. Waverly drops into the tandem chair next to Chrissy. The beer is cold and wet in her hand. It chills her body. She wraps her flannel tighter around her chest and crosses her legs to conserve what little heat she might have. No one else looks bothered by the cold. It's fall. Who camps in fall? 

Harry holds out a bottle of gin and a paper cup like a waiter at a five-star restaurant. The cup swallows a generous amount of Tanqueray as he pours while wearing a charming smile straight out of heaven. He offers the cup to Kathleen who, blushing and smitten, rolls her eyes playing it off like she doesn’t have the hots for Mr. Haught. “What no olive Harry?”

He pecks her cheek and widens his smile. “Olove you.”

That seems to soften her right up like butter in the microwave. “Thank you dear.” She continues her blushing as she dives deep into her ungarnished cup of gin.

"You know it's only 8:56 in the morning."

"Then it's almost 6 pm in Paris. 

It's more than obvious where Nicole gets her charm, general goofiness, and cringy dad jokes from. Despite what Nicole lets on her sweet warmth comes from Kathleen. Waverly can feel it radiate off Kathleen and she can see it in her big brown eyes. Just like she can see it in the eyes of the dork sitting next to her legs folded under like a lazy butterfly. Nicole has beer trailing down her arm and her tongue follows quickly to catch every drop before they disappear down her sleeve. Shes looks up mid-lick and pulls her tongue back in long enough to send Waverly a bashful smile.

Nicole's dimples come from Harry too, but the blush on her face when she smiles at Waverly, is all Kathleen. It makes Waverly wonder what parts of her come from her own mother and what parts of her come from her father, whoever he is. She knows there is a hardness or a roughness and natural distrust for peoples intentions that must have come from mama. Wynonna has it and Willa has it. Mama gave them that. 

By 11:00 am a city of beer cans litters the dirt from Nicole to Wynonna to Harry. He keeps shooting them out like marshmallows in a slingshot while Wynonna and Nicole play chubby bunny. Meanwhile, Kathleen is 3/4s of the way through her bottle of Tanqueray and is well on her way to happy town.

Chrissy’s already landed, checked in, and made herself at home there. Waverly's sure she can hear The Beach boys singing Kokomo when she gets too close. Hopefully, Chrissy's beer flush is keeping her warmer than Waverly's is. Her leg hair may have grown back out of pity. 

“Hey Harry? Kathleen? Would you guys like a cookie?” A smile dipped in chocolate chips and mischief pulls at Wynonna lips. Its quickly replaced with something a little more innocent. She digs out a small ziplock back from her jacket, the leather one she always wears and tears it open. 

Even if Nicole's words are starting to slur and her laughter is easier to come by, wide-eyed and flushed red with cheap beer, she looks less interested in Wynonna’s tomfoolery. “Wynonna no.”

Wynonna’s never been afraid of inciting fun regardless of who it may affect, overlooking any potential risks, and living in the moment. She brushes Nicole off and twinkles her eyes at Harry.

“I could always go for cookies.” Harry says.

“Dad you probably shouldn’t.”

“Why not?”

Nicole's seriousness melts from her face. She leans back in her chair and chortles. “You-you’re getting a belly.” 

Kathleen scratches Harry’s stomach affectionately and nuzzles into his neck. “Don’t worry dear I think it’s handsome.” Harry's cheeks pinken and Kathleen gets lost in his big old bear hug.

“Gross.”

“Anyway, about those cookies.” Wynonna grins and hands Harry two cookies. Harry gives one to Kathleen.

“Those aren’t like the brownies right.” Nicole whispers.

Wynonna pulls out a second cookie the first already shoved in her mouth muffling her words as she talks. "These aren't brownies Nicole. Duh."

Waverly crosses her arms. There better not be brownies anywhere near Nicole and her sister especially not ones that catch fire.

*** 

Nicole clears her throat. “I have to pee.”

“Where?” Wynonna perks up from her slouched position in the camping chair cookie crumbs roll down her shirt.

“What do you mean where? Where ever I want.”

“Like a dog?”

“Sure.”

“Hardcore.”

Waverly waits a couple of minutes until Nicole disappears into the wooded area. “I have to pee too.” She says and follows the path Nicole took. She couldn’t have gotten far. Waverly scans the trees along the path. It’s not a particularly dense wooded area but she can’t hear anyone moving but herself and that stupid bird in the tree above her.

Nicole springs from behind the tree and roars! Waverly screams and jumps. Nicole laughs, but the hair stands up on the back of Waverly’s neck and ripples down her spine, so she runs.

“Waverly wait.” Nicole giggles, but it’s not enough to stop her. “No! Waverly seriously wait!” There’s panic in Nicole’s voice, a sense of urgency, and it drops in her stomach like a rock. Her legs fuel up, she races through the blurred trees that prickly feeling following her the whole way. “Stop! Waverly stop please!”

Her chest explodes. At first, she thinks she’s tripped as her body stumbles forward, and her palms skid through the dirt taking in splinters from small twigs. She shields her head between her elbows and Nicole’s arms lasso her legs. She was not prepared for this—this in the middle of the woods surrounded be the obnoxious taunting of the Stellar Jays.

Waverly lays still for second, confused, and blinking. The sun comes in through tiny gaps in the leaves making a constellation that spreads across the trees. Nicole props up on her elbow and the tiny starlight’s shine on the panic perspiring along her hairline. Always beautiful. Even when sweaty.

“Why the hell did you tackle me?”

“Why the hell did you run?”

“You were freaking me out!”

“Waverly.” Nicole giggles releasing the tension in her face. “There is a big hole right next to you, and if I hadn’t tackled you, you would have fallen right in and broken an ankle or worse.”

Sure enough, a large crater blemishes the earth with jagged teeth and a treacherous fall to the depths of a two-story house. Waverly blows out a heavy stream of air feeling like an idiot for not seeing that massive death trap out here. “Who put that there?”

“Mother nature?”

“What a pretty little bitch.” Nicole stretches out next to Waverly laughing. When she leans in Waverly’s fingers dive into a mess of thick red hair and pulls her closer. “At least your tackling has improved.”

“Oh, _I_ see.” Nicole leads her with a smile so enticing. Her eyes flutter shut like they do when their lips touch and sweetness paired with beer from a dive bar rolls around in her mouth. But where their tongues meet it’s the lightest taste of chocolate that Waverly searches for.

Waverly dips her hand into the back of Nicole’s collar to feel her warmth. Nicole is always so fucking warm and Waverly’s always cold. It’s better without clothes, skin to skin, then she can steal all of Nicole’s heat at once, but there is a stick stabbing her in the back and her palms and elbows ache from falling.

Waverly plays with the edges of Nicole’s flannel pulling lightly. She wants to be firm and insist Nicole shift on top of her so they can touch each other better. She wants to kiss Nicole until their lips are red and swollen, but they can’t do that in the dirt and the leaves next to the crater of doom.

“We should stop.”

Nicole falls into the crook of Waverly’s arm and whines. “I know.”

It’s still tempting. She can almost feel her body begging for contact, pleading with Nicole to say there with her. They could touch under the speckled light surround by the lush Douglas firs where the air smells fresh. Waverly could ignore the stick in her back, the ache in her elbows, and the death trap to her right. She could pretend that bird isn’t there placing judgment high up on its perch or that her sister could wander over at any moment.

Nicole gets up first, holds out her hands, and for the first time, Waverly accepts them. Nicole lifts her to her feet. They brush each other off and make the short walk back holding each other close .

Disappointment fumes in her stomach at the laughter growing louder. There is music now too. It’s likely that Wynonna has started another beer since they left maybe two. Her arm drops from Nicole’s waist to her side and is instantly lonely.

“Baby wait.” Nicole hooks a finger in Waverly’s back belt loop. “Don’t run this time you have a leaf in your hair.”

When she’s finished with the leaf Nicole wraps her arms around Waverly’s waist with a light squeeze and pecks her on the cheek. She leans back against Nicole expecting more but it doesn’t come. Instead, Nicole swats at her ass to get her to move. “Come on baby before everyone starts to wonder.”

“Hmpf.”

It’s time for Wynonna to know. Maybe not right this second, but as soon they get back. Waverly is tired of lying to her sister and tired of not being allowed to enjoy her girlfriend the way she wants.

Wynonna’s going to be mad. It’s going to hurt and it’s scary. Her sister is going to lash out at her for being a liar and it's going to suck ass, but she’s more afraid of her sister judging her for being a traitor.

Her whole life 'love doesn’t exist' has been drilled into her by her sister. It's hard to find love in a family where they’re mother abandon them. Ward was abusive. Waverly’s dad was non-existent and Willa’s just a god damn bitch. What's to love about any of that? 

Nicole’s warm though, and safe and has a family that gives a damn. That has to count for something.

Wynonna’s warm too, in her own way, with her obnoxious and contagious laughter. There must be some kind of love there for her sister too. “I’ve got an idea,” Wynonna says coming down from a bout of amusement. “Let’s play never have I ever.”

Nicole stops mid chug. Beer runs down her chin as she swallows what’s in her mouth and shakes her head. “Bad…” She coughs. “Bad idea.” Waverly squints at her. This is what she chooses? This drooling mess? She melts a little at honey eyes and red hair. _Yes. Yes, it is. ___

Chrissy's beer sloshes over her chair when leans forward and tucks her leg underneath her. “Ooh, I’ll play!”

“You two do realize we are stuck here with each other until, tomorrow right?” Waverly says.

“Pssh it will be fine young Padawan.” Wynonna winks.

And Wynonna jokes. She’s not great with loving words, but she’s always been good at making Waverly laugh. “Well, you do know the quickest way to my heart big sister.”

“What's never have I ever?” Kathleen asks while Harry uncaps a new bottle of Tanqueray the other lay empty next to his hiking boot.

“Someone makes a statement that starts with never have I ever. Anyone who has done that thing drinks.”

“That sounds dangerous.” Kathleen drunken giggles. “I’ll play.”

“Dad! Quit getting mom excited. We’re not playing!”

“Sorry Haught, that’s five against one.”

“I’ll start.” Chrissy taps her fingers together with a wicked grin. “Never have I ever been drunk with my parents.”

That’s one drink for Wynonna and one drink for Waverly. Thanks to one Ward Asshole Earp, the Earp sister’s after-school snack included Doritos and a 3-liter box of peach Moscato instead of Minute Maid like the other kids. They’ve been drinking with daddy since grade school.

Nicole drinks too. She drinks a little extra under the heavy gaze of Kathleen. Harry seems just like the type of irresponsible man child that would share beer with an 8-year-old. One of the many reasons it’s probably for the best her and Wynonna weren't friends as kids.

“Nicole and Harry Haught!” Kathleen scolds.

“What! Mom, you’re literally drunk right now.”

“Actually dear. Don’t use literally. Literally is an overused filler word that too often is misused. Use actually.”

“Whatever. You’re drunk. It’s your turn…go _drunky_.” Nicole tosses her beer can like a basketball into the trash pile aka Mt. Beersuvius.

“Very well. Never have I ever burped the alphabet in the middle of TGI Friday’s.”

Harry burst into a wheezing fit of laughter that instantly reddens his cheeks. His own beer runs down his chin. Spewing beer all over the place must be a Haught trait. He raises his beer to Nicole as he calms down with a few final coughs through wet lungs. “Here’s to you kid. I love ya.” And drinks a second time before throwing Nicole a new beer. Her beer fizzes out when she cracks it open. Her mouth immediately creates a seal containing the situation, but she coughs when it goes up her nose. 

“You’re weird and disgusting.” Waverly says under her breath.

Nicole puts her hand over her heart and feigns offense. “Aw, that hurts. And to think I was going to burp your name later.”

“I had different plans for you and my name later.” Her tone a soft whisper of seduction.

Nicole nearly leaps out of her chair but stops and runs her hands through her hair coolly. “Had?”

She folds her arms over her chest and holds in a smile. “Had. You’re too drunk now.”

“I won’t be drunk later it’s only 1 pm.”

“We’ll see.”

“I know a place.” Nicole smirks. “If you change your mind.”

“Hm.” She chirps. 

Harry nods vacantly and digs his nails into his chin. He stares at the firepit which could be a fire if someone else noticed how cold it is.

“Here let me help you with that dear.” Kathleen scratches and rubs Harry’s face like a squishy old bulldog. His leg even twitches a little.

“Thanks a lot Wynonna. They’re even more repulsive than ever!”

Wynonna startles pupils wide, eyes glazed as a ham on Christmas. She crams half a sandwich in her mouth while the rest bulges out one cheek like Pikachu the hamster after he got into the cat food. “What?”

Nicole punches her in the shoulder. She blinks slowly before flinching. “Ouch-aah.”

“Dude…how many cookies did you eat?”

She raises her good shoulder slowly and gives a big lazy smile. “I don’t even know anymore.”

“Never have I ever stolen something and gotten away with it.” Harry says.

Wynonna is slow and lost in a haze of chocolate chips. She doesn’t drink until Waverly clears her throat and mutters. "Wynonna". Like it’s a surprise Wynonna drinks. “It was one time and I really needed tampons!” Her words muffled in the fluff of ham and cheese on white bread.

“It was definitely multiple times and they weren’t tampons they were cigarettes.”

“My own sisters a narc.” She swallows hard and chases the last of her snack with beer until her mouth is clear. “It’s my turn.” She kicks her legs up on the armrest of her chair and faces Nicole. "Never have I ever slept with someone around this firepit." 

Suddenly Waverly’s chair is dropping through the earth, deeper than the crater in the woods and out the other side. She knew this game was a bad idea. Waverly could lie. Of course, she will. She has to lie that’s not even a question.

She ignores the giggling shared between Harry and Kathleen and fights the urge to look at Nicole, that would make it worse, but that’s all she wants to do. Then something terribly disgusting happens. Wynonna and Chrissy drink. Waverly’s cup slips through her fingers, hitting the ground, splashing beer up her ankle. Nicole sinks into her chair and becomes oddly fixated on the pull tab of her beer can.

Waverly turns to Chrissy. She can’t picture Chrissy and her sister together. Chrissy doesn't even like girls. Does Wynonna? It did seem like she was flirting with Eliza from the Lacross team last quarter. The thought damn near sends her into convulsions. 

Waverly knows Nicole’s capable of lying. She lies for Waverly. She lies for Wynonna. She does everything else Wynonna wants her to. What wouldn’t she do for Wynonna-with Wynonna? “Who have you slept with?” Waverly demands.

“That’s not part of the game. I don’t have to give details. Do I.”

“Chrissy?”

Chrissy puts her hands up. Nicole just sits there catching the tab under her fingernail and letting it go again. Why is she sitting there like that while Waverly is screaming her head off inside? The thunder in Waverly’s chest makes her sick and dizzy. “Did you sleep with my best friend Wynonna?”

“Hmm, wouldn’t that just be the worst.” She chugs her beer, crushes it in her hands, and Frisby tosses it into Mt Beersuvius. “I wouldn’t do that to you…plus Chrissy’s not my type.”

“A girl dear?”

“No, a blonde.”

“This must just be a thing young girls do now…other girls?”

The pink around Harry’s eyes is starting to match his mustache fiery and prominent. His movements are as sluggish as his words. “Could be darlin. The world is a new place every day.”

“You’re exactly right Kathleen. Girls do other girls.” Wynonna mouths over her shoulder and gives Nicole her most ridiculous smile. "So high." 

Poor high little Kathleen. Her eyes are deep in another world only half connected to what she’s saying. “Well, I guess I could give it a try.” She smiles like she’s agreeing to a new brand of gin. “Never hurts to learn something new.”

“Mom!” Nicole slams her feet into the dirt launching her chair over backward. “I live here now. In the dirt with the ants and the pinecones. Send beer.”

“Well I know it’s not Nicole—Nicole’s parents. So, someone is lying!” Waverly’s freaking out. Nicole wouldn’t. Wynonna wouldn’t. Right? RIGHT? Not together that would just be weird. So fucking weird. She takes a couple of calm deep breaths but they’re not helping and Nicole’s not helping either laying in the dirt like a weirdo.

Wynonna shrugs. “Beer Harry?”

Waverly is going to explode into a million bite-sized pieces if she doesn’t get an answer. Nicole better not have some weird sick sister fetish because she’ll lose it right here right now. “Did you sleep with my sister?” She’s gone from romcom to suspense and is one word away from horror.

“What? No of course not!” Nicole can’t even finish her sentence without laughing and snorting. That’s why she tasted like chocolate. “You’re high, aren’t you?” Waverly looks around her. It’s just her and a bunch of drunk and high assholes.

Wynonna laughs so hard she falls out of her seat next to Nicole. “God, that would suck too wouldn’t it?”

“Which one of you slept with Chrissy!”

Wynonna pulls a satsuma orange from her jacket and starts peeling it throwing the peel aside carelessly. “Oh my god, you should see your face right now.”

“You’re so red.” Chrissy echo’s through her beer can.

“What the fuck?”

“I thought Nicole would be freaking out more, but she’s just sitting here like a damn dear in the headlights waiting for a semi.” Wynonna howls. “I almost peed.” She rips off a wedge of orange and prods Nicole’s lips until Nicole opens her mouth and bites it.

“Gah! Dude you squirted me in the eye!”

“Sorry it’s juicy...and heavenly.” Nicole waggles her brows. “Give me more.”

The more her sister feeds her girlfriend peeled fruit the more Waverly wants to make this whole camp go blazing up like Wednesday Addams on Thanksgiving. “I don’t want to play anymore!”

“Too bad. We’re not done. It’s Haught’s turn.” Wynonna crawls back to her seat and makes herself at home with her legs swinging over the armrest and dangling orange slices over her mouth like she's royalty.

“Nicole were you in on this?”

“No. I’m just…um.” She straightens out her chair and scrambles to find her beer, but it has fallen and emptied in the dirt at her feet. “So excited you’re here.” She smiles innocently.

“Sit down dude! You’re holding up the game.” Nicole throws herself into her chair with a goofy looking pout on her face and crosses her legs like an angry Pretzel waiting to snap.

Waverly swallow’s the rest of her beer in one gulp and crushes it in her hand like her sister. “Yeah, I’m gonna need something stronger.” She grumbles and tosses the can casually over her shoulder.

“Never have I ever cheated on someone.” Nicole accuses over the firepit and waits for Kathleen to drink. She doesn’t budge she’s too busy eating a sandwich and staring hard at the unlit firepit with Harry like it’s the whole reason they’ve come. “Did you hear me over there. Never. Have I ever. Cheated on someone.”

“Nicole what’s the matter with you?” Harry says. He stands abruptly, grabs the Tanqueray and a cup, and brings it to Waverly. He’s just as generous with his pouring as he was with Kathleen, but his eyes are so fixed on Nicole that he doesn't notice how full her cup is. 

“Th-that’s good Harry.” Little beads of gin stream down the sides of her paper cup and pool on the edge of her curled fingers. It’s a cup of Gin. Nothing else. A full cup of straight gin. Waverly stares at it and tries not to shift her hand too much and risk spilling. She can’t drink all of this. Is this what Kathleen drinks? _“Dear god.”_

Waverly slurps off the top layer until it fills her mouth and she forces it down her throat. Gin is not her favorite. It’s like a fruity flower in the summer. Waverly’s more of a deep smoky rub some dirt on it type of girl. Dirt probably isn’t going to help this gin go down, but it might dampen the image of Nicole touching Wynonna the way Nicole touches her.

“Never have I ever lied to someone.” Waverly says and takes a hard swallow.

“Baby girl you’re not supposed to make yourself drink.”

She shrugs and swallows again unreactive to the alcoholic burn trailing from mouth to stomach.

“My turn my turn!” Chrissy bounces in her chair. “Never have I ever sent a sexy selfie.”

It feels like the game goes on forever and Waverly's gin is evaporating. She couldn’t have drunk it all already it’s like 3 pm and that was the fullest cup of gin Waverly’s ever seen.

“It’s your turn again baby girl.”

She sighs. Her body is too relaxed and boozy. Her brain is too fruity and flowery in the summer to think of any more questions. She stuck on Nicole and her sister and all the things they have in common--possibly each other. “Never have I ever jumped off a roof.”

She doesn't have to look to know that cardboard box wings Wynonna and amateur rock climber Nicole are drinking probably with stupid grins on their stupid faces. Wild animals! Real Monsters. Gremlins. Who fed you after midnight?

“That’s our Nicole always jumping off of things.” Kathleen drawls. “Roofs, rocks, but I have never seen her jump off of something so quickly as she did that poor young girl when I opened the door. You were 16 I think…17?”

"Jesus bean!" Beer rains out of Wynonna's mouth through her laughter. "Best camping trip ever." 

“Mom! You are cut off!”

Kathleen rolls her eyes. “Harry our daughter is so bossy.”

“Mmhm.” He rumbles gently taking her cup. “She gets that from you I’m afraid.” His voice holds affection, but Kathleen doesn’t hear it. She recoils and snatches her cup back from his hand.

It’s just a game and the past is the past, but Waverly pictures Nicole and Ms. Novemeber and swallows it like a shot of jealousy with a gin chaser.

“I have to pee.” Waverly says.

Wynonna burps. “Again?” 

“Yes again. I pee more than once a day you know.”

“Well I don’t want to know. 

Waverly holds out her arms like an airplane to keep from falling as she disappears into the woods. Her wings aren't sufficient and she stumbles forward landing for the second time in the dirt. Nicole follows close behind giggling. She nearly falls over lifting Waverly up by her waist. “Baby what’s going on?”

Waverly swats her away. “Don’t baby me. You’re drunk.”

“I think you might be a little drunk too.”

“No! I am fine. Just so fine right now.” She wraps her arm around a young maple tree and uses it to swing herself around.

“I didn’t see you drink that many beers.” _Mt Beersuvius and Mt Wynonna were probably blocking your view._

She abandons her tree and marches on kicking the scattered leaves in her path. “That’s because I switched to gin.”

“You what?” Nicole laughs.

“Stop laughing. A-all you do is laugh and you’re so pretty and I hate your pretty laughter.”

“I’ll stop laughing if you’ll hold still long enough to tell me what’s going on.” 

“You lie for my sister and let her feed you fruit, and I’m really really freaked out that you and Wynonna…” Her face scrunches up as she makes a lewd motion with her hands. “Ya’know.”

“I’m confused…are you asking me if I had sex with Wynonna?”

She spins around grabs Nicole's shirt her face dead serious. “Did you?”

Nicole buckles over with laughter. Waverly doesn’t understand why everyone thinks this is so damn funny when it’s totally the worst. Nicole rests her hands on her knees while she trys to catch her breath.

“You said you’d stop laughing!”

“Waverly. I have never once thought about Wynonna that way. That would just be weird.”

“That’s what I said. In my head, but then you two just seem so comfortable with it and with each other.”

“I would have told you if that were true before we started anything.”

"What about Chrissy?"

"Definitely not. 

“You promise?”

“Cross my heart hope to die.”

“Don’t say things like that.” She smiles and punches Nicole in the shoulder.

“Are you okay now?" Nicole smiles soft and sincere. "Do you want to talk about it more?”

“I’m fine. Just hug me.”

"Always." 

****

“Nicole you need to be in the middle.”

“What? Why?” Waverly says.

“Because baby girl, I am plastered to the inside of this sleeping bag, you have too much hair, and I don’t want to suffocate in my sleep. Also, it’s cold as balls and Nicole is warmer than you. ” Chrissy was smart. She refused to add her sleeping bag to the super sleeping bag making them one grandparent short. Thank god too because it's crowded enough with her sister's knees in her ass and Wynonna's chin on her shoulder. How did Wynonna get so boney? "If we put her in the middle we can all be warm."

"Or you two will drain me of my heat like a couple of heat Vampires and I'll freeze to death." 

Waverly rings Nicole's shirt in her fingers in a failed attempt to keep Nicole from moving. Nicole says nothing's happened between her and Wynonna, but every hint of affection they share is disconcerting and does nothing to invalidate Waverly of her insecurities. Waverly doesn't want to share Nicole's warmth with Wynonna. She doesn't want to share any part of Nicole with Wynonna. Nicole is hers. Of course, she's purposely overlooking that fact that Nicole was Wynonna's friend first, but still, Wynonna can go get her own Nicole this ones taken. 

“Don't be dramatic Nicole just get in the middle.” 

"Fine." Nicole groans and wiggles out of Waverly's grip. The sleeping bag doesn't have a lot more give for three people to roll around inside. Nicole pushes herself up and the sleeping bag scrunches Wynonna and Waverly closer, in turn, leaving little room for Nicole to fit in between. Nicole practically steamrolls over Waverly and smashes Waverly's boob with her hand in the process. "Ow!" That was probably not an accident. 

"Sorry Waves." 

"Lay down already you're yanking my hair out!" 

"Don't yell at me this was your idea and I can't move any faster."

"Watch your knees." 

"Can you all shut the heck up! I'm trying to sleep over here." 

"Shut your face, Nedley!" Wynonna pushes on Nicole’s shoulders “We have to lay on our sides to maximize the space.”

"This is all the space we have. It doesn't matter how we lay we're going to overlap. Why didn't you just bring your own fricken sleeping bag!" 

"Sharing is caring...unless it's herpes keep that shit to yourself." 

Wynonna's end of the sleeping bag kicks and bucks until Waverly's vision is impaired by Nicole's t-shirt and Nicole's hip is stabbing into her stomach. "Hold the fuck still Wynonna." 

"Be more sensitive Nicole I am claustrophobic! I have to brace my feet against this so I don't feel like I'm dying."

"I thought that was the whole reason I moved to the middle so that _you_ are more comfortable. You're smashing me and Waverly together. How are _we_ supposed to sleep?"

"Seriously dude. I am drowning in Nicole's boobs." Nicole lifts up on her elbows and knees partially straddling Waverly and freeing her from the boobie trap. They can't sleep like this. Waverly definitely can't sleep with Nicole above her like this and with their bodies held together in a semi-pleasant way. 

Wynonna clicks her teeth. "That's probably not the worst way to go." _Cool so does Wynonna have a thing for Nicole's boobs now?_

Nicole wedges herself under Waverly into a tight spoon with her arms wrapped snug around Waverly's waist. The harder Wynonna presses on the sleeping bag the firmer her and Nicole are held together and Waverly doesn't hate it. "Worlds weirdest and most aggressive burrito." She giggles. 

"Seriously shut the heck up, you guys. I am getting a migraine listening to all your yammering." 

***

By some miracle, Wynonna has been able to fall sleep hard enough to saw some heavy duty logs, which is perfect because Chrissy is running a leaf blower in the corner. It's shouldn't be surprising to find that neither Nicole nor Waverly can fall asleep jammed together in an overstuffed sock drawer and while being serenaded by a duet of lawn tools. 

"Let's go." Nicole whispers against Waverly's ear. It takes some tactful maneuvering to shimmy out of that super sleeping bag. The only thing super about it is it's super duper tight. 

Nicole leads Waverly blindly through the dark. It's so dark Waverly can't see more than a few feet in front of her. She stuffs her arms in her sweatshirt that thankfully she remembered to grab because without the sun it's cold enough to freeze Alaska. Nicole seems less bothered in only her jeans and her flannel. Her teeth aren't even chattering. It must be nice to be a walking space heater.

Nicole's spot is a tree wedged inside a carved out bolder that forms a cave-like structure. "Go ahead." Nicole gestures Waverly through a small crawl space. Waverly is a little apprehensive to dive head first into a dark hole in the middle of the night. She looks at Nicole and shakes her head. 

"Here." Nicole shoves something inside and clicks it illuminating the cave. "Better?"

"You had a lantern this whole time? Why'd we just treck through the dark?" 

"I didn't want anyone to see." 

Waverly, still hesitant, gets down on her elbows and knees and army crawls through the small opening. Inside looks like a dome of weathered rock with the snake-like roots of the tree creeping down the middle. Waverly avoids them and edges around the wall to make room for Nicole to follow. 

"See isn't it cool?"

"It's something." 

"I used to play in here all the time as a kid." A reminiscent smile takes over Nicole's face. Her eyes roam the small space, down the dangling roots, and land on Waverly. "I loved it." 

The soft yellow of the lantern flickers over Nicole's face lighting up her eyes already honey smooth and irresistible. Waverly swings her leg over Nicole’s lap straddling her and wraps her arms around Nicole’s neck. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“Well, I think my mom did the inviting.” A familiar softness hangs coats her voice wrapping around Waverly like a blanket, leaving her warm and secure and with the added weight of frisking hands moving up and down Waverly’s sides.

“But you could have said no, and you didn’t.”

“I wanted you to come. I want you to be here with me.”

"Really?" Waverly takes off her sweatshirt and lays it flat on the ground behind her ignoring the brisk air and the ripple of goosebumps spreading down her arms. She helps Nicole take off her flannel and lays it flat too.

"Definitely."

Waverly nuzzles into Nicole’s neck breathing in the sweet muskiness of her skin. She smells good mixed with the damp woody earth saturating the air and filling their lungs. The taste is just as sweet on the tip of her tongue as she makes her way up the side of Nicole’s neck with gentle kisses and ends with a single kiss to her cheek. “It’s dark.”

“We have a lantern. I can turn it up.”

She leans back in Nicole’s lap shaking her head. “No.” Infatuation prickles hot over Waverly’s cheeks as she runs a finger lightly down Nicole’s nose, her lips, and of the point of her chin. She admires the woman in front of her for everything Nicole is—kind, patience, loving, all the things that never felt possible until Nicole swaggered into that classroom.

“I really want to touch you right now.” She pulls at the front of Nicole’s shirt with little resistance until they’ve both repositions on the laid out fabric and two big brown eyes rich in sweetness are looking down on her. That’s her Nicole right there, warm, balanced, and blessed with dimpled perfection.

Nicole’s smile is enough to heat Waverly’s bones against the cold stone chilling her spine and the backs of her legs. Her touch is enough to get lost in, drown the rest of the world out like it’s just the two of them on the whole planet.

“You do?” Nicole tickles her with kisses along her neck and under her chin.

“Yes.” Waverly giggles. She weaves her fingers in Nicole’s hair and pulls their lips together. “I really do.”

“Okay. Do I get to touch you?”

“Yes.”

Nicole smiles and whispers her lips along the edge of Waverly's jaw. It’s just a touch, but right now it feels like everything. Everything caresses over her ribs and up the inside of her thigh. Everything washes over her and it’s warm. It might be love but Waverly’s not sure what that feels like yet. For now, it’s ‘like’. She likes Nicole and what Nicole gives Waverly with her touch, in her kiss, and with her heart. Nicole is everything. “You are…”

Nicole shifts her knee in between Waverly's and shoves their hips together halting her thought. Typical. “Hot?”

“Oh no don’t get all cocky on me again.”

“Sexy?” Nicole breaths. She rolls her hips against Waverly searching for friction. Wavery grabs on to Nicole's jeans pulling them closer together and answers with her own hips. 

Nicole leaves gentle bites over the marks on Waverly's neck that have since faded and gone. The subtle pinches and scrapes have Waverly arching up against her asking to be painted again with her affection, but Nicole kisses her instead. “The sexiest.” 

“Annoyingly charming?”

“Hell yes to that one!”

Nicole pauses her eyes clouded in concern. “but only sometimes right?”

“Sometimes, but sometimes you’re just charming…and sometimes you’re just…” Waverly releases the button to Nicole’s jeans and lowers the zipper. “you’re kind of perfect.”

She watches Nicole’s eyes change as her hands disappear under Nicole’s waistband. She resumes the movement in her hips with her hand pinned between their bodies. A glow spreads over Nicole’s cheeks from the small lantern showing off the beauty mark under her left eye and the way her hair hangs around her face. Her lips part but no words roll off her tongue just her heavy breathing resonates around them.

Waverly caresses over Nicole’s stomach, up her ribs, and over her chest with her free hand. The other works it's way further into Nicole's underwear until she can adjust and get the right angle. With a slip of her fingers, Nicole cries out and drops to her elbows. She buries her face in the crook of Waverly's neck attempting to muffle the whimpers that escape her throat, but even the softest whimpers are amplified in the dome around them. She works against Waverly faster grinding their hips harder until her body tenses and shakes. " _Fuck._ "And she collapses. 

“Waverly I…I love you.”

“What?” Nicole props herself up wide-eyed and Waverly pulls her hand free. 

“What?”

Waverly opens her mouth to speak but a twig snaps in the background. Her ears perk up. Nicole doesn't seem to notice. "Are there animals out there?"

"I'm sure there is. Why?"

"I heard something crunching around out there and it's freaking me out."

"It's probably a bird or a rabbit. I can check."

"Okay." Waverly pulls her sweatshirt over her head and tosses Nicole her flannel. It's freaking cold. She either needs to wear a thousand jackets or 999 jackets and a Nicole.

Nicole shimmies out of the cave and Waverly follows with the lantern. “Oh fuck.”

“What?”

“Wynonna it’s not what it looks like.” 

_Fuckety fuck fuck. ___Waverly's stomach feels like it's being weighed down by lead and crushed with steel.

Nicole holds out her hand shielding her eyes from the light coming from Wynonna's cellphone.“Good, because what it looks like is your fucking my sister in that little rabbit hole over there.”

“It just happened?”

Wynonna shakes her head fanning her hair around her face like a beautiful chestnut lion. “As in today? I mean we played that game you didn’t say anything then.”

“Well no.”

“So no not today?”

“Not today.”

“Then when last week?” She lowers her cell phone, shines it to the ground, and uses it to guide herself forward “Two weeks ago? Was there a party involved? I don’t recall Waverly being a part of that bribe?”

"Bribe?" Waverly’s heart tries to shrivel up like a raisin. She recalls a certain conversation with Chrissy. She specifically remembers saying she never wanted this, but Chrissy wouldn't listen. Is Waverly just another fool in a stupid love story. Was she only part of a bribe? “Bribe?” She repeats.

“That’s not…" Nicole sinks and cocks her head. "Wait, how long have you known?” 

“Well you were holding hands in our dorm room. That's one. Two, you both blow me off constantly _and_ coincidently at the same time. Three, your hers and hers matching hickies were walking billboards. Four I found your stupid ass Polaroid." 

Nicole turns to Waverly. “What polaroid?” 

"What bribe!" Waverly clenches her fists and shakes them at her sides. "Also, why were you rifling through my kitchen drawers?”

“Because I needed duct tape for my pizza box couch!”

“Pizza box couch?”

“That thing is only held together with duct tape?” 

This is getting out of control. There’s too much happening to keep track of. Waverly’s getting whiplashing looking between the two of them and no one is answering her god damn question. "What bribe?" 

“Yeah. You would know that if you ever stayed home long enough to talk to me.” Wynonna shoulders slump one more than the other. Betrayal trembles on her lip. “Why didn’t you guys tell me? I had to hear it from Chrissy.”

"Chrissy told you?" 

"Well, yeah I found that Polaroid and she was all "why are you rifling through my kitchen." and I said, "What the fuck is this?"

"And she just told you?"

"Mostly her face did. Then she ran away." Sounds about right. Chrissy sucks at keeping secrets under pressure. Especially from Wynonna. Mostly because Wynonna would tackle her, let her spit almost touch Chrissy's mouth, then suck it back up again until Chrissy fessed up. Waverly is surprised she even had friends growing up. 

“I didn’t tell you because of what you said.” Nicole explains. 

“What? Hey Waverly, is there something going on between you and my best friend?” She continues moving forward snapping sticks like bones. “Hey, Nicole, are you schtupping my sister? That’s what I said.” She smacks Nicole on the shoulder. “You said no. Both of you. Which means you both lied right to my face.”

Waverly shakes her head nauseated and weak. Her sister won't even look at her. Her feet won't move. Her voice just cracks. Nicole's taking all the heat while Wynonna dishes. She's a fixture on the outside. A tiny planet orbiting the sun and the moon. The only thing she can get out is "What bribe!”

Finally, she gets some acknowledgment. Waverly catches the glance Wynonna and Nicole share. Nicole shrinks while Wynonna puffs up. Waverly feels a maddening sense of betrayal coming. Just the way she imagines all those dumb girls feeling right after they find out the truth. 

"I bribed Nicole to go to that party to get laid because I was tired of her pent up sexual aggression being taken out on me." 

"You knew that Waverly. You knew why I was there." Nicole pleads. 

"I-I guess. I mean I remembering you saying it but now...I kind of wanted you to be there for me." Waverly remembers that night. She tried to push Nicole into Shae, to save herself, but Nicole came back to her. They danced and Nicole said things and they did things. Nicole wanted her she thought. "Did you only sleep with me to fulfill a bribe?"

"Waverly that's crazy. I just told you I loved you in there." 

"So it did start at the party then!

"Wynonna shut up!"

It's too much. I love you. The bribe. Her sister. Nicole. "I think I--"

Wynonna's face tenses up and her eyes dial in as she pulls back her good arm. Her whole weight goes behind the collision with Nicole’s eye. Nicole’s head flys back and her hands go to her face.

“Hey!” Waverly screams tears welling behind her eyelids.

“Fuck! You hit me!”

“Yeah, I did. I don’t like you very much right now.”

Nicole slams her hands into Wynonna's chest so hard Waverly can almost feel it. “Good then get the fuck out my way before I hit you back.”

“Hit me back. I dare you.” Wynonna unclips her sling and throws it aside. Her shoulder doesn't sag anymore but Waverly can see the pain droop from the corner of Wynonna's mouth as she puts her fists up. 

“Wynonna you’re hurt don’t be an idiot.” Waverly begs. 

Nicole shoves her back harder. Waverly can see the vibration ripple through Nicole's arms. She keeps moving, plowing through Wynonna again and again. 

“Nicole stop it!”

“Let’s got rugby.”

Nicole growls like an animal. She takes a fist full of Wynonna’s shirt and uses it to slam her up against a tree. “Be smart Wynonna.”

"Fucking hit me so I can tear you apart." Wynonna's hands grip Nicole's attached to her shirt like Velcro. Waverly can't see Nicole's face just the hard clench of her jaw and the muscles flexing in her arms. Wynonna's glare is deadly. Ice cold and ready to role. She's just waiting for another reason to sink her knuckles into Nicole's face. Waverly has seen that face before. Once it starts Wynonna won't stop until someone makes her. Waverly can't do it and Harry seems so far away right now. 

" Please stop. Nicole?"

Nicole grabs Wynonna's shoulder and pulls Wynonna into her knee. It knocks the wind out of her. She falls forward with her head in the dirt and her hair mingling with the leaves.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore." Nicole walks off without a word to Waverly. The darkness swallows her whole leaving just Waverly and Wynonna. 

"Wynonna!" Wynonna staggers to her feet. She shakes her head and holds up the flat of her hand keeping Waverly at bay. 

"Don't right now." And she too disappears into the night. Waverly swallows back the fear and the hurt and the fact that she's not sure she knows how to get back. Both of them just left her here alone. 

She wanders alone through the dark using the lantern to avoid some really suspicious looking twigs and ankle-breaking dips in the ground. "Good job Earp." She mutters. "This was such a stupid idea. What were you thinking coming on this camping trip? What did you really expect? " _What were you thinking lying to Wynonna? The only family you have?_ "What do you have now?" 

She keeps walking in what she hopes to be the right direction until she finally sees a tiny pinhole of light. "Fucking finally." She runs picking up the pace when she hears the yelling. 

“This was a stupid idea dad. You never should have planned this. You shouldn’t have brought them both, but you do everything Kathleen says now!”

“Nicole quiet down.”

_No._ Waverly moves quicker. She can hear the thrashing of camping furniture and Mt. Beersuvius falling down. 

“Nicole dear I see you’re hurting let’s talk about this calmly.”

“Oh, what now you want to be my mom? Now you want to be here to _talk_?”

“That’s enough Nicole.”

“Dad don’t you think it’s interesting how quickly Kathleen moved on after the divorce. It’s almost like she and _Pierre_ already knew each other isn’t it?”

“Nicole please.”

“I wouldn’t be so surprised if _Pierre’s_ not the only one she’s cheated on!”

Waverly gets there just in time to see Harry’s angry soften. He glances at Kathleen out of the corner of his eye and wilts into the nearest camping chair. Kathleen backs away her arms wrapping around herself. She walks off just like Nicole did. Just like Wynonna. _Can everyone just hold still for one freaking minute!_

“I don’t want to hear another word come out of your mouth kid and I mean it.”

“What are you going to do about it.” She kicks the tandem chair in his direction and runs when he stands up muscle flexing red-faced and snarling. 

Waverly doesn’t know where Nicole’s going or where Wynonna went, or Kathleen or if Chrissy is still asleep. Everyone is in all different directions and it’s overwhelming, so she bolts too. Running where? To whom? It doesn’t matter. The fear is there fluttering around in her stomach and in her chest. The energy rages through her and she just needs to get rid of it by tearing through the woods and stomping on some leaves.

This time the trees are like shadows haunting her. She can hear the fighting and the yelling and the smack of leather against skin. The faint whimpers that follow, the lock on the door rattling, and someone breathing heavily on the other side. She’s out of breath, but she hums. She hums the theme song because that’s what she needs to focus on when she’s hiding under that bed waiting for Wynonna to do the secret knock.

_It’s okay Waverly. I won’t let anyone hurt you. ___

She runs until she can’t run in more. The ground disappears beneath her feet. It seems like she’s falling forever. So long that even the butterflies have abandoned her unable to carry her weight. Now it’s just the sticks and the stones clawing into her back breaking her until she finally hits rock bottom. But she won’t cry. Wynonna didn’t cry. Willa didn’t cry. Momma never cried when she was battered and bruised in a tornado of fists and booze. No, she just left. She ran. Just like Nicole, just like Wynonna, just like Kathleen, and just like Waverly. That's what people do because love doesn't really mean anything at all does it?

She doesn’t move at first despite the sharp rock, or at least she thinks it’s rock, stabbing her right between her shoulder blades. She thought her palms and her elbows hurt earlier. It was nothing compared to the rest of her body right now. She can see the lip where the ground gave way. Little fibers of tree roots and weeds dangling less the earth Waverly carried down with her.

 _Come on Earp. Let’s go._ ” Electricity zips through her spine with every movement as her vertebrates pinch together in some kind of pissed off way. She makes slow careful movements at firsts until she’s upright. “Fudge nuggets.” She could scream for help, but that would be a waste of energy. They won’t hear her from the here. Not at the campsite.

“Think Waverly think. What did mama say about survival situations?” But fuck she was so little. She closes her eyes tight enough to see the stars. _Be smart my angel._ “Be smart. Rule number one don’t panic.”

Waverly takes in a deep breath and lets it out as slowly as she can. She ignores the screams coming from her back and her aching limbs both so angry they could start a street punk band. “Rule number two. Assess the situation.” It’s a crater. Not a lot to see. There are rocks. So many rocks she could have hit when she landed. “The situation is balls.”

The walls of the crater are made up of loose dirt and more rocks untrustworthy and waiting to smash her like a watermelon. Pretty little bitch indeed. “I can't climb that.”

“Rule number three. Take inventory. Inventory is… fuck that step I have nothing.” Defeated an emotionally weathered she squats down on a mound of dirt. Her knees nearly give out in the process. She drops her head in her hands."Well, this so shitty that it's almost funny.” Her laugh is tired but cathartic. “This is where I live now in the dirt with the ants and the pinecones…send beer.” She trails off.

Time means nothing in the dark middle of a crater with fresh scabs on your elbows and pain in your ass. It could have been ten minutes it could be ten days wilting away waiting for someone to pull their head out of their ass long enough to notice she’s not there.

“I found her!” 

“Waverly! How’d you get down there?” Chrissy asks.

“I flew...less than gracefully.”

Nicole and Harry come running to a halt at the lip of the crater both out of breath. “Why don’t you go grab the rope out of my pack kid. We’ll see if we can’t pull the girl out of there.”

Nicole nods, she glances at Waverly expressionless before disappearing again.

“How are you doing kiddo? Are you hurt?”

“Just my ego.”

“Seems like that’s going around.” He smiles half-heartedly.

It takes another 10 days for Nicole to come running back even more out of breath than before. It’s like she doesn’t even play rugby she’s panting so hard. Harry fastens the rope around a tree and grips one end while Nicole propels herself down the dangerous wall of dirt. As soon as her feet hit the ground Waverly's hit with an overwhelming sense of relief. Relief that Nicole's here and not out in the dark somewhere hurt and relief that Waverly doesn't have to be trapped in this crater of doom any longer. 

Nicole wraps her arms around Waverly looser than Waverly wants. “What were you thinking.” She whispers.

“I don’t know.” All Waverly wants is to bury her face in her girlfriend’s shirt and soak up all the warm vanilla that she can, but Nicole pulls away. She hangs her head and clears her throat. A faint glisten of tears sits just below her bottom lashes.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Nicole says and untangles the rope from around her waist. She secures it around Waverly looping and knotting it into a makeshift harness. Hopefully, she's as good at this as Harry brags. 

“What are you going to use?” Wavery says.

“There's another rope.” She leads Waverly to the wall of dirt clods and rocks but there is no other rope. “I will be right behind you.”  


“What if you fall?”

“You fell. You lived. I’ll live too.”

“That’s not very comforting.”

“Just climb." Her voice is raspy and tired, and there's an edge of impatience too." My dad will pull. It shouldn't be too hard.”

“ Says someone with 9 years of climbing experience.” Waverly wipes her sweaty palms on her pants, tilts her head back, and takes in the daunting journey ahead—the edge like a wild beast with the flesh of roots and threads dangling from its sharp menacing teeth. _We meet again you shit ticket._

Waverly leans into to Nicole’s touch light on her shoulder. No matter how sore it is the touch is warm and soothing. “Waverly it’s going to be okay.”

“I hope so.” She sighs. She’ll believe it when she gets to the top with all her limbs intact. She’ll believe it if she can look Wynonna in the eye and still hold Nicole’s hand. She’ll believe if Wynonna and Nicole can play and not punch. She’ll believe it if they climb back into those zipped together sleeping bags and sleep like an awkward set of measuring spoons. Her measuring spoons.

After the first three steps and she’s gained some height the nerves start to settle. Every step is a step closer to the top and one more step away from death. She can feel Nicole close behind her, ropeless, but not struggling. “Are you checking out my ass?” 

“Always.” Waverly can’t see it but she can picture the smirk on Nicole’s face.

“Alright kid I got ya.” Harry pulls her out of the mouth of the beast and Nicole claws her way out too both covered in soft powdery dirt. “Everyone okay?”

Nicole nods. She gives Waverly the faintest glance. It feels like only seconds ago that Nicole was holding her and kissing her and telling Waverly that she loved her. Waverly doesn't understand how she can walk away. It's unnerving at how good at it she is becoming. A few soft tears swell just behind her eyelids not enough to overflow and spill out down her cheeks. She sucks it in. She won’t cry. Not over Nicole. Not here in front everyone but fuck if it doesn't hurt like a sonofabitch.

“We were all terrified something awful happened to you. What were you thinking running around out there alone in the dark?” Chrissy squeezes her painfully tight.

“While there are the occasional mountain lions and bears it’s fairly safe here. Not a lot to interest the predators just this big ol’ crater.” Harry says.

“How long were you in there?”

“I don’t. Nicole and Wynonna…and then I ran.”

“I saw Nicole’s eye. She said they were just playing.”

“They weren’t.” Waverly whimpers.

 

***

“Waverly? Are you okay dear?” Waverly sucks in her tears through her nose and dries her cheeks with her dirt covered hands. Kathleen had the same idea for a hiding spot. Waverly didn't notice her at first.

“I’m fine. I’m just having a moment.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know if I can.” Her voice cracks and the lump in her throat promises to burst. She refused to cry before and now here she is blubbering like a baby in the bushes.

Kathleen approaches cautiously radiating a maternal glow. She wraps Waverly up in the hug she desperately craved from Nicole. Kathleen has the touch of a mother. Waverly can barely remember what that feels like, but it’s safe. It makes the tears come easily. Tears she didn’t know existed blossom and multiply like a virus they flood through her veins. Aches and pains she numbed with lidocaine years ago throb under the weight of Kathleen's arms. She squeezes back to hold it in? To let it out? she doesn't know. Maybe this is what mothers are for.

“Nicole hates me, and Wynonna hates me.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because I lied, and Nicole is hurt, and I betrayed my sister and now neither of them will even look at me. It’s all my fault that Nicole yelled at you.”

“Sweetheart Nicole’s behavior is not yours to take responsibility for.”

“But she was so angry and…”

“Nicole has an odd way of asking for comfort.” Kathleen pulls Waverly back and combs her tear soaked hair out of her face. Her eyes are uncanny to Nicole’s soothing as tea but looking in them right now isn’t soothing. It’s the thought that Nicole’s might never look at her again that twists in her gut like barbwire. It’s the dull ache in her heart that screams my mother left me when I was five. But it’s the soothing tea that makes her just want to love Kathleen.

“ Gosh, I remember a four-year-old Nicole running through the house screaming for twenty minutes and I hadn't the slightest clue why. I finally had to pick her up and just…squish her. Only then did she finally tell me what was wrong.” Kathleen snorts. She squeezes Waverly close again with her hand combing through Waverly's hair sweetly. “She had stepped on a bee. That was all. The stinger was stuck in her toe.”

Waverly laughs through the tightness in her chest and the congestion in her nose. “Why wouldn’t she just pull it out herself?”

“Who knows." Kathleen sighs. "She was four…and she’s Nicole. She might be my baby but I understand very few things about her.”

“It seems like you understand a lot, Kathleen. More than she knows.”

“Mothers do their best.”

Is that what they do? Is that what mamma did...her best? “I wouldn’t know I don’t have one.”

"Oh you poor little dear. That must be so hard for you."

How can a young girl survive the destruction of love and heartbreak without a mother to pull her back together? What made mamma think that leaving behind her three daughters with an abusive alcoholic father was going to teach them how to love? Or how to have the same love that drove her to leave in the first place?

On one hand, mamma taught Waverly that love doesn't exist because it wasn't enough for her to stay. On the other hand, mamma taught Waverly that love is the most important thing, but not all love is equal. Some love is more important than other love. Some love is selfish. “What kind of a mother leaves her daughter behind for some…guy?”

“The kind who runs away to Paris?”

“Oh Kathleen, I didn’t mean…”

“No, it’s fine dear.” Kathleen drags her thumbs down Waverly’s cheeks wiping away the ever forming tear tracks. “It’s the truth. Mothers should be there for their daughters.”

“But you…you tried, and you are here now.”

“Is that what you would say to your mother if she were here?”

Waverly hangs her head. She twists the drawstrings of her sweatshirt between her fingers. She has never considered seeing or speaking to her mother again. The possibility of it seems so small. “I don’t know.”

“If it’s any consolation, from what Nicole has told me about you…well, what she has told Harry mostly, Waverly, you are an extraordinary young lady.” 

Waverly releases a long shaky breath. This is what she has been missing all her life.

She could be angry that this has been stolen from her. That her mother robbed her of this kind of love. She could be angry that Nicole takes this for granted and turns her back on Kathleen, but to be held the way Kathleen holds, comforted the way Kathleen comforts, this can't be bought.

'What it's like to have a mother.' by Waverly Earp on sale now. 

***

“Where’s Nicole?”

“I don’t fucking know. Is that what you came in here for?”

“No I…I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

Wynonna’s face softens. She props up on her elbow with her big sister look blinking back tears that will never come. Waverly remembers that look. Waverly was seven when she was kidnapped by the Imperial forces and made to watch the Death Star destroy Earth. Searing pain traveled through her body when she thought she lost her one and only constant in her life. As soon as she woke up she bolted down the hall and flew into Wynonna's bed begging for safety. Wynonna had that look then. 

_“You can’t die Wynonna. I can’t reach the Lucky Charms.”_

_“Is that all you care about…marshmallow rainbows?”_

_Waverly shakes her head hugging herself tight. Wynonna’s never been able to resist Waverly’s pouty lip and tear stained cheeks bright and pink. She sighs. “Get your ass under these covers…and no snoring!”_

_Waverly gasps. “You said a bad word Wynonna!”_

_“And no ‘momming me’ either_

Waverly hugs herself now standing in front of her sister. She’s not so sure pouty lips are going to work this time. She knows she hurt Wynonna and Wynonna doesn't forgive easily. “Well, I’m still mad at you and it’s going to take me a minute to be able to talk about.”

Waverly deflates. She's just the child who lost her sister in a galactic catastrophe begging her sister to prove it's not real. She'll sniffle and stick out her lower lip. Maybe Wynonna will see it too and be her big sister right now when she needs it most.

“But if you’re hurting and you need someone…I’m here for you always. Now get your ass in this sleeping bag. It’s cold as balls outside and you way like 10 pounds.”

Waverly lets out a weak laugh. “I’m sorry Wynonna I really am.”

“I’m not ready.”

“Right.”

“I will say this though—just this once.” She clears her throat and makes room for Waverly in the super sleeping bag but keeps Waverly tucked closely into her. “I love you baby girl. You’re my favorite person in the whole wide world and you’re stuck with me. You understand?”

Her sister isn’t a heater like Nicole, but she does offer a warmth that is unique to her. Maybe things will be okay after all because Wynonna says she loves her and maybe she loves Wynonna too, just maybe, this time love is forever.

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At last, everything is out in the open. Next chapter you can expect some good resolution and the possibility of some WynHaught shenanigans.


	10. How It Feels To Love A Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverly seeks reconciliation with Wynonna but ends up facing Nicole. Wynonna blames Nicole for losing something important, and Nicole has to slip back into her alter ego to help save her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeyyyy! Finally back. I finished this chapter a couple of weeks ago and I hated every bit of it so I ripped it up and started from scratch. I'm so glad, I am a lot happier with how this turned out. Let me know what you think.

This was a morning well spent, cleaning, scrubbing, and purging. A fresh start, inside the safety of the dorm that is. It was therapeutic. There’s a lot less clutter, less carpet crumbs, less worries, and less…Wynonna. 

“You threw away my couch?” 

“It was disgusting, and I am pretty sure it was starting to attract flies,” Nicole argues. Her voice catches, dry, and full of cobwebs. It’s been almost 48 hours of silence and it feels like it’s been weeks since she has said a word to anyone, let alone Wynonna. Wynonna hasn’t been so vocal either, just passive aggressive, moping around, and purposely leaving white toothpaste dribbles on the bathroom mirror. Those 5 words are the first she’s said to Nicole since the camping trip. 

“Where?” Wynonna demands. 

“What do you mean where?” 

She shakes her head, hot-tempered and panicked. Her hands swing out in a manic gesture and seek refuge in her hair where they knot into messy rings. “What dumpster Nicole!” 

“It went into the recycling outside of Laidlaw.” 

“You killed me. Tell Waverly you are the reason I am dead!” 

Nicole is honestly dumbfounded. It was just a pizza box couch. It was gross, and a sad excuse for furniture, virtually useless. “Why are you being so dramatic? It was just a shitty pizza box couch…I didn’t throw away the blanket.” 

“Just!” Wynonna jabs her finger towards Nicole like a weapon with a wild fever flaring in her blue galaxy eyes. “Just! It’s just enough that…” She pauses with her hands squeezing into tight little balls in front of her face, almost pleading, but she says nothing else. She shakes her head, spins on her heels, hair whipping back over her shoulder, and rushes the door. It slams shut behind her shaking off a few coats from the doorknob. 

“What the eff is her deal.” Nicole grunts. 

She throws herself to the bed and lands on her stomach with Ms. November splayed between her elbows. “Hey beautiful.” She traces out Ms. Novembers body with the tip of her finger--down the graceful lines of her elegant neck all drawing to a conclusion at the dip of her collarbone, _kissable_. Over the curves of her breasts, her sharp beddable hips, and her long tantalizing legs. Oh yeah, Nicole's fantasized about touching every part of Ms. November. _Every. Part._

Wynonna said Ms. November is probably married with a bunch of kids by now, but Nicole bets she finished college with all her straight A’s and went off to be a veterinarian for horses. She’ll always remain Nicole’s first girl in her thin black negligee and lusty eyes full of dirty thoughts just for Nicole. 

Nicole moves through the next few pages, a Crown Royal ad, Gillett, and a crossword. She pauses there to interpret the writing of an 8-year-old. She smiles in a reminiscent daze. Promiscuous is spelled wrong, but she made it intersect with skirt chaser and lover all the same. 

The Pine-Sol lemon and fresh air flowing through the window brings life to her lungs. It’s revitalizing. She’s spent the last two days face down in bed wearing the same smelly clothes and the same disheveled hair. 

She skipped practice yesterday, and she’ll get all kinds of shit for it when she gets brave enough to return. She has a feeling Coach Dolls isn’t going to accept the trials and tribulations of love as an excuse for her absence. In fact, there are probably very few things he will accept. Death maybe. Her mind runs wild with imagination as she wonders what ridiculous costume he will make her wear next. Hopefully no more skirts. 

She missed her women’s study class too, for more than just emotional exhaustion. The thought of being trapped in a classroom with Waverly is about as appealing as being trapped at the bottom of a well for the next century. 

Waverly probably hates her anyway. She’s realized Nicole is an animal just like her mother says she is. Her sweet little Waverly she left to the wolves—figuratively and possibly literally. Harry says there are no wolves, but what does he know. He didn’t even notice his own wife was banging a string bean in a sweater vest with a pathetic excuse for a mustache. 

And Kathleen. Nicole shoves Ms. November away so she can face plant into the mattress. Resentment eats its way through her like a game of Snake. _Kathleen_. She had some nerve going on that trip and inviting Waverly. What is she crazy? Did she really think everything was just going to be hunky dory? She has some weird little thing going on with Waverly, trying to adopt her, giving her advice. 

Waverly’s closer to the daughter she’s always wanted. Her and her beautiful brown hair and green eyes with flecks of gold. Two colors that haunt Nicole’s dreams both day and night. 

Waverly in her cheerleader uniform, silver spanks, and near spotless white Adidas, minus the grass stains on the bottom outer sole, gives Ms. November a run for her money. Nicole fantasizes about her too, sometimes. She glances at the hot pink sticky note on the side of her bed table with its big squiggly heart shaped spiral. Maybe she should take it down. Looking at it only makes her feel sick, but she doesn't. She should feel sick after what she did.

Her phone keeps flashing, it distracts her out of the corner of her eye, but she doesn’t check. It’s probably just Harry. She doesn’t remember why she’s mad at him anymore. But she is. Furious as a Flaming Phoenix can get. Raging hot. Lightsaber hot. Straight up pissed. 

She drags Ms. November back into view and flips to the article about all her favorite shopping places—fancy boutiques with $100 scarves, purses with French names, glitter on her fingernails. Nowhere Nicole has ever heard of. She’s not a veterinarian. She probably went and broke some poor saps heart and ran off with his credit card. Now she’s poolside somewhere racking up two-piece swimsuits, sun hats, and hot pink lipstick, with her lips wrapped around the neon straw of an ice cold long island. 

Nicole tugs at her shirt, adjusting the collar, then the sleeves. She’s hot or she itches or she’s too cold. Nothing is comfortable. 

She drank a Dr. Pepper and halfway through she chucked it out the window. It landed in the smoky remains of their old couch. Couches have no luck here. They end up broken and unrecognizable one way or another. Nicole feels that way too. Broken and unrecognizable. Maybe that’s why nothing is comforting, because there’s nothing left to comfort. She’s empty. 

She drags her hand down her face and sighs so heavy it whistles out her nose. “I give.” And slams her hand on the night table, knocking loose a ballpoint pen, and seizes the flashy little bastard. It makes a water droplet sound when she swipes her finger over it. Something Waverly set up. 

Harry’s been busy. 

HARRY: Hey kid

HARRY: Nicole? 

HARRY: Nicole Rayleigh Haught! 

HARRY: Call your mother god dammit!!!!! 

Nicole pops up to her elbow’s, nonplussed. The last message zaps her heart with a jolt of lightening so strong it could power Purgatory for a month. 48 hours of playing possum and she is alive again. Maybe not alive, undead might be a better description. She doesn’t quite feel human yet. 

WAVERLY: I’m here if you want to talk. I hope you’re okay…

That was right after Women’s Study class. The defibrillation wears off. Her throat bears a tightness that feels eerily similar to Wynonna's hand clenched around her neck. She lets the guilt settle in her stomach, nauseated and heavy like too much cheesecake at Shari’s, before flinging her phone across the bed. 

Waverly went to class and sat next to an empty seat, wondering. Nicole wasn’t sure if they would even sit next to each other, certain that Waverly wouldn’t ever want to talk to her again, but Waverly sent her this. Concern and support. Of course, she did, she's the sweetest little angel in the whole wide world. “Smooth move Haught.” 

That’s enough ‘todaying’ for today. She tucks Ms. November back into her respective drawer. Guilt-stricken and overwhelmed she rolls over because that’s about all she’s capable of and shimmies under the blankets. “Maybe tomorrow.” 

Her stomach begs to differ with an immediate roaring protest. It’s empty too. Shari's sounds good right now.“Shut up stomach. Nobody asked you.” 

***

“I can’t hold them off forever!” Han barks. There is only a thin lip of metal between him and the fast approaching Stormtroopers. He peeks around aiming his blaster. “Now what?” 

Luke flinches, the lasers are relentless and deadly. He hides against the wall opposite of Han in the cell bay. Leia just behind him. 

“This is some rescue!” Leia says, her condescending tone directed at Han. “What, you came in here and you don’t have a plan for getting out?” 

“He’s the brains sweetheart!” Han growls his finger happy on the trigger. Red hot lasers take off at lightning speed from the tip of the blaster. 

Leia turns to Luke, he blinks defensively. “Well I di…”

She yanks the blaster from Luke’s hands with an impatient force, aims for the wall in front of her, and blast a hole straight through next to Han’s legs. Leia takes shit from no one. 

“What the hell are you doing!” Han yells, aggravation shades his face pink. He glowers at Leia while Luke keeps watch now weaponless. 

“Somebody has to save our skins!” Leia bolts from the wall guns a blazing looking like a regular galactic gangster. _Say hello to my little friend._ “Into the garbage chute flyboy.” She throws Luke his blaster back, looks between them, and dives in. 

“Get in there!” Han yells. 

Chewie approaches the hole hunched over and cautious. He looks to Han questionably and makes a long guttural noise. “Arrgrarararararararg!” 

“I concur.” Waverly sighs in utter defeat. Things could be worse. She could be on Darth Vader’s shit list and about to be crushed to death in a giant trash compactor. 

“No word from red yet?” 

“No.” She groans, tormented in self-pity. “She wasn’t in class either.” She sinks with her arms folded flat on the table and her head nestled in the middle. She’s been nursing a rum and coke, minus the rum, for the last hour. “What if she never comes back and I have to partner up with Samantha Baker again?” Because that would be worst of her problems. 

“Babe she didn’t move to another state. She’s two blocks away. You’ll see her again.” 

Waverly pictures Nicole walking past her in the hall without giving her so much as a glance. Or worse with Shae. That would crush her. That’s why it’s called a crush right? Because it crushes the living shit out of you. Only Nicole’s not a crush, not anymore. She’s so many other things. She’s a crush on steroids which means the pain of losing her will be just as violent. She lifts her head weary from tossing and turning all night. She couldn't sleep when her mind kept writing and rewriting what she was going to say when she did see Nicole. Nothing sounded good enough. “I can’t tell if that made it better or worse.” 

The legs of table groan as Chrissy situates herself on the edge, her smile almost mom like, sympathetic and warm. She covers Waverly’s arm with her hand soothingly. “Look, I sleep like the dead so I don’t know which episode of Are You Afraid of The Dark you were playing out there, but anyone can see the way that girl looks at you. She’s not gonna ghost you out.” 

“Maybe I should just give her some space then?” Waverly arches her brow in a proposal, but not so subtly seeking further reassurance. 

“No. What you need to do is march down there and tell her how you feel…for once.” 

“I can’t. I meeting Wynonna. She wants to talk today.” 

“Then make up with your sister today. Make up with your girlfriend tomorrow. And make your _girlfriend_ make up with your sister the day after that.” Chrissy smiles satisfied. Like things are just that simple. “Problem solved.” 

Make up with Wynonna, today? The last time they fought like this, Wynonna set her Barbie house on fire with daddy's blow torch because she thought Waverly flushed her Lego set down the toilet, but it was Willa who flushed them. 

Han and Leia burned to death only weeks after their wedding on planet Endor. All because Willa was jealous Uncle Curtis took her to the $1 theater to watch the Star Wars Trilogy marathon for her birthday. 

Daddy was in rehab for the 1 billionth time, he basically missed all of Waverly’s birthdays, not that he would celebrate them anyway. Uncle Curtis and Aunt Gus were good at celebrating birthdays. 

Wynonna figured out it was Willa shortly after, of course, she felt bad. So, she helped Waverly Sharpie dirty pictures all over Willa’s Doodle Bear. 

They all got in trouble in the end. Gus was pissed about the scorched carpet, and it was a $1,500 plumbing bill to retrieve and remove all of Wynonna’s Legos. 

Gus was mortified when she caught Willa running around with a dick bear. Mr. Pumpkins went to the ‘farm as Aunt Gus referred to the firepit out back. 

“I can’t make anyone do anything…” She sulks. 

“With that angelic smile and cutesy little voice, girl yes you can.” 

Waverly’s not so sure. Wynonna is her own. Convincing her to do anything would be like trying to convince Leia to let the men run the show. She’s not about to sit back and wait for those idiots to get their heads out of their asses and save the galaxy. She’s going to get shit done her damn self. 

Just like Wynonna. If Wynonna wants it, she’ll take it and ask for it later. When her mind is made up it’s more than set in stone. It’s seared into the stars. 

Nicole…Nicole is a whole box of stubborn. She won’t listen to her own mother. Or her father for that matter and she adores Harry. If Waverly talked to Ward the way Nicole talks to them, she would have gotten more than the belt. 

“Okay.” She musters a weak smile and tries to sound confident for Chrissy and a little bit for herself. She straightens up and attempts to pull herself together with a fake-it-till-you-make-it attitude. “Step 1, Wynonna.” _Step 2 make up with Nicole. Step 3…is not her job._

*****

In a startled jolt, Nicole’s jaw snaps shut loud with an echoing pop. Something orange is sent to the floor and rolls across the carpet. She tracks it with her eyes, chewing while a kind of child-like disappointment wrinkles her forehead. “My baby carrot.” She whines softly. 

Waverly takes a long step over the blanket of coats in the doorway, Wynonna’s by the looks of it, and parks at the end of Wynonna’s bed. She tries to hide her discomfort but instead makes a display of it bending and twisting her fingers, her rings, and her bracelet. 

“Oh sorry. I was looking for Wynonna…” She blinks back a ghost of a tear. She will not cry. What did she expect barging into the room her sister shares with Nicole? In the stress of it all, she didn’t think to consider Nicole might actually be in her own room, doing whatever Nicole does…wearing next to nothing. 

She’s just sitting there cross-legged in her sports bra and purple underwear, something dotted all over that Waverly can’t make out. There’s a small bag of baby carrots sitting in her lap and Golden Girls playing on the TV. 

She stirs her finger through the bag, she doesn’t look up. “She’s not here.” 

Well, that’s disconcerting. Hopefully, she’s not out there being all Wynonna and getting into trouble. Whenever she and daddy got into it, she would storm out of the house in a tornado of teenage against. Daddy would get a call from Nedley a few hours later. 

_“Come pick up your kid Earp, before I book her into the country jail…again.”_

“I thought she was meeting me in the courtyard, but she wasn’t there either.” 

Nicole snaps another baby carrot with her teeth and tucks it in her cheek to speak. She waves the last little nub in the air emphasizing her words like a conductor in an orchestra. “Last I heard she was dumpster diving.” 

“ _Ew_ why?” 

“She said I killed her.” Nicole shrugs. “She was kind of vague though...” 

“Okay then.” Her fingers start to burn in irritation from her incessant ringing and twisting. Waverly chews the inside of her cheek, anxious to find her sister, but hesitant to leave her girlfriend. 

She wants to say something to make this better, but her voice is lost again, left behind in the chilled comfort of Nicole’s cave. She wants Nicole to look at her, but the room is full of scrapes and bruises and lonely goodbyes. 

Then the anger comes. It prickles under her skin like static. She’s angry that Nicole left her like that. She’s angry that Nicole hasn’t said anything to her after, and she’s angry that Nicole isn’t saying anything now. She’s angry, but all she wants is for Nicole to hold her. So, she stays silent and conflicted staring at the scorch mark below the window. 

“Can I just say one thing before you leave?” Nicole says, she swallows audibly, and clears her throat, it sounds like the baby carrot is fighting back. Her forehead pinches together, her lips part, and her breath comes in sharp, like what’s she’s about to say will cut her if she’s not careful. 

Is this the end? Is Nicole going to break her in half like a baby carrot? Because love doesn’t exist? 

The air in the room gets thick like it’s been sucked out through a vacuum and the walls seem to seal her in. She stops breathing, the room tilts around her in a night of too many Peruvians, more bitter than sweet. She can taste the rum on her lips, but it was tequila and lime that night. 

She can feel it again, the anticipation gnawing at the pit of her stomach like she’s being pushed closer to the edge of a cliff and she has to choose if she jumps or if she falls. _I didn’t want this._ How many times did she have to say it, she didn’t want it? But Nicole gave her ‘the look’ and she was so smooth with her dancing and her decorated smiles. Waverly barely had a choice. 

Nicole sets her bag of carrots on the bedside table and unfolds her long naked legs from the bed. Her black eye is still a deep purple with only the tips fading to green. Wynonna hits hard. Waverly’s seen her trail of broken noses and black eyes, bullies, shitty ex-boyfriends, random dude in the alley she thought was trying to mug her. With Nicole’s luck, Waverly is surprised it wasn’t her nose. 

Nicole shrinks a little into the mattress with a lost delicate look like she might cry, but she swallows that too and pushes herself off the bed. “I could give you a million reason why I acted the way I did, but none of them will make it okay.” 

The anxiety shakes violently in Waverly’s fingertips. She tries to hide it by holding her own hands, but the hopelessness she can’t hide, it chatters her teeth, it trembles out her lower lip. She tried so hard to be okay. She thought she was after Nicole told her she loved her, but everything continues to be so damn uncertain. 

She knows Nicole’s not mama, but she still feels it on her skin like a tattoo run too deep, scarred like braille. Nicole will leave too, won’t she? She left her at the party, briefly, for Shae. She disappeared in the dark outside of the cave too, and then again at the crater. Nicole leaves. Maybe not like mama, and maybe she comes back, but the ‘what if’s’ chase Waverly in her dreams at night. 

Whatever Nicole has to say she doesn’t want excuses. She’s had enough of those for a lifetime. Daddy made them for mama. Willa made them for daddy. Wynonna’s made them for Willa, and Waverly’s even made them for Wynonna. She won’t make them for Nicole. 

“You told me you loved me, and you ran away…twice.” She stammers against the lump in her throat that she can’t seem to swallow. “You realize that’s like my biggest fear in the whole world, right?” Of course, she starts crying. She cries one time and now she has a chronic case of Niagara Falls. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” Nicole moves forward in soft careful steps. She reaches out, for comfort or to comfort, but she rakes her fingers through her hair instead. “I felt like I was pulled in so many directions at once that I didn’t even know what I felt anymore, but I’m sorry I left you when you were hurting, and you needed someone.” 

“I was in the dark alone, Nicole.” Waverly tries to suck it in and be tough, but her lip still trembles, and the tears still fall. “The stupid thing is _I_ feel guilty…I feel guilty that I am angry and that I want an apology when I know you’re hurting and that you just went through so much…” 

“Waverly…” Nicole soothes. She takes a few more steps forward, cautious like she’s afraid Waverly will spook and run. “You do deserve an apology.” She keeps moving until she’s close enough to curl her hand around Waverly’s jaw and sweeps away a few tendrils of hair from her cheek. So much ache is cured in one brush of her lips to the center of Waverly’s forehead. “I am so so sorry times infinity.” 

Waverly can’t fight it, Nicole’s warmth relaxing into her body, swaddling her in what she presumes to be love. Her eyes flutter shut under the delicate touch of Nicole’s lips kissing away her tears. Part of her is angry that it's that easy. That Nicole has the power to melt away her sadness, but god damn does it feel so good.

“I don’t know how to protect myself and care about you at the same time.” 

“I know baby.” Nicole whispers against her cheek. “Can I hug you? Please?” 

“Yes.” She sobs. She’s’ like a freakin tear factory. She wants to bury her face in Nicole’s hoodie but she’s not wearing it. Her tears soak into Nicole’s skin instead. Nicole doesn’t complain. She squeezes Waverly close, Waverly squeezes tighter, and it’s the most relief she’s had in days. 

“I meant what I said. I love you. I’m yours, and I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave you alone in the dark again, Waverly. I promise.” 

Waverly wants to believe Nicole. She wants everything she is saying to be true, but suddenly all she can think about is Kathleen hiding in the bushes, alienated by her own daughter. _Nicole has an odd way of asking for comfort._

“Please don’t treat me like you treat your mother.” Waverly blurts. 

She cringes, expecting Nicole to comeback defensive rather than the amusing note Nicole offers instead. “What is that supposed to mean?” 

“I mean that she loves you and you don’t see it and you shut her out. I am afraid that you won’t see me, and you’ll shut me out too.” 

“Waverly,” Nicole cradles Waverly’s face in her hands, wiping off runaway tears with her thumbs. “I have never loved anyone the way that I love you.” Those honey words whisper off the sweetest lips. Waverly lets them soak into her skin like salve cooling a burn bone deep. 

“Because I don’t know what I’d do now if I lost you…” It’s like there’s been an emptiness in her chest her whole life, waiting for something she never thought would come, something she didn’t think she wanted. And here it is. There’s no turning back. Waverly’s heart dances on the edge of falling, no, she’s not falling, she’s jumping. She’s jumping in the hopes that Nicole will be there to catch her. 

Waverly traces down Nicole’s bicep, her forearm, the back of her hand, to the tips of her finger. She flips Nicole’s hand palm side up and draws lazy spirals like she has so many times before. But not circles. Hearts. _Her hearts_. “You’re my Princess Leia Nicole.” 

It sounds silly out loud, like something a child would say, but maybe that’s just it, a childhood fantasy. While other girls dream of their knight and shining armor whisking them away to happily ever after, Waverly dreams of rescuing her Princess Leia in her Millennium Falcon and battling their way through The Galactic Empire. 

Nicole chuckles. “Huh?” 

She keeps drawing circles and tries to focus on the heat there, but Nicole’s eyes so earnest and loving, wrap her up tighter than any hug. Nicole loves her. _Her_. The girl whose mother left her to be with her father. Whose surrogate farther hardly paid a lick of attention to her, and whose eldest sister loves to torment her. Her, the unlovable. Nicole loves _her_. “I’m not ready to say it back…but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it.” 

With soft stretched lips and rootbeer eyes all for her, Nicole gives Waverly ‘the look’. Waverly has to glance away to keep from melting entirely now that she realizes ‘the look’ means _I love you_. She takes Nicole’s palm to her lips and seals her hearts with a kiss. “Say something.” 

Nicole just stares. Her eyes searching over Waverly's face. 

“Are you going to put buns in my hair and make me wear a dress?” Nicole laughs, but with a hint of real concern. “I mean...I’d do it…for you, but not in front of anyone else.” 

Waverly locks her wrists behind her princess’s neck. This is how it feels to love a girl—scary, dangerous, exciting, beautiful. Nicole is special, she’s better than Oreos or Star Wars. She’s better and she’s Waverly’s. “Oh baby, Leia wears pants in Empire Strikes Back.” 

“Well when you put it that way.” 

Waverly pushes up on her tippy toes and captures Nicole’s lips. Just like that, a weekend worth of doubts and anxieties dissipates in the heat of Nicole’s body and the silk passes of her tongue against Waverly’s lips. 

Her hands slide to Nicole’s chest searching for the soft cotton of a grey hoodie and the warm vanilla she so desperately craves, but it’s not there. Instead, her fingers tap over the hard edge of Nicole’s collarbone and the stretched out polyester of her sports bra. Naked Nicole is always sexy, but Waverly can’t hide the mild disappointment in her touch. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” 

“Why are you in your underwear?” 

Nicole pats down her bare stomach like a bongo drum and shrugs, indifferently. She’s so goofy with her dimpled smile and sleep-tussled hair. “I was trying to be productive. I started laundry downstairs, but when I went back to the laundry room, my clothes were gone.” 

Waverly giggles. “So, you have no clothes?” 

“Nope.” She says calmly. “There might be a t-shirt stuffed in Wynonna’s bed somewhere, but other than that, this is it.” 

Waverly gets a better look at Nicole’s boxer briefs, purple, no dots, they’re tacos. She runs the palms of her hands over Nicole’s hip bones and around until she’s cupping Nicole’s ass. She tries to swallow a giggle, but it comes out her nose in a snort. The back of Nicole’s underwear reads, ‘Tacos are Tasty.’ 

“Go ahead and laugh.” Nicole resigns. “My mom put these in my Christmas stocking…she didn’t get why it was funny.” She folds her arms over her chest covering up too many parts Waverly wants to see. She rolls her eyes towards the window and scoffs. “…my dad did…unfortunately.” 

Waverly’s done talking. It’s been exhausting talking about _so_ many feelings, even worse feeling so many feelings. She’s never been good at talking, she’s better at doing, and there are so many things they could be doing right now. 

“Baby?” She whispers and brushes the back of her knuckles over the hard lines of Nicole’s stomach, past the thin cigar-shaped burn healed shiny and pink, and feeling the ripple through her muscles there as her breath quickens. 

“Yes?” 

Waverly leans into Nicole, she smells like vanilla body soap and baby carrots, and something amazing. Something that’s just Nicole. 

Waverly’s knuckles brush lower and she bites her lip through a smile, reveling in the way it makes Nicole shudder until her thumb catches the elastic of Nicole’s underwear. She peels it back just a smidge and lets it snap back into place, tempted. 

Through long lashes, she looks up at the tribal painted lines over Nicole’s body from the sun filtering in through the blinds in the window, and the sultry pout on Nicole’s face pleading with her to continue. She pushes up on her toes bumping their noses together at her highest reach, and her hand spreads over Nicole’s cheek enticing her forward until their lips meet in a swarm of liquid honey. 

Waverly deepens their kiss, knotting her fingers tight in Nicole’s hair at the nape of her neck, taking in all of Nicole’s sweetness. She’s just as sweet, if not sweeter, as she was covered in blue vanilla frosting. 

It seems so long ago now, standing there in the kitchen, clothes wet and soggy. Waverly still in denial, fighting tooth and nail to avoid this, love. 

There’s a faint tickle at Waverly’s waist where Nicole’s fingers begin working on the buttons of her blouse, starting from the bottom. Her fingers ghost Waverly’s stomach as they navigate upward making her shudder. "Is this okay?"

"Yes." 

Nicole’s lips graze her throat while her hands guide Waverly’s blouse off her shoulders. She gazes tenderly into Waverly’s eyes, her smile bright as the stars framed in deep crescent moons. “You’re so beautiful.” She hooks her fingers under Waverly’s bra straps and slides those down too. Her fingers follow them around to the clasp, it comes undone easily and falls to the floor. 

Nicole’s gaze travels lower and lingers on Waverly’s breasts as they tumble free. “So perfect.” She licks her lips and dips her head taking one of Waverly’s breasts into her mouth, tongue wrapping around her hardened nipple. She sucks until her cheeks hollow and Waverly moans. When she releases, she’s out of breath. 

“So sexy.” Nicole’s so smooth with every touch and every word sends a rush of heat down Waverly’s body she’s surprised her clothes haven’t melted off already. 

Nicole’s voice drops to a husky whisper. She leans in close. “I want you, Waverly. I want all of you.” She captures Waverly’s lip in a long languid kiss that shatters the ground beneath them. Nicole has to wrap her arms around Waverly’s waist to keep her from falling. “I want you forever.” She continues lips still pressed together. 

_I want you forever. I like you for always. As long as you love me..._

Waverly’s hand jump to her waistband, fumbling with the button in an attempt to rid herself of all barriers to Nicole’s hands and her lips. Nicole stops her. “Let me.” 

Waverly musters up a nod and moves her hand aside for Nicole to release the button to her jeans and slowly lower the zipper, her eyes stay fixed on Waverly’s as she helps Waverly step out of the jeans. 

Nicole takes a second to admire Waverly’s mostly naked body with only the thin lace of her panties covering her. She smiles a lusty little smile and with her hands still around Waverly’s waist, she guides her until the edge of the bed forces her to sit. 

Pupils so dilated her eyes are almost black, more like an animal than human, she moves aside Waverly’s panties enough to slip in her hand, and Waverly’s head falls back, hair spilling to the mattress. Waverly knows it won’t take long with Nicole touching her like that, with her fingers caught between skin and lace, kneading at Waverly with the palm of her hand and her thumb circling the most sensitive part of her. 

Waverly loves Nicole like this. Teasing her. Taking her breath away.

Nicole isn’t any more patient. Her fingers hook into the straps of Waverly’s panties, already damp with lust, the lace rolls into a tight little string as Nicole tugs them down her hips, and thighs, and they disappear over Waverly’s ankle. Nicole licks her lips and kisses her way up the inside of Waverly’s thigh sending Waverly to a maddening point of desperation, squirming uncontrollably. 

Waverly moans. 

Not like this. She wants Nicole close, to feel all of her at once, skin, sweat, and love. She needs it after all that happened this weekend. She needs it after basically professing her love to Nicole. Waverly claws frantically at Nicole’s back getting her attention before her lips and her tongue begin their magic and Waverly loses all lucidity. 

“I need you up here…with me.” 

Nicole obliges without hesitation. She kisses a long languid path up Waverly’s stomach, nipping tenderly along her ribs, and the valley between her breasts, over her collarbone, and the column of her throat. “I love you so much, Waverly.” She husks her breath prickling over the shell of Waverly's ear before scarping across it with her teeth. 

“Take these off.” Waverly pants and tugs at Nicole’s waistband impatiently. Her eyes flicker to Nicole’s sports bra. “Take all of it off. I want you completely naked.” 

Nicole kneels above her, her smile wild and feral, and pulls her bra over her head. She slowly slips down her underwear with her lip caught between her teeth, she never takes her eyes off Waverly’s, making a show of it, until she kicks them off. 

Waverly can see all of her now, touch all of her, a realization that sends a heatwave through her body, making her sweat. 

Nicole shifts between Waverly’s legs splayed out for her and dips her head to capture Waverly’s lips. Waverly’s brain immediately starts to short-circuit when Nicole sets her hips in motion, grinding against her in a needy way. 

Waverly bites back another moan, “ _god Nicole”_ , teeth sinking into Nicole’s shoulder, already she feels that sensitivity building and throbbing as she works her own hips against Nicole. 

She looks between them where their bodies come together in a sinful state of passion, and admires the visible ripple of Nicole’s muscles, a mesmerizing undulation, flexing with every thrust. Every part of Nicole is soft and hard in the best possible way. 

The need to touch, taste, and explore pulsates in her core. Her hands brush up Nicole’s stomach in a wilder fever, desperate to take it all in. Waverly drags her nails into Nicole’s chest, over the plush swell of her breasts, down her sides, and around to her ass. Her fingers flex there keeping Nicole close as they come together in a storm, beautiful, and violent. 

For fuck sakes she is sexy like this with concentration and pleasure drawn all over her face. Tiny little beads of sweat freckle her lip and along her hairline. Her kiss is salty-sweet and addicting. 

Nicole takes in a sharp breath and whimpers as she picks up the pace. She falls forward breath pounding in the crook of Waverly’s neck. Her hips start to move erratically harder and faster pushing Waverly closer to the edge. 

Her eyes screw up tight until she sees colors dancing behind her eyelids, and it becomes too much. 

Everything is so concentrated in one spot with the utmost intensity, it comes spooling out around her. She throws back her head sinking into the mattress, chest heaving. Her hands grasp for anything, Nicole’s shoulders, her flexing biceps, anything to keep from drifting away in a river of ecstasy. 

Nicole is close too. Her strong arms flex and strain under the claw marks Waverly left there. Her movements become more jagged and desperate, almost enough to set Waverly off again. 

Then Nicole snakes her hand between their sweat-slick skin making Waverly scream out in blinding white pleasure as Nicole thrusts into her in time with her hips. It snaps and unravels like a guitar string low in her belly, this time with Nicole making the sweetest noise up against her cheek as she comes undone too. 

Nicole’s hips start to slow. She collapses, limp next to Waverly. They're both silent, still catching their breath. Nicole keeps her close wrapped up in loving arms and dust her shoulder with light kisses. 

_Step 2. Make up with Nicole._

_I think we're pretty made up._ She smiles in a drunken stooper. 

“Shit! Wynonna.” 

“Wha-at?” Nicole flys off her startle and into the crack between the bed and the wall. She scrambles for anything to cover her nakedness with. 

Waverly flys out of Nicole’s bed and gathers her clothes from the floor. “Not here. I am supposed to meet her…somewhere.” 

“Baby you can’t just yell Wynonna while we’re having sex.” 

“It was after and I am sorry. It just popped into my head.” Waverly says yanking her jeans over her hips and fastening the button. “She’d be pissed if she knew I was late because of…this.” 

“You don’t even know where she’s at. How can she bad mad at you for being late?” 

“It’s Wynonna.” 

“Fair enough.” 

Waverly kneels on the mattress and pulls Nicole in for a tender kiss. 

“Call me later?” Nicole asks. 

Waverly winks. “How about I see you later.” 

_Back to step 1._

***

Waverly tracked Wynonna down, _finally_ , at the park. Her eyes get lost in the surrounded woody area as she approaches the playground in the center. She walks past several signs directing park goers to nature trails and beginners hikes. It was just last week that Wynonna nearly fell to her death just through those trees. 

She gets a pain in the back of her throat as she replays that day in her head, that moment her sister disappeared from view. The dread of what she thought she might see at the bottom. All over her secret relationship with Nicole, and here she is again, with that same dread. She can't lose her sister. She doesn't want to lose Nicole either. Over and over she repeats in her head _You shouldn't have lied. Why did you lie?_

To her relief Wynonna isn't in there scaling cliffs while playing Pokemon go. Wynonna is scaling a children's jungle gym instead. “Where’s your sling?” 

Wynonna looks over her shoulder and spits wearing her best saddest little puppy look. “I threw it in the trash.” Waverly knows that look. She's trying to be tough like she always does around Waverly, but even tough guys hurt. Waverly saw her cry once after mama left. She was curled up in the back of the hall closet hidden behind winter coats and umbrellas. Waverly saw her just through the gap of Daddy's extra long pea coat meant for church, and an unclaimed bright yellow raincoat. It scared her, seeing Wynonna's eyes overwhelmed in tears, and her face screwed up as she fought them hard, clutching on to mama's favorite scarf. It scared her to see her sister so vulnerable. She's never told Wynonna that, afraid that she would get mad at her for spying on such a personal moment. 

“Wynonna,” Waverly scolds. “the Doctor said 2 weeks.” 

“I know my body best and I’m fine. It doesn’t even hurt.” She pulls herself up the playground equipment and swings her legs up over the lip at the top. “Look.” She says as she gets her footing. She’s too tall for the entrance and has to duck until she gets to the bouncy bridge. She bounces along like a 5-year-old splashing through puddles. Waverly notes a familiar grey hoodie peeking out from under her leather jacket. 

“Is that Nicole’s hoodie?” 

“Yeah it is.” 

“Did you steal her clothes Wynonna? She’s half naked right now.” 

Wynonna ducks and disappears on her hands in knees into the green tunnel. Her voice echoes out behind her. “I did steal them and she’s not getting them back until she stops being a cheating lying a-hole who threw away my couch!” 

Waverly walks alongside the tunnel following Wynonna's silhouette until her chestnut spirals pop out the other side. A few strands go rouge with static searching for the closest plastic to attach to.

There used to be a playground like this near their house as kids. Wynonna liked shooting at it with daddy's bb guns. Waverly liked resetting the targets, usually beer cans or juice boxes, sometimes one of Gus's creepy clown figurines. Willa made a habit out of pushing kids down the slides. Waverly, Wynonna, random babies, she didn’t care. 

“The pizza box couch?” 

Wynonna keeps moving hoisting herself up to the next level. She pauses and hits the spinning toys spasticity on the wall panel like they're drums on her way to the monkey bars. “Yes.” She rolls her eyes. “And I couldn’t get it back because _apparently_ , the recycling comes early.” 

“What’s the big whoop it’s just pizza boxes? We can eat more pizza. I’ll help you.” Waverly holds her stomach noticing how much of an appetite she worked up from earlier. It rumbles.

“Those were special.” 

“How so?” 

Wynonna waves her hands dismissively. “Enough about the a-hole and the pizza.” 

“Fine. What did you want to talk about?” 

She grips one bar with her good shoulder and swings with all her weight on it to the next but cringes before her fingers even brush the galvanized metal. The bar slips past her fingers and she drops to her feet. She kicks the bark in a tantrum and then straightens herself out recovering from her childish outburst. “I thought it was you and me Waves…and now it’s you and Nicole. I don’t know where I belong.” 

“Wynonna. It’s still you and me. You’re my big sister.” It's always been her and Wynonna. Even without Willa acting like such a bully they got along better because they are so close in age, though Wynona likes to act like she is so much older and wiser. And somewhere along the line, she took on the responsibility of Waverly's protector, whether or not Waverly needed one. “You belong with me, but isn’t there room for Nicole too? She is your best friend.” 

Wynonna shrugs and trudges past her as dramatic as a teenager. “Yeah, she’s okay, I guess. I’m still pissed at her. A real low blow going after my baby sister like that.” 

Waverly sags her shoulders and toes at the bark, it's new and still smells like cedar. The pain in the back of her throat returns. She can feel the tears run down the back of her throat hitting her tongue with salt as she forces them back. She _really_ won't cry this time. Not in front of tough guy over her whacking the spinning miracle-go-round with a stick. “That might have been more of my fault. She tried to leave that night, but I convinced her to stay.” 

Wynonna freezes with the stick clacking against the handlebars as the thing spins at a nauseating pace. It hits the stick just right and the stick goes flying from Wynonna's hands and lands somewhere in the grass across the sidewalk. “Why? Were you trying to get back at me for Champ? Because we both know that douche nozzle was a waste of time?” 

Waverly throws up her hands. “Dude no! What does he have to do with any of this?"

“Well I am sorry. I don’t understand what you like about that rugby butt sniffing couch ruiner anyway.” 

“Are you being serious right now?” 

“That’s the second couch she’s destroyed, Waverly! You should have seen the first one…She burned it to the ground and my shirt.” Wynonna migrates to a nearby bench and throws herself down. “I could have died! Do you even care?” 

“Wynonna…” 

“Okay fine, but you both lied and that…really _really_ hurts. You know I don’t do well with lies.” 

“I’m sorry.” Waverly situations herself on the bench close to Wynonna. She places her hand on Wynonna’s leg apologetically. 

“I don’t like feeling this way you know?” 

“I know. I am sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 

“Why did you?” 

“I’m not like you. I’m not strong and hard. I’m just—” Her eyes start to sting and she bites her lip to stop it from trembling. 

“Are you crying? Baby girls what’s wrong?” 

For fuck sakes now she's crying in front of Wynonna too today.“I thought I was going to find you splattered like a watermelon and I just stood there helpless.” 

“Waves that was almost a week ago. I’m fine. My shoulder moves and everything.” 

“I didn’t know what to do," she stammers on. "just like I didn’t know what to do when you were stuck in that claw machine.” 

“Claw machine?” 

“At my birthday. I was frozen and I just watched you struggle.” 

Wynonna throws her head back and laughs. Her feet kick out as it vibrates out her throat gleefully. “I wasn’t trapped in there.” 

“W-what?” 

“You were laughing. I thought you liked it," She shrugs. "So I stayed.” 

“You did?” 

“Yeah, your cute little nose was smashed up against the window making you look like a piglet. I thought I was entertaining you. It was your birthday…I’d do anything for you.” 

“Oh. I don’t remember that. I just remember crying.” 

“Hmm…you did start wailing when the fire department turned on their big drills to take the damn thing apart. And when Aunt Gus gave me a good scolding.” 

“Well, this is embarrassing.” She wipes the tears from her cheeks with the back of her sleeve leaving little spots of dark blue on her blouse. All this time she carried that guilt with her flaring up from time to time.

“I was scared too you know. When I fell...even more so when you fell into that crater and I wasn’t there for you. I'm sorry.” 

Waverly throws her arms around Wynonna's shoulders. She can smell a hint of Nicole lingering on her hoodie. This is not exactly the warm vanilla hug she was asking for, but Wynonna hugs her back and it's safe. 

“We both must have a fascination with cliffs.” She snorts through the congestion in her nose from all the stupid tears she's had today.

“Either that or were both just clumsy.” 

“Maybe we should stay away from all cliffs...and high places.” 

“Good plan baby girl.” 

_Step 1. Make up with Wynonna. Check._

***

It’s her third nap of the day, and unlike the others, she stretched out of silent and somber, she wakes with Wynonna’s pillow hovering over her like a dark cloud. Wynonna draws it down in one swift movement and smacks her in the face with it. “Wake up dildo I need your help?” 

The puffy collision of cotton catches her by surprise. 

Confused, and still adjusting to a state of awakeness, Nicole flings the pillow aside. It hits the wall and retires to the foot of the bed. She rubs at her eyes, blurred with sleep until she can clearly see the chiseled out features of her best friend’s face. If they are still friends at all. “Wynonna you haven’t talked to me in 3 days. Why would I help you?” Her voice is hoarse from sleep…and Waverly. 

“Were still fighting but we are on a pause because I need you.” 

Nicole shifts herself up onto her elbows. Her hair has grown a mind of its own swirls out wild in her peripheral vision. “You can’t just pause a fight.” 

“What do you have to be mad about? Did I sleep with your sister and lie about it?” 

“You punched me in the face!” Nicole exclaims. “I still have a black eye.” 

“You deserved it, and your black eye looks cool, so you’re welcome.” 

“I don’t have time for this.” Nicole rolls away and pulls her blanket up to her earlobes. This is just another useless argument that leads to nowhere good. Wynonna doesn’t take no for an answer. She grabs the end of Nicole’s blanket and yanks hard enough that it hurts Nicole’s fingers when it rips from her grip. 

“Hey!” 

“Get out of this bed right now!” She growls.

Wynonna smacks Nicole on the ass with her Women’s study text book. Nicole’s confident the whole hall heard its violent impact. “Ow!” She cries. The sting ripples up her back and down her leg. 

“You owe me.” 

“I can’t leave the dorm I don’t have any clothes.” 

“Come on, you big baby.” Wynonna drags a lumpy garbage bag to the center of the room and spills out the contents on the floor. 

“You took my clothes!” Nicole says in disbelieve but also not surprised. She notices for the first time the PU rugby hoodie peeking out of Wynonna’s leather jacket. 

“You threw away my couch.” 

“I have been naked all day shitface.” 

“I know and I have been laughing about it all day.” She says smugly. “Even Waverly thought it was funny.” 

“I doubt it.” Nicole mutters and climbs out of bed. She sifts through the wadded mess for her Levi’s. They smell sour and are still damp but she shoves her legs through anyways and zips them up. 

“I suppose you took my Dr. Marten’s too?” 

“They stunk Nicole. Like puke.” 

Nicole rolls her eyes but can’t really argue. They were pretty destroyed by Waverly’s little nervous explosion. 

“Give me the hoodie.” Nicole demands. Wynonna can steel all the shirts she wants but she can’t have the hoodie. 

Wynonna narrows her eyes and folds her arms across her chest like she’s about to argue. 

“It says Haught on the back.” Nicole points out. “Do you really want to walk around with my name on your back.” 

“Fine!” Wynonna shrugs out of her leather jacket and tears the hoodie over her head. She intentional flings it out of Nicole’s reach. She can be so melodramatic when it comes to clothes. 

Nicole grasp it like a safety blank. It’s dry and doesn’t stink. It smells like leather and vanilla and a little bit like Waverly, which is weird but this too she throws on anyway. She grabs her Nike flexes and laces them up. Her hair is a mess of sleep knots and frizz. She fits her PU snapback on backward and makes sure a tuft of hair pokes out the strap just enough. 

“We’re not going to a ball gingerella, now let’s go.” 

*** 

“Dude not again. I am not wrestling Xena.” 

“We aren’t here for that.” 

Nicole sighs. She’s not convinced in the slightest. She stuffs her hands in the front pouch of her hoodie as they weave through the crowd past the same dirty men with nicotine stained beards and tables full of empties. One of them, leaned up against the railing, scratching at his chin with short chubby fingers, gives Nicole the creeps. The feeling of him watching crawls down her back like a spider with hundreds of legs. She shudders. 

The other men she has the misfortune of making eye contact with only give split-second glances before returning to tonight’s entertainment, the blowup pool and its contents. It remains in the middle of the bar as if it was never put away. The earthy sludge oozes over the edge tarnishing the floor a murky brown. Nicole can smell it. The surrounding dirt, sweat, and boozy debauchery. 

Looks like Mudwrestling Monday came twice this week. 

Her hands crawl further into her hoodie pouch in an attempt to dodge the perversity filling the air like perfume. Harry’s stomach would knot if he knew Nicole had been here and done that in front of them. Harry who can never find any wrong in her, but this he would not be proud of. 

Nicole’s own stomach threatens to spill on the floor. She’s ignored him. Text after text she ignored him, keeping her phone at a distance. The more time passes the thicker the wall builds between her and her parents. As much as she dreads whatever insane situation Wynonna is about to get her in, a part of her welcomes it. It gives her another excuse for avoiding him. 

“Promise?” 

“Yes. I swear on Doc’s mustache that I’m not lying.” 

“Do you even like Doc’s mustache? It’s a little much.” 

“Shut up. We are just here to have a few drinks. Just a few drinks.” Wynonna situates herself on a bar stool. The same bar stool where she gambled Nicole off against Xena like a rooster in a cockfight. A smidge of triumph straightens out Nicole’s spine. She takes the stool next to Wynonna claiming it as her throne because here the Flaming Phoenix was born. 

A short husky guy approaches them from the other side. The red bandanna around his head is fraying, and his denim vest is stitched with patches—live free die young, biker boys make good toys, Revenant. The last one sits in Nicole’s gut like Fireball. He brings an overpowering scent of perfume that burns through Nicole’s nostrils. Because she was hoping to burn inside and out tonight. 

“What’ll be dolls?” 

Wynonna, hunches over and hides behind her hair. “Two shots of whiskey.” She mutters. 

Nicole waves her hands in front of her and shakes her head. “I’m not drinking.” If there’s one lesson she’s learned the hard way over and over, it’s don’t drink with Wynonna outside of the dorm room. She needs her mind to stay sharp to fight her way out of whatever’s coming next. God knows she has a hard enough time staying out of trouble at home in any kind of intoxicated state. 

Her hand slides up her side and over the scar. It’s healed now, still pink and raised, but no pain or itching. She doesn’t need another. No more tattoos either. Kathleen will have a field day if she ever finds out about the Phoenix. 

_Nicole Haught, how could you disfigure your body this way!_

“Cheapest you got.” Wynonna adds. 

The bartender glances at Nicole, puzzled. She dismisses him with a shrug. Whatever is going on must be bad. Nicole’s never seen Wynonna this jumpy and the bouncing in her knee is starting to give Nicole vertigo. 

When the shots hit the bar top, she startles. One of them topples over in her dash to grab it. “Shit.” She snatches the other and downs it. 

“Are you okay Wy?” 

“Y-yeah yeah fine.” She fumbles with the napkin holder, panicked and clumsy she yanks several napkins out and presses them over the sticky counter. She grabs more when they soak through. “I might have stolen something from Bobo.” 

_Oh no. Here it is._ “What?” 

“10k.” 

“What!” Nicole practically leaps from her stool. He elbow slides through the damp sticky mess of napkins and cheap whiskey soaks through her clean rugby hoodie. Wynonna shrinks further clutching the air around her temples in a plea. “You stole ten thousand dollars from the closest thing Purgatory has to a gangster?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I won two thousand of it fair and square Nicole, but he refused to cough it up.” 

“So, you stole ten?” Wynonna’s logic never fails to surprise Nicole—milk cartons, pizza boxes, sleeping bags. She and Nicole are clearly from different planets. Who in their right mind would steal anything from Bobo Del Rey? 

He owns the Pussy Willows as well as several other shady establishments and Nicole’s pretty sure he knows a thing or two about making someone disappear. Nicole gets a sinking feeling they're going to end up on an episode of Cold Case Files.

“Call it interest.” She says with a sudden sense of confidence, playing it off like stealing from a thug is the same as taking a toy away from a tantrum throwing child. Only this child might just straight up murder them. 

Nicole lets out a dismal drop whistle through her teeth and pushes off the counter spinning her chair around to face the mud-soaked women slithering around in the pool. “Jesus Wynonna. Where is it now?” 

“Somewhere safe.” 

“Why don’t you just give it back then?” 

“I can’t.” 

“Why?” 

“I hid it in the pizza box couch.” 

Nicole’s heart plummets like a broken dumbwaiter in a horror film as Wynonna’s voice echoes in her ears. _You’ve killed me, Nicole. Tell Waverly._ What will Waverly say when she finds out they’re both dead because Wynonna is so damn whiskey soaked and reckless? “Are you a freaking kidding me? You hid 10 thousand dollars in that mountain of garbage!” 

“Don’t yell at me I’m already getting wicked heartburn.” 

Fists pound on the tables like thunder grabbing both their attention. A winner has been declared. The loser snakes her way out of the pool soggy with muddy defeat. The man in the pinstriped suit strides up with his microphone. His voice booms throughout the room. “Let’s give it up for Lil’ Diamond!” The men get rowdy, hooting and hollering, throwing out cat-calls. It leaves a bad taste in Nicole's mouth.

There are so many other things Nicole would rather be doing. Sleeping is one of them. Sleeping or Waverly. The surrounding noise and gawking men melt away to the warm touch of a young Star Wars princess, well maybe not the princess, but still, Nicole smiles dreamily. Waverly loves her. She didn’t say it, but she suggested it and the thought adds extra rhythm to Nicole’s chest. 

She would much rather be basking in the smell of cotton candy and roses, tangled and naked in silky soft sheets, listening to Waverly explain how the Ewoks helped take down the second Death Star. Or sitting out in the sun starring into sea glass green and the shimmer gold dove neckless just below her collarbone while Waverly draws endless circles in the palm of her hand and their lips touch. Nicole could melt into the floor just thinking about it. 

But instead, her heart pitter patters to a familiar dance over her shoulder. She turns into the long skinny fingers walking up her neck and tangling into the hair at the base of her skull. 

“Hey cutie.” Wildflower purrs and curls a lock around Nicole’s ear. She leans in pressing her bust firm against her. “I’ve missed you.” She exaggerates a whine, fingers pinching Nicole’s chin. Nicole jerks away. “How has my Flaming Phoenix been?” 

Nicole puts up her hands holding Wildflower back by her shoulders. “Please don’t steal my wallet. I don’t even have cash this time.” 

Wildflower giggles playfully. She leans in closer and whispers against Nicole’s ear. The words chill down Nicole’s spine. “I could help you out for free, just this once.” 

Nicole’s eyelids flutter. The bluesy flat notes of Tracy Chapman’s guitar slap in the back of her mind with the rock and roll motion of Waverly’s hips grinding into her lap. _Baby just give me one reason._ But it wasn’t Waverly. 

“Um, no thanks?” Of course, no! Why was that even a question? 

At least she’s not drunk this time. No boozy fantasy clouding her judgment. No citrus and sweat to poison her lips. She has the love of an angel branded into her heart to keep her safe. 

“Dude! Have a little respect for my sister.” 

“I-I have a girlfriend.” 

Wildflower giggles. “I have a boyfriend.” 

“So, then everything’s good right we don’t have to…”

She brushes Nicole’s hands off her shoulders and situates herself in Nicole’s lap, arms draped over her neck. Nicole’s looks to Wynonna for help. Wynonna shakes her head in disgust. She opens her mouth to argue but they’re both shocked into silence before a lick of sass escapes her mouth. 

“Well, well, well. This must be our lucky day. Our little thief has joined us for a drink.” 

Bobo Del Rey stalks over, cat-like, wearing a fur coat Lady Gaga would envy. He plucks the cigarette from his lips and drops it in the half-empty glass of the nearest bar patron, snuffing it out like any hope Nicole has of surviving this. “I hope for your sake you have come to return what you have stolen.” The smoke whispers off his lips and curls up his nose as he stares, calculating through two dangerously piercing blue eyes. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Wynonna shrugs. 

“No?” He leans on the bar in front of her close enough that the fur coat brushes over Wynonna’s arm. Nicole watches the goosebumps prickle there. “Then what are you doing here? Come to play some more Wynonna?” 

“Best 3 out of 5?” She jokes. 

He chuckles and grins and pushes off the bar. “I think we will play a different game tonight.” 

“I’m on my period so…”

Bobo whistle at the man in the striped suit. He strolls over still holding the microphone to his face.

“We’re going to have a special feature tonight.” Bobo grins, serpent-like, and looks between Nicole and Wynonna, he snaps his jaw. “Two silly girls against our champion.” 

The man nods and smiles mischievously before turning away towards the pool. 

The bar erupts in cheers and catcalls loud enough to make Nicole’s eardrums crackle in protest. It reeks of testosterone as the newest half-naked woman takes the stage. Some of the men burst into boisterous laughter, Nicole half expected to see Xenia strolling out, but this is worse. A She-Hulk of a woman with legs as chiseled as boulders walks toward the pool in thunderous strides. Nicole swallows. “What in the sweet hell—”

“Is that?” Wynonna finishes. 

“That is Jenacide.” Bobo chuckles with a sinister tilt to his head, “Now, you’re going to wrestle her. If you win, I’ll let you live…” His lips stretch wide into a villainous grin. “If you lose, I get to break your necks.” 

Nicole panics. She pats her pants down and fumbles around for her phone, but she left it at the dorm. “Someone should call Waverly.” 

“What why?” 

“Because we are going to die.” 

“Don’t be dramatic Nicole.” Wynonna straightens herself off the stool and puffs out her chest looking about as intimating as a feisty kitten next to Bobo. “Come on man. We’re not…”

Bobo growls with his fist slamming on the counter grabbing the attention of nearby dirty old men. They both jump, Wildflower slinks off Nicole’s lap with a squeak, Nicole forgot she was still there, and they both start stripping their clothes without another word. 

The many pairs of eyes on her right now eats at her skin like acid. Nicole’s thankful she’s in a sports bra and not the lacy black thing Wynonna’s wearing. 

“It looks like you and Waverly made up.” Wynonna says through gritted teeth. She smacks Nicole against her back. “Asshole.” 

“Fuck off.” 

“You made up with her _before me?_ ” She shakes her head. “She made up with _you_ before me. What am I chopped liver?” 

“It’s not like that.” 

“One more thing.” Bobo interrupts. He slaps a pair of handcuffs between them on the counter and spins it once around his finger. “You’re going to wrestle while wearing these.” 

“You can’t be serious.” Nicole says. 

“I’m dead serious.” He clicks his teeth together again and flashes an antagonistic smile. 

“Okay yup we’re going to die.” 

“Good luck.” 

Wynonna glares up at Jenacide a woman twice the size of Xena the Warrior Princess and then some. Wynonna is the width of her shin. “Fuck me.” 

"Let's welcome our Ultimate Mud Wrestling Champion Jena-ciiiide!" Nicole has never seen grown men act like such wild animals, accept Harry watching the World Cup with his old teammates. 

"And over here we have Monday Mud Wrestling Champion The Flaming Phoenix and her sidekick Whiskey Donut!" 

Nicole deadpans to Wynonna. "Really that's what you chose?"

Wynonna shrugs."Why not?" 

Here she finds herself, once again the Flaming Phoenix, ankle deep in a muddy porno with her girlfriends’ sister. How the mother effer are they supposed to take down a woman that could easily use them as a pair of nunchucks right now? Maybe this is her fate. She should have just let Wynonna kill her in her post orgasm bliss. She could have died happy with the taste of love on her lips, but instead, she’s going to drown in a non-alcoholic mudslide. 

Pinstripe guy reads off the rules she knows all too well, his voice is weeded out as background noise while Nicole’s mind hones in on those rock hard biceps of Jenacide’s. She imagines what they will feel like wrapped around her head crushing her skull into dust. _I am about to die._

There was no bell. She would have remembered that high ding ringing in her eardrums signaling the beginning of the end. Maybe it was drowned out in the mud clotting her ears. Already face down in the stuff, her free hand slips and slides, she can’t get any damn traction against the slick surface of the blowup pool. _This sucks ass._

Why did she have to pick today to be a neat freak and throw away Wynonna’s pizza box couch? Why did Wynonna hide 10k dollars in it in the first place? Because no one would think to look there. Her logic, both incriminating and insanely frustrating, is in some twisted way perfectly logical. 

_Okay Haught. Pull it together you aren’t dying face down in the mud with a She-Hulk stepping on your back._ Nicole would never hear the end of it. Her mother would scold her even in death. 

Her lungs start to burn enough in the absence of oxygen and it’s just enough motivation to summon her own Hulk strength. She gets her head above the surface, just barely, eyelashes heavy with mud, and seeks out Wynonna on the other side. 

“Do something Nicole!” 

“What am I supposed to do?” She spits after her tongue skims over grit covered teeth. 

Her eyes dart around frantically searching for a way out, but there is so little she can do with one hand pinned under her. 

Jenacide leaps back, crying out, hands around her shin. Wynonna thought of something quicker. 

Nicole gives her a questioning look. Wynonna shrugs, so devil-may-care about things. “I bit the bitch.” She flashes a perfect set of white chompers contrasted in the mud mask of her face. 

“Dude no biting!” 

“I didn’t hear that rule on the count of my head being dunked in this shit.” 

“Fair enough.” 

They take advantage of their momentary freedom and struggle to their feet. Nicole instinctually gets in an athletic stance, Wynonna in something similar, fist up ready to Wynonna her way out of this. Her fine-tuned skills in hand-to-hand combat and Nicole’s impeccable defensive line tactics might just be enough to get them the fuck out of this. 

“Okay so what we do?” 

They need a plan. They can’t just go in all foolhardy or they’ll end face down, then belly up in the sewer somewhere. Nicole can do this. She’s never played against someone as big as Jenacide, but she can pretend Jenacide is just two girls in a ruck and Nicole can counter ruck the shit out of her. 

“Okay. I got it. We’re going to rugby her.” 

“Dude what?” Wynonna protests. “I don’t play sports ball you know this.” 

Nicole runs her hand through her mud slick hair, it stays back like gel. “Good news, there’s no ball.” 

“Fine. Just tell me what to do.” She says, ringing out her own hair and draping it over one shoulder. 

“Okay. We’re going to run hard.” 

“On this turf?” She snorts. 

“Stay with me. Run hard. You aim for the waist.” Nicole instructs. She’s walked people through this a million times before. Wynonna’s tough and if New Girl can get it so can she. “I’ll go lower and stop her momentum” 

“What about this.” Wynonna lifts her arm and the chain taunts between. 

“It will be awkward, but if we approach from each side the chain shouldn’t get too much in the way.” 

“Okay. Okay.” 

“Lets ruck shit up.” 

Jenacide charges them like a wild bull, angry and disastrous. Even the mud is afraid of her, jumping to get out of her monstrous path. 

Running feels cartoonish, it’s more like skidding, and slipping, and running in place. When they finally get to Jenacide the collision is weak and ineffective for taking down someone so solid. 

Nicole hits hard with her face, it’s jarring, for a moment all she hears is high pitch ringing like reverb from an amp, and her nose, her god damn nose. She can’t feel it gushing but she’s certain it is, her eyes are watering but not enough to wash her mud-stained face. 

She heard it. The cracking of two skulls. It echoed. Nicole didn’t get low enough, or Wynonna got too low. Somewhere along the line, they met on the other side face-to-face. Her back hits the mud in a big splash, but she barely feels the air leave her lungs. 

_“I can’t breath.”_

 _“It’s okay kid. You just got the wind knocked out of yah.”_ Harry links his arms under hers and yanks her up. _"You'll toughen up after you get laid out a few more times._

“Fuck!” Wynonna yelps after landing beside her. “I’m dead! KO!” 

“I’m sorry!” Nicole says. 

“You’re what?” 

“I don’t want to die while we’re fighting.” Her eyes sting through tears and muck. She can’t tell if she’s crying or just miserable. “I am sorry I didn’t tell you about Waverly.” 

“I am sorry too. I’m sorry I punched you…and I’m sorry I put a picture of your ass wearing Tacos are Tasty underwear on the student resource center bulletin board with your phone number.” 

“You what now?” 

“Stop talking!” Jenacide snarls devilishly and rips them from their muddy graves by the shackle between them. If Nicole had the capacity to feel anything else, her wrist would be screaming at the metal biting at it. 

“Any last words.” 

“I don’t think my shoulder is in the right place!” Wynonna yelps. 

_Last words. Waverly, your eyes are like the fall, green glittered in gold. I think about them all the time, and I see them everywhere, in the trees, in the sea, in the wrapping paper on the ceiling. I love them. I love you. Ps, please find the pizza box couch in the recycling outside of Laidlaw and run away with Bobo’s 10 thousand dollars._

“Tell Waverly…” Glass shatters through Nicole’s words. The room goes silent. Or Nicole has lost the ability to hear altogether. 

“Tell Waverly what?” 

Nicole must have hit her head pretty damn hard because she’s almost certain Waverly is standing over Jenacide with the remnants of a shattered beer pitcher, but that can’t be right. Can it? 

“Waverly?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My eyes are super blurry from reading so I'll probably have to comb through a few more times for minor mistakes but I wanted to get this out after months of not posting.


End file.
